In the Crease
Page 85
Without opening his eyes, he said, “Then ask.”
“Have you been back? To check and see if you still can’t have kids?”
That made him open his eyes. He stared at the wall above her head, and his heart stopped dead cold in his chest as his eyes started to blur. “No, I haven’t.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to know. I sort of gave up on it.”
She looked up at him, her brows pulled together. “You? Give up?”
He shrugged, his heart hurting. “I figured that if it were meant to be, it would happen. Plus, I already felt like a loser, not even a man, so I didn’t want to make that any worse.”
Her eyes softened as she cupped his face with one hand. “Oh, Jenny.”
“It’s fine. Really.”
“It’s not, though. I can see that,” she whispered, her lips brushing his chin. “But that doesn’t make you a man, Jensen. I mean, it does because that’s how babies come. But when I look at you, I don’t see that you’re a man by your ability to father children. I see that you’re a man by your ability to give love.”
He met her gaze, and his heart picked up in speed. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, and you love hard.”
“Eh, that’s only for you.”
She gave him a look. “No, you love everyone, you care for everyone, and you’d do anything for anyone.”
He inhaled deeply. “While that’s true, the only person who truly matters, and whom I care so much for in the hopes of making them fall in love with me, is you. Only you, Wren.”
Her eyes dilated a bit as she leaned into him. “It’s working.”
His eyebrows rose. “It is?”
“Yeah, all of it. It’s working.”
His heart jumped up in his throat from the tone of her voice and the fear in it. “That’s a good thing, Wren.”
“It would be if I could stop being an asshole and let it happen and not worry about it all coming down like a decaying sack of crap.”
He blinked. “That is a vivid image.”
“My mind is something insane.”
“I know,” he answered, kissing her cheek. “And I love it. All of it.”
She shook her head. “You shouldn’t. You should run.”
“Never,” he answered, kissing her once more. “You’re mine, Wren Monroe.”
Her lips curved as she pressed her nose to him, her eyes playful but still full of concern. Concern he wished like hell he could ease. Wasn’t he doing that, though? He did everything he thought she needed. What more could he do? Pressing her lips to his, she whispered, “Which means you’re mine, Jensen Monroe.”
He nodded. “Completely.”
They shared a sweet smile as she glided her nose along his. “I want to be like you. Completely in.”
“You aren’t?”
She bit her lip, unsure of herself. “I don’t know.” While it hurt, he was thankful she was honest. “I don’t want you to leave me. Every time I fall for someone, they’re gone before I can say it.”
“Well,” he said, capturing her mouth with his for a long, drawn-out kiss he knew they both wanted and needed. As she melted into him, he held her close before pulling away only slightly. “I know for a fact that if you told me you loved me right now, I wouldn’t run. I’d be right here, telling you right back that I loved you too. You can try it. Like a test run.”
Her face broke into a grin as her cheeks flushed deep with color. “I can’t. Not yet.”
He didn’t like that. It should come easy. But while some things were easy for him, he understood they weren’t the same for her. Even if it did frustrate the living fuck out of him, he understood. He knew it going in. He cleared his throat, and she looked up at him. “Why?”
Her brows pulled together. “What? Why I can’t say that?”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Sorry, no. Though, I’d love an answer for that if you have one.”
Her smile faltered a bit as she held his gaze, and his breath completely stopped as he got lost in her. Her mouth moved, but nothing came out before she pressed her lips together, swallowing hard. “I mean… I feel… I feel the same.”
He glared. “You feel…you feel the same? Seriously?”
She smiled. “I know, it’s pathetic.”
Shaking his head in complete amazement, and not the good kind, he muttered, “Yeah.”
“Jensen, I’ve told you from the beginning, I’m the epitome of a perfect disaster.”
He couldn’t help it, he smiled, pressing his nose to hers. “And like I’ve said from the beginning, that is everything I want. You. I want you.”
Her eyes were wide as she shook her head. “All of me? Even the really annoying, unsure part of me?”
“Every single part.”
She inhaled with her whole body before exhaling just as hard. “I do really feel something for you, Jensen. I promise. I do. It’s just scary, and my track—”
He smiled. “I know, baby.”
“I suck, I know.”
“You don’t suck, you’re just frustrating.” She swallowed hard, her shoulders drooping before he added, “But that’s not what I wanted to know. Since I knew the answer to all that.”
“Oh?”
“Why’d you ask me that? About me having kids?”
She blinked once and then twice, holding his gaze as she shrugged. “I just wanted to know.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Because, why? Do you want more kids?” She bit her lip as she shrugged, and just like that, his heart was in his throat. “Wren?”
“I don’t know,” she answered quickly. “I just hate the thought that you think you can’t have kids when maybe you can.”
Pulling back a bit, he held her gaze. “I mean, if I can, then awesome. But by the grace of God, in the meantime, I have my boy,” he said, his hand coming down and resting on her belly. “Right?”
“Yes, please. Don’t think I meant anything by this. I was just asking.”
“It seems like more than that, and you’ve never asked.”
“You don’t like talking about it,” she said simply, looking down at where his hand was on her stomach, rubbing softly. “If I don’t like talking about shit that bothers me, I don’t want to ask you to.”
“Have you been back? To check and see if you still can’t have kids?”
That made him open his eyes. He stared at the wall above her head, and his heart stopped dead cold in his chest as his eyes started to blur. “No, I haven’t.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to know. I sort of gave up on it.”
She looked up at him, her brows pulled together. “You? Give up?”
He shrugged, his heart hurting. “I figured that if it were meant to be, it would happen. Plus, I already felt like a loser, not even a man, so I didn’t want to make that any worse.”
Her eyes softened as she cupped his face with one hand. “Oh, Jenny.”
“It’s fine. Really.”
“It’s not, though. I can see that,” she whispered, her lips brushing his chin. “But that doesn’t make you a man, Jensen. I mean, it does because that’s how babies come. But when I look at you, I don’t see that you’re a man by your ability to father children. I see that you’re a man by your ability to give love.”
He met her gaze, and his heart picked up in speed. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, and you love hard.”
“Eh, that’s only for you.”
She gave him a look. “No, you love everyone, you care for everyone, and you’d do anything for anyone.”
He inhaled deeply. “While that’s true, the only person who truly matters, and whom I care so much for in the hopes of making them fall in love with me, is you. Only you, Wren.”
Her eyes dilated a bit as she leaned into him. “It’s working.”
His eyebrows rose. “It is?”
“Yeah, all of it. It’s working.”
His heart jumped up in his throat from the tone of her voice and the fear in it. “That’s a good thing, Wren.”
“It would be if I could stop being an asshole and let it happen and not worry about it all coming down like a decaying sack of crap.”
He blinked. “That is a vivid image.”
“My mind is something insane.”
“I know,” he answered, kissing her cheek. “And I love it. All of it.”
She shook her head. “You shouldn’t. You should run.”
“Never,” he answered, kissing her once more. “You’re mine, Wren Monroe.”
Her lips curved as she pressed her nose to him, her eyes playful but still full of concern. Concern he wished like hell he could ease. Wasn’t he doing that, though? He did everything he thought she needed. What more could he do? Pressing her lips to his, she whispered, “Which means you’re mine, Jensen Monroe.”
He nodded. “Completely.”
They shared a sweet smile as she glided her nose along his. “I want to be like you. Completely in.”
“You aren’t?”
She bit her lip, unsure of herself. “I don’t know.” While it hurt, he was thankful she was honest. “I don’t want you to leave me. Every time I fall for someone, they’re gone before I can say it.”
“Well,” he said, capturing her mouth with his for a long, drawn-out kiss he knew they both wanted and needed. As she melted into him, he held her close before pulling away only slightly. “I know for a fact that if you told me you loved me right now, I wouldn’t run. I’d be right here, telling you right back that I loved you too. You can try it. Like a test run.”
Her face broke into a grin as her cheeks flushed deep with color. “I can’t. Not yet.”
He didn’t like that. It should come easy. But while some things were easy for him, he understood they weren’t the same for her. Even if it did frustrate the living fuck out of him, he understood. He knew it going in. He cleared his throat, and she looked up at him. “Why?”
Her brows pulled together. “What? Why I can’t say that?”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Sorry, no. Though, I’d love an answer for that if you have one.”
Her smile faltered a bit as she held his gaze, and his breath completely stopped as he got lost in her. Her mouth moved, but nothing came out before she pressed her lips together, swallowing hard. “I mean… I feel… I feel the same.”
He glared. “You feel…you feel the same? Seriously?”
She smiled. “I know, it’s pathetic.”
Shaking his head in complete amazement, and not the good kind, he muttered, “Yeah.”
“Jensen, I’ve told you from the beginning, I’m the epitome of a perfect disaster.”
He couldn’t help it, he smiled, pressing his nose to hers. “And like I’ve said from the beginning, that is everything I want. You. I want you.”
Her eyes were wide as she shook her head. “All of me? Even the really annoying, unsure part of me?”
“Every single part.”
She inhaled with her whole body before exhaling just as hard. “I do really feel something for you, Jensen. I promise. I do. It’s just scary, and my track—”
He smiled. “I know, baby.”
“I suck, I know.”
“You don’t suck, you’re just frustrating.” She swallowed hard, her shoulders drooping before he added, “But that’s not what I wanted to know. Since I knew the answer to all that.”
“Oh?”
“Why’d you ask me that? About me having kids?”
She blinked once and then twice, holding his gaze as she shrugged. “I just wanted to know.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“Because, why? Do you want more kids?” She bit her lip as she shrugged, and just like that, his heart was in his throat. “Wren?”
“I don’t know,” she answered quickly. “I just hate the thought that you think you can’t have kids when maybe you can.”
Pulling back a bit, he held her gaze. “I mean, if I can, then awesome. But by the grace of God, in the meantime, I have my boy,” he said, his hand coming down and resting on her belly. “Right?”
“Yes, please. Don’t think I meant anything by this. I was just asking.”
“It seems like more than that, and you’ve never asked.”
“You don’t like talking about it,” she said simply, looking down at where his hand was on her stomach, rubbing softly. “If I don’t like talking about shit that bothers me, I don’t want to ask you to.”
