Iced
Page 47
Embarrassed, I whiz away, snap my mind up tight and focus on the details. I have no clue why I almost touched him. Theres no explanation for my behavior. I think he put some kind of spell on me with his application.
Whats happening at these iced places? Why is it happening? Is some inhumanly cold part of Faery really bleeding through? I understand why Ryodan thinks it is. At each scene, nothing appears to have been taken. I see no common denominators. Nothing was eaten. No one was harmed. Then why did it happen? I consider each of these iced scenes a crime. People are dead. Crimes require motive. I whiz back and forth, trying to discern some inkling of a motive, a hint of a sentient mind behind this. Looking close, for tiny injuries, say from something like needle-thin teeth. Are they drained of bodily fluids certain sick Fae consider tasty? The thought makes me think of a few Fae I should have killed. If I had, everything would be fine between me and Mac. Shed never have known. Still dont know why I didnt. Wasnt like I wanted to get caught.
I see no signs of harm or foul play of any kind.
Then I see her and its an instant heart punch.
Aw, bugger! I say.
I dont mind so much when adults get killed because I know they had a life. They lived. They had their chance. And hopefully they died fighting. But kids well, kids just slay me. They didnt even get to know what a crazy, wonderful, amazing place the world is! They didnt even get to have hardly any adventures.
This one didnt get any adventures at all. She never even got passed the Gee, Im glad I got milk stage.
One of the women is holding a baby girl with a halo of curly red hair just like mine, nestled in the crook of her arm. She has a tiny fist wrapped around her moms finger and is frozen staring up at her mom like shes the most beautiful, magical angel in the world, which is exactly how I felt about mine before everything got so yeah, well. So.
And something nuts happens to me that I dont understand, but Im going to start doing what the rest of the world does and blame everything on my hormones because I used to be the coolest of the cool until I started having periods.
I get all mushy inside like some kind of wimp that buys into those greeting card commercials, and I think about Mom, and even though she did things to me that other people would think were awful, I understand why she kept me in a cage. There werent many choices and she didnt have much money and she wasnt always mean to me. She did it to keep me safe. I never blamed her for keeping me in a cage with a collar.
I just wished shed stop forgetting me.
Like she didnt want to remember me.
Or maybe she wished shed never had me.
But it wasnt always like that with us. I remember feeling crazy-loved. I rememberwhen it was different. I just never could get it back.
And all the sudden theres like this stupid fecking thing so cold at the corner of my eyes on the insides like I tried to cry or something and I dont fecking cry, and it froze the second it started and my head hurts and I reach out and I touch the tiny fist wrapped around her mommys finger and my heart squinches and then I have this horrible pressure in my ears and then something inside me gives with a soft squishing sound, and all the sudden I cant breathe and Im so cold I guess it must be like getting dumped naked in space.
The cold knifes into me, flays me, slays me, glacierizes me.
Cold takes on new meanings and just about when I think I understand it, like its some complex state of being that I could exist inside of, it flips all around on me, and I burn everywhere and Im hot, and Im hot, and Im so fecking unbelievably hot that I start tearing off my clothes and I cant do it fast enough because I feel thick and slow and stupid and I realize somehow Ive dropped back down into slow-mo!
Was it when I touched her? Was that why he told me not to touch anything? Does touching something so cold knock you down from fast-mo? How does he know that, if its true? Did it knock him down once somewhere, is that how he knew? Then why didnt it kill him?
Its too cold down in slow-mo, seriously like outer space.
I try to freeze-frame back up.
I stumble to my knees. I must have waited too long. Maybe the instant I dropped down was too long.
God, the floor is cold! It hurts, it hurts, it hurts! I just thought God. I dont use that word. Do I believe? Have I found faith here, on my knees, now, at the end? That seems kind of hypocritical-like to me. Aint dying a hypocrite. I start to snicker. Im not shivering. Im hot. Im so hot.
Even now I try to absorb more details. Curiosity. Cat dying. May as well. Its a vacuum here. Somethings wrong, somethings missing that I couldnt feel missing in fast-mo but I dont understand what. The stuff around me, the people and everything feel somehow flat, void of an essential ingredient that would give it multidimensionality.
Ry I cant get his name out.
I hear him yelling, but I cant understand the words and it sounds weird. Like hes talking muffled into a pillow.
I try to skinny off my jeans. Need them off. Theyre cold, so cold. Have to get everything off. Its so cold its burning my skin. Hes fighting me, trying to keep them on me. Get out of my way, I try to say but nothing comes out. I need them off. If I can get them off I might be okay.
And all I can think is
Help me! I scream inside my head.
Whats happening at these iced places? Why is it happening? Is some inhumanly cold part of Faery really bleeding through? I understand why Ryodan thinks it is. At each scene, nothing appears to have been taken. I see no common denominators. Nothing was eaten. No one was harmed. Then why did it happen? I consider each of these iced scenes a crime. People are dead. Crimes require motive. I whiz back and forth, trying to discern some inkling of a motive, a hint of a sentient mind behind this. Looking close, for tiny injuries, say from something like needle-thin teeth. Are they drained of bodily fluids certain sick Fae consider tasty? The thought makes me think of a few Fae I should have killed. If I had, everything would be fine between me and Mac. Shed never have known. Still dont know why I didnt. Wasnt like I wanted to get caught.
I see no signs of harm or foul play of any kind.
Then I see her and its an instant heart punch.
Aw, bugger! I say.
I dont mind so much when adults get killed because I know they had a life. They lived. They had their chance. And hopefully they died fighting. But kids well, kids just slay me. They didnt even get to know what a crazy, wonderful, amazing place the world is! They didnt even get to have hardly any adventures.
This one didnt get any adventures at all. She never even got passed the Gee, Im glad I got milk stage.
One of the women is holding a baby girl with a halo of curly red hair just like mine, nestled in the crook of her arm. She has a tiny fist wrapped around her moms finger and is frozen staring up at her mom like shes the most beautiful, magical angel in the world, which is exactly how I felt about mine before everything got so yeah, well. So.
And something nuts happens to me that I dont understand, but Im going to start doing what the rest of the world does and blame everything on my hormones because I used to be the coolest of the cool until I started having periods.
I get all mushy inside like some kind of wimp that buys into those greeting card commercials, and I think about Mom, and even though she did things to me that other people would think were awful, I understand why she kept me in a cage. There werent many choices and she didnt have much money and she wasnt always mean to me. She did it to keep me safe. I never blamed her for keeping me in a cage with a collar.
I just wished shed stop forgetting me.
Like she didnt want to remember me.
Or maybe she wished shed never had me.
But it wasnt always like that with us. I remember feeling crazy-loved. I rememberwhen it was different. I just never could get it back.
And all the sudden theres like this stupid fecking thing so cold at the corner of my eyes on the insides like I tried to cry or something and I dont fecking cry, and it froze the second it started and my head hurts and I reach out and I touch the tiny fist wrapped around her mommys finger and my heart squinches and then I have this horrible pressure in my ears and then something inside me gives with a soft squishing sound, and all the sudden I cant breathe and Im so cold I guess it must be like getting dumped naked in space.
The cold knifes into me, flays me, slays me, glacierizes me.
Cold takes on new meanings and just about when I think I understand it, like its some complex state of being that I could exist inside of, it flips all around on me, and I burn everywhere and Im hot, and Im hot, and Im so fecking unbelievably hot that I start tearing off my clothes and I cant do it fast enough because I feel thick and slow and stupid and I realize somehow Ive dropped back down into slow-mo!
Was it when I touched her? Was that why he told me not to touch anything? Does touching something so cold knock you down from fast-mo? How does he know that, if its true? Did it knock him down once somewhere, is that how he knew? Then why didnt it kill him?
Its too cold down in slow-mo, seriously like outer space.
I try to freeze-frame back up.
I stumble to my knees. I must have waited too long. Maybe the instant I dropped down was too long.
God, the floor is cold! It hurts, it hurts, it hurts! I just thought God. I dont use that word. Do I believe? Have I found faith here, on my knees, now, at the end? That seems kind of hypocritical-like to me. Aint dying a hypocrite. I start to snicker. Im not shivering. Im hot. Im so hot.
Even now I try to absorb more details. Curiosity. Cat dying. May as well. Its a vacuum here. Somethings wrong, somethings missing that I couldnt feel missing in fast-mo but I dont understand what. The stuff around me, the people and everything feel somehow flat, void of an essential ingredient that would give it multidimensionality.
Ry I cant get his name out.
I hear him yelling, but I cant understand the words and it sounds weird. Like hes talking muffled into a pillow.
I try to skinny off my jeans. Need them off. Theyre cold, so cold. Have to get everything off. Its so cold its burning my skin. Hes fighting me, trying to keep them on me. Get out of my way, I try to say but nothing comes out. I need them off. If I can get them off I might be okay.
And all I can think is
Help me! I scream inside my head.
