If I Die
Page 44
Because she doesnt believe she is living, I said, and Lydia nodded. But its more than that. Its the baby, I insisted, flashes of Danicas miscarriage connecting the two girls in my mind. Farrah would have lost her baby early, just like Danica did, if not for you. How far along is she now?
The nurses say shes twenty-eight weeks. Why? Lydia asked, her focus shifting between me and Tod. Whats wrong with the baby? And whos Danica?
Shes a senior at my school. I think her baby and Farrahs baby had the same father. And I was really starting to wish Id printed the faculty picture of Mr. Allan.
Wait a minute I turned to Tod, acutely aware that wed now been holding hands for at least twenty minutes. Does your phone get internet? Mine didnt.
He nodded, already digging it from his pocket with his free hand. I splurgedI dont have many bills. He handed it over, and it took me a minute to find the site I wanted, typing with only my left thumb.
Farrah, I said, when Id found the faculty images on the Crestwood website. She didnt even look up, so I tugged Tod closer so I could kneel by her bed again. Farrah, is this your babys father? I zoomed in on Allans face and held the phone in front of her book. Farrah tried to shove my hand out of her way, but I just pushed back. Look at him! Is this him? I demanded, and finally she looked.
And her brown eyes watered. David, she whispered, and my short thrill of triumph was swallowed by anger on her behalf.
Its him. I stood, already turning back to Tod, but Farrah grabbed my hand, holding the phone firmly in front of her face.
Who is he? Lydia asked, while I stood hunched over, so Farrah could get another look.
I dont know his real name. I dropped onto my knees again to get more comfortable. But hes an incubus in heat. He taught at Farrahs school just long enough to get her pregnant, and now hes at my school. And since Danica just miscarried his demon seed, Im pretty sure hes set his sights on my best friend. But Im not sure why, since Farrahs pregnancy seems to be progressing in spite ofeverything.
Insurance, Tod said, kneeling next to me. Most human women cant carry an incubus baby to term, so hes increasing his chances of a successful harvest by planting as many seeds as he can.
My rage knew no limits. And with each one, hes damaging a teenage girl, or abandoning his own newborn daughter, or both at once, with no guarantee that hes even spawning a son.
My babys a boy, Farrah insisted, still staring at Tods phone, and my arm was starting to cramp from holding it out. Not a real boy,though.
What, was she carrying Pinocchio?
Did the doctor tell you that? I asked, gently pulling the phone from her grip. I stood and handed Tods cell back to him, and her gaze followed it until it disappeared into his pocket. But then she went back to her book, dismissing us as unreal once again.
Shes right, Tod said. She wouldnt be in here if she was carrying a girl. Girls are born human, from normal pregnancies. Boys are incubi, and if the pregnancy doesnt kill the baby, it usually kills the mother slowly, both body and mind. He shrugged when I just stared at him. I thought you knew that.
I didnt. And I was starting to think that ignorance was at least somewhere in the neighborhood of bliss because the more I knew, the angrier I got.
Me, neither, Lydia said, and after a long, awkward moment of silence, I looked up at Tod.
Well, I guess I have what I came for, I mumbled, trying to swallow the sick feeling I got every time I looked at Farrah, knowing what was going to happen to both her and her baby.
Wait, youre leaving? Lydia stood, eyes wide in panic. Take me with you, she insisted, when I stared at her in surprise. Or at least get me out of here.
I glanced at Tod, but he only shrugged. Your call.
Why was it my call? Lydia, I cant. What about your parents?
They put me in here. Please, Kaylee. She stood, eyeing me desperately. Im a syphon. Do you know what that means?
I shook my head, fairly certain she wasnt offering to steal gas for my car in exchange for orchestrating her escape from a mental institution. Cause that would becrazy.
I take things from other people. Anything. My body has an innate need to maintain balance between what Im feeling and whats being experienced around me, and when theres an imbalance, I get the urge to take some of whatever theres too much of, to even things out. Ive spent my whole life fighting that need for balance to keep from poisoning myself with other peoples problems, and this is where it landed me. She spread her arms to take in all of Lakeside.
I could certainly sympathize.
I took your pain, and Ive been taking some of Farrahs illness, she continued, as sympathy for her swelled inside me. I can syphon some things on purpose, to help, like I did with you, but I dont always have a choice. When theres too much, resisting it is like trying to swim with your hands tied. I cant do it. She grabbed my free hand and held on tight, like I could somehow pull her above that brutal tide. Farrahs going to die, and if Im still here when that happens, shell drag me down with her.
The nurses say shes twenty-eight weeks. Why? Lydia asked, her focus shifting between me and Tod. Whats wrong with the baby? And whos Danica?
Shes a senior at my school. I think her baby and Farrahs baby had the same father. And I was really starting to wish Id printed the faculty picture of Mr. Allan.
Wait a minute I turned to Tod, acutely aware that wed now been holding hands for at least twenty minutes. Does your phone get internet? Mine didnt.
He nodded, already digging it from his pocket with his free hand. I splurgedI dont have many bills. He handed it over, and it took me a minute to find the site I wanted, typing with only my left thumb.
Farrah, I said, when Id found the faculty images on the Crestwood website. She didnt even look up, so I tugged Tod closer so I could kneel by her bed again. Farrah, is this your babys father? I zoomed in on Allans face and held the phone in front of her book. Farrah tried to shove my hand out of her way, but I just pushed back. Look at him! Is this him? I demanded, and finally she looked.
And her brown eyes watered. David, she whispered, and my short thrill of triumph was swallowed by anger on her behalf.
Its him. I stood, already turning back to Tod, but Farrah grabbed my hand, holding the phone firmly in front of her face.
Who is he? Lydia asked, while I stood hunched over, so Farrah could get another look.
I dont know his real name. I dropped onto my knees again to get more comfortable. But hes an incubus in heat. He taught at Farrahs school just long enough to get her pregnant, and now hes at my school. And since Danica just miscarried his demon seed, Im pretty sure hes set his sights on my best friend. But Im not sure why, since Farrahs pregnancy seems to be progressing in spite ofeverything.
Insurance, Tod said, kneeling next to me. Most human women cant carry an incubus baby to term, so hes increasing his chances of a successful harvest by planting as many seeds as he can.
My rage knew no limits. And with each one, hes damaging a teenage girl, or abandoning his own newborn daughter, or both at once, with no guarantee that hes even spawning a son.
My babys a boy, Farrah insisted, still staring at Tods phone, and my arm was starting to cramp from holding it out. Not a real boy,though.
What, was she carrying Pinocchio?
Did the doctor tell you that? I asked, gently pulling the phone from her grip. I stood and handed Tods cell back to him, and her gaze followed it until it disappeared into his pocket. But then she went back to her book, dismissing us as unreal once again.
Shes right, Tod said. She wouldnt be in here if she was carrying a girl. Girls are born human, from normal pregnancies. Boys are incubi, and if the pregnancy doesnt kill the baby, it usually kills the mother slowly, both body and mind. He shrugged when I just stared at him. I thought you knew that.
I didnt. And I was starting to think that ignorance was at least somewhere in the neighborhood of bliss because the more I knew, the angrier I got.
Me, neither, Lydia said, and after a long, awkward moment of silence, I looked up at Tod.
Well, I guess I have what I came for, I mumbled, trying to swallow the sick feeling I got every time I looked at Farrah, knowing what was going to happen to both her and her baby.
Wait, youre leaving? Lydia stood, eyes wide in panic. Take me with you, she insisted, when I stared at her in surprise. Or at least get me out of here.
I glanced at Tod, but he only shrugged. Your call.
Why was it my call? Lydia, I cant. What about your parents?
They put me in here. Please, Kaylee. She stood, eyeing me desperately. Im a syphon. Do you know what that means?
I shook my head, fairly certain she wasnt offering to steal gas for my car in exchange for orchestrating her escape from a mental institution. Cause that would becrazy.
I take things from other people. Anything. My body has an innate need to maintain balance between what Im feeling and whats being experienced around me, and when theres an imbalance, I get the urge to take some of whatever theres too much of, to even things out. Ive spent my whole life fighting that need for balance to keep from poisoning myself with other peoples problems, and this is where it landed me. She spread her arms to take in all of Lakeside.
I could certainly sympathize.
I took your pain, and Ive been taking some of Farrahs illness, she continued, as sympathy for her swelled inside me. I can syphon some things on purpose, to help, like I did with you, but I dont always have a choice. When theres too much, resisting it is like trying to swim with your hands tied. I cant do it. She grabbed my free hand and held on tight, like I could somehow pull her above that brutal tide. Farrahs going to die, and if Im still here when that happens, shell drag me down with her.
