In This Life
Page 27
I was aware that most lies possess a shelf life. I was aware that someday Emma would ask about her father. And then I wouldn’t be able to lie any longer.
I’d been pacing around the living room, lost in my own jumbled thoughts, when the soft knock startled me. With some wariness I looked out the peephole and then breathed a sigh of relief when I recognized the person on the other side. He was the one adult I wouldn’t mind dealing with right now.
There was something wrong with him tonight. I saw it right away and was thankful it didn’t have anything to do with Colin. But I was unprepared for the things he said, for the way he allowed me to collect him in my arms and hold him.
Nash Ryan wasn’t a man who shared his feelings eagerly. The story he told me about his mother was heartbreaking. To carry that burden of inescapable guilt for so long had wrecked him on some level, had led him to pursue an isolated life where he was still fighting battles that only existed in his head. Nash had revealed to me the most vulnerable side of himself and I didn’t know why, but I still had the sense he was holding back.
I lost all sense of time as we stayed on the couch with our arms around each other. But the sound of small steps shuffling into the room ended the embrace.
“Mommy?” said Emma, rubbing her eyes as a stuffed duck named Mr. Ford dangled from one hand.
Nash had already moved to the other side of the couch. I smoothed my nightshirt down and gently addressed my daughter.
“What’s wrong, baby? Your tummy still hurt?”
“No.” Emma planted herself on the couch between Nash and me. She kicked her bare little feet and frowned. “I had a dream.”
“A bad dream?”
Emma shook her head and pushed her wispy brown hair out of her face. “In my dream I had a dog.”
“A dog?” I touched my daughter’s head and smiled. Emma had been obsessed with getting a dog ever since meeting Roxie. “That sounds like a nice dream.”
“It was,” she said and yawned.
Nash was watching her in silence but I saw he was amused.
Emma noticed him suddenly. “Why are you here?”
“Emma,” I said, clearing my throat to stall for time. I never brought men around to meet Emma, which wasn’t usually a problem because my dates tended to cap out around twice a year. “Nash just stopped by to say hello.”
“Is that why you were hugging him?”
Nash caught my eye. “I was sad,” he told Emma. “Your mom was being nice, trying to make me feel better.”
“Do you?”
“Do I what?”
She sighed and crossed her arms, a gesture she’d gotten from me. “Do you feel better?”
He was trying not to laugh. “Yeah. I feel much better.”
“Why didn’t you bring Roxie?”
“It’s late. She was tired.”
“Hey.” I circled my arm around her small shoulders. “Speaking of tired, aren’t you tired, little miss?”
“No,” said Emma but she yawned again. She wrinkled her nose and peered up at Nash. “You should have brought her. She could have slept in my bed.”
Nash smiled. “Roxie would have enjoyed that.”
Emma nodded. “I miss her.”
“I think she misses you too.”
“Mommy, can I go see her now?” She looked up at me with a beseeching expression that was tough to resist.
“Not now, Ems. You need your rest.”
“Tell you what,” Nash said, leaning forward as if he were telling a secret, “you can come over and see her anytime.”
“Tomorrow?” Emma said hopefully.
“Uh,” Nash said, glancing at me. “Fine with me if it’s okay with your mom.”
“Are you working at the store tomorrow?” I asked him.
“No. I can go over the new merchandise orders at home while taking care of Colin. I promoted Betty to assistant manager and the new guy you found on short notice looks like he’ll work out to fill in the gaps part time.”
That reminded me of something. “Thanks for hiring Todd by the way,” I said. “He’s the son of my mom’s friend. People don’t always give him a chance because they think he’s on the slow side. But he’s a hard worker and he’ll do a good job for you.”
“I’m sure he will.”
“What time?” piped up Emma.
When we looked confused she let out another one of her ‘can’t believe you adults are so dense’ sighs and hugged her stuffed duck. “What time can I come see Roxie?”
Nash grinned. “We’ll work it out.”
“What does that mean?”
“Emma-bear,” I said, nudging her off the couch. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow, okay? Right now you need to get back to bed.”
Emma resisted for a few seconds but then she jumped off the couch and started to walk back to her room.
“I’ll just be a minute,” I said to Nash.
I followed Emma back to her bedroom and tucked the covers around her as she yawned and closed her eyes.
“Sweet dreams, angel face,” I said, kissing her smooth forehead.
“Of dogs,” she said in a whisper and a few seconds later her eyelids began fluttering. She didn’t often wake up in the middle of the night and I was confident she’d stay asleep now.
My little girl didn’t see me blow her a kiss from the doorway before I closed the door behind me but I liked to think she could somehow feel the love even when she was dreaming.
Nash was still sitting on the couch right where I’d left him. I wasn’t sure he would be. His eyes swept over my body with such bold heat my nipples tingled. I didn’t even know a reaction like that was possible from a two second glance.
“I should go,” he said, standing.
I leaned against the wall. “You don’t have to.”
He paused, then peered in the direction of Emma’s room and headed for the door. “Why don’t you shoot me a text when you and Emma are ready to stop by tomorrow?”
“I’ll do that.”
Nash turned and stared at me. “Thanks, Kat.”
I didn’t want him to leave. But the words got stuck on my tongue. “There’s nothing to thank me for, Nash.”
He still stared at me. His hand was on the doorknob and suddenly he grinned. “You know, I was thinking something earlier. Something that might be a little pathetic.”
“I’m sure it’s not pathetic.”
“You might disagree if you knew what it was.”
“Try me.”
“I was thinking that these days you just might be my best friend.”
That statement could be a sweet tribute. Or it could be an intoxicatingly sexy thing to hear in the right circumstances. These happened to be the right circumstances.
“And you might be mine,” I said.
Our eyes locked. Nash hesitated, then nodded as if he’d just come to a reluctant decision.
“Good night,” he said and exited abruptly.
Now it was my turn to sigh. I had no right to feel disappointed. Maybe Nash thought tonight’s mood had become too intimate and we’d end up blurring the lines beyond physical pleasure, beyond the closeness of a fairly new friendship.
I went to confirm the door was locked, checking the peephole out of habit. The distorted glass showed me that Nash hadn’t left. He was standing just within the harsh glare of the porch light, his back turned as if he was studying the street.
I’d been pacing around the living room, lost in my own jumbled thoughts, when the soft knock startled me. With some wariness I looked out the peephole and then breathed a sigh of relief when I recognized the person on the other side. He was the one adult I wouldn’t mind dealing with right now.
There was something wrong with him tonight. I saw it right away and was thankful it didn’t have anything to do with Colin. But I was unprepared for the things he said, for the way he allowed me to collect him in my arms and hold him.
Nash Ryan wasn’t a man who shared his feelings eagerly. The story he told me about his mother was heartbreaking. To carry that burden of inescapable guilt for so long had wrecked him on some level, had led him to pursue an isolated life where he was still fighting battles that only existed in his head. Nash had revealed to me the most vulnerable side of himself and I didn’t know why, but I still had the sense he was holding back.
I lost all sense of time as we stayed on the couch with our arms around each other. But the sound of small steps shuffling into the room ended the embrace.
“Mommy?” said Emma, rubbing her eyes as a stuffed duck named Mr. Ford dangled from one hand.
Nash had already moved to the other side of the couch. I smoothed my nightshirt down and gently addressed my daughter.
“What’s wrong, baby? Your tummy still hurt?”
“No.” Emma planted herself on the couch between Nash and me. She kicked her bare little feet and frowned. “I had a dream.”
“A bad dream?”
Emma shook her head and pushed her wispy brown hair out of her face. “In my dream I had a dog.”
“A dog?” I touched my daughter’s head and smiled. Emma had been obsessed with getting a dog ever since meeting Roxie. “That sounds like a nice dream.”
“It was,” she said and yawned.
Nash was watching her in silence but I saw he was amused.
Emma noticed him suddenly. “Why are you here?”
“Emma,” I said, clearing my throat to stall for time. I never brought men around to meet Emma, which wasn’t usually a problem because my dates tended to cap out around twice a year. “Nash just stopped by to say hello.”
“Is that why you were hugging him?”
Nash caught my eye. “I was sad,” he told Emma. “Your mom was being nice, trying to make me feel better.”
“Do you?”
“Do I what?”
She sighed and crossed her arms, a gesture she’d gotten from me. “Do you feel better?”
He was trying not to laugh. “Yeah. I feel much better.”
“Why didn’t you bring Roxie?”
“It’s late. She was tired.”
“Hey.” I circled my arm around her small shoulders. “Speaking of tired, aren’t you tired, little miss?”
“No,” said Emma but she yawned again. She wrinkled her nose and peered up at Nash. “You should have brought her. She could have slept in my bed.”
Nash smiled. “Roxie would have enjoyed that.”
Emma nodded. “I miss her.”
“I think she misses you too.”
“Mommy, can I go see her now?” She looked up at me with a beseeching expression that was tough to resist.
“Not now, Ems. You need your rest.”
“Tell you what,” Nash said, leaning forward as if he were telling a secret, “you can come over and see her anytime.”
“Tomorrow?” Emma said hopefully.
“Uh,” Nash said, glancing at me. “Fine with me if it’s okay with your mom.”
“Are you working at the store tomorrow?” I asked him.
“No. I can go over the new merchandise orders at home while taking care of Colin. I promoted Betty to assistant manager and the new guy you found on short notice looks like he’ll work out to fill in the gaps part time.”
That reminded me of something. “Thanks for hiring Todd by the way,” I said. “He’s the son of my mom’s friend. People don’t always give him a chance because they think he’s on the slow side. But he’s a hard worker and he’ll do a good job for you.”
“I’m sure he will.”
“What time?” piped up Emma.
When we looked confused she let out another one of her ‘can’t believe you adults are so dense’ sighs and hugged her stuffed duck. “What time can I come see Roxie?”
Nash grinned. “We’ll work it out.”
“What does that mean?”
“Emma-bear,” I said, nudging her off the couch. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow, okay? Right now you need to get back to bed.”
Emma resisted for a few seconds but then she jumped off the couch and started to walk back to her room.
“I’ll just be a minute,” I said to Nash.
I followed Emma back to her bedroom and tucked the covers around her as she yawned and closed her eyes.
“Sweet dreams, angel face,” I said, kissing her smooth forehead.
“Of dogs,” she said in a whisper and a few seconds later her eyelids began fluttering. She didn’t often wake up in the middle of the night and I was confident she’d stay asleep now.
My little girl didn’t see me blow her a kiss from the doorway before I closed the door behind me but I liked to think she could somehow feel the love even when she was dreaming.
Nash was still sitting on the couch right where I’d left him. I wasn’t sure he would be. His eyes swept over my body with such bold heat my nipples tingled. I didn’t even know a reaction like that was possible from a two second glance.
“I should go,” he said, standing.
I leaned against the wall. “You don’t have to.”
He paused, then peered in the direction of Emma’s room and headed for the door. “Why don’t you shoot me a text when you and Emma are ready to stop by tomorrow?”
“I’ll do that.”
Nash turned and stared at me. “Thanks, Kat.”
I didn’t want him to leave. But the words got stuck on my tongue. “There’s nothing to thank me for, Nash.”
He still stared at me. His hand was on the doorknob and suddenly he grinned. “You know, I was thinking something earlier. Something that might be a little pathetic.”
“I’m sure it’s not pathetic.”
“You might disagree if you knew what it was.”
“Try me.”
“I was thinking that these days you just might be my best friend.”
That statement could be a sweet tribute. Or it could be an intoxicatingly sexy thing to hear in the right circumstances. These happened to be the right circumstances.
“And you might be mine,” I said.
Our eyes locked. Nash hesitated, then nodded as if he’d just come to a reluctant decision.
“Good night,” he said and exited abruptly.
Now it was my turn to sigh. I had no right to feel disappointed. Maybe Nash thought tonight’s mood had become too intimate and we’d end up blurring the lines beyond physical pleasure, beyond the closeness of a fairly new friendship.
I went to confirm the door was locked, checking the peephole out of habit. The distorted glass showed me that Nash hadn’t left. He was standing just within the harsh glare of the porch light, his back turned as if he was studying the street.
