If You Were Mine
Page 60
Zach pulled the puppy tighter with one hand as he reached for the box with the other. His hand shook as he flipped open the top and his throat tightened.
“It’s your engagement ring.” The ring she’d worn for so many years after his father died. The ring he still could see on her finger as if it were yesterday, as if she hadn’t finally taken it off ten or so years ago. “You need to keep it.”
“No honey, I’ve had it just as long as I needed. The ring is yours now.”
He shook his head. “I don’t—” He was going to cry. Already was, actually. “I can’t—”
She sat down on the bed and patted the coverlet beside her. “After your father died, I would look at you and it was like he was still there. Eating dinner with all of us. Playing ball in the background. Twirling the girls around in circles until they were dizzy.”
Everyone who’d ever known their father had said that to him at one point or another. “You’re the spitting image of Jack.” He’d felt how broken they were over his father’s death. How wistful at a life ended much too soon.
That was when he’d taken to trying to outrun the demons that chased him, but he hadn’t succeeded. Not when he’d known all along that there was no separation between him and his father, because they were one and the same.
Something broke apart inside of him. “You always looked so sad. So damned sad.”
“I know.” Her voice broke. “I know and I’m sorry. Even rattled with grief, I knew it wasn’t fair. I know that you weren’t him.” She reached for his hands, gripped them tightly. “You are not your father.”
“He was a saint.” Whereas Zach had never been anything close to one.
“Your father wasn’t a saint.”
“He was. A great father to eight kids. A wife he loved. The only thing he ever did wrong was die too early.”
He was stunned when his mother started laughing. “Your father couldn’t have given a leap about love and marriage and kids when we first met.”
Zach couldn’t believe that what he was hearing was true, but he’d never known his mother to lie.
“I loved him from the start, of course. He was impossible not to love, but that didn’t mean I had to put up with him. The first time he tried to give me this ring, I threw it at him.” Her eyes went hazy at the memory as she lifted her hand to her left eyebrow. “I clipped him right here, hard enough that he needed stitches. So, no, he definitely wasn’t a saint. Not even close.” His mother’s gaze locked on Zach’s. “But I loved him. And in the end that meant I was willing to give him the room to grow into loving me the way I needed to be loved. Despite everything he did wrong along the way. I know how close you were with your dad,” she said softly. “He loved all of your brothers and sisters, but you were always so special to him. I know how special he was to you, too, honey. But what happened to him—” She searched for the right words. “It didn’t have anything to do with you. It still doesn’t, Zach. He helped make you who you were, but only you can decide who you want to be...and what you want from your life.”
No one had ever said those words to Zach before.
Because he hadn’t let them.
Heather had shared every last secret with him, but he’d withheld his. And now she thought he didn’t love her, when the truth was that he loved her with everything he had.
“He left you with no warning.” Zach fought for the words to explain something that been so clear to him since he was seven years old, but was suddenly growing fuzzy. “I can’t do that to her.”
“Do you think knowing your dad was going to die would have changed the way I felt about him? Do you think I would have stopped myself from loving him?” She didn’t wait for his answer before saying, “If anything, I would have been absolutely furious with him for thinking he needed to protect me from my own feelings. To have missed out on the years we had together would have been far worse than losing him too early.”
Everything Zach had ever thought to be true shifted around inside of him as he looked down at the ring in his hand.
He’d had everything he could have ever wanted in Heather. A lover. A best friend. A partner who wasn’t afraid to give him the kick in the ass he often—usually—needed.
Hadn’t he known from the start that she was different?
And that a love as sweet as hers was something you held on to, no matter what?
Unless, of course, you happened to be the world’s biggest fool.
He closed the box with a snap before shoving it into the pocket of his jeans. “Thanks for the ring, Mom.”
“You’re welcome, honey.” His mother gave him another hug. “Something tells me it’s going to fit her perfectly.”
Chapter Thirty-two
Heather waved the colorful rope at Atlas, but his ears barely perked up even though they were in the middle of the park and it was a beautiful day.
“You need to snap out of it.” She put the rope down and sat on the grass beside her Great Dane. “Your whole world doesn’t begin and end with Cuddles.” At the sound of the puppy’s name, he raised his dark eyebrows with hope. “No, she isn’t coming here today.”
No doubt, Cuddles was at Mary Sullivan’s house for Chase and Chloe’s baby shower. Lori had called and left a message with the invitation, but Heather could only imagine how awkward it would be for everyone if she attended the family party.
When Atlas sadly lowered his big head back onto his paws, she said, “Don’t you remember, you were a perfectly fine dog before her? You’re going to be okay. It will just take a little time, that’s all. Time heals everything. That’s what everyone always says.”
She stroked his soft fur as she looked out at the other people in the park. All happy couples, of course.
Refusing to acknowledge the pain zinging through her, the same way she’d been working to ignore the hollow ache in the center of her chest all week, she told Atlas, “You still have me. I still have you. We don’t need anybody else. And just because those were the greatest two weeks of our lives, doesn’t mean anything. We’re going to be awesome again, just you and me.”
She really did suck at lying. Just like Zach had pointed out that first night in her office when he’d brought her pizza and she’d already wanted him—and liked him—more than she should.
“It’s your engagement ring.” The ring she’d worn for so many years after his father died. The ring he still could see on her finger as if it were yesterday, as if she hadn’t finally taken it off ten or so years ago. “You need to keep it.”
“No honey, I’ve had it just as long as I needed. The ring is yours now.”
He shook his head. “I don’t—” He was going to cry. Already was, actually. “I can’t—”
She sat down on the bed and patted the coverlet beside her. “After your father died, I would look at you and it was like he was still there. Eating dinner with all of us. Playing ball in the background. Twirling the girls around in circles until they were dizzy.”
Everyone who’d ever known their father had said that to him at one point or another. “You’re the spitting image of Jack.” He’d felt how broken they were over his father’s death. How wistful at a life ended much too soon.
That was when he’d taken to trying to outrun the demons that chased him, but he hadn’t succeeded. Not when he’d known all along that there was no separation between him and his father, because they were one and the same.
Something broke apart inside of him. “You always looked so sad. So damned sad.”
“I know.” Her voice broke. “I know and I’m sorry. Even rattled with grief, I knew it wasn’t fair. I know that you weren’t him.” She reached for his hands, gripped them tightly. “You are not your father.”
“He was a saint.” Whereas Zach had never been anything close to one.
“Your father wasn’t a saint.”
“He was. A great father to eight kids. A wife he loved. The only thing he ever did wrong was die too early.”
He was stunned when his mother started laughing. “Your father couldn’t have given a leap about love and marriage and kids when we first met.”
Zach couldn’t believe that what he was hearing was true, but he’d never known his mother to lie.
“I loved him from the start, of course. He was impossible not to love, but that didn’t mean I had to put up with him. The first time he tried to give me this ring, I threw it at him.” Her eyes went hazy at the memory as she lifted her hand to her left eyebrow. “I clipped him right here, hard enough that he needed stitches. So, no, he definitely wasn’t a saint. Not even close.” His mother’s gaze locked on Zach’s. “But I loved him. And in the end that meant I was willing to give him the room to grow into loving me the way I needed to be loved. Despite everything he did wrong along the way. I know how close you were with your dad,” she said softly. “He loved all of your brothers and sisters, but you were always so special to him. I know how special he was to you, too, honey. But what happened to him—” She searched for the right words. “It didn’t have anything to do with you. It still doesn’t, Zach. He helped make you who you were, but only you can decide who you want to be...and what you want from your life.”
No one had ever said those words to Zach before.
Because he hadn’t let them.
Heather had shared every last secret with him, but he’d withheld his. And now she thought he didn’t love her, when the truth was that he loved her with everything he had.
“He left you with no warning.” Zach fought for the words to explain something that been so clear to him since he was seven years old, but was suddenly growing fuzzy. “I can’t do that to her.”
“Do you think knowing your dad was going to die would have changed the way I felt about him? Do you think I would have stopped myself from loving him?” She didn’t wait for his answer before saying, “If anything, I would have been absolutely furious with him for thinking he needed to protect me from my own feelings. To have missed out on the years we had together would have been far worse than losing him too early.”
Everything Zach had ever thought to be true shifted around inside of him as he looked down at the ring in his hand.
He’d had everything he could have ever wanted in Heather. A lover. A best friend. A partner who wasn’t afraid to give him the kick in the ass he often—usually—needed.
Hadn’t he known from the start that she was different?
And that a love as sweet as hers was something you held on to, no matter what?
Unless, of course, you happened to be the world’s biggest fool.
He closed the box with a snap before shoving it into the pocket of his jeans. “Thanks for the ring, Mom.”
“You’re welcome, honey.” His mother gave him another hug. “Something tells me it’s going to fit her perfectly.”
Chapter Thirty-two
Heather waved the colorful rope at Atlas, but his ears barely perked up even though they were in the middle of the park and it was a beautiful day.
“You need to snap out of it.” She put the rope down and sat on the grass beside her Great Dane. “Your whole world doesn’t begin and end with Cuddles.” At the sound of the puppy’s name, he raised his dark eyebrows with hope. “No, she isn’t coming here today.”
No doubt, Cuddles was at Mary Sullivan’s house for Chase and Chloe’s baby shower. Lori had called and left a message with the invitation, but Heather could only imagine how awkward it would be for everyone if she attended the family party.
When Atlas sadly lowered his big head back onto his paws, she said, “Don’t you remember, you were a perfectly fine dog before her? You’re going to be okay. It will just take a little time, that’s all. Time heals everything. That’s what everyone always says.”
She stroked his soft fur as she looked out at the other people in the park. All happy couples, of course.
Refusing to acknowledge the pain zinging through her, the same way she’d been working to ignore the hollow ache in the center of her chest all week, she told Atlas, “You still have me. I still have you. We don’t need anybody else. And just because those were the greatest two weeks of our lives, doesn’t mean anything. We’re going to be awesome again, just you and me.”
She really did suck at lying. Just like Zach had pointed out that first night in her office when he’d brought her pizza and she’d already wanted him—and liked him—more than she should.
