If I Die
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I used to think death was the worst thing that could happen to a person. I also used to think it was the last thing that could happen. But if Ive learned anything from surrounding myself with reapers, and living nightmares, and my fellow bean sidhes, its this: I was wrong on both counts.
What are you doing here before the warning bell? I asked, sliding into my seat in first period algebra II with four minutes to spare. Isnt that one of the signs of an impending apocalypse?
If so, this is how I want to go out. Emma Marshall sighed, digging the textbook from the bag on her lap. Enjoying the view.
I followed my best friends gaze to the front of the class, where Mr. Beckhired in the wake of Mr. Wesners untimely demisewas writing math problems on the white board with green ink. His numbers were blockish and completely vertical; he had the best handwriting of any teacher at Eastlake. But Emmas focus was several feet below his numbers, where the jeans encouraged by the new Spirit Fridays policy proved that Mr. Beck was much more dedicated to physical fitness than the average high school faculty member.
And I suppose your sudden interest in math is purely academic, right?
Her grin widened as she set the book on her desk, and it fell open to the place marked with a fat, purple-print emery board. I dont know if pure is totally accurate, but I havent figured out how to entirely avoid academia in the school setting. I think the most we can hope for is something pretty to look at, to distract us from the inherent pain of the educational process.
I laughed. Spoken like a true underachiever.
Emma could have been a straight-A student, but she was satisfied coasting by on effortless Bs, except in French and math, the only subjects that didnt seem to come naturally for her. And the hot new math teacher had done nothing to improve her grades. Thanks to the aesthetic distraction, she was less inclined than ever to pay attention to what was written on the board and in the book.
Not that I could blame her. Mr. Beck was undeniably yummy, from his dark, tousled hair to his bright green eyes and the scuffed sneakers he always wore, even with slacks.
Hes only twenty-two, Em said, when she caught me looking. Less than a year out of college. I bet this is his first teaching job.
How do you know that? I asked, as Mr. Beck set his marker down and dug through his desk drawer for something.
Heard it from Danica Sussman. Hes been tutoring her after school, to keep her eligible for softball.
Where is Danica? I asked, on the tail end of the late bell. Shed been out sick for a couple of days, but shed never missed on a game day beforeDanica was supposed to pitch that afternoon.
Still sick, I guess, Em whispered, as Mr. Beck started taking roll. She unfolded a half-blank sheet of notebook paper. Did you do the homework?
Irolled my eyes and pulled out my own work. What happened to your new interest in math?
It doesnt extend to homework.
Kaylee Cavanaugh? Mr. Beck called from the front of the room, and I glanced up, startled, certain wed been caught cheating. But Beck was just standing there with his roll book in hand, waiting for my answer.
Oh. Here, I said, and hed called three more names when the door opened and Danica Sussman stepped into the classroom. She was pale, except for dark patches beneath her eyes, which she hadnt even tried to cover.
Danica, are you okay? Beck asked, as she crossed toward the front of the room, a blue late slip in hand.
Im fine. She handed him the slip, but he balled it up in one fist and dropped it into the trash can next to his desk.
I havent called your name yet, so youre not really late, he said, frowning, like he wasnt convinced by her answer.
Thanks, Mr. B. But when she headed toward her desk, Danica had one hand pressed to her stomach, her face scrunched up in obvious pain.
Halfway through class, as Emma scrambled to finish her homework without ever taking her focus from Mr. Becks face, a familiar, sharp pain began to scratch at the back of my throat.
No! My heart beat so hard I practically shook in my chair. It couldnt be happening again. Not at school. Not just six weeks after the loss of three teachers in a two-day span. My winter had felt like a series of deaths connected only by my advanced knowledge of them. Id been hoping for a spring reprieve. But a bean sidhes wail is never wrong. When someone near me is about to die, an overwhelming urge to screamto cry out to his soulconsumes me. And the scream clawing its way up my throat at that very moment could only mean one thing.
I clenched my teeth so tight my jaws ached, denying the scream an exit. My hands gripped the sides of my desk, muscles so tense I accidentally pulled it back an inch, and Emma glanced up when she heard it squeal on the dingy linoleum tile.
She took one look at my face and frowned. Again? she mouthed, and when I could only nod, her frown deepened. Emma had seen me resist screaming for someones soul often enough to recognize the symptoms. At first it had freaked her out, and a large part of me wished it still did. I didnt like how accustomed she was becoming to the cocoon of death that seemed to surround me.
Yet there were definite advantages to having a best friend in the know. Like the fact that she didnt panic as she watched my gaze travel over my classmates, waiting for the dark aura to materialize around someone and show me who was about to die. But I saw no aura, and the scream remained a steady, painful pressure at the back of my throatfairly easily stoppered, since I knew what I was doingas if the soon-to-be-deceased and I werent actually in the same room. That thought made me relax enough that I raised my hand to be excused.
I used to think death was the worst thing that could happen to a person. I also used to think it was the last thing that could happen. But if Ive learned anything from surrounding myself with reapers, and living nightmares, and my fellow bean sidhes, its this: I was wrong on both counts.
What are you doing here before the warning bell? I asked, sliding into my seat in first period algebra II with four minutes to spare. Isnt that one of the signs of an impending apocalypse?
If so, this is how I want to go out. Emma Marshall sighed, digging the textbook from the bag on her lap. Enjoying the view.
I followed my best friends gaze to the front of the class, where Mr. Beckhired in the wake of Mr. Wesners untimely demisewas writing math problems on the white board with green ink. His numbers were blockish and completely vertical; he had the best handwriting of any teacher at Eastlake. But Emmas focus was several feet below his numbers, where the jeans encouraged by the new Spirit Fridays policy proved that Mr. Beck was much more dedicated to physical fitness than the average high school faculty member.
And I suppose your sudden interest in math is purely academic, right?
Her grin widened as she set the book on her desk, and it fell open to the place marked with a fat, purple-print emery board. I dont know if pure is totally accurate, but I havent figured out how to entirely avoid academia in the school setting. I think the most we can hope for is something pretty to look at, to distract us from the inherent pain of the educational process.
I laughed. Spoken like a true underachiever.
Emma could have been a straight-A student, but she was satisfied coasting by on effortless Bs, except in French and math, the only subjects that didnt seem to come naturally for her. And the hot new math teacher had done nothing to improve her grades. Thanks to the aesthetic distraction, she was less inclined than ever to pay attention to what was written on the board and in the book.
Not that I could blame her. Mr. Beck was undeniably yummy, from his dark, tousled hair to his bright green eyes and the scuffed sneakers he always wore, even with slacks.
Hes only twenty-two, Em said, when she caught me looking. Less than a year out of college. I bet this is his first teaching job.
How do you know that? I asked, as Mr. Beck set his marker down and dug through his desk drawer for something.
Heard it from Danica Sussman. Hes been tutoring her after school, to keep her eligible for softball.
Where is Danica? I asked, on the tail end of the late bell. Shed been out sick for a couple of days, but shed never missed on a game day beforeDanica was supposed to pitch that afternoon.
Still sick, I guess, Em whispered, as Mr. Beck started taking roll. She unfolded a half-blank sheet of notebook paper. Did you do the homework?
Irolled my eyes and pulled out my own work. What happened to your new interest in math?
It doesnt extend to homework.
Kaylee Cavanaugh? Mr. Beck called from the front of the room, and I glanced up, startled, certain wed been caught cheating. But Beck was just standing there with his roll book in hand, waiting for my answer.
Oh. Here, I said, and hed called three more names when the door opened and Danica Sussman stepped into the classroom. She was pale, except for dark patches beneath her eyes, which she hadnt even tried to cover.
Danica, are you okay? Beck asked, as she crossed toward the front of the room, a blue late slip in hand.
Im fine. She handed him the slip, but he balled it up in one fist and dropped it into the trash can next to his desk.
I havent called your name yet, so youre not really late, he said, frowning, like he wasnt convinced by her answer.
Thanks, Mr. B. But when she headed toward her desk, Danica had one hand pressed to her stomach, her face scrunched up in obvious pain.
Halfway through class, as Emma scrambled to finish her homework without ever taking her focus from Mr. Becks face, a familiar, sharp pain began to scratch at the back of my throat.
No! My heart beat so hard I practically shook in my chair. It couldnt be happening again. Not at school. Not just six weeks after the loss of three teachers in a two-day span. My winter had felt like a series of deaths connected only by my advanced knowledge of them. Id been hoping for a spring reprieve. But a bean sidhes wail is never wrong. When someone near me is about to die, an overwhelming urge to screamto cry out to his soulconsumes me. And the scream clawing its way up my throat at that very moment could only mean one thing.
I clenched my teeth so tight my jaws ached, denying the scream an exit. My hands gripped the sides of my desk, muscles so tense I accidentally pulled it back an inch, and Emma glanced up when she heard it squeal on the dingy linoleum tile.
She took one look at my face and frowned. Again? she mouthed, and when I could only nod, her frown deepened. Emma had seen me resist screaming for someones soul often enough to recognize the symptoms. At first it had freaked her out, and a large part of me wished it still did. I didnt like how accustomed she was becoming to the cocoon of death that seemed to surround me.
Yet there were definite advantages to having a best friend in the know. Like the fact that she didnt panic as she watched my gaze travel over my classmates, waiting for the dark aura to materialize around someone and show me who was about to die. But I saw no aura, and the scream remained a steady, painful pressure at the back of my throatfairly easily stoppered, since I knew what I was doingas if the soon-to-be-deceased and I werent actually in the same room. That thought made me relax enough that I raised my hand to be excused.
