Hold on Tight
Page 60
I glared at her. I hated her. I hated everything she stood for. But he was right. She’d have killed the baby one way or another. She was trash. My brother had made mistakes, and a girl willing to meet his every sexual whim had been his downfall.
“Let’s get the f**k outta here,” Preston said.
“You gonna walk out of here, or am I gonna have to haul you out? We can fight right here, but I’m sober and I’m gonna win. I won’t let you throw your life away over revenge. You have your parents to think about. They need you.”
My parents.
I was all they had. Me. The son without the golden halo. The screwup. Me. That was all they had left.
Present Day . . .
SIENNA
Had I always known? I sat in the middle of my bed, staring at the wall. Even back then Dustin had been weird when Kimmy was around. And she’d always hated me. I knew she went to the parties he went to. I always thought if they ever did anything, Kimmy would make sure the world knew. But maybe they all knew and no one told me. Because Dustin was their god. They kept his secret.
But why keep it a secret? Why not just break up with me? If he was sleeping with Kimmy and wanted her, then why was he staying with me? Had it always been a friendship between us? Was there ever love between us? Because it certainly wasn’t what I felt for Dewayne.
Dewayne.
I wrapped my arms around my stomach as the pain started again. He had lied to me. I’d trusted him and he’d lied to me. Did everyone lie? Was that the way life was? I couldn’t trust anyone but myself.
Dewayne had made me happy. He wanted me, but would I be enough for him? I wasn’t enough for his brother. It was possible I wouldn’t be enough for anyone. There had to be something wrong with me.
My parents had walked away from me. They’d betrayed me. Dustin had betrayed me in the worst way. And now Dewayne had kept it from me. I expected it of the others, but what hurt the most was Dewayne not telling me.
I wanted to be more important to him than Dustin was. That was selfish and wrong, but it was true. I wanted to be the most important thing to him, because other than Micah, I had been willing to put Dewayne before everyone else. He hadn’t felt the same. He had protected his brother’s memory. He hadn’t wanted me to know the truth about Dustin.
Not to mention all those letters my mother kept away from the Falcos because of this. She didn’t want me to be another girl Dustin Falco had left knocked up. In a twisted way I understood her logic. But I had made that decision and, unlike Kimmy, I had been Dustin’s girlfriend. Not his secret f**k buddy. It made more sense that I was the one pregnant.
She’d had an abortion. She had aborted Dustin’s baby. Images of Micah as a newborn when they’d placed him in my arms flashed before me, and my heart broke. He’d been so beautiful and perfect. He’d looked just like Dustin. Would Kimmy’s baby have looked like Dustin too?
Did she ever wonder? Did she care? Or was Dustin Falco and every memory of him a part of her past she rarely thought about? I would remember Dustin every day of my life. My son was my reminder. And I was thankful for it. Even if my memories were tainted. Even if I hadn’t been enough for Dustin and he had never really loved me. I had loved him. Maybe not real love, but a pure, young love. And I loved our son. Enough for both of us.
There was a knock on the front door, and I knew Dewayne was here with Micah. I had to pull it together and spend time with Micah until his bedtime. Standing up, I walked to the front door and opened it. Without saying anything, I reached for my son, pulled him into my arms, and hugged him tightly. The feel of his little heart beating was like a balm. He was here. He was my world. I had him. Thanks to Dustin Falco, I had this precious boy.
“I missed you too, Momma,” Micah said as he patted my back with his little hands.
I eased my hold on him and pressed a kiss to his head before standing back up. “Go on inside and clean your room. You left it a mess this morning. We’ll play Monopoly when you’re done,” I told him.
He beamed up at me, and I realized it wasn’t his father’s smile. It was his smile. His own unique smile. One that was a mixture of Dustin and me. He was part of me. I was a good person too. I had good qualities. Things I hoped Micah got from me.
“Sienna,” Dewayne said, and I looked up at him, wishing I didn’t have to do this. I wasn’t ready to face him yet.
“You lied to me. You protected your brother’s memory. I understand that, but I also understand that you chose protecting his memory over me. I need more than that. I need to know I can trust the man I’m with. That he’ll never betray me. Maybe that man doesn’t exist, and if he doesn’t, that’s fine. I’m good alone. But I can’t do this with you.”
Dewayne’s face went pale, and the desire to wrap my arms around him and comfort him was strong. But I wouldn’t. Today I would protect me. I would comfort me. It was time.
“I was protecting you. If you’d let me explain. You’ll see it was you all along.”
No. I wasn’t listening to any more. I knew the truth now.
“Leave, Dewayne. You’re welcome to visit Micah. He needs you. But for a while it’s best you do that at your parents’.”
Then I closed the door and locked it.
Micah ran back into the living room and frowned. “Where’s Uncle Dewayne? Is he not playing Monopoly too?”
No, he wasn’t playing Monopoly. That dream was over.
“Just me and you, Ace. But we’re a good team, right?”
“Let’s get the f**k outta here,” Preston said.
“You gonna walk out of here, or am I gonna have to haul you out? We can fight right here, but I’m sober and I’m gonna win. I won’t let you throw your life away over revenge. You have your parents to think about. They need you.”
My parents.
I was all they had. Me. The son without the golden halo. The screwup. Me. That was all they had left.
Present Day . . .
SIENNA
Had I always known? I sat in the middle of my bed, staring at the wall. Even back then Dustin had been weird when Kimmy was around. And she’d always hated me. I knew she went to the parties he went to. I always thought if they ever did anything, Kimmy would make sure the world knew. But maybe they all knew and no one told me. Because Dustin was their god. They kept his secret.
But why keep it a secret? Why not just break up with me? If he was sleeping with Kimmy and wanted her, then why was he staying with me? Had it always been a friendship between us? Was there ever love between us? Because it certainly wasn’t what I felt for Dewayne.
Dewayne.
I wrapped my arms around my stomach as the pain started again. He had lied to me. I’d trusted him and he’d lied to me. Did everyone lie? Was that the way life was? I couldn’t trust anyone but myself.
Dewayne had made me happy. He wanted me, but would I be enough for him? I wasn’t enough for his brother. It was possible I wouldn’t be enough for anyone. There had to be something wrong with me.
My parents had walked away from me. They’d betrayed me. Dustin had betrayed me in the worst way. And now Dewayne had kept it from me. I expected it of the others, but what hurt the most was Dewayne not telling me.
I wanted to be more important to him than Dustin was. That was selfish and wrong, but it was true. I wanted to be the most important thing to him, because other than Micah, I had been willing to put Dewayne before everyone else. He hadn’t felt the same. He had protected his brother’s memory. He hadn’t wanted me to know the truth about Dustin.
Not to mention all those letters my mother kept away from the Falcos because of this. She didn’t want me to be another girl Dustin Falco had left knocked up. In a twisted way I understood her logic. But I had made that decision and, unlike Kimmy, I had been Dustin’s girlfriend. Not his secret f**k buddy. It made more sense that I was the one pregnant.
She’d had an abortion. She had aborted Dustin’s baby. Images of Micah as a newborn when they’d placed him in my arms flashed before me, and my heart broke. He’d been so beautiful and perfect. He’d looked just like Dustin. Would Kimmy’s baby have looked like Dustin too?
Did she ever wonder? Did she care? Or was Dustin Falco and every memory of him a part of her past she rarely thought about? I would remember Dustin every day of my life. My son was my reminder. And I was thankful for it. Even if my memories were tainted. Even if I hadn’t been enough for Dustin and he had never really loved me. I had loved him. Maybe not real love, but a pure, young love. And I loved our son. Enough for both of us.
There was a knock on the front door, and I knew Dewayne was here with Micah. I had to pull it together and spend time with Micah until his bedtime. Standing up, I walked to the front door and opened it. Without saying anything, I reached for my son, pulled him into my arms, and hugged him tightly. The feel of his little heart beating was like a balm. He was here. He was my world. I had him. Thanks to Dustin Falco, I had this precious boy.
“I missed you too, Momma,” Micah said as he patted my back with his little hands.
I eased my hold on him and pressed a kiss to his head before standing back up. “Go on inside and clean your room. You left it a mess this morning. We’ll play Monopoly when you’re done,” I told him.
He beamed up at me, and I realized it wasn’t his father’s smile. It was his smile. His own unique smile. One that was a mixture of Dustin and me. He was part of me. I was a good person too. I had good qualities. Things I hoped Micah got from me.
“Sienna,” Dewayne said, and I looked up at him, wishing I didn’t have to do this. I wasn’t ready to face him yet.
“You lied to me. You protected your brother’s memory. I understand that, but I also understand that you chose protecting his memory over me. I need more than that. I need to know I can trust the man I’m with. That he’ll never betray me. Maybe that man doesn’t exist, and if he doesn’t, that’s fine. I’m good alone. But I can’t do this with you.”
Dewayne’s face went pale, and the desire to wrap my arms around him and comfort him was strong. But I wouldn’t. Today I would protect me. I would comfort me. It was time.
“I was protecting you. If you’d let me explain. You’ll see it was you all along.”
No. I wasn’t listening to any more. I knew the truth now.
“Leave, Dewayne. You’re welcome to visit Micah. He needs you. But for a while it’s best you do that at your parents’.”
Then I closed the door and locked it.
Micah ran back into the living room and frowned. “Where’s Uncle Dewayne? Is he not playing Monopoly too?”
No, he wasn’t playing Monopoly. That dream was over.
“Just me and you, Ace. But we’re a good team, right?”
