If I Die
Page 84
What if that wasnt enough to do the trick? I whispered, made bold by the blatant need churning in his eyes. What if I were persistently bad?
That might require a stronger approach. He leaned toward me and dropped a series of tiny, hot kisses down my neck, headed for my collarbone. I reached up with my free hand to feel his hairthe curls were so softand his left hand found the slight curve of my hip, fingers pressing into my skin beneath the hem of my shirt, like they wanted more than they could possibly find there.
I dont think this is fixing your little problem, I whispered, as his hand wandered slowly over my waist and toward my ribs, over my shirt now.
Tod straightened and gave me a frown. You should be careful, tossing descriptors like that around in a situation like this. My problem isnt little. Unless youre drawing some pretty wild comparisons. Please tell me youre not drawing wild comparisons. Or blood-relative comparisons.
Nope. No comparisons. Thats one limb of your family tree Im not going out on. Are you comparing me to Addison?
To Addy? Hell no. Genna, maybe he teased, and I frowned, though I had no idea who that was.
So how do I stack up? I asked, not sure I really wanted to know.
Kaylee, you burn so bright that everyone else looks dim in comparison. Youre all I see, and all I want to see, and I would be happy if this moment never ended. If I could spend the rest of my afterlife doing this
He leaned down again and started a new trail of kisses beginning at the hollow beneath my jaw, his hands flat against my lower back, like he couldnt touch enough of me, even if wed had nothing but time.
We spent the rest of the day on my couch, ignoring a succession of movies in favor of each other, holding back my fear of death and incubi with the feel of him. With the stories he told and the questions he asked.
Hours later, someone knocked on my front door, and I came up for air long enough to glance at the time on my cell phone. Almost 3:00 p.m.
School was out, and that was probably Emma at the door, and I knew I should go answer it. But I wanted one more kiss. One more minute for just me and Tod, and this moment wed stolen from eternity.
One more minute, then I would do the right thing. The mature thing. I would start learning how to let it all go.
I thought Sabine wanted in on this, Emma said, helping herself to a cold soda from my fridge. Shed come over after school expecting our game plan powwow to include all four members of the Eastlake super league, but Sabine and Nash were, obviously, still MIA, and Tod had gone to check on them. And maybe to cool off again. Dont tell me shes mad at you. She ought to be thanking you for finally giving her whatshe wanted.
Its not that simple, I said, then decided I didnt want to spend any of what little time I had left rehashing that mornings catastrophe. Heres the short version. Nash fell off the wagonhardand Sabines babysitting him.
What wagon? She popped the top on her can and sipped from it.
Hes on frost again, Em. And Nash-on-frost was very different from sober-Nash.
Ohh Emma dropped into one of the kitchen chairs and pulled one knee up to her chest. No doubt she was remembering Doug, her boyfriend and one of Nashs best friends, whod died of a frost overdose in December. Is this because you broke up with him?
No, Tod said, appearing beside me out of nowhere, and that time I didnt even jump. Hes upset because she broke up with him, but he got high because hes an addict. He makes his own choices.
Okaaay But Em looked unconvinced, and I couldnt quite quash the remnants of my own guilt.
Tod took my hand, his fingers winding around mine, and my chest tightened. Everything between us was new and shiny, a thrill that would never fade, thanks to my own imminent death, and the excitement was compounded by the fact that we were about to go fight evil togetherlike a one-up mushroom for our entire relationship. Yet Tod looked grim, even for a reaper. Why didnt you tell me what he did to you?
Crap. Sabine must have told him.
What did he do? Em sat up straight, eyeing us both expectantly.
Because I knew youd blame yourself? I said, throwing his own words back at him, but all I got was a deeper frown.
What happened to no secrets?
I didnt tell you because I didnt want to talk about it. I was mad, and humiliated, and I just wanted to forget about it.
Kaylee, you didnt do anything wrong. Sabine knows it. I know it. Nashll know it, once hes thinking straight. His hand tightened around mine. You have no reason to be embarrassed.
What did he do? Em repeated, losing patience now.
If I were stronger, I could have resisted. Sabine can resist him.
Sabine can just unleash his own fear on him and make him back down. You cant.
What the hell did Nash do? Em demanded, standing to get our attention.
He tried to use his Influence to make her go somewhere private with him. Alone. So he could Influence her into taking him back.
That son of a bitch! Em looked like she wanted to punch him, too, only maybe lower than Sabine had aimed.
That might require a stronger approach. He leaned toward me and dropped a series of tiny, hot kisses down my neck, headed for my collarbone. I reached up with my free hand to feel his hairthe curls were so softand his left hand found the slight curve of my hip, fingers pressing into my skin beneath the hem of my shirt, like they wanted more than they could possibly find there.
I dont think this is fixing your little problem, I whispered, as his hand wandered slowly over my waist and toward my ribs, over my shirt now.
Tod straightened and gave me a frown. You should be careful, tossing descriptors like that around in a situation like this. My problem isnt little. Unless youre drawing some pretty wild comparisons. Please tell me youre not drawing wild comparisons. Or blood-relative comparisons.
Nope. No comparisons. Thats one limb of your family tree Im not going out on. Are you comparing me to Addison?
To Addy? Hell no. Genna, maybe he teased, and I frowned, though I had no idea who that was.
So how do I stack up? I asked, not sure I really wanted to know.
Kaylee, you burn so bright that everyone else looks dim in comparison. Youre all I see, and all I want to see, and I would be happy if this moment never ended. If I could spend the rest of my afterlife doing this
He leaned down again and started a new trail of kisses beginning at the hollow beneath my jaw, his hands flat against my lower back, like he couldnt touch enough of me, even if wed had nothing but time.
We spent the rest of the day on my couch, ignoring a succession of movies in favor of each other, holding back my fear of death and incubi with the feel of him. With the stories he told and the questions he asked.
Hours later, someone knocked on my front door, and I came up for air long enough to glance at the time on my cell phone. Almost 3:00 p.m.
School was out, and that was probably Emma at the door, and I knew I should go answer it. But I wanted one more kiss. One more minute for just me and Tod, and this moment wed stolen from eternity.
One more minute, then I would do the right thing. The mature thing. I would start learning how to let it all go.
I thought Sabine wanted in on this, Emma said, helping herself to a cold soda from my fridge. Shed come over after school expecting our game plan powwow to include all four members of the Eastlake super league, but Sabine and Nash were, obviously, still MIA, and Tod had gone to check on them. And maybe to cool off again. Dont tell me shes mad at you. She ought to be thanking you for finally giving her whatshe wanted.
Its not that simple, I said, then decided I didnt want to spend any of what little time I had left rehashing that mornings catastrophe. Heres the short version. Nash fell off the wagonhardand Sabines babysitting him.
What wagon? She popped the top on her can and sipped from it.
Hes on frost again, Em. And Nash-on-frost was very different from sober-Nash.
Ohh Emma dropped into one of the kitchen chairs and pulled one knee up to her chest. No doubt she was remembering Doug, her boyfriend and one of Nashs best friends, whod died of a frost overdose in December. Is this because you broke up with him?
No, Tod said, appearing beside me out of nowhere, and that time I didnt even jump. Hes upset because she broke up with him, but he got high because hes an addict. He makes his own choices.
Okaaay But Em looked unconvinced, and I couldnt quite quash the remnants of my own guilt.
Tod took my hand, his fingers winding around mine, and my chest tightened. Everything between us was new and shiny, a thrill that would never fade, thanks to my own imminent death, and the excitement was compounded by the fact that we were about to go fight evil togetherlike a one-up mushroom for our entire relationship. Yet Tod looked grim, even for a reaper. Why didnt you tell me what he did to you?
Crap. Sabine must have told him.
What did he do? Em sat up straight, eyeing us both expectantly.
Because I knew youd blame yourself? I said, throwing his own words back at him, but all I got was a deeper frown.
What happened to no secrets?
I didnt tell you because I didnt want to talk about it. I was mad, and humiliated, and I just wanted to forget about it.
Kaylee, you didnt do anything wrong. Sabine knows it. I know it. Nashll know it, once hes thinking straight. His hand tightened around mine. You have no reason to be embarrassed.
What did he do? Em repeated, losing patience now.
If I were stronger, I could have resisted. Sabine can resist him.
Sabine can just unleash his own fear on him and make him back down. You cant.
What the hell did Nash do? Em demanded, standing to get our attention.
He tried to use his Influence to make her go somewhere private with him. Alone. So he could Influence her into taking him back.
That son of a bitch! Em looked like she wanted to punch him, too, only maybe lower than Sabine had aimed.
