Hold on Tight
Page 62
This was the truth. She wanted the truth, and it was ugly. It was something I would never be able to get over. But it was the f**king truth.
“He got behind that wheel. He was the one who got drunk. You didn’t make him do either of those things,” she said, her head tilted back to look up at me.
I knew that, but I also knew he had been too young to make the right decisions. So ultimately it had been my fault. I hadn’t handled it right, and he’d lost his life.
“I loved you then,” I told her again. I needed her to understand. For years I had beat myself up about it. I had f**ked women. Lots of redheads, trying like hell to forget she ever existed. But my world had lit up like a f**king Christmas tree when she’d walked around that corner in those cutoff shorts. Seeing her again—it had been a jolt I hadn’t known I needed. I had just been surviving. Not really living. I was watching my friends live around me, but I wasn’t living. I was getting by. Making it day to day.
Sienna made me want to live again. Micah made me want to live. They were mine, and I wasn’t letting them go.
“I love you,” she said. “I loved you from the moment you found my locker on my first day of high school. I had been so scared and lost. And you’d swooped in and saved the day. I never felt scared when you were around. You made me happy.”
The screen door opened, and Sienna jumped into my arms. We both looked over as Micah stepped outside onto the porch, rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Are we camping out on the porch now?” he asked.
Sienna started laughing, then shook her head. “Not tonight, kiddo. Maybe another night. Tonight we’re sleeping in our comfy beds.”
Micah nodded and looked from Sienna to me, then back to his mother. “Is Uncle Dewayne gonna come inside and sleep too?”
Sienna glanced back up at me. I didn’t want her to make this decision just because she didn’t want to confuse the kid, but right now I would take whatever leverage I could get. I wanted in my woman’s bed.
“Yeah, Uncle Dewayne is coming inside to sleep.”
Micah yawned. “You need to get him a bigger bed,” he said, then turned and walked back inside. “Come tuck me in. I’m sleepy.”
“I’m coming,” Sienna replied.
“Uncle Dewayne too. I want him to tuck me in too,” Micah called out from inside.
“We’re coming,” I said, then winked at Sienna, who just smiled.
Two months later . . .
SIENNA
Because I looked for that girl with the red ponytail to come walking across the street every damn day.
I stopped and picked up the piece of paper on Dewayne’s empty pillow. The words didn’t make sense. He looked for me to come across the street? When? I stood up and stretched. He had left for work early. He’d let me know last night that he had to go to work early this morning. The big condo project that Falco Construction had gotten had a level being completed today. This was important for Dewayne’s future. His father had never gotten jobs like this, but Dewayne was taking the business to the next level. I was so proud of him.
I tucked the little piece of paper with the odd note into the pocket of my wrap and went to the bathroom. I’d call him and ask him about it later. Maybe I’d get it once I had coffee. We had gone to bed kind of late last night. He had been unable to keep his hands off me, and I’d enjoyed it very much.
Another little note was on the mirror. I walked over and pulled it off.
Because those big, lost eyes looked at me with trust and lit up whenever they met mine. What was he doing? This was crazy. I read it again and laughed, then tucked it into my pocket before brushing my teeth and then my hair. I didn’t have to work today. It was Monday, and I was off. I had to get Micah up and ready, but I’d set my alarm so that I got to drink my coffee before I had to wake up my ball of energy.
I slipped my feet into my furry slippers now that the nights were getting cooler and making the hardwood floors cold in the morning. I opened my door quietly and went to the kitchen. The first thing I noticed was another piece of paper like the others beside the coffeepot.
Because hearing you laugh makes everything okay.
So that one was sweet and made more sense. I got it now. He was leaving me notes about why he loved me. The past two months, Dewayne Falco had become Mr. Romantic. Which was something Preston, Marcus, and Rock thought was the funniest thing they’d ever seen. Dewayne took their ribbing with ease, though. He seemed to like it. I wasn’t sure what had happened to him.
Opening the fridge, I reached for the cream only to find another note.
Because you healed me. When no one else could.
I teared up at that one and folded it carefully and added it to the others. That man. I loved him. He didn’t see it, but he had healed me too. He had healed my past pain and my bitterness. I’d been able to let it go. Mother was even coming for a visit next month to stay a few days and meet Micah. Life was short, and I was holding something against her and keeping my son from knowing his grandmother. She wouldn’t always be there. My father lost his chance to know Micah. But my mother was still here and she wanted to know him.
Reaching into the cabinet, I grabbed my favorite cup, and inside was another note. This was like a surprise scavenger hunt. He knew my morning routine so well. Grinning, I picked it up.
Because you’re the most amazing woman and mother I’ve ever known.
The tears were back. Dang it, I was going to be a crying mess by the time I had to wake up Micah. I sniffed and wiped at my face, then tucked the note with the others. I was going to have to put these somewhere special. Keep them.
“He got behind that wheel. He was the one who got drunk. You didn’t make him do either of those things,” she said, her head tilted back to look up at me.
I knew that, but I also knew he had been too young to make the right decisions. So ultimately it had been my fault. I hadn’t handled it right, and he’d lost his life.
“I loved you then,” I told her again. I needed her to understand. For years I had beat myself up about it. I had f**ked women. Lots of redheads, trying like hell to forget she ever existed. But my world had lit up like a f**king Christmas tree when she’d walked around that corner in those cutoff shorts. Seeing her again—it had been a jolt I hadn’t known I needed. I had just been surviving. Not really living. I was watching my friends live around me, but I wasn’t living. I was getting by. Making it day to day.
Sienna made me want to live again. Micah made me want to live. They were mine, and I wasn’t letting them go.
“I love you,” she said. “I loved you from the moment you found my locker on my first day of high school. I had been so scared and lost. And you’d swooped in and saved the day. I never felt scared when you were around. You made me happy.”
The screen door opened, and Sienna jumped into my arms. We both looked over as Micah stepped outside onto the porch, rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Are we camping out on the porch now?” he asked.
Sienna started laughing, then shook her head. “Not tonight, kiddo. Maybe another night. Tonight we’re sleeping in our comfy beds.”
Micah nodded and looked from Sienna to me, then back to his mother. “Is Uncle Dewayne gonna come inside and sleep too?”
Sienna glanced back up at me. I didn’t want her to make this decision just because she didn’t want to confuse the kid, but right now I would take whatever leverage I could get. I wanted in my woman’s bed.
“Yeah, Uncle Dewayne is coming inside to sleep.”
Micah yawned. “You need to get him a bigger bed,” he said, then turned and walked back inside. “Come tuck me in. I’m sleepy.”
“I’m coming,” Sienna replied.
“Uncle Dewayne too. I want him to tuck me in too,” Micah called out from inside.
“We’re coming,” I said, then winked at Sienna, who just smiled.
Two months later . . .
SIENNA
Because I looked for that girl with the red ponytail to come walking across the street every damn day.
I stopped and picked up the piece of paper on Dewayne’s empty pillow. The words didn’t make sense. He looked for me to come across the street? When? I stood up and stretched. He had left for work early. He’d let me know last night that he had to go to work early this morning. The big condo project that Falco Construction had gotten had a level being completed today. This was important for Dewayne’s future. His father had never gotten jobs like this, but Dewayne was taking the business to the next level. I was so proud of him.
I tucked the little piece of paper with the odd note into the pocket of my wrap and went to the bathroom. I’d call him and ask him about it later. Maybe I’d get it once I had coffee. We had gone to bed kind of late last night. He had been unable to keep his hands off me, and I’d enjoyed it very much.
Another little note was on the mirror. I walked over and pulled it off.
Because those big, lost eyes looked at me with trust and lit up whenever they met mine. What was he doing? This was crazy. I read it again and laughed, then tucked it into my pocket before brushing my teeth and then my hair. I didn’t have to work today. It was Monday, and I was off. I had to get Micah up and ready, but I’d set my alarm so that I got to drink my coffee before I had to wake up my ball of energy.
I slipped my feet into my furry slippers now that the nights were getting cooler and making the hardwood floors cold in the morning. I opened my door quietly and went to the kitchen. The first thing I noticed was another piece of paper like the others beside the coffeepot.
Because hearing you laugh makes everything okay.
So that one was sweet and made more sense. I got it now. He was leaving me notes about why he loved me. The past two months, Dewayne Falco had become Mr. Romantic. Which was something Preston, Marcus, and Rock thought was the funniest thing they’d ever seen. Dewayne took their ribbing with ease, though. He seemed to like it. I wasn’t sure what had happened to him.
Opening the fridge, I reached for the cream only to find another note.
Because you healed me. When no one else could.
I teared up at that one and folded it carefully and added it to the others. That man. I loved him. He didn’t see it, but he had healed me too. He had healed my past pain and my bitterness. I’d been able to let it go. Mother was even coming for a visit next month to stay a few days and meet Micah. Life was short, and I was holding something against her and keeping my son from knowing his grandmother. She wouldn’t always be there. My father lost his chance to know Micah. But my mother was still here and she wanted to know him.
Reaching into the cabinet, I grabbed my favorite cup, and inside was another note. This was like a surprise scavenger hunt. He knew my morning routine so well. Grinning, I picked it up.
Because you’re the most amazing woman and mother I’ve ever known.
The tears were back. Dang it, I was going to be a crying mess by the time I had to wake up Micah. I sniffed and wiped at my face, then tucked the note with the others. I was going to have to put these somewhere special. Keep them.
