In the Dark
Page 63
My smile fades. She doesn’t get it. He is totally worth it. I’m the idiot who lied to him during our entire relationship. I have no one to blame but myself. He wasn’t mean, he wasn’t an asshole, he was the perfect guy. The perfect guy for me. I can’t hold it against him when he said he wasn’t ready for this. I’m not ready for this either.
I just don’t have a choice.
“You want to go grab something to eat? We can skip the mall.” She makes a face. “You’re the only girl I know who doesn’t like to shop.”
“It’s really easy to hate shopping when you don’t have any money to shop with.” I sit up, my body aching, my head pounding. “Can I take a quick shower first?” Ack, I can’t remember the last time I took one, not that I want to say that to Gina. Might freak her out.
“Of course. Go for it.” Gina leaps from the bed, a smile on her face. I think she’s excited because I’m actually getting out of bed and going to do something like a normal functioning human being.
I grab a pair of undies and a bra from my dresser and then shuffle into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I stop short and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I look god-awful. My hair is complete chaos and I’m fairly certain I’ve started a couple of dreadlocks on the sides. I still have mascara smudges beneath my eyes and I haven’t put on makeup in days. When was the last time I washed my face?
Not sure.
I’m a wreck. All over a guy. I swore to myself I would never do this. I promised Mama I would be a good girl and not let a man dictate my feelings. And here I am, doing exactly that. She would be so disappointed in me.
Sighing, I push the hair away from my face, tuck it behind my ears before I brush my teeth real quick. I start up the shower so the water can get warm and then sit on the toilet to take a pee. My underwear is around my knees and I stare at it in shock when I see the bright red splotch right in the center.
My period.
I started my period.
A hysterical giggle escapes me and I clamp my hand over my mouth, muffling the sound. I have my period. There’s no baby, no unwanted pregnancy, no forever link to Gabe. I can cut ties with him for good now. It’s over. Truly over.
The tears hit fast and furious and at first, I think they’re tears of relief. But I don’t feel relief. Just…sadness. Complete and utter sadness that I no longer have any ties to Gabe whatsoever.
We’re truly officially over.
Shep answers the door, his expression grim. “Glad you’re here.”
I step inside the house when he holds the door open wider for me. “You’re the one who summoned me so ominously. Figured I better show up.”
Closing the door, Shep turns to face me. “Tristan is in the kitchen, but Jade wants to talk to you first.”
I frown, scratch the back of my neck. “Is she going to lecture me?” I know she’s pissed over what happened with Lucy. She’s on Lucy’s side and thinks I handled it badly.
She might be right, but I handled it the only way I knew how.
“No.” Shep shakes his head. “She has…information for you.”
Dread sinks my gut. “Like what?” I ask cautiously.
“She needs to be the one to tell you. She’s in our room.” He gives me a gentle shove toward the stairs. “Talk to her and then come down to the kitchen and talk to Tristan. You need to make peace with him, man. He feels like utter shit for what he said to you.”
“He should.” I stare at the stairwell, almost afraid to go up there. What is Jade going to tell me? I have no clue but I’m sure it has something to do with Lucy. Is she okay? Has she been hurt? God, did she maybe…I don’t know, have an abortion? Lose the baby?
My head is filled with nothing but negative thoughts. It’s been that way for days, since the night Lucy left my house. I’ve thought of nothing but her since. I went to our marketing class earlier this afternoon hoping against hope that she’d be there but of course, she wasn’t.
The realization hit me straight in the gut. She can’t stand to see me. I know I should be the one who’s pissed off over what happened but I can’t help but feel guilty about all of this. I shouldn’t have reacted so harshly. Maybe she tried to tell me the truth when we were in Santa Barbara and I never gave her the chance. Just ran my mouth like the asshole I am and she went along with it.
Maybe she’s embarrassed of her background and I’m such a privileged shit I didn’t understand how that feels. Because it’s true, I have no idea what it’s like to be poor and have nothing. No money, no help, just hard work and a constant struggle. I can’t wrap my head around that concept.
But I do know what it’s like to have nothing after feeling like you had…everything. No amount of money can bring Lucy back into my life. You can’t buy love. You have to earn it.
And I lost it.
I head up the stairs and go to Shep’s bedroom, knocking lightly on the partially open door before I peek my head around it. Jade is sitting on the edge of her bed, scrolling through her phone, her head bent, long wavy red hair falling in front of her face. “Hey,” I say.
She looks up, tucking her hair behind her ear as a small smile curls her lips. “Hey yourself. Come in.”
Walking inside the room, I stop just in front of her and her smile fades. I need to keep it light. Else I’ll be all twisted up and nervous and I’m sick of feeling that what. “What’s with all the seriousness?”
Jade stands, her gaze meeting mine. “It’s about Lucy.”
All lightness seeps out of me. My heart is in my throat. I brace myself for the blow of bad news. God, maybe she’s left town for good. Maybe she’s so embarrassed and hates me so much she couldn’t stand to be here anymore. Or worse, maybe she can’t afford it considering she’s about to have a baby so she went back home.
I can change that. I can give her whatever she needs. I have all the money in the world. And if she’s carrying my baby, I will ensure my child will never want for anything. Who cares what my parents will think. Fuck them.
The most important person in my life is Lucy.
“Is she okay?” I ask, my voice choked up, my head hurting. I’ve had a perpetual headache for days and I swear to God it just got ten times worse.
“She’s fine.” She inhales deeply before she says, “She’s not pregnant.”
I freeze, my heart now swimming in my stomach. I feel nauseous. “She’s not?”
Jade slowly shakes her head but doesn’t say a word. And that sends my brain into overdrive.
“Wh-what happened?” All the options flash through my brain and God, I hope she’s okay.
“She started her period. She was just…late I guess.” Jade shrugs. “I thought you should know.”
“Did she want me to know?” I ask eagerly, like an asshole. I need some sort of clue that she still cares, that she wanted me to know what’s going on.
“No. She hasn’t mentioned you at all to me.” Jade frowns. “I’m sorry, Gabe. I think she’s trying to move on from this the only way she knows how.”
“By forgetting I exist,” I say bitterly.
“She thinks you’re doing the same thing,” Jade points out but that doesn’t make me feel any better.
I just don’t have a choice.
“You want to go grab something to eat? We can skip the mall.” She makes a face. “You’re the only girl I know who doesn’t like to shop.”
“It’s really easy to hate shopping when you don’t have any money to shop with.” I sit up, my body aching, my head pounding. “Can I take a quick shower first?” Ack, I can’t remember the last time I took one, not that I want to say that to Gina. Might freak her out.
“Of course. Go for it.” Gina leaps from the bed, a smile on her face. I think she’s excited because I’m actually getting out of bed and going to do something like a normal functioning human being.
I grab a pair of undies and a bra from my dresser and then shuffle into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. I stop short and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I look god-awful. My hair is complete chaos and I’m fairly certain I’ve started a couple of dreadlocks on the sides. I still have mascara smudges beneath my eyes and I haven’t put on makeup in days. When was the last time I washed my face?
Not sure.
I’m a wreck. All over a guy. I swore to myself I would never do this. I promised Mama I would be a good girl and not let a man dictate my feelings. And here I am, doing exactly that. She would be so disappointed in me.
Sighing, I push the hair away from my face, tuck it behind my ears before I brush my teeth real quick. I start up the shower so the water can get warm and then sit on the toilet to take a pee. My underwear is around my knees and I stare at it in shock when I see the bright red splotch right in the center.
My period.
I started my period.
A hysterical giggle escapes me and I clamp my hand over my mouth, muffling the sound. I have my period. There’s no baby, no unwanted pregnancy, no forever link to Gabe. I can cut ties with him for good now. It’s over. Truly over.
The tears hit fast and furious and at first, I think they’re tears of relief. But I don’t feel relief. Just…sadness. Complete and utter sadness that I no longer have any ties to Gabe whatsoever.
We’re truly officially over.
Shep answers the door, his expression grim. “Glad you’re here.”
I step inside the house when he holds the door open wider for me. “You’re the one who summoned me so ominously. Figured I better show up.”
Closing the door, Shep turns to face me. “Tristan is in the kitchen, but Jade wants to talk to you first.”
I frown, scratch the back of my neck. “Is she going to lecture me?” I know she’s pissed over what happened with Lucy. She’s on Lucy’s side and thinks I handled it badly.
She might be right, but I handled it the only way I knew how.
“No.” Shep shakes his head. “She has…information for you.”
Dread sinks my gut. “Like what?” I ask cautiously.
“She needs to be the one to tell you. She’s in our room.” He gives me a gentle shove toward the stairs. “Talk to her and then come down to the kitchen and talk to Tristan. You need to make peace with him, man. He feels like utter shit for what he said to you.”
“He should.” I stare at the stairwell, almost afraid to go up there. What is Jade going to tell me? I have no clue but I’m sure it has something to do with Lucy. Is she okay? Has she been hurt? God, did she maybe…I don’t know, have an abortion? Lose the baby?
My head is filled with nothing but negative thoughts. It’s been that way for days, since the night Lucy left my house. I’ve thought of nothing but her since. I went to our marketing class earlier this afternoon hoping against hope that she’d be there but of course, she wasn’t.
The realization hit me straight in the gut. She can’t stand to see me. I know I should be the one who’s pissed off over what happened but I can’t help but feel guilty about all of this. I shouldn’t have reacted so harshly. Maybe she tried to tell me the truth when we were in Santa Barbara and I never gave her the chance. Just ran my mouth like the asshole I am and she went along with it.
Maybe she’s embarrassed of her background and I’m such a privileged shit I didn’t understand how that feels. Because it’s true, I have no idea what it’s like to be poor and have nothing. No money, no help, just hard work and a constant struggle. I can’t wrap my head around that concept.
But I do know what it’s like to have nothing after feeling like you had…everything. No amount of money can bring Lucy back into my life. You can’t buy love. You have to earn it.
And I lost it.
I head up the stairs and go to Shep’s bedroom, knocking lightly on the partially open door before I peek my head around it. Jade is sitting on the edge of her bed, scrolling through her phone, her head bent, long wavy red hair falling in front of her face. “Hey,” I say.
She looks up, tucking her hair behind her ear as a small smile curls her lips. “Hey yourself. Come in.”
Walking inside the room, I stop just in front of her and her smile fades. I need to keep it light. Else I’ll be all twisted up and nervous and I’m sick of feeling that what. “What’s with all the seriousness?”
Jade stands, her gaze meeting mine. “It’s about Lucy.”
All lightness seeps out of me. My heart is in my throat. I brace myself for the blow of bad news. God, maybe she’s left town for good. Maybe she’s so embarrassed and hates me so much she couldn’t stand to be here anymore. Or worse, maybe she can’t afford it considering she’s about to have a baby so she went back home.
I can change that. I can give her whatever she needs. I have all the money in the world. And if she’s carrying my baby, I will ensure my child will never want for anything. Who cares what my parents will think. Fuck them.
The most important person in my life is Lucy.
“Is she okay?” I ask, my voice choked up, my head hurting. I’ve had a perpetual headache for days and I swear to God it just got ten times worse.
“She’s fine.” She inhales deeply before she says, “She’s not pregnant.”
I freeze, my heart now swimming in my stomach. I feel nauseous. “She’s not?”
Jade slowly shakes her head but doesn’t say a word. And that sends my brain into overdrive.
“Wh-what happened?” All the options flash through my brain and God, I hope she’s okay.
“She started her period. She was just…late I guess.” Jade shrugs. “I thought you should know.”
“Did she want me to know?” I ask eagerly, like an asshole. I need some sort of clue that she still cares, that she wanted me to know what’s going on.
“No. She hasn’t mentioned you at all to me.” Jade frowns. “I’m sorry, Gabe. I think she’s trying to move on from this the only way she knows how.”
“By forgetting I exist,” I say bitterly.
“She thinks you’re doing the same thing,” Jade points out but that doesn’t make me feel any better.
