Illusive
Page 47
He was silent for a beat. When he spoke, I knew deep in my bones that he had first-hand experience with what he said. “Hate is a double-edged sword, baby. Sometimes it’s all you’ve got and all you’re capable of feeling. Sometimes it gets you through when nothing else can. When you think you’ll go fucking crazy from what you’re going through, you need something – anything – to grip onto and believe in…just to get you through to that next level of feeling. But it’s not a good place to be for too long. It’ll eat you up and rip your soul out if you hold onto it for any length of time. At some point you need to find a way to move past it, into an acceptance of sorts. You need to accept that the person will never be who you need them to be - and that’s on them, not you. Acceptance doesn’t mean you accept what they gave you…you never have to do that.”
His words worked their way into my heart and I knew they would help me. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even next month, but at some point they would be like a switch lighting up my darkness and leading the way for me to move past the feelings that didn’t serve me.
I pressed my lips to his and kissed him.
Slow and deep.
I loved that he gave the same back to me. He didn’t push for anything else; he simply let me lead the way, and after last night, I knew that was out of character for him. And that meant so much to me.
I felt special.
He made me feel special.
20
Griff
Sophia’s bed was empty when I woke and goddamn if that didn’t force me out of bed faster than I’d ever left one before. I found her sitting outside on her back patio in the morning sun, sipping coffee and staring into space.
She turned when she heard me. “Morning, handsome.” Her smile lit her face, replacing the tears that had marred it yesterday. That smile could light a million dreams a man could ever dream.
I bent to place a kiss on the top of her head. ‘Morning, beautiful.”
Pointing towards the kitchen, she said, “There’s coffee, help yourself.”
“You want another one?” I asked as my gaze roamed over her. She wore the skimpy shorts and tee pyjamas that she wore to bed last night. Those pyjamas drove me wild all night as I slept next to her. Every time my hand made contact with them, I had to rein in the overwhelming desire to rip them off. Last night hadn’t been about sex; it had been about Sophia trying to come to terms with the encounter she’d had with her mother. My need for her had to come second to that. If there was anything I understood in life, it was being fucked up by a parent.
“No, I’m already on my second,” she answered and I left her to go and make coffee.
The day stretched ahead of me, half planned already. Nash had given me the information on the drug deal going down today that Ricky had assured us was a Storm deal. Scott, J, Nash and I would check it out and see if any Storm members were involved.
“I’m sorry about last night,” Sophia said softly from behind me.
I turned and frowned. “I told you that you never need to apologise.”
“No, not for that…for, you know…oh, God…well, when a man starts seeing a woman, it’s all about the sex, right? And we had the most amazing sex the other night, and then the next day, I dump all that stuff on you about my mum, and you take it like a champion, and you stay the night, rather than running a mile like a lot of guys would. And you never even attempt to have sex with me, but I’m guessing it’s on your mind – I mean, it’s on my mind so it’s gotta be on your mind – but, damn, you’re not like any guy I’ve ever slept with, because all those guys would not have done what you did yesterday.” She took a breath and her eyes widened. “Oh, my goodness, that makes me sound like I’ve slept with a lot of guys, but I haven’t...well, I’m no prude, but I’m certainly no slut. I can count on two hands - ”
I closed the distance between us and placed a finger to her lips. Fuck, she was cute when she rambled like this, but there was no way in hell I wanted to hear the number she was about to tell me. I didn’t need to be thinking of another man with his hands on her skin. “Sweetheart, I don’t want to ever hear an apology for not having sex with me fall out of your mouth again. And no, this isn’t just about the sex for me. If you haven’t worked that out yet, I need to do some serious work on my end of this relationship. But I will admit that you, and your body, and the sin you’re capable of leading a man into are always on my mind.”
She gazed up at me with a look that took my breath away for a moment. I’d never had a woman look at me that way, as if all their suns could rise and set with me. And fuck if I didn’t like that. She opened her mouth to say something, but then snapped it shut. After a moment of silence, she smiled and said, “You don’t need to do any work on your end. I’m hearing you loud and clear; we’re on the same page. And tonight, I’ve got some temptation to lead you into.”
Fuck.
“Baby, you’ve already led me. I’m burning in the flames of hell because of the sins I want to commit with you.”
Her smile grew and she brushed her lips across mine in a kiss. And then she deepened that kiss until my dick bulged in my jeans and I thought I would explode with need.
Pulling my lips from hers, I rested my forehead against hers, and said, “As much as I’d love to finish that, I have to get to work. And a quick fuck won’t satisfy the need I have for you today. It would leave me just as frustrated as I feel now.”
His words worked their way into my heart and I knew they would help me. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even next month, but at some point they would be like a switch lighting up my darkness and leading the way for me to move past the feelings that didn’t serve me.
I pressed my lips to his and kissed him.
Slow and deep.
I loved that he gave the same back to me. He didn’t push for anything else; he simply let me lead the way, and after last night, I knew that was out of character for him. And that meant so much to me.
I felt special.
He made me feel special.
20
Griff
Sophia’s bed was empty when I woke and goddamn if that didn’t force me out of bed faster than I’d ever left one before. I found her sitting outside on her back patio in the morning sun, sipping coffee and staring into space.
She turned when she heard me. “Morning, handsome.” Her smile lit her face, replacing the tears that had marred it yesterday. That smile could light a million dreams a man could ever dream.
I bent to place a kiss on the top of her head. ‘Morning, beautiful.”
Pointing towards the kitchen, she said, “There’s coffee, help yourself.”
“You want another one?” I asked as my gaze roamed over her. She wore the skimpy shorts and tee pyjamas that she wore to bed last night. Those pyjamas drove me wild all night as I slept next to her. Every time my hand made contact with them, I had to rein in the overwhelming desire to rip them off. Last night hadn’t been about sex; it had been about Sophia trying to come to terms with the encounter she’d had with her mother. My need for her had to come second to that. If there was anything I understood in life, it was being fucked up by a parent.
“No, I’m already on my second,” she answered and I left her to go and make coffee.
The day stretched ahead of me, half planned already. Nash had given me the information on the drug deal going down today that Ricky had assured us was a Storm deal. Scott, J, Nash and I would check it out and see if any Storm members were involved.
“I’m sorry about last night,” Sophia said softly from behind me.
I turned and frowned. “I told you that you never need to apologise.”
“No, not for that…for, you know…oh, God…well, when a man starts seeing a woman, it’s all about the sex, right? And we had the most amazing sex the other night, and then the next day, I dump all that stuff on you about my mum, and you take it like a champion, and you stay the night, rather than running a mile like a lot of guys would. And you never even attempt to have sex with me, but I’m guessing it’s on your mind – I mean, it’s on my mind so it’s gotta be on your mind – but, damn, you’re not like any guy I’ve ever slept with, because all those guys would not have done what you did yesterday.” She took a breath and her eyes widened. “Oh, my goodness, that makes me sound like I’ve slept with a lot of guys, but I haven’t...well, I’m no prude, but I’m certainly no slut. I can count on two hands - ”
I closed the distance between us and placed a finger to her lips. Fuck, she was cute when she rambled like this, but there was no way in hell I wanted to hear the number she was about to tell me. I didn’t need to be thinking of another man with his hands on her skin. “Sweetheart, I don’t want to ever hear an apology for not having sex with me fall out of your mouth again. And no, this isn’t just about the sex for me. If you haven’t worked that out yet, I need to do some serious work on my end of this relationship. But I will admit that you, and your body, and the sin you’re capable of leading a man into are always on my mind.”
She gazed up at me with a look that took my breath away for a moment. I’d never had a woman look at me that way, as if all their suns could rise and set with me. And fuck if I didn’t like that. She opened her mouth to say something, but then snapped it shut. After a moment of silence, she smiled and said, “You don’t need to do any work on your end. I’m hearing you loud and clear; we’re on the same page. And tonight, I’ve got some temptation to lead you into.”
Fuck.
“Baby, you’ve already led me. I’m burning in the flames of hell because of the sins I want to commit with you.”
Her smile grew and she brushed her lips across mine in a kiss. And then she deepened that kiss until my dick bulged in my jeans and I thought I would explode with need.
Pulling my lips from hers, I rested my forehead against hers, and said, “As much as I’d love to finish that, I have to get to work. And a quick fuck won’t satisfy the need I have for you today. It would leave me just as frustrated as I feel now.”
