Hope Smolders
Page 14
He’d been brutal to her, had said things that, while he didn’t regret them, probably could have been a little less harsh.
But he was tired of tiptoeing around her, so maybe those things needed to be said. And maybe she was good and mad and had a few things to say back.
Okay, he could take it.
“Come on in and sit down. Sorry the place is such a mess.”
“It’s fine. I didn’t come here to critique your housekeeping.”
He dragged his hands through his hair as he led her into the living room. “Good thing.”
She let out a nervous laugh, then took a seat on his sofa. He sat next to her, wishing he could fold her into his arms and hold her. But since she stared down at her shoes, her hands folded tightly together in her lap, her body language told him she wasn’t in any mood to be held, so he kept his distance.
He had a feeling he was about to get an earful.
He waited.
And waited.
Okay, so maybe she needed a minute to gather her thoughts.
“Are you sure you don’t want something to drink?”
Her gaze lifted to his, and there were tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Will.”
Uh-oh. That sounded like the beginning of a breakup conversation, and he was kind of hoping she would take some time to cool down, that they could still talk things out.
Maybe not. “Sorry for what?”
“For not appreciating what a great guy you are. Since we started…being together, you’ve been there for me, and for the kids. And I’ve done nothing but back away and hold you at a distance, because I was scared.”
Okay, that hadn’t gone like he thought it would. “You don’t have to be sorry about that, Jane. You were protecting yourself and Ryan and Tabitha. I get it. And I was pushy. When I know what I want I’m single-minded about it, and I’ll bully my way into having things my own way. Sometimes I can’t see how that affects other people. It comes from being single for so long.”
She looked at him. “I can see that about you. But that’s hardly a character flaw.”
“It makes me stubborn and bullheaded sometimes. I have to learn to look at the other side of the picture. I’m a single guy and I’ve never been hurt the way you have or the way the kids have. I thought I could just be in your life and it was going to be easy. I should have known better.”
She frowned. “Don’t make excuses for me or let me off the hook so easily.”
He tried not to smile. “Okay, I won’t.”
“I probably fell in love with you when you mowed my lawn, or when you took me out that first night and made the most incredible sweet love to me that anyone ever has. But God, Will, you scared me, because you made me feel things that I thought I’d never feel again. You made me feel secure and cared for and you made me trust in you.”
She took a deep breath and Will grasped her hand. She fought it, but he grabbed it anyway until she let him. “It’s okay to be scared, Jane. I know how much Vic hurt you.”
She nodded, and big fat tears spilled down her cheeks.
“I hate how much he hurt you and the kids. I’d give anything for you to not have that big hole in your heart because of what he did to you.”
“The thing is, I never got to blast him for all that hurt. After he left town, our divorce was handled long-distance. So I never got to tell him to his face how much he hurt me.”
She paused, looked down at her shoes again. He knew he needed to give her time to work through it all in her head, and to get it all out. So he waited.
“So I held it all inside and I stewed. And then you came into my life and gave me the outlet I needed. And I took it out on you. I put all that mistrust on you. I backed away from you and ran away from you. And that’s not fair. Because you never did anything to hurt me or the kids.”
“I’m sorry I let you down.”
She looked at him and gave him a rueful smile. “You never let me down. You’re one of the most honorable men I’ve ever known. You would never intentionally hurt anyone. And you were right in what you said, that there’s no such thing as perfection. I’m not looking for perfection, Will. I was just looking for an opening so I could jump on it, so I could point my finger and say, ‘See? See? It’s going to happen again. I was right not to trust you,’ when in fact, you didn’t do anything wrong at all. It was stupid. I’m stupid.”
He pulled her against him and kissed the top of her head. “You’re not stupid. You were protecting your heart and your children. I love how fierce you are about keeping them safe.”
She pulled back and gazed up at him. “I was afraid to give my heart to you, because I was in love with you. And that gives you the capacity to hurt me.”
Hearing her say the words back to him made his heart squeeze, made his throat go tight with emotion that he’d never felt before. He swallowed. “I’ll make mistakes with you, Jane. I know I will. But I’ll never hurt you. I promise.”
She finally lifted her gaze to his. “I know. I believe you. I believe in you, Will, because I love you.”
His hopes soared. “We can make this work, you know. And we’ll take it slow. We won’t rush things. The kids need to get to know me better.”
She swept her fingers across his jaw. “My kids love you as much as I do.”
He brushed his lips across hers. “We’ll still take it slow, because you all need that. And we have all the time in the world. I’m in no hurry, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Jane sighed and fell into his arms. Will wrapped his arms around her and sealed the deal with a kiss that curled her toes inside her tennis shoes.
She felt foolish for being so reticent, so stupid for hurting him. And he’d been so easily forgiving when she didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve him, but she’d spend as long as it took making it up to him, and proving to him that she could make him happy.
When he finally broke the kiss, she was lying across his lap.
“Do you have to go home?”
She shook her head. “Chelsea said she’d stay the night, because I told her I might be here with you—talking—all night long. Or at least that’s how I hoped it would go.”
His lips curved in that devilish smile that never failed to make her stomach flip. “Well, you can stay the night, Jane, but I don’t think there’s going to be a lot of talking.”
She reached up to pull his head down to hers. “I like the way you think, Will.”
But he was tired of tiptoeing around her, so maybe those things needed to be said. And maybe she was good and mad and had a few things to say back.
Okay, he could take it.
“Come on in and sit down. Sorry the place is such a mess.”
“It’s fine. I didn’t come here to critique your housekeeping.”
He dragged his hands through his hair as he led her into the living room. “Good thing.”
She let out a nervous laugh, then took a seat on his sofa. He sat next to her, wishing he could fold her into his arms and hold her. But since she stared down at her shoes, her hands folded tightly together in her lap, her body language told him she wasn’t in any mood to be held, so he kept his distance.
He had a feeling he was about to get an earful.
He waited.
And waited.
Okay, so maybe she needed a minute to gather her thoughts.
“Are you sure you don’t want something to drink?”
Her gaze lifted to his, and there were tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Will.”
Uh-oh. That sounded like the beginning of a breakup conversation, and he was kind of hoping she would take some time to cool down, that they could still talk things out.
Maybe not. “Sorry for what?”
“For not appreciating what a great guy you are. Since we started…being together, you’ve been there for me, and for the kids. And I’ve done nothing but back away and hold you at a distance, because I was scared.”
Okay, that hadn’t gone like he thought it would. “You don’t have to be sorry about that, Jane. You were protecting yourself and Ryan and Tabitha. I get it. And I was pushy. When I know what I want I’m single-minded about it, and I’ll bully my way into having things my own way. Sometimes I can’t see how that affects other people. It comes from being single for so long.”
She looked at him. “I can see that about you. But that’s hardly a character flaw.”
“It makes me stubborn and bullheaded sometimes. I have to learn to look at the other side of the picture. I’m a single guy and I’ve never been hurt the way you have or the way the kids have. I thought I could just be in your life and it was going to be easy. I should have known better.”
She frowned. “Don’t make excuses for me or let me off the hook so easily.”
He tried not to smile. “Okay, I won’t.”
“I probably fell in love with you when you mowed my lawn, or when you took me out that first night and made the most incredible sweet love to me that anyone ever has. But God, Will, you scared me, because you made me feel things that I thought I’d never feel again. You made me feel secure and cared for and you made me trust in you.”
She took a deep breath and Will grasped her hand. She fought it, but he grabbed it anyway until she let him. “It’s okay to be scared, Jane. I know how much Vic hurt you.”
She nodded, and big fat tears spilled down her cheeks.
“I hate how much he hurt you and the kids. I’d give anything for you to not have that big hole in your heart because of what he did to you.”
“The thing is, I never got to blast him for all that hurt. After he left town, our divorce was handled long-distance. So I never got to tell him to his face how much he hurt me.”
She paused, looked down at her shoes again. He knew he needed to give her time to work through it all in her head, and to get it all out. So he waited.
“So I held it all inside and I stewed. And then you came into my life and gave me the outlet I needed. And I took it out on you. I put all that mistrust on you. I backed away from you and ran away from you. And that’s not fair. Because you never did anything to hurt me or the kids.”
“I’m sorry I let you down.”
She looked at him and gave him a rueful smile. “You never let me down. You’re one of the most honorable men I’ve ever known. You would never intentionally hurt anyone. And you were right in what you said, that there’s no such thing as perfection. I’m not looking for perfection, Will. I was just looking for an opening so I could jump on it, so I could point my finger and say, ‘See? See? It’s going to happen again. I was right not to trust you,’ when in fact, you didn’t do anything wrong at all. It was stupid. I’m stupid.”
He pulled her against him and kissed the top of her head. “You’re not stupid. You were protecting your heart and your children. I love how fierce you are about keeping them safe.”
She pulled back and gazed up at him. “I was afraid to give my heart to you, because I was in love with you. And that gives you the capacity to hurt me.”
Hearing her say the words back to him made his heart squeeze, made his throat go tight with emotion that he’d never felt before. He swallowed. “I’ll make mistakes with you, Jane. I know I will. But I’ll never hurt you. I promise.”
She finally lifted her gaze to his. “I know. I believe you. I believe in you, Will, because I love you.”
His hopes soared. “We can make this work, you know. And we’ll take it slow. We won’t rush things. The kids need to get to know me better.”
She swept her fingers across his jaw. “My kids love you as much as I do.”
He brushed his lips across hers. “We’ll still take it slow, because you all need that. And we have all the time in the world. I’m in no hurry, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Jane sighed and fell into his arms. Will wrapped his arms around her and sealed the deal with a kiss that curled her toes inside her tennis shoes.
She felt foolish for being so reticent, so stupid for hurting him. And he’d been so easily forgiving when she didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve him, but she’d spend as long as it took making it up to him, and proving to him that she could make him happy.
When he finally broke the kiss, she was lying across his lap.
“Do you have to go home?”
She shook her head. “Chelsea said she’d stay the night, because I told her I might be here with you—talking—all night long. Or at least that’s how I hoped it would go.”
His lips curved in that devilish smile that never failed to make her stomach flip. “Well, you can stay the night, Jane, but I don’t think there’s going to be a lot of talking.”
She reached up to pull his head down to hers. “I like the way you think, Will.”
