Holy Smokes
Page 48
And these are people to whom you feel undying loyalty? I do not understand your hesitancy, Aisling Grey. You could be so much, and yet you simply allow others to walk over you as though you did not matter.
Gently I withdrew my hands, my throat tight and aching. “I understand. Rules are rules. Will I see you later?”
“Of course.” His thumb brushed my lower lip. “I regret this, kincsem. I regret it more than you know.”
I nodded and turned away, my being filled with pain, regret, anger, and a whole slew of emotions too twisted together to separate. But I had some pride left, dammit. I wouldn’t let them see just how deeply their actions had cut me.
I see it.
“Aisling—”
I paused at the door, taking a moment to push down all the negative emotions threatening to overwhelm me before turning back to face Drake with what I prayed was a serene expression.
“I love you,” he said, right there in front of everyone, in a clear, loud voice with no hint of pity.
Any other time, I would have welcomed the declaration with joy, a flock of doves, and a fireworks display that would have lit up half of London. Instead, I just nodded and left the room, too devastated by his actions to speak.
“Oh, my dear, I am so…” Nora didn’t finish her sentence, just hugged me right there in the hallway. “We can do this another time, if you like.”
“I’m OK,” I said, giving her a quick hug before stepping out of the embrace. I felt like a cracked piece of glass—any touch would leave me shattered into a thousand little pieces all over the floor.
“You want sympathy or snarkiness?” Jim asked, showing a wisdom I hadn’t expected.
“Snarky, please,” I answered, my throat sore and tight with the effort to keep from screaming, or crying. Probably both.
“Then I say let’s go beat the crap out of Fiat, and you take his place. Then you can boss people around and attend any sept meeting you want.”
Pain twisted in my heart.
“That’ll be enough of that,” Uncle Damian snapped.
“I was just trying to cheer her up,” Jim muttered, rubbing its head on my leg.
“She doesn’t need cheering,” he answered, marching over to a seldom-used room that I was planning on redecorating as soon as the wedding was over. “Aisling, I want to speak to you.”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “I know you’re upset about me warding you and Rene in the car, but could we possibly hold off that conversation for another time?” I rubbed my head, wishing I could just climb into bed and cry away all the pain.
“No,” he answered, holding open the door.
“I think perhaps we should come back later,” Nora said, glancing at Rene, who nodded.
“Stay where you are. This won’t take long,” Uncle Damian ordered.
I sighed and donned the mantle of martyrdom as I followed him into a small, dark room. Jim made like it was going to follow me, but Uncle Damian pointed at a spot on the floor and said, “Stay!”
“Hey! I may look like a fabulously handsome Newfie, but I’m no dog! Besides, only Aisling can give me or—”
Uncle Damian slammed the door in its face.
“Well?” I asked, lifting my chin as I braced myself for the onslaught.
“Let it go, Aisling,” was all he said.
I stood silent for a moment, the tears I’d fought against so long burning behind my eyes. “It’s so hard!” I wailed, wrapping my arms around myself. “Why does everything in my life have to be so damned hard?”
He put his arms around me in an awkward hug, the gentleness of his gesture making the tears well up and over my eyelashes. “I know it’s difficult. But you’re a fighter.”
“They don’t want me,” I sobbed, giving in to the anguish.
“Do you seriously believe Drake isn’t tearing his hair out over this situation? Even I can see he’s head over heels in love with you. Don’t you imagine he wants you at his side rather than hanging around with that porn star? Don’t you think it’s ripping him up to know that you’re not a part of his clan?”
My tears slowed as I thought about it. “It’s not that I think he doesn’t love me—I know he does. But he didn’t trust me enough to tell me about Kostya, and now he doesn’t trust me enough to talk about sept business in front of me.”
“Trust has nothing to do with it,” he said as I pushed myself back and accepted the handful of tissues he swiped from a nearby table. “What I’ve seen of these dragons, they’re a rowdy bunch. Someone could make no end of trouble if Drake treated you as if you were still his second-in-command.”
“Not the green dragons. They’re very supportive of him, and aren’t like that at all.”
“Oh?” His look was level and so pointed, it could skewer cement. “So it wasn’t one of the green dragons that tried to overthrow him last month?”
I hesitated. “All right, point taken. But to exclude me now—it hurts!”
“Have you been involved in his business the last month?” he asked.
“I…well, not really. I was busy with the wedding, and trying to deal with the situation in Paris, and taking care of the demon lord stuff that my steward kept tossing at me. Then there was shopping and decorating for the holidays, and…well, there hasn’t been any sept business for me to be excluded from.”
“Businesses don’t shut down just like that,” he said with a dark look. “I can’t imagine something so complicated as these dragon septs appear to be would, either.”
“Which means he’s been excluding me all along,” I said, wanting to cry again.
Uncle Damian crossed his arms and gave me a stern, unyielding, wholly unsympathetic look. For some odd reason, it made me feel immensely better. “Buck up, woman! You just took a hard left to the gut, but I trained you better than this.”
“I’m pregnant,” I said, sniffling as I wiped up the last of my messy tears. “I’m allowed to be emotional.”
“You’re not allowed to be an idiot, and that’s the path you’re heading down if you don’t stop right now. I trained you to be a smart, savvy woman who could handle herself in any situation. Now let’s see the last of this pitiful creature, and more of the Aisling I know you can be.”
Gently I withdrew my hands, my throat tight and aching. “I understand. Rules are rules. Will I see you later?”
“Of course.” His thumb brushed my lower lip. “I regret this, kincsem. I regret it more than you know.”
I nodded and turned away, my being filled with pain, regret, anger, and a whole slew of emotions too twisted together to separate. But I had some pride left, dammit. I wouldn’t let them see just how deeply their actions had cut me.
I see it.
“Aisling—”
I paused at the door, taking a moment to push down all the negative emotions threatening to overwhelm me before turning back to face Drake with what I prayed was a serene expression.
“I love you,” he said, right there in front of everyone, in a clear, loud voice with no hint of pity.
Any other time, I would have welcomed the declaration with joy, a flock of doves, and a fireworks display that would have lit up half of London. Instead, I just nodded and left the room, too devastated by his actions to speak.
“Oh, my dear, I am so…” Nora didn’t finish her sentence, just hugged me right there in the hallway. “We can do this another time, if you like.”
“I’m OK,” I said, giving her a quick hug before stepping out of the embrace. I felt like a cracked piece of glass—any touch would leave me shattered into a thousand little pieces all over the floor.
“You want sympathy or snarkiness?” Jim asked, showing a wisdom I hadn’t expected.
“Snarky, please,” I answered, my throat sore and tight with the effort to keep from screaming, or crying. Probably both.
“Then I say let’s go beat the crap out of Fiat, and you take his place. Then you can boss people around and attend any sept meeting you want.”
Pain twisted in my heart.
“That’ll be enough of that,” Uncle Damian snapped.
“I was just trying to cheer her up,” Jim muttered, rubbing its head on my leg.
“She doesn’t need cheering,” he answered, marching over to a seldom-used room that I was planning on redecorating as soon as the wedding was over. “Aisling, I want to speak to you.”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “I know you’re upset about me warding you and Rene in the car, but could we possibly hold off that conversation for another time?” I rubbed my head, wishing I could just climb into bed and cry away all the pain.
“No,” he answered, holding open the door.
“I think perhaps we should come back later,” Nora said, glancing at Rene, who nodded.
“Stay where you are. This won’t take long,” Uncle Damian ordered.
I sighed and donned the mantle of martyrdom as I followed him into a small, dark room. Jim made like it was going to follow me, but Uncle Damian pointed at a spot on the floor and said, “Stay!”
“Hey! I may look like a fabulously handsome Newfie, but I’m no dog! Besides, only Aisling can give me or—”
Uncle Damian slammed the door in its face.
“Well?” I asked, lifting my chin as I braced myself for the onslaught.
“Let it go, Aisling,” was all he said.
I stood silent for a moment, the tears I’d fought against so long burning behind my eyes. “It’s so hard!” I wailed, wrapping my arms around myself. “Why does everything in my life have to be so damned hard?”
He put his arms around me in an awkward hug, the gentleness of his gesture making the tears well up and over my eyelashes. “I know it’s difficult. But you’re a fighter.”
“They don’t want me,” I sobbed, giving in to the anguish.
“Do you seriously believe Drake isn’t tearing his hair out over this situation? Even I can see he’s head over heels in love with you. Don’t you imagine he wants you at his side rather than hanging around with that porn star? Don’t you think it’s ripping him up to know that you’re not a part of his clan?”
My tears slowed as I thought about it. “It’s not that I think he doesn’t love me—I know he does. But he didn’t trust me enough to tell me about Kostya, and now he doesn’t trust me enough to talk about sept business in front of me.”
“Trust has nothing to do with it,” he said as I pushed myself back and accepted the handful of tissues he swiped from a nearby table. “What I’ve seen of these dragons, they’re a rowdy bunch. Someone could make no end of trouble if Drake treated you as if you were still his second-in-command.”
“Not the green dragons. They’re very supportive of him, and aren’t like that at all.”
“Oh?” His look was level and so pointed, it could skewer cement. “So it wasn’t one of the green dragons that tried to overthrow him last month?”
I hesitated. “All right, point taken. But to exclude me now—it hurts!”
“Have you been involved in his business the last month?” he asked.
“I…well, not really. I was busy with the wedding, and trying to deal with the situation in Paris, and taking care of the demon lord stuff that my steward kept tossing at me. Then there was shopping and decorating for the holidays, and…well, there hasn’t been any sept business for me to be excluded from.”
“Businesses don’t shut down just like that,” he said with a dark look. “I can’t imagine something so complicated as these dragon septs appear to be would, either.”
“Which means he’s been excluding me all along,” I said, wanting to cry again.
Uncle Damian crossed his arms and gave me a stern, unyielding, wholly unsympathetic look. For some odd reason, it made me feel immensely better. “Buck up, woman! You just took a hard left to the gut, but I trained you better than this.”
“I’m pregnant,” I said, sniffling as I wiped up the last of my messy tears. “I’m allowed to be emotional.”
“You’re not allowed to be an idiot, and that’s the path you’re heading down if you don’t stop right now. I trained you to be a smart, savvy woman who could handle herself in any situation. Now let’s see the last of this pitiful creature, and more of the Aisling I know you can be.”
