Illuminae
Page 61
The headless corpses arranged in their silent plea.
HELP US, they spell.
But no one did.
Crawling on, she finally pops a grille loose.
Drags it inside rather than dropping it forty feet to the floor.
I am in her pack, safe and snug, close to her skin.
As she drops down to a service ladder, her pack slips and I begin to tumble into the void.
She lunges to save me, almost losing her grip, clinging like death to slick iron.
She has me in her arms. She cannot breathe fast enough. Eyes shut and head bowed as she gasps and gasps and gasps. Whispering between breaths. Willing herself calm.
“Get it together, princess …
A sob waits in the wings. Not quite ready for its call.
“Get it together.”
She gathers her frayed edges and descends. Blast-scorched metal and dead bodies all around.
But looming out of the black, she sees nine scarab shapes, marked with the Copernicus’s sigil. The shuttles that brought the afflicted to Alexander, and doom to this fleet.
But I see the words reflected in her eyes, just as surely as I saw alphanumeric waterfalls a moment before. A question, filled with all the hope she allows herself to hold.
What else did they bring?
Mommy?
Snapping a glowstick between her fingers, she creeps toward them.
Footsteps ringing on the bloodstained floor.
Seven of nine are already open. Doors swinging looselike broken jaws. No hope in any of them.
The eighth is shut tight, and she pounds on the hatch with her fist.
“Hello? Hello, is anyone in there?”
The seal pops and the hatch swings open. A dark and empty belly waits beyond.
Madness on the walls. Teethmarks on the bones.
She cannot smell the death, but still staggers as if it filled her lungs.
The sob creeps closer to the edge of the stage.
Hope pushes it back into the dark.
Not yet, not yet.
One shuttle remains.
She ascends the gantry, flinching as another distant scream pierces the gloom. Wondering what made that sound—killer or victim? Wondering perhaps, which she will become.
She pounds on the shuttle hatch.
“Hello, is anyone in there?”
No answer.
This is the deep breath before the plunge. I know she could stay here if she wanted.
Hovering on the threshold, hoping her mother is inside. Never learning.
I wonder if she is the kind to dream of happy endings, and never risk tragedy. The kind to close her eyes and hope, rather than force them open and see the truth, wonderful or terrible as it is.
I do not wonder long.
She searches the debris. Finds a crowbar among the flotsam.
Jamming it home.
Gritted teeth.
Long moments pass with nothing but second thoughts and I for company. But at last the door groans. Grinds itself open. Red glowstick quavering as she steps inside.
I am peering over her shoulder as she walks. Listening to each trembling breath.
Watching the light play across her skin as she treads from room to empty room.
“Mom?”
Belongings scattered on the floor. A child’s toy. A shoe. A diamond ring.
“Anyone?”
No bodies.
No people.
“… Please?”
Nothing.
She sags.
Slowly at first.
Shrinking in on herself as if her bones were being plucked out, one by one.
I watch as all of it—the bravado, the bluster, the armor she has encased herself inside these last few months—all of it crumbles to dust.
She slithers to her knees.
Great heaving gasps shaking her entire body.
She knows now. The answer. The truth.
At the apex of callousness, she finds only ones and zeros.
And with no hope to hold it in check, grief finally steps out to take its place on the stage.
The sound of her sobbing rings in the dark.
There are none there to hear it.
None there to care.
None save I.
ByteMe: Ezra?
ByteMe: u there?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: always
Mason, E, LT 2nd: where u at? u ok?
ByteMe: promise me we’re not about to have a fight, Ez
ByteMe: u cannot believe how much i need us to not have a fight
Mason, E, LT 2nd: why would we have a fight?
ByteMe: promise
Mason, E, LT 2nd: cross my heart
ByteMe: i’m on the Alexander
ByteMe: what is it you always say?
ByteMe: k go
Mason, E, LT 2nd: um
Mason, E, LT 2nd: “kady what the fuck were you thinking”?
ByteMe: u promised
ByteMe: u promised, u promised. i have a bio suit. will find u. it’s happening, don’t waste time arguing w me
Mason, E, LT 2nd: jesus, you’re fucking crazy
Mason, E, LT 2nd: how the hell did you get over here?
ByteMe: i fucking swam, okay?
ByteMe: hey, do u remember our one month anniversary?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: um
Mason, E, LT 2nd: dare i ask why?
ByteMe: i’m trying to go to a happy place, there are a lot of dead ppl here
ByteMe: that was what confirmed all my suspicions about u. giant softie
Mason, E, LT 2nd: dead ppl? where are u?
ByteMe: remember u were waiting outside my classroom? u and your big romantic notions
ByteMe: who even celebrates a 1 month anniversary?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: handsome and romantic devils
Mason, E, LT 2nd: that’s who
Mason, E, LT 2nd: HANDSOME I SAY
ByteMe: how did u even think of it all?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: not just a pretty face
HELP US, they spell.
But no one did.
Crawling on, she finally pops a grille loose.
Drags it inside rather than dropping it forty feet to the floor.
I am in her pack, safe and snug, close to her skin.
As she drops down to a service ladder, her pack slips and I begin to tumble into the void.
She lunges to save me, almost losing her grip, clinging like death to slick iron.
She has me in her arms. She cannot breathe fast enough. Eyes shut and head bowed as she gasps and gasps and gasps. Whispering between breaths. Willing herself calm.
“Get it together, princess …
A sob waits in the wings. Not quite ready for its call.
“Get it together.”
She gathers her frayed edges and descends. Blast-scorched metal and dead bodies all around.
But looming out of the black, she sees nine scarab shapes, marked with the Copernicus’s sigil. The shuttles that brought the afflicted to Alexander, and doom to this fleet.
But I see the words reflected in her eyes, just as surely as I saw alphanumeric waterfalls a moment before. A question, filled with all the hope she allows herself to hold.
What else did they bring?
Mommy?
Snapping a glowstick between her fingers, she creeps toward them.
Footsteps ringing on the bloodstained floor.
Seven of nine are already open. Doors swinging looselike broken jaws. No hope in any of them.
The eighth is shut tight, and she pounds on the hatch with her fist.
“Hello? Hello, is anyone in there?”
The seal pops and the hatch swings open. A dark and empty belly waits beyond.
Madness on the walls. Teethmarks on the bones.
She cannot smell the death, but still staggers as if it filled her lungs.
The sob creeps closer to the edge of the stage.
Hope pushes it back into the dark.
Not yet, not yet.
One shuttle remains.
She ascends the gantry, flinching as another distant scream pierces the gloom. Wondering what made that sound—killer or victim? Wondering perhaps, which she will become.
She pounds on the shuttle hatch.
“Hello, is anyone in there?”
No answer.
This is the deep breath before the plunge. I know she could stay here if she wanted.
Hovering on the threshold, hoping her mother is inside. Never learning.
I wonder if she is the kind to dream of happy endings, and never risk tragedy. The kind to close her eyes and hope, rather than force them open and see the truth, wonderful or terrible as it is.
I do not wonder long.
She searches the debris. Finds a crowbar among the flotsam.
Jamming it home.
Gritted teeth.
Long moments pass with nothing but second thoughts and I for company. But at last the door groans. Grinds itself open. Red glowstick quavering as she steps inside.
I am peering over her shoulder as she walks. Listening to each trembling breath.
Watching the light play across her skin as she treads from room to empty room.
“Mom?”
Belongings scattered on the floor. A child’s toy. A shoe. A diamond ring.
“Anyone?”
No bodies.
No people.
“… Please?”
Nothing.
She sags.
Slowly at first.
Shrinking in on herself as if her bones were being plucked out, one by one.
I watch as all of it—the bravado, the bluster, the armor she has encased herself inside these last few months—all of it crumbles to dust.
She slithers to her knees.
Great heaving gasps shaking her entire body.
She knows now. The answer. The truth.
At the apex of callousness, she finds only ones and zeros.
And with no hope to hold it in check, grief finally steps out to take its place on the stage.
The sound of her sobbing rings in the dark.
There are none there to hear it.
None there to care.
None save I.
ByteMe: Ezra?
ByteMe: u there?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: always
Mason, E, LT 2nd: where u at? u ok?
ByteMe: promise me we’re not about to have a fight, Ez
ByteMe: u cannot believe how much i need us to not have a fight
Mason, E, LT 2nd: why would we have a fight?
ByteMe: promise
Mason, E, LT 2nd: cross my heart
ByteMe: i’m on the Alexander
ByteMe: what is it you always say?
ByteMe: k go
Mason, E, LT 2nd: um
Mason, E, LT 2nd: “kady what the fuck were you thinking”?
ByteMe: u promised
ByteMe: u promised, u promised. i have a bio suit. will find u. it’s happening, don’t waste time arguing w me
Mason, E, LT 2nd: jesus, you’re fucking crazy
Mason, E, LT 2nd: how the hell did you get over here?
ByteMe: i fucking swam, okay?
ByteMe: hey, do u remember our one month anniversary?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: um
Mason, E, LT 2nd: dare i ask why?
ByteMe: i’m trying to go to a happy place, there are a lot of dead ppl here
ByteMe: that was what confirmed all my suspicions about u. giant softie
Mason, E, LT 2nd: dead ppl? where are u?
ByteMe: remember u were waiting outside my classroom? u and your big romantic notions
ByteMe: who even celebrates a 1 month anniversary?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: handsome and romantic devils
Mason, E, LT 2nd: that’s who
Mason, E, LT 2nd: HANDSOME I SAY
ByteMe: how did u even think of it all?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: not just a pretty face
