Honor and Obey
Page 12
“Whose funeral did we attend?”
My body went stiff as I held onto the counter. I cleared my throat.
“My aunt’s.” I tried to keep my voice from shaking as I turned around. “You remember?”
“Not everything. Just bits and pieces.” I turned back to the counter and finished preparing the coffee.
“Did she live here? With you?” he asked as I sat a mug down in front of him. “Thank you.”
“I lived here with her, yes.” I glanced towards the hallway and took a small sip of my drink. He looked behind him, following my eyes.
“It has to be hard for you to be here.” He took a drink and I nodded. He had no idea.
“You can come home… with me. I won’t touch you if that’s what you want. I can sleep on the couch. I haven’t been able to sleep since you left.”
I held up my hand to stop him from talking. “I couldn’t make you sleep on the couch in your own home.”
“Then it’s settled. We’ll sleep together. Strictly sleep, I meant.” He grinned playfully and I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. Why did he have to be so damn sweet all of the sudden? It was hard to say no to those big blue eyes. So easy to forget all the hurt.
“Please, Emma. I need you.” He reached across the table and placed his hand on mine. He was suffering with loneliness as much as I was, just not the heartbreak. I envied his memory loss.
There was no way I could tell him no. I bit my lip and nodded. He flew out of his chair and wrapped his hands around my waist, lifting me off the ground and spinning me. I squeezed his neck tightly and inhaled his scent. He smelled of soap and musky cologne. Unmistakably William.
“Grab your things. I want to get you home.” The way he said home made my heart race. He sat me down and I took a second to regain my balance after he had made me dizzy.
I dashed back the hallway and began throwing some of my clothes in a bag. I didn’t want to take too much time and talk myself out of going. He needed me I told myself. I couldn’t leave him helpless and alone. I laughed at the thought of William ever being helpless. It was me who needed him.
“What’s so funny?”
I jumped and turned to see William in the doorway of my bedroom. The memories of us in this room together flooded my mind and every part of my body noticed. He pushed off the frame and walked towards me, smiling. His eyes glanced around the unfamiliar room.
“I’m ready.” I slung the bag onto my shoulder. He reached out, letting his fingertips graze my skin as he slid the strap of my bag off my shoulder. Every nerve in body took notice.
“I’ll carry this for you.” He reached out his hand for me. I hesitated but placed my hand in his. He laced our fingers together and pulled me down the hall.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I gripped the steering wheel tightly causing my knuckles to turn white. I could feel William’s eyes on me, but couldn’t bring myself to look at him. What was I thinking? How long could I live in this fantasy with him before he got his memory back and it all came crashing down?
I reached out and turned on the radio, relaxing as the music drowned out my thoughts. Listening to the lyrics of Criminal, I had to laugh to myself. At least William wasn’t a criminal. William’s eyes were on me again and I cleared my throat and switched the station.
I didn’t loosen my grip on the steering wheel until we pulled inside the garage of William’s place. His eyes lingered on me for another minute before he got out of the car. I blew out a loud breath and opened my door to follow him. He grabbed my bag from the backseat of my beat up Rabbit and slung it over his shoulder.
I followed him up the stairs and waited as he unlocked the door. He swung it wide open and waited for me to walk inside. It felt like home. I missed being here with him. It was the only place in the world I wanted to be. I stopped a few feet inside the door and stretched as I yawned.
“Want to go to bed?” His breath tickled my ear from behind me.
I was suddenly nervous to be in his bed with him. I knew it was only a matter of time before I gave into my carnal wants. I missed his hands on my body, possessively claiming me as his. I missed feeling anything else besides sadness.
“Come.” He walked around me and held out his and for mine. That word coming from his lips was enough to make me lose all of my senses. Did he really have no idea what kind of effect he had on me? Maybe this was just another horrible nightmare. Soon enough he would break my heart and I would awake on my aunt’s couch.
I slipped my fingers in his and he smiled as I trailed behind him to his bedroom. It was clean and smelled of laundry soap. I looked around, letting my eyes come to rest on the large bed in the center of the room. His eyes stayed pinned to me as he slipped off his shirt and began to unbuckle his belt.
“Maybe I should take the couch.” I turned towards the door willing myself to leave the room. Two strong arms wrapped themselves around my waist and he pulled me back against his body. The length of him pressed firmly against my bottom. He let out a small groan at the contact. The high of having him against me took over.
“Please don’t leave me.” His lips grazed my ear. I let my eyes fall closed. “Whatever you want from me… whatever you need from me I will give it to you, just please don’t leave me.”
“I want… I need… time.” I breathed as his breath tickled my neck. He reluctantly took a step back and let his arms fall to his sides. I took a deep breath and turned back to him. Our eyes locked and I wanted to be strong and run the other way but I just couldn’t. My hands went to my waist and I undid the button of my jeans. I wiggled my hips as I slipped them down my legs and kicked them off onto the floor.
William did the same as he watched me cautiously. I turned and slipped under the covers of the bed. After a moment, William did the same, careful not to touch me. I hated this. I hated the distance between us. It felt like we were a million miles apart. I knew it would be selfish of me to take advantage of him when he had no idea what had happened between us. Once his memory returned he would be the man who had lied to me and used me. He would be the man I had hated.
He wasn’t that man now. Right now, he just wanted to be near me. He may not remember us, but he knew we had something important. Right now, I needed that connection more than anything else. I reached below the covers and grabbed the hem of my shirt, dragging it over my head and tossing it on the floor.
William’s breath hitched and his fingers slowly slid across my hip. He pulled me toward him, making me to fall onto my back. He was on his side, hovering over me, his hand now cupping my jaw. My body was shaking. I wanted him. Needed him, but it had to be on my terms.
His minty breath blew into my mouth as we stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. I pushed back on his shoulder and he lay back as I slipped a leg over his waist. He stilled, afraid to touch me. Afraid I would run if he did something wrong. His confidence had left with his memories.
I tugged on his boxers and slid them down his legs, scratching him with my nails down his thighs. He was impossibly hard. I hovered over his waist as his hands came up to rub over my hipbones.
“I need you, Emma. Please…” His fingers slipped into the small scrap of fabric of my underwear, along my inner thigh.
“Ahhh…” I panted as he licked his lips.
I felt incredibly powerful and I understood why he enjoyed being in control.
“Rip them.” He looked up at me to see if he had heard me correctly. “Rip them off me.” I was panting. He looped his fingers in the fabric and gave a quick tug. They fell away from my body and he tossed them on the floor. I grabbed both of his hands and fell forward, pinning them next to his head. My mouth hovered over his as I let my hips drop, grazing his length with my wetness. We moaned together at the touch. I rotated my hips once more and he lifted his to increase the pressure.
“I want to touch you,” he groaned, and he lifted his hips to meet mine again. I shook my head.
I captured his bottom lip between my teeth and gave a gentle tug.
“Fuck,” he moaned, pushing against my hands.
“Bad boy,” I warned and pushed back against him. I slid myself against his length. I felt so powerful. It was amazing. All of the hurt, the pain that I had felt was replaced with lust. I licked his upper lip and his head came off the bed, capturing my lips in his. I let them fall open and he slipped his tongue inside, deepening our kiss. His hips lifted and I moaned into his mouth.
“Do you enjoy teasing me?” His tongue plunged back into my mouth. I had enjoyed it, but I enjoy this William more. The strong and aggressive man who knows exactly what I need. I needed to forget. I need to feel nothing but him.
“You don’t like it?” I was panting.
“I’ll take you any way I can get you.”
In one quick motion, he entered me. My back arched in pleasure as a small whimper escaped my lips. I hadn’t realized how empty I was without him until I finally had him again. I widened my legs, granting him deeper access. I let my head fall to the side as I panted, getting lost in the moment. I moved my hips in perfect synchronicity with his.
“God… I love you.” As the words left my mouth, his body suddenly stilled. I froze, terrified to look him in the eyes.
“You love me?”
I knew it was a stupid thing to say to a man who had no idea who I was. To him, this was just a casual fling. One of many he has had in his life, I am sure. Pain stabbed at my heart. I’m sure he was regretting bringing this stranger into his bed, no matter how drawn to me he felt.
“Look at me.” He wasn’t commanding like the William I knew. His voice was shaky. I slowly turned my head to look him in the eye. He stared at me quietly before his hips slowly began to rock into me. My body picked up where it had left off, my orgasm building deep inside of me as I stared into William’s eyes from above him.
Every emotion I had felt for him washed over me as my release finally came. He never became rough of forced me to do anything. It was exactly what I needed. I slid off his body and lay back on the mattress.
I turned on my side as his arms wrapped around me from behind and he trailed tiny kisses over my shoulder. My body shook against his as I cried silently to myself. His grip tightened but he did not say a word. He held me until I fell asleep in his arms.
I really was alone now. Even with William’s arms wrapped around me. He had no recollection of what he put me through, the loss I suffered before our accident. I felt empty and broken.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The next morning the smell of coffee surrounded me. I woke from a nightmare free night. At least his unknowing arms still offered me comfort. I stretched and slipped out of bed. I found my suitcase at the far side of his room and dug through it for a pair of underwear. All of my clothes had been washed and folded neatly back in the case. I was grateful considering William was making it a habit to rip apart my underwear. I would have to go shopping soon.
I got dressed and quietly tiptoed out into the expansive living area. I sat down at the island. William was leaning over the far counter, his back to me as he bent over, his hands in his dark hair. I wanted to run to him, to wrap my arms around him, but I couldn’t. I should have never slept with him last night. It was only a band-aid over our problems. They ran far too deep. My hand made a noise as I brought it down on the counter and William’s head shot up, realizing he was no longer alone.
“Sorry.” I tucked my hair behind my ear. He rolled his head from side to side, stretching his neck before grabbing the pot of coffee and filling two mugs.
He sat a steaming mug down in front of me, turning to dig some milk out of the fridge. I poured a heavy helping of sugar into my cup and he topped it off with a splash of milk.
“Thank you,” I whispered and took a small sip. William didn’t join me. He stayed on the far side of the counter, spinning the container of sugar over the surface. I blushed as I watched it in his hands, remembering a very fun morning with him on this very counter.
When I looked up his eyes where already on mine as he watched me.
“Do you… remember anything new?” I held my breath as he stared for another moment.
“I wish I did.” His eyes dropped back to the sugar before he released it and took a long drink from his mug. I nodded and focused on my cup, praying my pink cheeks would fade back to normal. I couldn’t allow my heart to be his without knowing the truth. At this rate, I wasn’t sure he would ever remember.
“Hungry?” William had turned to the fridge, and was pulling out breakfast foods. I shrugged my shoulders.
My appetite was still not making an appearance. I was too stressed out. “I think I’ll skip breakfast.”
He didn’t say anything. He began cracking eggs into a dish, adding a splash of milk and a few spices. As his pan heated, he diced up some lunchmeat and mozzarella to add to the concoction. I watched his muscles flex and pull in his back as he worked. I followed the lines of his tribal tattoo that wrapped up his arm and over his shoulder, disappearing over his chest.
I don’t know how long I was staring. Lost in the thought of him. He turned and placed to plates down on the counter. It smelled phenomenal, but my stomach was still in knots.
“I don’t think I can.” I placed a hand over my stomach as it filled with butterflies. He rounded the island and took a seat next to mine. His arm brushed against mine.
“You need to eat something.” He cut his food and placed a bite in his mouth.
“I’m fine, really.” I smiled politely and his face went expressionless.
“Eat.”
I guess some things never change. I picked up my fork and speared a small bite of eggs, blowing on it before sticking it in my mouth.
My body went stiff as I held onto the counter. I cleared my throat.
“My aunt’s.” I tried to keep my voice from shaking as I turned around. “You remember?”
“Not everything. Just bits and pieces.” I turned back to the counter and finished preparing the coffee.
“Did she live here? With you?” he asked as I sat a mug down in front of him. “Thank you.”
“I lived here with her, yes.” I glanced towards the hallway and took a small sip of my drink. He looked behind him, following my eyes.
“It has to be hard for you to be here.” He took a drink and I nodded. He had no idea.
“You can come home… with me. I won’t touch you if that’s what you want. I can sleep on the couch. I haven’t been able to sleep since you left.”
I held up my hand to stop him from talking. “I couldn’t make you sleep on the couch in your own home.”
“Then it’s settled. We’ll sleep together. Strictly sleep, I meant.” He grinned playfully and I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. Why did he have to be so damn sweet all of the sudden? It was hard to say no to those big blue eyes. So easy to forget all the hurt.
“Please, Emma. I need you.” He reached across the table and placed his hand on mine. He was suffering with loneliness as much as I was, just not the heartbreak. I envied his memory loss.
There was no way I could tell him no. I bit my lip and nodded. He flew out of his chair and wrapped his hands around my waist, lifting me off the ground and spinning me. I squeezed his neck tightly and inhaled his scent. He smelled of soap and musky cologne. Unmistakably William.
“Grab your things. I want to get you home.” The way he said home made my heart race. He sat me down and I took a second to regain my balance after he had made me dizzy.
I dashed back the hallway and began throwing some of my clothes in a bag. I didn’t want to take too much time and talk myself out of going. He needed me I told myself. I couldn’t leave him helpless and alone. I laughed at the thought of William ever being helpless. It was me who needed him.
“What’s so funny?”
I jumped and turned to see William in the doorway of my bedroom. The memories of us in this room together flooded my mind and every part of my body noticed. He pushed off the frame and walked towards me, smiling. His eyes glanced around the unfamiliar room.
“I’m ready.” I slung the bag onto my shoulder. He reached out, letting his fingertips graze my skin as he slid the strap of my bag off my shoulder. Every nerve in body took notice.
“I’ll carry this for you.” He reached out his hand for me. I hesitated but placed my hand in his. He laced our fingers together and pulled me down the hall.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I gripped the steering wheel tightly causing my knuckles to turn white. I could feel William’s eyes on me, but couldn’t bring myself to look at him. What was I thinking? How long could I live in this fantasy with him before he got his memory back and it all came crashing down?
I reached out and turned on the radio, relaxing as the music drowned out my thoughts. Listening to the lyrics of Criminal, I had to laugh to myself. At least William wasn’t a criminal. William’s eyes were on me again and I cleared my throat and switched the station.
I didn’t loosen my grip on the steering wheel until we pulled inside the garage of William’s place. His eyes lingered on me for another minute before he got out of the car. I blew out a loud breath and opened my door to follow him. He grabbed my bag from the backseat of my beat up Rabbit and slung it over his shoulder.
I followed him up the stairs and waited as he unlocked the door. He swung it wide open and waited for me to walk inside. It felt like home. I missed being here with him. It was the only place in the world I wanted to be. I stopped a few feet inside the door and stretched as I yawned.
“Want to go to bed?” His breath tickled my ear from behind me.
I was suddenly nervous to be in his bed with him. I knew it was only a matter of time before I gave into my carnal wants. I missed his hands on my body, possessively claiming me as his. I missed feeling anything else besides sadness.
“Come.” He walked around me and held out his and for mine. That word coming from his lips was enough to make me lose all of my senses. Did he really have no idea what kind of effect he had on me? Maybe this was just another horrible nightmare. Soon enough he would break my heart and I would awake on my aunt’s couch.
I slipped my fingers in his and he smiled as I trailed behind him to his bedroom. It was clean and smelled of laundry soap. I looked around, letting my eyes come to rest on the large bed in the center of the room. His eyes stayed pinned to me as he slipped off his shirt and began to unbuckle his belt.
“Maybe I should take the couch.” I turned towards the door willing myself to leave the room. Two strong arms wrapped themselves around my waist and he pulled me back against his body. The length of him pressed firmly against my bottom. He let out a small groan at the contact. The high of having him against me took over.
“Please don’t leave me.” His lips grazed my ear. I let my eyes fall closed. “Whatever you want from me… whatever you need from me I will give it to you, just please don’t leave me.”
“I want… I need… time.” I breathed as his breath tickled my neck. He reluctantly took a step back and let his arms fall to his sides. I took a deep breath and turned back to him. Our eyes locked and I wanted to be strong and run the other way but I just couldn’t. My hands went to my waist and I undid the button of my jeans. I wiggled my hips as I slipped them down my legs and kicked them off onto the floor.
William did the same as he watched me cautiously. I turned and slipped under the covers of the bed. After a moment, William did the same, careful not to touch me. I hated this. I hated the distance between us. It felt like we were a million miles apart. I knew it would be selfish of me to take advantage of him when he had no idea what had happened between us. Once his memory returned he would be the man who had lied to me and used me. He would be the man I had hated.
He wasn’t that man now. Right now, he just wanted to be near me. He may not remember us, but he knew we had something important. Right now, I needed that connection more than anything else. I reached below the covers and grabbed the hem of my shirt, dragging it over my head and tossing it on the floor.
William’s breath hitched and his fingers slowly slid across my hip. He pulled me toward him, making me to fall onto my back. He was on his side, hovering over me, his hand now cupping my jaw. My body was shaking. I wanted him. Needed him, but it had to be on my terms.
His minty breath blew into my mouth as we stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. I pushed back on his shoulder and he lay back as I slipped a leg over his waist. He stilled, afraid to touch me. Afraid I would run if he did something wrong. His confidence had left with his memories.
I tugged on his boxers and slid them down his legs, scratching him with my nails down his thighs. He was impossibly hard. I hovered over his waist as his hands came up to rub over my hipbones.
“I need you, Emma. Please…” His fingers slipped into the small scrap of fabric of my underwear, along my inner thigh.
“Ahhh…” I panted as he licked his lips.
I felt incredibly powerful and I understood why he enjoyed being in control.
“Rip them.” He looked up at me to see if he had heard me correctly. “Rip them off me.” I was panting. He looped his fingers in the fabric and gave a quick tug. They fell away from my body and he tossed them on the floor. I grabbed both of his hands and fell forward, pinning them next to his head. My mouth hovered over his as I let my hips drop, grazing his length with my wetness. We moaned together at the touch. I rotated my hips once more and he lifted his to increase the pressure.
“I want to touch you,” he groaned, and he lifted his hips to meet mine again. I shook my head.
I captured his bottom lip between my teeth and gave a gentle tug.
“Fuck,” he moaned, pushing against my hands.
“Bad boy,” I warned and pushed back against him. I slid myself against his length. I felt so powerful. It was amazing. All of the hurt, the pain that I had felt was replaced with lust. I licked his upper lip and his head came off the bed, capturing my lips in his. I let them fall open and he slipped his tongue inside, deepening our kiss. His hips lifted and I moaned into his mouth.
“Do you enjoy teasing me?” His tongue plunged back into my mouth. I had enjoyed it, but I enjoy this William more. The strong and aggressive man who knows exactly what I need. I needed to forget. I need to feel nothing but him.
“You don’t like it?” I was panting.
“I’ll take you any way I can get you.”
In one quick motion, he entered me. My back arched in pleasure as a small whimper escaped my lips. I hadn’t realized how empty I was without him until I finally had him again. I widened my legs, granting him deeper access. I let my head fall to the side as I panted, getting lost in the moment. I moved my hips in perfect synchronicity with his.
“God… I love you.” As the words left my mouth, his body suddenly stilled. I froze, terrified to look him in the eyes.
“You love me?”
I knew it was a stupid thing to say to a man who had no idea who I was. To him, this was just a casual fling. One of many he has had in his life, I am sure. Pain stabbed at my heart. I’m sure he was regretting bringing this stranger into his bed, no matter how drawn to me he felt.
“Look at me.” He wasn’t commanding like the William I knew. His voice was shaky. I slowly turned my head to look him in the eye. He stared at me quietly before his hips slowly began to rock into me. My body picked up where it had left off, my orgasm building deep inside of me as I stared into William’s eyes from above him.
Every emotion I had felt for him washed over me as my release finally came. He never became rough of forced me to do anything. It was exactly what I needed. I slid off his body and lay back on the mattress.
I turned on my side as his arms wrapped around me from behind and he trailed tiny kisses over my shoulder. My body shook against his as I cried silently to myself. His grip tightened but he did not say a word. He held me until I fell asleep in his arms.
I really was alone now. Even with William’s arms wrapped around me. He had no recollection of what he put me through, the loss I suffered before our accident. I felt empty and broken.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The next morning the smell of coffee surrounded me. I woke from a nightmare free night. At least his unknowing arms still offered me comfort. I stretched and slipped out of bed. I found my suitcase at the far side of his room and dug through it for a pair of underwear. All of my clothes had been washed and folded neatly back in the case. I was grateful considering William was making it a habit to rip apart my underwear. I would have to go shopping soon.
I got dressed and quietly tiptoed out into the expansive living area. I sat down at the island. William was leaning over the far counter, his back to me as he bent over, his hands in his dark hair. I wanted to run to him, to wrap my arms around him, but I couldn’t. I should have never slept with him last night. It was only a band-aid over our problems. They ran far too deep. My hand made a noise as I brought it down on the counter and William’s head shot up, realizing he was no longer alone.
“Sorry.” I tucked my hair behind my ear. He rolled his head from side to side, stretching his neck before grabbing the pot of coffee and filling two mugs.
He sat a steaming mug down in front of me, turning to dig some milk out of the fridge. I poured a heavy helping of sugar into my cup and he topped it off with a splash of milk.
“Thank you,” I whispered and took a small sip. William didn’t join me. He stayed on the far side of the counter, spinning the container of sugar over the surface. I blushed as I watched it in his hands, remembering a very fun morning with him on this very counter.
When I looked up his eyes where already on mine as he watched me.
“Do you… remember anything new?” I held my breath as he stared for another moment.
“I wish I did.” His eyes dropped back to the sugar before he released it and took a long drink from his mug. I nodded and focused on my cup, praying my pink cheeks would fade back to normal. I couldn’t allow my heart to be his without knowing the truth. At this rate, I wasn’t sure he would ever remember.
“Hungry?” William had turned to the fridge, and was pulling out breakfast foods. I shrugged my shoulders.
My appetite was still not making an appearance. I was too stressed out. “I think I’ll skip breakfast.”
He didn’t say anything. He began cracking eggs into a dish, adding a splash of milk and a few spices. As his pan heated, he diced up some lunchmeat and mozzarella to add to the concoction. I watched his muscles flex and pull in his back as he worked. I followed the lines of his tribal tattoo that wrapped up his arm and over his shoulder, disappearing over his chest.
I don’t know how long I was staring. Lost in the thought of him. He turned and placed to plates down on the counter. It smelled phenomenal, but my stomach was still in knots.
“I don’t think I can.” I placed a hand over my stomach as it filled with butterflies. He rounded the island and took a seat next to mine. His arm brushed against mine.
“You need to eat something.” He cut his food and placed a bite in his mouth.
“I’m fine, really.” I smiled politely and his face went expressionless.
“Eat.”
I guess some things never change. I picked up my fork and speared a small bite of eggs, blowing on it before sticking it in my mouth.
