If I Lie
Page 60
Mr. Breen did not want to make this call, I realize. Did not want to speak to me.
My heart sinks. I wait, and Mr. Breen does not disappoint me.
“He asked me to give you a message.”
“Did he?” I ask. It’s so obvious Mr. Breen thinks he’s passing along a message to his son’s cheating ex, and it makes me physically sick. Carey’s back, but he’s still keeping secrets.
“He said to tell you he can’t do what you asked. Maybe someday, but not now.”
Anger sweeps through me, burning everything in its path, but it puffs out suddenly in a smoke-ridden cloud of grief. My best friend has let me down. He’s let his family, my family, and all our friends think the worst of me. Perhaps it’s expecting too much of him to admit the truth right now, after everything he’s been through. And yet . . . it kills me that his father must think I’ve asked Carey to forgive my cheating ways. Condemnation rings in his voice, and I can’t swallow any more shame.
Suddenly I am done. I have nothing left to give Carey. He’s taken everything. All my self-respect and pride. Him, Blake, my parents. The only person who didn’t steal a piece of me is dead.
“Mr. Breen,” I say, “will you tell him something for me?”
His silence is angry, but he grunts in assent.
“Tell Carey . . . tell him I said not to bother.”
“Excuse me?” he says, confused.
“I really hope he gets well, Mr. Breen. I can’t imagine what he’s been through these past months. I know he’s a hero, and I’m so proud of him for that.” I can’t believe I’m saying my second good-bye in as many weeks. “But he’s let me down. And I can’t . . .” I break on a sob, one of those hiccupping ones that dissolves into a series of sighs.
“Quinn?” Mr. Breen asks, and finally there is an ounce of concern in his voice. Too little, too late.
I take a deep breath. “My name is Sophie.”
With shaking fingers, I hang up the phone, covering my face as I cry.
Down the hall, my father closes the door to his study.
Chapter Thirty-One
It’s June now, and I’m leaving Sweethaven.
There’s nothing left for me here, and I feel like I will never be able to make a fresh start in this town. I will always be Sophie Topper Quinn, the slut who cheated on our hero. So between school and my work at the hospital, I pack my life into boxes and crates that will go to my mother’s.
Sweethaven High has come alive, buzzing with news of Carey coming stateside. Mrs. Breen takes a leave of absence to move to Bethesda so she can be near him at the hospital in Maryland where he will make his recovery. I am happy for him. Happy he’s pulling through and happy his mother will have her son back.
But I am not happy.
I’d always thought school would end with a bang. An explosion of trashed homework, fond memories, and signed yearbooks. Instead, I’ve regained my magical powers of invisibility. With Carey found, I’m no longer important.
I am merely a blip in his primetime 20/20 story—the part before he became a hero.
* * *
On the last day of school, I clean out my locker, piling my few belongings into my bag. I’ve never left much in the locker, for fear that Jamie would destroy everything, so it doesn’t take long. I snap the door shut one last time, and my hand lingers on the marks scratched into the surface. Mr. Dupree had done his best to paint over the words, but I can still make them out.
TRAITOR.
WHORE.
I wish the words didn’t hurt. The best I can say is that I no longer believe they are true.
“Hey, Q.”
Angel stands behind me when I turn. At some point in the past weeks, she’s gone back to her brunette color. It looks better on her than the cool blond she’s worn all year.
“Hey, Ang.”
“I bet you’re glad to get out of here,” she says, nodding at my locker.
I shrug.
“I heard you’re moving to live with your mom.”
So they are still talking about me. The only people I’ve told are my parents. But then, I’ve had to buy boxes and supplies to pack my things. And I guess I should have expected gossip to fly with my mother popping up around town. She’s determined to be part of my life, and she doesn’t care who knows it.
“Yeah,” I say.
“Well . . .”
Angel’s reaching for something to say. Maybe she wants me to excuse how she treated me, or how she let the others treat me. Then again, I’ve seen her with Blake lately and maybe the two of them are together now and she suspects something about us. She could just want to bridge the gaping hole in our friendship. Whatever she wants, I’m not the person to give it to her anymore.
I’m moving on.
I zip up my bag, toss it over my shoulder, and give my locker one last, hard look.
“Q?” she asks, when I walk away.
“Good-bye, Ang,” I say. “Take care of yourself.”
And I leave her and this whole miserable place behind.
* * *
Graduation moves me more than I thought it would.
Not because getting my diploma feels like being handed the key to the cell I’ve been locked in; it’s only a little of that. Mostly I’m freaked out by my father, mother, and Uncle Eddy sitting out with the families in the crowd. They do not sit near each other—that would cause hell to freeze over—but they’re in the same town and the same gymnasium.
My heart sinks. I wait, and Mr. Breen does not disappoint me.
“He asked me to give you a message.”
“Did he?” I ask. It’s so obvious Mr. Breen thinks he’s passing along a message to his son’s cheating ex, and it makes me physically sick. Carey’s back, but he’s still keeping secrets.
“He said to tell you he can’t do what you asked. Maybe someday, but not now.”
Anger sweeps through me, burning everything in its path, but it puffs out suddenly in a smoke-ridden cloud of grief. My best friend has let me down. He’s let his family, my family, and all our friends think the worst of me. Perhaps it’s expecting too much of him to admit the truth right now, after everything he’s been through. And yet . . . it kills me that his father must think I’ve asked Carey to forgive my cheating ways. Condemnation rings in his voice, and I can’t swallow any more shame.
Suddenly I am done. I have nothing left to give Carey. He’s taken everything. All my self-respect and pride. Him, Blake, my parents. The only person who didn’t steal a piece of me is dead.
“Mr. Breen,” I say, “will you tell him something for me?”
His silence is angry, but he grunts in assent.
“Tell Carey . . . tell him I said not to bother.”
“Excuse me?” he says, confused.
“I really hope he gets well, Mr. Breen. I can’t imagine what he’s been through these past months. I know he’s a hero, and I’m so proud of him for that.” I can’t believe I’m saying my second good-bye in as many weeks. “But he’s let me down. And I can’t . . .” I break on a sob, one of those hiccupping ones that dissolves into a series of sighs.
“Quinn?” Mr. Breen asks, and finally there is an ounce of concern in his voice. Too little, too late.
I take a deep breath. “My name is Sophie.”
With shaking fingers, I hang up the phone, covering my face as I cry.
Down the hall, my father closes the door to his study.
Chapter Thirty-One
It’s June now, and I’m leaving Sweethaven.
There’s nothing left for me here, and I feel like I will never be able to make a fresh start in this town. I will always be Sophie Topper Quinn, the slut who cheated on our hero. So between school and my work at the hospital, I pack my life into boxes and crates that will go to my mother’s.
Sweethaven High has come alive, buzzing with news of Carey coming stateside. Mrs. Breen takes a leave of absence to move to Bethesda so she can be near him at the hospital in Maryland where he will make his recovery. I am happy for him. Happy he’s pulling through and happy his mother will have her son back.
But I am not happy.
I’d always thought school would end with a bang. An explosion of trashed homework, fond memories, and signed yearbooks. Instead, I’ve regained my magical powers of invisibility. With Carey found, I’m no longer important.
I am merely a blip in his primetime 20/20 story—the part before he became a hero.
* * *
On the last day of school, I clean out my locker, piling my few belongings into my bag. I’ve never left much in the locker, for fear that Jamie would destroy everything, so it doesn’t take long. I snap the door shut one last time, and my hand lingers on the marks scratched into the surface. Mr. Dupree had done his best to paint over the words, but I can still make them out.
TRAITOR.
WHORE.
I wish the words didn’t hurt. The best I can say is that I no longer believe they are true.
“Hey, Q.”
Angel stands behind me when I turn. At some point in the past weeks, she’s gone back to her brunette color. It looks better on her than the cool blond she’s worn all year.
“Hey, Ang.”
“I bet you’re glad to get out of here,” she says, nodding at my locker.
I shrug.
“I heard you’re moving to live with your mom.”
So they are still talking about me. The only people I’ve told are my parents. But then, I’ve had to buy boxes and supplies to pack my things. And I guess I should have expected gossip to fly with my mother popping up around town. She’s determined to be part of my life, and she doesn’t care who knows it.
“Yeah,” I say.
“Well . . .”
Angel’s reaching for something to say. Maybe she wants me to excuse how she treated me, or how she let the others treat me. Then again, I’ve seen her with Blake lately and maybe the two of them are together now and she suspects something about us. She could just want to bridge the gaping hole in our friendship. Whatever she wants, I’m not the person to give it to her anymore.
I’m moving on.
I zip up my bag, toss it over my shoulder, and give my locker one last, hard look.
“Q?” she asks, when I walk away.
“Good-bye, Ang,” I say. “Take care of yourself.”
And I leave her and this whole miserable place behind.
* * *
Graduation moves me more than I thought it would.
Not because getting my diploma feels like being handed the key to the cell I’ve been locked in; it’s only a little of that. Mostly I’m freaked out by my father, mother, and Uncle Eddy sitting out with the families in the crowd. They do not sit near each other—that would cause hell to freeze over—but they’re in the same town and the same gymnasium.
