Illusive
Page 57
Staring at me, he said, “Clearly the child wasn’t mine, and here I am four years later, childless and still pissed off.” He shoved his fingers through his hair again. “Fuck!”
I moved closer to him and touched his cheek. “You obviously wanted the child to be yours?”
“I did, even though the relationship with the mother was fucked up. I had always wanted children.”
“You don’t want them anymore?”
“Fuck if I know. The thought of bringing children into this world and subjecting them to the hurt that people will inflict on them…that doesn’t make me want to have children.”
“I understand that…God, do I understand that, but, Griff, there’s so much love to be had, too.”
He didn’t reply to that straight away. Rather, he let it settle for a moment. And then he shared another piece of himself with me, and it broke my heart. “My grandfather used to beat the shit out of my father when he was a kid. And then my father beat my brother and me when we were kids. He did take to my mother occasionally, too, but mostly he focused his anger on us. I grew up surrounded by violence, and violence lives in me, Sophia. I’m not sure I know how to love enough to have a child.” Eyes full of anguish and torment stared at me as he bared that piece of his soul.
I wasn’t sure what he needed to hear from me in this moment, so I just went with the words in my heart. “I’ve seen a little piece of your violent side, but I’ve seen far more of your caring side, too, and let me tell you, the care and kindness you’ve shown me so far is more than anyone in my life has ever shown me. You might have a gruff way of expressing yourself, and it’s clear you hold yourself back from most people, but none of that means you’re incapable of giving love. You have love to give…I mean, look at the way you love Josie. Love isn’t grand gestures and fancy declarations; it’s getting your hands dirty, and being there, and opening yourself up for the people you love…and letting them give all of that back to you. It’s about being honest and handling their hearts with the amount of care you want yours handled with.” I pressed my finger into his chest. “And you do all of that. I hardly know you, but even I can see that you do all of that and more.”
He sucked in a breath. “How the fuck…” He didn’t finish his sentence, seemingly lost in his thoughts.
“How the fuck, what?” I asked, dragging his attention back to me.
His hand cupped my cheek, and when he spoke, his voice was ragged. “How the fuck was I given you? Out of all the men available, you were led to me…you could do so much better, Sophia, and yet, I can’t bring myself to give you up. I never wanted another woman after Charlene burnt me, but hell, I want you more than I want my next fucking breath.”
I leaned closer to him. “You seriously underestimate yourself, handsome. And for the record, I don’t want you to give me up so just get that thought out of your mind if it ever enters it.”
His lips crashed down onto mine, and he stole my breath with a kiss that felt like he’d put all his emotions into. We were a tangle of arms, legs and bodies pressed hard against each other, hands all over each other, and mouths desperately seeking what we were both looking for in our lives – love.
When he pulled away from me, almost breathless, and eyes crazy with desire, he growled, “I need you in your bedroom, naked and kneeling beside your bed, waiting for me.”
As he said the words, his hands moved to my t-shirt, and he pulled it over my head, and discarded it on the floor. His eyes shifted to my breasts as he undid my bra and removed it, too. And then his gaze moved lower as his fingers deftly undid my shorts and slid them down. He helped me step out of them before dropping them on the floor. I watched his face as his fingers slipped inside my panties and he removed them. I loved watching his eyes flare with desire for me, and tonight it was clear how turned on he was. My own desire sizzled through me like a heat that only he could cool.
He brought his eyes back to mine, and rasped, “Go.”
I did as he said, and a few minutes later, I kneeled naked next to my bed, waiting with anticipation for what he would do to me. When he entered the room, my pulse quickened at the sight of his powerful body. He was in the middle of taking his t-shirt off as he walked through the door, and my eyes were drawn to his broad, muscular chest.
He dropped his shirt on the floor and flicked his jeans button to undo them. A moment later, the rest of his clothes fell to the floor, and he came to me, naked and ready. He held something in his hand, but I couldn’t work out what it was. A ball, perhaps.
I faced the bed, and he stood behind me, and placed his hand on the top of my head. He ran his hand gently down my long hair, and then gathered it all into his hand in a ponytail. Pulling gently, he tilted my head back to look up at him and asked, “Do you know what this is, Sophia?” He held the ball up for me to look at.
I shook my head. “No.”
Heat flashed in his eyes as if my answer had pleased him greatly. “I’m going to put this inside you. It has a bead in it that moves when you move.” He crouched and dipped his face to mine so he could speak close to my ear. “I am going to make you move so fucking much that this little ball is going to get you so goddamn wet that my dick will slide through you without even fucking trying.”
My breath caught, and my core went into the kind of meltdown a girl has when she feels like all her Christmases have come at once and she can’t believe her good fortune.
I moved closer to him and touched his cheek. “You obviously wanted the child to be yours?”
“I did, even though the relationship with the mother was fucked up. I had always wanted children.”
“You don’t want them anymore?”
“Fuck if I know. The thought of bringing children into this world and subjecting them to the hurt that people will inflict on them…that doesn’t make me want to have children.”
“I understand that…God, do I understand that, but, Griff, there’s so much love to be had, too.”
He didn’t reply to that straight away. Rather, he let it settle for a moment. And then he shared another piece of himself with me, and it broke my heart. “My grandfather used to beat the shit out of my father when he was a kid. And then my father beat my brother and me when we were kids. He did take to my mother occasionally, too, but mostly he focused his anger on us. I grew up surrounded by violence, and violence lives in me, Sophia. I’m not sure I know how to love enough to have a child.” Eyes full of anguish and torment stared at me as he bared that piece of his soul.
I wasn’t sure what he needed to hear from me in this moment, so I just went with the words in my heart. “I’ve seen a little piece of your violent side, but I’ve seen far more of your caring side, too, and let me tell you, the care and kindness you’ve shown me so far is more than anyone in my life has ever shown me. You might have a gruff way of expressing yourself, and it’s clear you hold yourself back from most people, but none of that means you’re incapable of giving love. You have love to give…I mean, look at the way you love Josie. Love isn’t grand gestures and fancy declarations; it’s getting your hands dirty, and being there, and opening yourself up for the people you love…and letting them give all of that back to you. It’s about being honest and handling their hearts with the amount of care you want yours handled with.” I pressed my finger into his chest. “And you do all of that. I hardly know you, but even I can see that you do all of that and more.”
He sucked in a breath. “How the fuck…” He didn’t finish his sentence, seemingly lost in his thoughts.
“How the fuck, what?” I asked, dragging his attention back to me.
His hand cupped my cheek, and when he spoke, his voice was ragged. “How the fuck was I given you? Out of all the men available, you were led to me…you could do so much better, Sophia, and yet, I can’t bring myself to give you up. I never wanted another woman after Charlene burnt me, but hell, I want you more than I want my next fucking breath.”
I leaned closer to him. “You seriously underestimate yourself, handsome. And for the record, I don’t want you to give me up so just get that thought out of your mind if it ever enters it.”
His lips crashed down onto mine, and he stole my breath with a kiss that felt like he’d put all his emotions into. We were a tangle of arms, legs and bodies pressed hard against each other, hands all over each other, and mouths desperately seeking what we were both looking for in our lives – love.
When he pulled away from me, almost breathless, and eyes crazy with desire, he growled, “I need you in your bedroom, naked and kneeling beside your bed, waiting for me.”
As he said the words, his hands moved to my t-shirt, and he pulled it over my head, and discarded it on the floor. His eyes shifted to my breasts as he undid my bra and removed it, too. And then his gaze moved lower as his fingers deftly undid my shorts and slid them down. He helped me step out of them before dropping them on the floor. I watched his face as his fingers slipped inside my panties and he removed them. I loved watching his eyes flare with desire for me, and tonight it was clear how turned on he was. My own desire sizzled through me like a heat that only he could cool.
He brought his eyes back to mine, and rasped, “Go.”
I did as he said, and a few minutes later, I kneeled naked next to my bed, waiting with anticipation for what he would do to me. When he entered the room, my pulse quickened at the sight of his powerful body. He was in the middle of taking his t-shirt off as he walked through the door, and my eyes were drawn to his broad, muscular chest.
He dropped his shirt on the floor and flicked his jeans button to undo them. A moment later, the rest of his clothes fell to the floor, and he came to me, naked and ready. He held something in his hand, but I couldn’t work out what it was. A ball, perhaps.
I faced the bed, and he stood behind me, and placed his hand on the top of my head. He ran his hand gently down my long hair, and then gathered it all into his hand in a ponytail. Pulling gently, he tilted my head back to look up at him and asked, “Do you know what this is, Sophia?” He held the ball up for me to look at.
I shook my head. “No.”
Heat flashed in his eyes as if my answer had pleased him greatly. “I’m going to put this inside you. It has a bead in it that moves when you move.” He crouched and dipped his face to mine so he could speak close to my ear. “I am going to make you move so fucking much that this little ball is going to get you so goddamn wet that my dick will slide through you without even fucking trying.”
My breath caught, and my core went into the kind of meltdown a girl has when she feels like all her Christmases have come at once and she can’t believe her good fortune.
