In This Life
Page 36
It was an old complaint, one she’d been using since I was six and informed her that she needed to ‘stop projecting your own insecurities on others’. So I repeated the same answer I’d been giving her for years.
“I didn’t know it was a crime to be smart.”
“Kat, sit back down. I’m talking to you about something serious.”
The ball of paper weighed heavily in my hand. As I sat I discreetly dropped it on the floor underneath the table so my mother wouldn’t be reminded of its existence. I definitely couldn’t handle an interrogation right now. As far as my mother knew, Emma’s father was a cheating, emotionally abusive creep and Emma was better off without him in her life. That gave me a reason for opting not to seek child support. It also gave me an excuse to hide from the truth. My own father had taken off when I was two and other than occasionally sending a random check, I hadn’t heard from him much while I was growing up.
“Can I make another cup of coffee if we’re going to get into serious topics?” I asked.
“Kat, I don’t care. Drink all the coffee in town if it’ll make you pay attention for five minutes.”
I sighed and moved to the counter beside the sink to refill my Hawk Valley Happiness mug.
My mother pounced as soon as I sat down. “So don’t you want to know the details?”
Emma trotted in with a face full of chocolate cupcake icing, snatched her favorite plastic cup and accepted a kiss on the cheek from her grandmother before she returned to the living room.
I waited until she was out of earshot to inquire, “What details?”
“About his record.”
I rubbed my eyes. “Whose?”
“Nash.”
Colin was abruptly sick of sitting in his high chair. Or else he didn’t like hearing gossip about his big brother. He let out a wail.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, not really caring to know. Colin rewarded me with a big drooling grin as I pulled the tray away, unsnapped the safety belt and lifted him.
“An assault charge in college and another one last year. The first time the charge was dropped but the second time he got whatever it’s called where you get a warning and don’t have to go to prison.”
I frowned. “Probation?”
She shrugged. “I guess.”
Nash had gotten into a lot of scrapes in high school. I remembered that clearly. There were always rumors that he was on the brink of expulsion yet somehow he managed to skate through with no lasting consequences. I’d just assumed he’d gotten past his tendency to lash out. I’d certainly never witnessed that kind of aggression from him.
“I hit someone.”
No, whatever happened in that scuffle didn’t really count. Travis Hanson was in perpetual need of a good thrashing and I was sure he’d deserved whatever Nash’s reaction had been.
But there was also the deal with his knuckles, the way they looked bruised and cut the night he came to town and he fed me some nonsense about scraping them during a tire change.
Still, Nash had never mentioned any legal trouble back in Oregon. On the other hand, there were plenty of things I hadn’t mentioned to him to so it was entirely possible. He wouldn’t have had any reason to mention minor problems with the law. I’d never asked.
“How did you come by this information?” I wanted to know.
She was smug. “Retta from church has a son who is a private detective down in Phoenix. His name is Freddie and he can find out anything about anyone.”
The idea was alarming. My brand new goal in life was to never become one of Freddie’s projects.
“Why were you looking into Nash anyway?” I asked, bouncing Colin in my lap as he chewed on a teething ring.
She threw me a knowing look. “I’m your mother, Kathleen. Do you really think I can’t tell what’s going on here?”
“How about you enlighten me then?”
Her mouth pursed. “You’re involved with him. You’ve been suckered into taking care of everything. His business, his house and even that baby.”
I didn’t want to yell. Emma would hear. I kept my voice low but insistent.
“Colin is Heather’s child. He’s our flesh and blood, your grandnephew. He’s not just ‘that baby’ so don’t refer to him that way.”
She relented, looked away. “No, of course not. You know I care about what happens to Colin. That’s why I was so concerned about handing him over to a man like Nash Ryan.”
“That was a decision for Heather and Chris to make,” I said flatly. “They made it.”
“But-“
“You know,” I said, “you might have come around more often to help instead of digging up dirt behind the scenes. If you had then you would have seen that Nash takes very good care of Colin. What’s even more essential is that he loves Colin with all of his heart.”
One eyebrow arched. “I noticed you’re not denying having relations with him.”
My voice was cold. “What do you want to hear, Mom? You want to hear me admit that we have earth-shattering sex? Fine, I admit it.”
She reddened with embarrassment. “Don’t be vulgar, Kathleen.”
“Then don’t pry into subjects you don’t want to talk about.”
She tilted her head and looked a little hurt. “I’m only prying because I care. I care about you and about Emma and Colin too.”
Emma returned with Roxie at her side. The dog appealed to my mother with a wagging tail but my mother ignored her so she turned to me for a pat on the head.
“Are you fighting?” Emma asked.
“No, honey,” I said. “Why do you think that?”
“You look mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Nobody’s mad,” my mother insisted and held out her hand. “Now come give Grandma one last kiss before I leave.”
Emma still had some chocolate on her face and she managed to smudge some onto my mother’s cheek.
My mother blew a kiss to Colin before she left. For me she had only a few stern words of warning.
“Remember what I told you, Kat.”
I turned my head and pretended to be looking at something fascinating out the window until she was gone.
“Me and Roxie are bored,” Emma announced.
I picked up a napkin and cleaned the chocolate off her face. She resisted, wrinkling her nose and shaking her head.
“Can we go in the backyard?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No honey, let’s just play inside today.”
“Why?”
“It’s hot out.”
That wasn’t a lie. But it wasn’t the complete truth either. Someone had been watching me, possibly following me, even finding me here at Nash’s house. I knew who it was, the same person who’d called and emailed at least a dozen times this smmer. I’d deleted every message and email, sometimes before listening or reading. He had no place in my life, no place in Emma’s life. But things had escalated and I needed someone to confide in. Steve Brown maybe. Someone who could objectively tell me what my legal options were in case it was time for me to be confronted by my own lies.
“What are we supposed to do in the house all day?” Emma pouted.
I stood and heaved Colin onto my hip. “When I was a little girl I used to build forts. We could do that.”
“What’s a fort?”
“I didn’t know it was a crime to be smart.”
“Kat, sit back down. I’m talking to you about something serious.”
The ball of paper weighed heavily in my hand. As I sat I discreetly dropped it on the floor underneath the table so my mother wouldn’t be reminded of its existence. I definitely couldn’t handle an interrogation right now. As far as my mother knew, Emma’s father was a cheating, emotionally abusive creep and Emma was better off without him in her life. That gave me a reason for opting not to seek child support. It also gave me an excuse to hide from the truth. My own father had taken off when I was two and other than occasionally sending a random check, I hadn’t heard from him much while I was growing up.
“Can I make another cup of coffee if we’re going to get into serious topics?” I asked.
“Kat, I don’t care. Drink all the coffee in town if it’ll make you pay attention for five minutes.”
I sighed and moved to the counter beside the sink to refill my Hawk Valley Happiness mug.
My mother pounced as soon as I sat down. “So don’t you want to know the details?”
Emma trotted in with a face full of chocolate cupcake icing, snatched her favorite plastic cup and accepted a kiss on the cheek from her grandmother before she returned to the living room.
I waited until she was out of earshot to inquire, “What details?”
“About his record.”
I rubbed my eyes. “Whose?”
“Nash.”
Colin was abruptly sick of sitting in his high chair. Or else he didn’t like hearing gossip about his big brother. He let out a wail.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, not really caring to know. Colin rewarded me with a big drooling grin as I pulled the tray away, unsnapped the safety belt and lifted him.
“An assault charge in college and another one last year. The first time the charge was dropped but the second time he got whatever it’s called where you get a warning and don’t have to go to prison.”
I frowned. “Probation?”
She shrugged. “I guess.”
Nash had gotten into a lot of scrapes in high school. I remembered that clearly. There were always rumors that he was on the brink of expulsion yet somehow he managed to skate through with no lasting consequences. I’d just assumed he’d gotten past his tendency to lash out. I’d certainly never witnessed that kind of aggression from him.
“I hit someone.”
No, whatever happened in that scuffle didn’t really count. Travis Hanson was in perpetual need of a good thrashing and I was sure he’d deserved whatever Nash’s reaction had been.
But there was also the deal with his knuckles, the way they looked bruised and cut the night he came to town and he fed me some nonsense about scraping them during a tire change.
Still, Nash had never mentioned any legal trouble back in Oregon. On the other hand, there were plenty of things I hadn’t mentioned to him to so it was entirely possible. He wouldn’t have had any reason to mention minor problems with the law. I’d never asked.
“How did you come by this information?” I wanted to know.
She was smug. “Retta from church has a son who is a private detective down in Phoenix. His name is Freddie and he can find out anything about anyone.”
The idea was alarming. My brand new goal in life was to never become one of Freddie’s projects.
“Why were you looking into Nash anyway?” I asked, bouncing Colin in my lap as he chewed on a teething ring.
She threw me a knowing look. “I’m your mother, Kathleen. Do you really think I can’t tell what’s going on here?”
“How about you enlighten me then?”
Her mouth pursed. “You’re involved with him. You’ve been suckered into taking care of everything. His business, his house and even that baby.”
I didn’t want to yell. Emma would hear. I kept my voice low but insistent.
“Colin is Heather’s child. He’s our flesh and blood, your grandnephew. He’s not just ‘that baby’ so don’t refer to him that way.”
She relented, looked away. “No, of course not. You know I care about what happens to Colin. That’s why I was so concerned about handing him over to a man like Nash Ryan.”
“That was a decision for Heather and Chris to make,” I said flatly. “They made it.”
“But-“
“You know,” I said, “you might have come around more often to help instead of digging up dirt behind the scenes. If you had then you would have seen that Nash takes very good care of Colin. What’s even more essential is that he loves Colin with all of his heart.”
One eyebrow arched. “I noticed you’re not denying having relations with him.”
My voice was cold. “What do you want to hear, Mom? You want to hear me admit that we have earth-shattering sex? Fine, I admit it.”
She reddened with embarrassment. “Don’t be vulgar, Kathleen.”
“Then don’t pry into subjects you don’t want to talk about.”
She tilted her head and looked a little hurt. “I’m only prying because I care. I care about you and about Emma and Colin too.”
Emma returned with Roxie at her side. The dog appealed to my mother with a wagging tail but my mother ignored her so she turned to me for a pat on the head.
“Are you fighting?” Emma asked.
“No, honey,” I said. “Why do you think that?”
“You look mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Nobody’s mad,” my mother insisted and held out her hand. “Now come give Grandma one last kiss before I leave.”
Emma still had some chocolate on her face and she managed to smudge some onto my mother’s cheek.
My mother blew a kiss to Colin before she left. For me she had only a few stern words of warning.
“Remember what I told you, Kat.”
I turned my head and pretended to be looking at something fascinating out the window until she was gone.
“Me and Roxie are bored,” Emma announced.
I picked up a napkin and cleaned the chocolate off her face. She resisted, wrinkling her nose and shaking her head.
“Can we go in the backyard?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No honey, let’s just play inside today.”
“Why?”
“It’s hot out.”
That wasn’t a lie. But it wasn’t the complete truth either. Someone had been watching me, possibly following me, even finding me here at Nash’s house. I knew who it was, the same person who’d called and emailed at least a dozen times this smmer. I’d deleted every message and email, sometimes before listening or reading. He had no place in my life, no place in Emma’s life. But things had escalated and I needed someone to confide in. Steve Brown maybe. Someone who could objectively tell me what my legal options were in case it was time for me to be confronted by my own lies.
“What are we supposed to do in the house all day?” Emma pouted.
I stood and heaved Colin onto my hip. “When I was a little girl I used to build forts. We could do that.”
“What’s a fort?”
