Honor & Betray
Page 12
“I’m sorry.” Her tone changed from confident to weak and regretful.
“If forgiveness is all you want, you have it.” I said through clenched teeth as I tried to remember.
“Nothing is ever that easy with you, William.”
“Things have changed.”
“You’re going to feed me the I have changed line? People like us don’t change. It’s who we are. It’s how we survive.”
“I want you to forget who I am. I have.” I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to force the throbbing in my head to subside.
“You want me to forget what it feels like to have your hand around my throat while you’re inside of me?” Her breathing grew heavier, and I hated the way my c**k twitched from her words.
“Don’t.”
“You are who you are, William. That will never change. You may try to hide it, but it will always be there, under the surface, begging to come out.”
“Allison, if you come near me again, or Emma, I will cause you pain that you will not enjoy.” I was shocked by the anger in my own voice and by how much I meant those words. I hung up the phone and took a deep breath.
It was time to escape my past and move forward. I grabbed my phone and slid my finger across the screen. That is when I saw it. My key to freedom. A tiny green circle pulsed on the screen. I clicked it, and it pulled up a list of updated locations and a small map.
I looked up the number to a local cab company and had them take me to the last location.
Chapter Eighteen
I knew where I was going. All roads led to Emma. I tried to force the thought from my mind that I had kept tabs on her location.
As we pulled up in front of the small house, I immediately recognized it from the pictures in the envelope. I paid the cab driver and slowly made my way to the front door. The house was dark, and I could see Emma curled into a ball on the couch. I turned the knob, and the door popped free from the latch.
I wanted to be upset that she hadn’t locked it to protect herself, but I knew the only one she needed to keep out was me, and it was more than obvious that wasn’t going to happen.
I slipped inside and closed the door behind me as she let out a whimper. I quietly made my way to her side as her brows furrowed. She was having a nightmare. I placed my hand on her shoulder, electricity pulsing through my fingertips from the touch of her warm skin. She flipped over and her eyes flew open, filled with fear.
“It’s me.”
She took a deep breath as her eyes scanned my face. “Jesus.” Her head fell back on the cushion.
“What was your nightmare about?” She looked away and rubbed her hands over her face but didn’t answer. “Me?”
“What are you doing here? Did you…did you remember?” There was a look of hope and fear in her eyes.
“No. I couldn’t take not seeing you. My place feels so empty.”
“How did you find me?” She sat up, stretching her arms over her head, revealing a sliver of her small waist.
“There was a tracking app on my phone.” I smiled when she didn’t seem to recoil or panic at my presence. “That probably isn’t a good thing.” I pulled my hand back from her shoulder, my heart sinking at the loss of contact.
“Not really.” She swung her legs over the edge of the couch. I stood up, wanting to pull her into my arms.
“I really f**ked up.” I sighed as I shoved my hands into my pockets to keep myself from touching her.
“How did you get here?” she asked.
“I took a cab.”
She pushed to her feet, just inches from me as she nodded. Her shirt had ridden up in her sleep, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off her panties. Her gaze followed mine, and she pulled down her shirt and walked around me toward the kitchen. She began to make a pot of coffee, and I cursed myself for not waiting until a decent hour to come see her. I had a million questions running through my mind and so few answers. I was terrified to let her know that I had pieced any of it together until I could see the big picture.
The time away from Emma only confirmed that not having her in my life wasn’t an option. I just needed her to open up to me. If I could get her talking, maybe she would see that not everything was a lie.
“Whose funeral did we attend?” I asked as her back went rigid.
“My aunt’s.” Her voice was softer now. “You remember?”
“Not everything. Just bits and pieces.” A half-truth. I was able to figure out some of what had happened over the past week, but none of it seemed like it was real. It was all just outside my grasp. “Did she live here? With you?”
Emma set a mug down in front of me on the table, her large green eyes searching mine. “Thank you.”
“I lived here with her, yes.” She took a sip of her drink as her eyes travelled down the hallway behind me. I followed her gaze.
“It must be hard for you to be here.” I took a drink of my coffee as I watched her. She nodded, and I could see the tears forming in her eyes. “You can come home…with me. I won’t touch you, if that’s what you want.” Of course, she wouldn’t want me to touch her. She didn’t even want to see me, and I had shown up at her house in the middle of the night. “I can sleep on the couch. I haven’t been able to sleep since you left.”
She held up her hand to stop me from rambling. “I couldn’t make you sleep on the couch in your own home.”
My heart leapt in my throat. Was she agreeing?
“Then it’s settled. We’ll sleep together. Strictly sleep, I meant.” I couldn’t help but smile as her cheeks flushed and she grinned. “Please, Emma. I need you.” I reached across the table and took her delicate hand in mine, unable to resist touching her.
She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and slowly nodded. I pushed from my chair, wrapped my arms around her waist, and lifted her from the ground. Her arms tightened around my neck, and I knew, memory or not, that I needed her more than anything.
“Grab your things. I want to get you home.” I sat her back on her feet, hating that I had to let her go. She hurried down the narrow hallway and disappeared into a room. I felt like the weight of the world had lifted off my shoulders. I slowly made my way toward Emma, not wanting to leave her out of my sight for a second. She laughed to herself as I stood in the doorway.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, and she jumped as she turned to look at me. I slowly walked toward her, glancing around the room. Being alone with her in her bedroom was an overwhelming feeling.
“I’m ready.” She pulled her bag up on to her shoulder. I reached out and grabbed the strap, letting my fingers graze her shoulder. The look in her eyes let me know she was feeling it too.
“I’ll carry this for you.” I pulled the bag from her and held out my free hand. She hesitated but slipped her fingers in mine.
I fought the urge to push her down on the bed and show her how much I needed her. Emma was timid by nature, and I couldn’t begin to understand how I had ever taken her on to the third floor or how she looked at me now with trust and not fear.
Chapter Nineteen
I watched Emma as she drove us away from her home. Her body was stiff, and the muscle in her jaw ticked as she gripped the steering wheel tightly. She reached out and turned on the radio, smiling as the song filled the tiny space and drowned out my thoughts. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and I wanted to know what was going through her mind.
She quickly changed the station and her face went blank. She was guarding herself from me. I didn’t take my eyes off her until we pulled into the bottom floor garage of my place. Emma kept her eyes locked ahead, and I knew she was having second thoughts. I got out of the car and grabbed her bag from the back seat of her old, beat-up white Rabbit.
Emma got out of the vehicle as her eyes danced over the steps ahead. I didn’t want her to feel forced. I wanted her to come inside on her own. I needed her to want to be here.
I unlocked the door and pushed it open, taking a step back. Her eyes met mine as she stepped inside. Relief washed over me as I followed her in and locked the door behind us. I could endure being locked inside my own personal hell if I had her by my side. Emma stretched and yawned in front of me. I took a step closer so I was nearly against her back.
“Want to go to bed?” I whispered against her ear and saw a shiver run through her. I could feel that monster inside of me begin to waken, and I wanted to pick her up and drag her up to that floor. I wanted to see the look in her eyes as I tightened down the straps. I stepped around her and held out my hand for her to take. “Come.”
Her fingers slid into mine, and I couldn’t help but smile as I pulled her toward my bedroom. She stopped as we entered the room, her hand slipping from mine as she stared down at the bed. I couldn’t shake the thought of feeling her skin against mine. I dropped her bag next to the door, pulled my shirt over my head, and tossed it on the floor. She watched as I began to unbuckle my belt, letting my jeans ride low on my hips.
“Maybe I should take the couch.” She looked afraid but the way her chest was rising quickly, I knew she was feeling what I was. She turned toward the door, and without thinking, I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. My c**k strained against my jeans as I pushed against her ass. I groaned as I closed my eyes, breathing in her flowery scent. This was the man she was running from. I needed to keep her safe from that side of me.
“Please don’t leave me,” I whispered against the shell of her ear. Her body relaxed, but I kept my grip firm. “Whatever you want from me…whatever you need from me, I will give it to you. Just please don’t leave me.”
“I want…I need time.”
It took every ounce of strength for me to release her and take a step back. She sighed as she turned back to face me. Her eyes locked on to mine as her fingers began to unbutton her jeans. She slid them over her hips and pushed them down. I did the same, never taking my eyes off hers.
She swallowed hard as she climbed into the bed and slid under the covers, curling on her side away from me. I crawled in beside her, forcing myself to keep distance between our bodies. I deserved the torture of being next to her and not being allowed to hold her. But we both knew that holding her wasn’t all I wanted.
Emma reached under the blanket, and I felt her body wiggle as she pulled her shirt up over her head and tossed it on the floor, and I was unable to breathe. I wasn’t strong enough. I reached out like a moth drawn to a flame and slid my fingers across her hip. I wasn’t the moth, though. I was the flame that would consume Emma if given the chance. I had done it once, and if I wanted to have her in my life, I couldn’t let that happen again. I was on my side, looking at the top of her bared back as I gently pulled on her hip, causing her to fall on her back. I looked down at her, quivering as she stared back at me. I ran my fingers over her jaw, and her lips parted.
My mouth inched closer to hers, but I refused to act. I couldn’t allow myself to be the man on the third floor. I needed to be what she wanted. Her chest began to rise and fall more rapidly as her breath blew across my mouth.
She pushed against my shoulder and I fell onto my back, certain she had made her decision, but her leg slid over my waist, brushing against my hard cock, and she lifted herself to straddle my waist.
She gripped my boxers and began to tug them down, her nails biting into my skin. I slid a hand over her hipbone, struggling against the urge to pull her down against me.
“I need you, Emma. Please…” I didn’t want to take her. There would be no turning back if I let that side of me that lingered below the surface come out. I slipped my fingers just inside the fabric of her panties, rubbing against her inner thigh.
“Aah…” she panted, and I ran my tongue over my lips, wanting to taste the delicate flesh between her thighs.
“Rip them,” she panted, and my eyes connected with hers. She was begging for the monster. “Rip them,” she repeated. I didn’t know how close to the edge I could go before I couldn’t stop myself from giving in to what I wanted, but I wasn’t strong enough to resist her. I gripped the fabric in my fingers and tugged them, ripping them from her body and tossing them on the floor. She grabbed both my wrists, and her body fell on top of mine as she held my hands on either side of my head.
Her lips hovered over mine as she rotated her hips, running her wet pu**y against my cock. We both moaned as she repeated the action. I pushed back against her, wanting to grind against her clit.
“I want to touch you,” I groaned as I pushed against her again. She sucked my bottom lip in her mouth and gently bit down.
“Fuck,” I growled as I lifted my hands from the bed, pushing against her grip. Her power was an illusion, and we both knew it, but she needed to feel in control.
“Bad boy,” she smirked as she slid her dripping slit up the length of me again. Her tongue flicked out and ran over my upper lip. I lifted my head, taking her mouth with mine. She whimpered, and her lips parted, letting me f**k her mouth with my tongue. My hips ground against hers, and she melted against me.
“Do you enjoy teasing me?” I asked and pushed my tongue back inside her mouth more forcefully. It didn’t matter if she was on top of me; I was going to control this.
“You don’t like it?”
“I’ll take you any way I can get you.” Visions of the ways I wanted her flashed through my mind. I would have her every one of those ways in time. As her clit pressed against the head of my cock, I pulled back and pushed against her entrance, thrusting inside of her in one quick motion. She whimpered, but her thighs widened so I could fill her completely. She buried her face in my neck as I f**ked her, her hips pushing back against mine with equal need.
“If forgiveness is all you want, you have it.” I said through clenched teeth as I tried to remember.
“Nothing is ever that easy with you, William.”
“Things have changed.”
“You’re going to feed me the I have changed line? People like us don’t change. It’s who we are. It’s how we survive.”
“I want you to forget who I am. I have.” I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to force the throbbing in my head to subside.
“You want me to forget what it feels like to have your hand around my throat while you’re inside of me?” Her breathing grew heavier, and I hated the way my c**k twitched from her words.
“Don’t.”
“You are who you are, William. That will never change. You may try to hide it, but it will always be there, under the surface, begging to come out.”
“Allison, if you come near me again, or Emma, I will cause you pain that you will not enjoy.” I was shocked by the anger in my own voice and by how much I meant those words. I hung up the phone and took a deep breath.
It was time to escape my past and move forward. I grabbed my phone and slid my finger across the screen. That is when I saw it. My key to freedom. A tiny green circle pulsed on the screen. I clicked it, and it pulled up a list of updated locations and a small map.
I looked up the number to a local cab company and had them take me to the last location.
Chapter Eighteen
I knew where I was going. All roads led to Emma. I tried to force the thought from my mind that I had kept tabs on her location.
As we pulled up in front of the small house, I immediately recognized it from the pictures in the envelope. I paid the cab driver and slowly made my way to the front door. The house was dark, and I could see Emma curled into a ball on the couch. I turned the knob, and the door popped free from the latch.
I wanted to be upset that she hadn’t locked it to protect herself, but I knew the only one she needed to keep out was me, and it was more than obvious that wasn’t going to happen.
I slipped inside and closed the door behind me as she let out a whimper. I quietly made my way to her side as her brows furrowed. She was having a nightmare. I placed my hand on her shoulder, electricity pulsing through my fingertips from the touch of her warm skin. She flipped over and her eyes flew open, filled with fear.
“It’s me.”
She took a deep breath as her eyes scanned my face. “Jesus.” Her head fell back on the cushion.
“What was your nightmare about?” She looked away and rubbed her hands over her face but didn’t answer. “Me?”
“What are you doing here? Did you…did you remember?” There was a look of hope and fear in her eyes.
“No. I couldn’t take not seeing you. My place feels so empty.”
“How did you find me?” She sat up, stretching her arms over her head, revealing a sliver of her small waist.
“There was a tracking app on my phone.” I smiled when she didn’t seem to recoil or panic at my presence. “That probably isn’t a good thing.” I pulled my hand back from her shoulder, my heart sinking at the loss of contact.
“Not really.” She swung her legs over the edge of the couch. I stood up, wanting to pull her into my arms.
“I really f**ked up.” I sighed as I shoved my hands into my pockets to keep myself from touching her.
“How did you get here?” she asked.
“I took a cab.”
She pushed to her feet, just inches from me as she nodded. Her shirt had ridden up in her sleep, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off her panties. Her gaze followed mine, and she pulled down her shirt and walked around me toward the kitchen. She began to make a pot of coffee, and I cursed myself for not waiting until a decent hour to come see her. I had a million questions running through my mind and so few answers. I was terrified to let her know that I had pieced any of it together until I could see the big picture.
The time away from Emma only confirmed that not having her in my life wasn’t an option. I just needed her to open up to me. If I could get her talking, maybe she would see that not everything was a lie.
“Whose funeral did we attend?” I asked as her back went rigid.
“My aunt’s.” Her voice was softer now. “You remember?”
“Not everything. Just bits and pieces.” A half-truth. I was able to figure out some of what had happened over the past week, but none of it seemed like it was real. It was all just outside my grasp. “Did she live here? With you?”
Emma set a mug down in front of me on the table, her large green eyes searching mine. “Thank you.”
“I lived here with her, yes.” She took a sip of her drink as her eyes travelled down the hallway behind me. I followed her gaze.
“It must be hard for you to be here.” I took a drink of my coffee as I watched her. She nodded, and I could see the tears forming in her eyes. “You can come home…with me. I won’t touch you, if that’s what you want.” Of course, she wouldn’t want me to touch her. She didn’t even want to see me, and I had shown up at her house in the middle of the night. “I can sleep on the couch. I haven’t been able to sleep since you left.”
She held up her hand to stop me from rambling. “I couldn’t make you sleep on the couch in your own home.”
My heart leapt in my throat. Was she agreeing?
“Then it’s settled. We’ll sleep together. Strictly sleep, I meant.” I couldn’t help but smile as her cheeks flushed and she grinned. “Please, Emma. I need you.” I reached across the table and took her delicate hand in mine, unable to resist touching her.
She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and slowly nodded. I pushed from my chair, wrapped my arms around her waist, and lifted her from the ground. Her arms tightened around my neck, and I knew, memory or not, that I needed her more than anything.
“Grab your things. I want to get you home.” I sat her back on her feet, hating that I had to let her go. She hurried down the narrow hallway and disappeared into a room. I felt like the weight of the world had lifted off my shoulders. I slowly made my way toward Emma, not wanting to leave her out of my sight for a second. She laughed to herself as I stood in the doorway.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, and she jumped as she turned to look at me. I slowly walked toward her, glancing around the room. Being alone with her in her bedroom was an overwhelming feeling.
“I’m ready.” She pulled her bag up on to her shoulder. I reached out and grabbed the strap, letting my fingers graze her shoulder. The look in her eyes let me know she was feeling it too.
“I’ll carry this for you.” I pulled the bag from her and held out my free hand. She hesitated but slipped her fingers in mine.
I fought the urge to push her down on the bed and show her how much I needed her. Emma was timid by nature, and I couldn’t begin to understand how I had ever taken her on to the third floor or how she looked at me now with trust and not fear.
Chapter Nineteen
I watched Emma as she drove us away from her home. Her body was stiff, and the muscle in her jaw ticked as she gripped the steering wheel tightly. She reached out and turned on the radio, smiling as the song filled the tiny space and drowned out my thoughts. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and I wanted to know what was going through her mind.
She quickly changed the station and her face went blank. She was guarding herself from me. I didn’t take my eyes off her until we pulled into the bottom floor garage of my place. Emma kept her eyes locked ahead, and I knew she was having second thoughts. I got out of the car and grabbed her bag from the back seat of her old, beat-up white Rabbit.
Emma got out of the vehicle as her eyes danced over the steps ahead. I didn’t want her to feel forced. I wanted her to come inside on her own. I needed her to want to be here.
I unlocked the door and pushed it open, taking a step back. Her eyes met mine as she stepped inside. Relief washed over me as I followed her in and locked the door behind us. I could endure being locked inside my own personal hell if I had her by my side. Emma stretched and yawned in front of me. I took a step closer so I was nearly against her back.
“Want to go to bed?” I whispered against her ear and saw a shiver run through her. I could feel that monster inside of me begin to waken, and I wanted to pick her up and drag her up to that floor. I wanted to see the look in her eyes as I tightened down the straps. I stepped around her and held out my hand for her to take. “Come.”
Her fingers slid into mine, and I couldn’t help but smile as I pulled her toward my bedroom. She stopped as we entered the room, her hand slipping from mine as she stared down at the bed. I couldn’t shake the thought of feeling her skin against mine. I dropped her bag next to the door, pulled my shirt over my head, and tossed it on the floor. She watched as I began to unbuckle my belt, letting my jeans ride low on my hips.
“Maybe I should take the couch.” She looked afraid but the way her chest was rising quickly, I knew she was feeling what I was. She turned toward the door, and without thinking, I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. My c**k strained against my jeans as I pushed against her ass. I groaned as I closed my eyes, breathing in her flowery scent. This was the man she was running from. I needed to keep her safe from that side of me.
“Please don’t leave me,” I whispered against the shell of her ear. Her body relaxed, but I kept my grip firm. “Whatever you want from me…whatever you need from me, I will give it to you. Just please don’t leave me.”
“I want…I need time.”
It took every ounce of strength for me to release her and take a step back. She sighed as she turned back to face me. Her eyes locked on to mine as her fingers began to unbutton her jeans. She slid them over her hips and pushed them down. I did the same, never taking my eyes off hers.
She swallowed hard as she climbed into the bed and slid under the covers, curling on her side away from me. I crawled in beside her, forcing myself to keep distance between our bodies. I deserved the torture of being next to her and not being allowed to hold her. But we both knew that holding her wasn’t all I wanted.
Emma reached under the blanket, and I felt her body wiggle as she pulled her shirt up over her head and tossed it on the floor, and I was unable to breathe. I wasn’t strong enough. I reached out like a moth drawn to a flame and slid my fingers across her hip. I wasn’t the moth, though. I was the flame that would consume Emma if given the chance. I had done it once, and if I wanted to have her in my life, I couldn’t let that happen again. I was on my side, looking at the top of her bared back as I gently pulled on her hip, causing her to fall on her back. I looked down at her, quivering as she stared back at me. I ran my fingers over her jaw, and her lips parted.
My mouth inched closer to hers, but I refused to act. I couldn’t allow myself to be the man on the third floor. I needed to be what she wanted. Her chest began to rise and fall more rapidly as her breath blew across my mouth.
She pushed against my shoulder and I fell onto my back, certain she had made her decision, but her leg slid over my waist, brushing against my hard cock, and she lifted herself to straddle my waist.
She gripped my boxers and began to tug them down, her nails biting into my skin. I slid a hand over her hipbone, struggling against the urge to pull her down against me.
“I need you, Emma. Please…” I didn’t want to take her. There would be no turning back if I let that side of me that lingered below the surface come out. I slipped my fingers just inside the fabric of her panties, rubbing against her inner thigh.
“Aah…” she panted, and I ran my tongue over my lips, wanting to taste the delicate flesh between her thighs.
“Rip them,” she panted, and my eyes connected with hers. She was begging for the monster. “Rip them,” she repeated. I didn’t know how close to the edge I could go before I couldn’t stop myself from giving in to what I wanted, but I wasn’t strong enough to resist her. I gripped the fabric in my fingers and tugged them, ripping them from her body and tossing them on the floor. She grabbed both my wrists, and her body fell on top of mine as she held my hands on either side of my head.
Her lips hovered over mine as she rotated her hips, running her wet pu**y against my cock. We both moaned as she repeated the action. I pushed back against her, wanting to grind against her clit.
“I want to touch you,” I groaned as I pushed against her again. She sucked my bottom lip in her mouth and gently bit down.
“Fuck,” I growled as I lifted my hands from the bed, pushing against her grip. Her power was an illusion, and we both knew it, but she needed to feel in control.
“Bad boy,” she smirked as she slid her dripping slit up the length of me again. Her tongue flicked out and ran over my upper lip. I lifted my head, taking her mouth with mine. She whimpered, and her lips parted, letting me f**k her mouth with my tongue. My hips ground against hers, and she melted against me.
“Do you enjoy teasing me?” I asked and pushed my tongue back inside her mouth more forcefully. It didn’t matter if she was on top of me; I was going to control this.
“You don’t like it?”
“I’ll take you any way I can get you.” Visions of the ways I wanted her flashed through my mind. I would have her every one of those ways in time. As her clit pressed against the head of my cock, I pulled back and pushed against her entrance, thrusting inside of her in one quick motion. She whimpered, but her thighs widened so I could fill her completely. She buried her face in my neck as I f**ked her, her hips pushing back against mine with equal need.
