Honor
Page 14
I fell asleep after the sun was in the sky and was so tired and stressed out from the night before that I slept through my alarm, missing my shift at the diner. I guess it was a good thing I was going back to the Point. I didn’t think my ego could handle getting fired from a waitressing job I never really wanted in the first place.
I shoved the covers off and went to retrieve my phone from where it had landed. The battery was almost dead, but there was enough life left in it for me to see Nassir never texted me back. I almost threw it again but stopped when I noticed I had an e-mail. I never used the app on my phone. I had no need for an e-mail address and didn’t want anything that was easily tracked, but I did like to shop on Amazon, so there was no getting around having one. When I clicked to open it, my heart started to race and I got a little light-headed. I was so surprised, mostly that I was surprised, that I sat down heavily in the center of the floor and just stared dumbly at the first-class ticket with my name on it for a flight that was scheduled to leave tomorrow morning.
His message was brief and so very Nassir:
Get your ass home. Leave your shit and I’ll send someone for it later.
No “I’m so happy” or “thank God” or “hallelujah.” Just the ticket and the order to get my ass home. Had I really expected anything different?
I rested my cheek on my drawn-up knees and pondered my ability to handle getting back in the game with him. He controlled everything. He was everywhere. He devoured whatever was in his path, and I didn’t want to end up being nothing when he was done with me.
I must have stayed in that spot longer than I realized because when there was a knock on the door it actually hurt to unfold my body from the bent-over and curled-up position. I groaned as my spine snapped and popped when I went to open the door. The pretty redheaded cop was on the other side. I couldn’t say I was that shocked to see her. She was a persistent little thing.
“I made your boss give me your address off your application when he said you didn’t show for your shift. I heard you left the Bar with a guy last night, so I was worried when I heard you missed your shift.”
This was my own fault for using a place where she knew everyone as a pickup spot. I let her into the apartment and offered her something to drink. She was in her uniform, so I wasn’t sure if she was still on the clock or not. She must have been off because she took the beer I held out to her.
“I brought a guy back here with me and realized it was a mistake. I sent him packing and then decided it was time I went home. I like Denver, but this isn’t where I belong.”
She considered me thoughtfully for a second as she sipped on the microbrew. “I think I would be really interested to know where home is for you, Keelyn.” Her gaze dipped to the collar of my T-shirt, which had slipped to the side, showing off my scar. “It doesn’t seem like a very friendly place.”
I adjusted my shirt and grinned at her. “It’s not, but I’m not really a very friendly person, so it works for me. I miss it, and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to forget it.”
She tapped her nails on the glass and lifted an auburn eyebrow at me knowingly. “Can’t forget it, or can’t forget him? You’ve been a different person since that guy came to see you.”
I sighed and gave her a level look. “No. This is who I really am. This is who he came to bring home. The girl that was here before his visit was a fake. I thought I could be her, learn to love her, but now I know I can’t.”
The cop considered me thoughtfully and pointed at the still-raw mark on my forehead with her bottle. “She didn’t have to worry about getting jumped in the parking lot either.”
I barked out a laugh and lifted a couple of fingers to the cut. “I know it sounds crazy, but that’s part of the problem. I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”
Her chocolate-colored eyes popped open wide. “Wow. That’s fast.”
I nodded. “He doesn’t mess around.”
“No. He didn’t look like the type that does.” She finished her beer and walked over to give me a hug. It was so weird. No one hugged in the Point unless they were naked and about to get it on. “Be safe, and I hope wherever you are going and whatever you are chasing makes you happy.”
I hugged her back and followed her to the door. “I don’t know that I’ll ever have happy, but I would settle for content and satisfied.”
She tossed her long hair over her shoulder and gave me a hard look. “If you’re going back to a place that puts bullets in you and to a man that you can’t stay away from, then don’t settle for anything.”
She sounded so fierce and so determined that I found myself agreeing with her. “Okay. I won’t settle, and thank you.”
She frowned at me as she started to pat all her pockets, looking for what I assumed were her keys. “For what?”
I leaned on the doorjamb as she continued to search, and laughed as she did a little victory dance when she fished them out of her back pocket.
“For being normal and for showing me what a regular life with real friends could be like. It’s not something I’ll ever forget.”
Her mouth made a little O of surprise but before she could ask me anything else I closed the door and dug a suitcase out of my closet so I could start packing. The Point might not be normal and life there might not be what a real life looked like to anyone else, but it was mine, and now that I was committed to going back, I could feel the way it called to me. I felt the dirt on my skin. Heard the call of sex and decadence in my ear. Tasted the power and the influence of bad things on my tongue. The shell I had been hiding in shattered and the real me that had been banging angrily at my insides took her place back on top. There was nothing dull or boring about me. I was made to stand out not to blend in, and I was going back to the Point ready to shine.
The city and the man that ran it in the darkness were two things I couldn’t live without and I was done trying to deny myself either of them. They were both a part of me just as much as I was a part of them. Leaving was not something a woman that wrote her own rules and made her own way did when things got tough. No; the woman I was, the woman I spent my life trying to be, needed to shore up her defenses and fight for her place. A place that wasn’t beneath the man in charge but by his side. I didn’t want a spot on the court Nassir played on; I wanted a spot on his team.
I shoved the covers off and went to retrieve my phone from where it had landed. The battery was almost dead, but there was enough life left in it for me to see Nassir never texted me back. I almost threw it again but stopped when I noticed I had an e-mail. I never used the app on my phone. I had no need for an e-mail address and didn’t want anything that was easily tracked, but I did like to shop on Amazon, so there was no getting around having one. When I clicked to open it, my heart started to race and I got a little light-headed. I was so surprised, mostly that I was surprised, that I sat down heavily in the center of the floor and just stared dumbly at the first-class ticket with my name on it for a flight that was scheduled to leave tomorrow morning.
His message was brief and so very Nassir:
Get your ass home. Leave your shit and I’ll send someone for it later.
No “I’m so happy” or “thank God” or “hallelujah.” Just the ticket and the order to get my ass home. Had I really expected anything different?
I rested my cheek on my drawn-up knees and pondered my ability to handle getting back in the game with him. He controlled everything. He was everywhere. He devoured whatever was in his path, and I didn’t want to end up being nothing when he was done with me.
I must have stayed in that spot longer than I realized because when there was a knock on the door it actually hurt to unfold my body from the bent-over and curled-up position. I groaned as my spine snapped and popped when I went to open the door. The pretty redheaded cop was on the other side. I couldn’t say I was that shocked to see her. She was a persistent little thing.
“I made your boss give me your address off your application when he said you didn’t show for your shift. I heard you left the Bar with a guy last night, so I was worried when I heard you missed your shift.”
This was my own fault for using a place where she knew everyone as a pickup spot. I let her into the apartment and offered her something to drink. She was in her uniform, so I wasn’t sure if she was still on the clock or not. She must have been off because she took the beer I held out to her.
“I brought a guy back here with me and realized it was a mistake. I sent him packing and then decided it was time I went home. I like Denver, but this isn’t where I belong.”
She considered me thoughtfully for a second as she sipped on the microbrew. “I think I would be really interested to know where home is for you, Keelyn.” Her gaze dipped to the collar of my T-shirt, which had slipped to the side, showing off my scar. “It doesn’t seem like a very friendly place.”
I adjusted my shirt and grinned at her. “It’s not, but I’m not really a very friendly person, so it works for me. I miss it, and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to forget it.”
She tapped her nails on the glass and lifted an auburn eyebrow at me knowingly. “Can’t forget it, or can’t forget him? You’ve been a different person since that guy came to see you.”
I sighed and gave her a level look. “No. This is who I really am. This is who he came to bring home. The girl that was here before his visit was a fake. I thought I could be her, learn to love her, but now I know I can’t.”
The cop considered me thoughtfully and pointed at the still-raw mark on my forehead with her bottle. “She didn’t have to worry about getting jumped in the parking lot either.”
I barked out a laugh and lifted a couple of fingers to the cut. “I know it sounds crazy, but that’s part of the problem. I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”
Her chocolate-colored eyes popped open wide. “Wow. That’s fast.”
I nodded. “He doesn’t mess around.”
“No. He didn’t look like the type that does.” She finished her beer and walked over to give me a hug. It was so weird. No one hugged in the Point unless they were naked and about to get it on. “Be safe, and I hope wherever you are going and whatever you are chasing makes you happy.”
I hugged her back and followed her to the door. “I don’t know that I’ll ever have happy, but I would settle for content and satisfied.”
She tossed her long hair over her shoulder and gave me a hard look. “If you’re going back to a place that puts bullets in you and to a man that you can’t stay away from, then don’t settle for anything.”
She sounded so fierce and so determined that I found myself agreeing with her. “Okay. I won’t settle, and thank you.”
She frowned at me as she started to pat all her pockets, looking for what I assumed were her keys. “For what?”
I leaned on the doorjamb as she continued to search, and laughed as she did a little victory dance when she fished them out of her back pocket.
“For being normal and for showing me what a regular life with real friends could be like. It’s not something I’ll ever forget.”
Her mouth made a little O of surprise but before she could ask me anything else I closed the door and dug a suitcase out of my closet so I could start packing. The Point might not be normal and life there might not be what a real life looked like to anyone else, but it was mine, and now that I was committed to going back, I could feel the way it called to me. I felt the dirt on my skin. Heard the call of sex and decadence in my ear. Tasted the power and the influence of bad things on my tongue. The shell I had been hiding in shattered and the real me that had been banging angrily at my insides took her place back on top. There was nothing dull or boring about me. I was made to stand out not to blend in, and I was going back to the Point ready to shine.
The city and the man that ran it in the darkness were two things I couldn’t live without and I was done trying to deny myself either of them. They were both a part of me just as much as I was a part of them. Leaving was not something a woman that wrote her own rules and made her own way did when things got tough. No; the woman I was, the woman I spent my life trying to be, needed to shore up her defenses and fight for her place. A place that wasn’t beneath the man in charge but by his side. I didn’t want a spot on the court Nassir played on; I wanted a spot on his team.
