Hold on Tight
Page 55
At night whenever I closed my eyes, the image of Dewayne sobbing over his brother’s grave haunted me. I had wanted to hold him even though I knew he wouldn’t welcome it. No one could console him. No one could bring back Dustin.
We had all lost him.
Including the little life inside me.
I touched my stomach reverently, closed my eyes, and dreamed of the child inside. What would he or she look like? I wondered if it would have its father’s smile and charm. If it would grow up a Falco or a Roy. If the Falcos would accept this baby. I knew my parents were upset, but surely Tabby would love this baby.
I opened my eyes just as Dewayne walked across the street toward my house. Quickly I moved back behind the curtains and watched as he stepped up onto my porch. The doorbell rang, and I hurried over to my bedroom door to crack it open so I could hear him. Why was he here? I hadn’t seen him leave his parents’ house much over the past few weeks.
“Hello, Dewayne,” my mother said in a gentler tone than I’d expected. At least she respected the fact that he’d lost his brother. She didn’t have to be angry at him because I was pregnant. I was just glad my dad was at work.
“Is Sienna here?” he asked.
He was here to see me. Someone to talk to. Someone else who was hurting and lost without Dustin. Someone I trusted above anyone else.
“No. She isn’t here any longer. She’s been sent to a . . . facility up North. She had issues dealing with everything, and she wasn’t right emotionally.”
What?
“Oh. Uh, I didn’t realize she’d left. I . . . When is she coming back?”
“I don’t know. Not anytime soon,” my mother replied.
What? Was she serious? I was right here in my bedroom like I had been for a week now. Did she honestly plan to keep me locked up like this? Wasn’t that illegal? I had to see a doctor at some point.
“Is there a number where I can reach her?”
“No. She can’t communicate with anyone here. It upsets her. Talking to you will upset her. She needs time and medication.”
Holy crap! My mother was making me out to be a crazy person.
“Well, when she’s ready to talk to someone again, can you please have her call me? I can leave my number. I’d like to check on her. See if she’s doing well. I don’t want her to think we don’t care. We know she lost him too.”
I got a funny tightening in my chest that only Dewayne Falco managed to inspire. How could someone like Dewayne, with his party-boy ways, be so incredibly sweet? He’d been like that my freshman year. He always seemed to be there when I needed him.
“Sure. I’ll give her your number,” Mother said in a clipped voice. I’d never see Dewayne’s number. She’d burn it first.
“Thanks. Tell her that I came by and that I’m thinking about her.”
“Okay. Thank you, Dewayne. Tell your parents they are in our prayers. You all are.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said.
I closed my door quietly, then ran back over to my window and watched as Dewayne walked away. I would find a way to see him and talk to him. He’d made the first move, and now it was my turn to make a move. He would love this baby. It was part of Dustin. If my parents wanted to lock me up, he could help me escape. He was older. He would know what to do. I just had to find a way to get to him.
* * *
The next morning before the sun came up, my mother woke me and hurried me out to my father’s station wagon, then handed me a suitcase before she climbed into the passenger seat. My father was already in the driver’s seat. I looked over at him, but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t even turn to look at me.
“Where are we going?” I asked, almost afraid she was about to make good on that story she’d told Dewayne. I wasn’t crazy. Surely they couldn’t get doctors to keep me if I was perfectly sane.
“Your aunt Cathy’s. She’s agreed to take you in until you’ve had the baby.”
That was the last thing my mother said to me. We rode in silence the eleven hours it took to drive to Fort Worth, Texas. My father never once acknowledged my existence. When we arrived, they unloaded me and handed me my suitcase. Spoke in whispered voices with my aunt Cathy, who I had never met before, then drove away without a good-bye.
Present day . . .
DEWAYNE
Micah lay sprawled out over me, fast asleep while Darth Vader kicked ass and took names on the television. The original plan had been to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. But then Micah said his mother liked Captain Jack and that we had to wait on her to start the movie.
Hell no was Sienna going to sit here and look at Johnny Fucking Depp. I had ejected that DVD really damn fast and stuck in one of the Star Wars discs. I didn’t even care which one it was. Just so Sienna wasn’t thinking about some other man.
Sienna walked into the room with that silky little wrap around her and her hair in damp curls, her face scrubbed free of makeup. “Is he asleep?” she asked, moving toward us.
“Yeah,” I said, wondering if she had anything on under that wrap.
“Let’s get him into bed,” she said, bending down to scoop him up.
“I got him,” I told her.
“Okay.” She stepped back and let me stand up with him, and then she led the way back to his room and pulled his covers back so I could tuck him in. Tonight we’d made sure he was bathed and in his pajamas before movie time.
She bent down and kissed his little cheek.
We had all lost him.
Including the little life inside me.
I touched my stomach reverently, closed my eyes, and dreamed of the child inside. What would he or she look like? I wondered if it would have its father’s smile and charm. If it would grow up a Falco or a Roy. If the Falcos would accept this baby. I knew my parents were upset, but surely Tabby would love this baby.
I opened my eyes just as Dewayne walked across the street toward my house. Quickly I moved back behind the curtains and watched as he stepped up onto my porch. The doorbell rang, and I hurried over to my bedroom door to crack it open so I could hear him. Why was he here? I hadn’t seen him leave his parents’ house much over the past few weeks.
“Hello, Dewayne,” my mother said in a gentler tone than I’d expected. At least she respected the fact that he’d lost his brother. She didn’t have to be angry at him because I was pregnant. I was just glad my dad was at work.
“Is Sienna here?” he asked.
He was here to see me. Someone to talk to. Someone else who was hurting and lost without Dustin. Someone I trusted above anyone else.
“No. She isn’t here any longer. She’s been sent to a . . . facility up North. She had issues dealing with everything, and she wasn’t right emotionally.”
What?
“Oh. Uh, I didn’t realize she’d left. I . . . When is she coming back?”
“I don’t know. Not anytime soon,” my mother replied.
What? Was she serious? I was right here in my bedroom like I had been for a week now. Did she honestly plan to keep me locked up like this? Wasn’t that illegal? I had to see a doctor at some point.
“Is there a number where I can reach her?”
“No. She can’t communicate with anyone here. It upsets her. Talking to you will upset her. She needs time and medication.”
Holy crap! My mother was making me out to be a crazy person.
“Well, when she’s ready to talk to someone again, can you please have her call me? I can leave my number. I’d like to check on her. See if she’s doing well. I don’t want her to think we don’t care. We know she lost him too.”
I got a funny tightening in my chest that only Dewayne Falco managed to inspire. How could someone like Dewayne, with his party-boy ways, be so incredibly sweet? He’d been like that my freshman year. He always seemed to be there when I needed him.
“Sure. I’ll give her your number,” Mother said in a clipped voice. I’d never see Dewayne’s number. She’d burn it first.
“Thanks. Tell her that I came by and that I’m thinking about her.”
“Okay. Thank you, Dewayne. Tell your parents they are in our prayers. You all are.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said.
I closed my door quietly, then ran back over to my window and watched as Dewayne walked away. I would find a way to see him and talk to him. He’d made the first move, and now it was my turn to make a move. He would love this baby. It was part of Dustin. If my parents wanted to lock me up, he could help me escape. He was older. He would know what to do. I just had to find a way to get to him.
* * *
The next morning before the sun came up, my mother woke me and hurried me out to my father’s station wagon, then handed me a suitcase before she climbed into the passenger seat. My father was already in the driver’s seat. I looked over at him, but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t even turn to look at me.
“Where are we going?” I asked, almost afraid she was about to make good on that story she’d told Dewayne. I wasn’t crazy. Surely they couldn’t get doctors to keep me if I was perfectly sane.
“Your aunt Cathy’s. She’s agreed to take you in until you’ve had the baby.”
That was the last thing my mother said to me. We rode in silence the eleven hours it took to drive to Fort Worth, Texas. My father never once acknowledged my existence. When we arrived, they unloaded me and handed me my suitcase. Spoke in whispered voices with my aunt Cathy, who I had never met before, then drove away without a good-bye.
Present day . . .
DEWAYNE
Micah lay sprawled out over me, fast asleep while Darth Vader kicked ass and took names on the television. The original plan had been to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. But then Micah said his mother liked Captain Jack and that we had to wait on her to start the movie.
Hell no was Sienna going to sit here and look at Johnny Fucking Depp. I had ejected that DVD really damn fast and stuck in one of the Star Wars discs. I didn’t even care which one it was. Just so Sienna wasn’t thinking about some other man.
Sienna walked into the room with that silky little wrap around her and her hair in damp curls, her face scrubbed free of makeup. “Is he asleep?” she asked, moving toward us.
“Yeah,” I said, wondering if she had anything on under that wrap.
“Let’s get him into bed,” she said, bending down to scoop him up.
“I got him,” I told her.
“Okay.” She stepped back and let me stand up with him, and then she led the way back to his room and pulled his covers back so I could tuck him in. Tonight we’d made sure he was bathed and in his pajamas before movie time.
She bent down and kissed his little cheek.
