In This Life
Page 46
That’s what Kat had said. I just didn’t understand why it was true. What the hell had I ever done to earn this kind of trust from them? I wished there was someone I could ask.
If Kat were here she’d probably have some fitting words to say at an emotional moment like this. Kat was good at words. She was good at everything that mattered. But Kathleen Doyle’s best talent proved to be awakening my heart in a way that no one else ever had.
I thought about her down there in Phoenix, bravely facing her own troubled past for the sake of her daughter. I was glad she’d decided to go. I’d be even more glad when she came back. There were things we needed to talk about.
“Let’s get out of here,” I said to Colin and kissed his cheek before carrying him back to the van.
The scars on the land would fade but I doubted I’d come back to this particular spot again. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t return to the mountains. Despite what happened I was sure my father would want Colin to know the woods, to have the satisfaction of pulling a fat rainbow trout out of the lake and appreciating how much brighter the stars are in the wilderness. I could show him those things. Maybe Kat and Emma would want to come with us.
Suddenly there was a plan in my head. Actually, it had been there for a while, right on the fringes. Now all the pieces were falling together and it was time to act. A new beginning could happen. All I needed was a little bit of help to get there.
I felt far more relaxed on the drive back down the mountain. Even though there was probably some kind of rule in the baby books against it, I took Colin to an ice cream parlor and shared a vanilla cone with him. He freaking loved it, practically gobbled my hand right off while I was holding the thing.
While we were sitting at the table closest to the window, I spotted my old nemesis Travis Hanson coming down the sidewalk. I’d heard how he’d been arrested last week. The story around town was that one of his employees had pressed assault charges against him. So it seemed that sometimes the wheels of justice turned just as they were supposed to.
Travis must have sensed someone watching him because he suddenly stopped and raised his head. Our eyes locked and I waved to him on the other side of the glass. He scowled and stalked away. I chuckled to myself and polished off the rest of the ice cream cone.
Unfortunately we couldn’t hang out and eat ice cream all day because there was too much to do. In the parking lot of the ice cream place I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel and considered my options. Asking for help still wasn’t a thing I got excited about.
I turned around and addressed Colin’s head in his rear facing car seat. “Let’s do this, little man.”
He belched.
I grinned. Then I called my aunt.
“Jane,” I said. “You free today? I was wondering if I could get your help with a few things at the house. And if Kevin’s around it would be great if you could bring him along. Oh, and I don’t have the number for Kathleen’s mother but if you could call her and ask her to meet us there at the house I’d appreciate it. Yeah, I’m sure.”
Before I drove home I stopped at the store and bought some moving boxes. I didn’t know how many I’d need but I figured this stack was a good start.
It was time to move forward. Things would happen. I was determined that from now on they would be only good things.
“Why does that tree look funny?” Emma asked.
I smiled when I realized she was pointing to a giant saguaro cactus. She’d never seen one before.
“It’s a different kind of tree,” I told her. “It’s called a cactus. They only grow in the desert and instead of leaves they have needles.”
“Is this the desert?”
We passed a residential neighborhood full of beige houses with tiled roofs. “Yes, honey. Phoenix is part of the desert.”
“And my second grandma is here?” Emma sounded doubtful.
“Yes.” The handful of butterflies in my stomach had swollen to a swarm now that we were getting close. I’d texted Harrison before we left the hotel and let him know we were on our way. He said they were eagerly waiting and gave me the gate code for the community.
I turned into the entrance and pulled up to the keypad to open the gates while feeling a brief stab of déjà vu. I’d been here a few times before, when I was with Harrison. The last time was a Thanksgiving holiday when I sat between Harrison and Randall, laughing at the way they playfully aggravated each other the way brothers did. Mrs. Corbett winked at me from across the table. Her husband had died the year before and I remembered feeling a little melancholy at the thought of her living alone in that big, elegant house.
And there it was.
The Corbett home was a sprawling Mediterranean-style building that blended into the upscale neighborhood. I spotted Harrison’s silver Mustang parked out front and felt a surge of anxiety. I hoped I was doing the right thing for Emma. I thought I was.
They must have been watching through the window, waiting for us to drive up. I held onto Emma’s hand as we walked up the front path and saw the door open. Harrison was there, his arm around the shoulders of a slender woman who looked to be in her late twenties. Her dark skinned beauty was complemented by the bright blue dress she wore. She looked right into my eyes with a warm smile that couldn’t have been faked and I felt my misgivings disappear.
“Hello Kathleen,” said Harrison. “We’re so glad you both are here.” His gaze rested on my daughter and I could see how emotional this moment was for him. I’d never given much thought to how shattered he must have been by the death of his only brother. They’d been very close.
“Hello Emma,” he said, his voice catching.
Emma stared at him, then looked up at me as if unsure whether she should respond to this strange man.
The woman at Harrison’s side took the initiative, stepping forward.
“Kathleen,” she said. “I’m so happy to meet you. I’m Delia, Harrison’s fiancé.”
Her accent sounded vaguely Caribbean and instead of a polite handshake she enveloped me in a warm hug. I didn’t mind.
Delia bent down to Emma’s level. “Hello, Emma. We’ve been waiting to meet you.”
My daughter looked her over. “Your dress is pretty.”
Delia laughed and hugged her too. “Thank you sweetheart.”
Delia was charming and Emma was all smiles as she took Delia’s hand and followed her into the house. Harrison stayed back, by the door. He watched his fiancé pass by with his niece and then turned to me. An awkward moment of silence ensued.
“I don’t know how to thank you for this, Kat.”
“You already thanked me, Harrison. Anyway, I’m doing this for Emma. And for your mother.” I paused. “I’m still not sure about you.”
He nodded and looked embarrassed. “I’m sorry. And I’m sure you don’t want to hear it after all this time, but you were never just some girl to me. I was devastated when I lost you even though I deserved to. And I know I said a lot of terrible things.”
He had. Harrison found out about Randall and me just before his brother died and he didn’t take the news well. I never got the chance to tell Randall I was pregnant. But in a moment of weakness I went and told Harrison. The last time we spoke he’d called me an evil slut, among other things. He said he and his family would have nothing to do with me, warned that he’d pay me off if he had to. I didn’t give him the chance. In the months that followed there were many nights when I’d lie awake, feeling the baby kick inside my belly and remembering the hatred in the eyes of the man I’d once thought I loved.
If Kat were here she’d probably have some fitting words to say at an emotional moment like this. Kat was good at words. She was good at everything that mattered. But Kathleen Doyle’s best talent proved to be awakening my heart in a way that no one else ever had.
I thought about her down there in Phoenix, bravely facing her own troubled past for the sake of her daughter. I was glad she’d decided to go. I’d be even more glad when she came back. There were things we needed to talk about.
“Let’s get out of here,” I said to Colin and kissed his cheek before carrying him back to the van.
The scars on the land would fade but I doubted I’d come back to this particular spot again. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t return to the mountains. Despite what happened I was sure my father would want Colin to know the woods, to have the satisfaction of pulling a fat rainbow trout out of the lake and appreciating how much brighter the stars are in the wilderness. I could show him those things. Maybe Kat and Emma would want to come with us.
Suddenly there was a plan in my head. Actually, it had been there for a while, right on the fringes. Now all the pieces were falling together and it was time to act. A new beginning could happen. All I needed was a little bit of help to get there.
I felt far more relaxed on the drive back down the mountain. Even though there was probably some kind of rule in the baby books against it, I took Colin to an ice cream parlor and shared a vanilla cone with him. He freaking loved it, practically gobbled my hand right off while I was holding the thing.
While we were sitting at the table closest to the window, I spotted my old nemesis Travis Hanson coming down the sidewalk. I’d heard how he’d been arrested last week. The story around town was that one of his employees had pressed assault charges against him. So it seemed that sometimes the wheels of justice turned just as they were supposed to.
Travis must have sensed someone watching him because he suddenly stopped and raised his head. Our eyes locked and I waved to him on the other side of the glass. He scowled and stalked away. I chuckled to myself and polished off the rest of the ice cream cone.
Unfortunately we couldn’t hang out and eat ice cream all day because there was too much to do. In the parking lot of the ice cream place I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel and considered my options. Asking for help still wasn’t a thing I got excited about.
I turned around and addressed Colin’s head in his rear facing car seat. “Let’s do this, little man.”
He belched.
I grinned. Then I called my aunt.
“Jane,” I said. “You free today? I was wondering if I could get your help with a few things at the house. And if Kevin’s around it would be great if you could bring him along. Oh, and I don’t have the number for Kathleen’s mother but if you could call her and ask her to meet us there at the house I’d appreciate it. Yeah, I’m sure.”
Before I drove home I stopped at the store and bought some moving boxes. I didn’t know how many I’d need but I figured this stack was a good start.
It was time to move forward. Things would happen. I was determined that from now on they would be only good things.
“Why does that tree look funny?” Emma asked.
I smiled when I realized she was pointing to a giant saguaro cactus. She’d never seen one before.
“It’s a different kind of tree,” I told her. “It’s called a cactus. They only grow in the desert and instead of leaves they have needles.”
“Is this the desert?”
We passed a residential neighborhood full of beige houses with tiled roofs. “Yes, honey. Phoenix is part of the desert.”
“And my second grandma is here?” Emma sounded doubtful.
“Yes.” The handful of butterflies in my stomach had swollen to a swarm now that we were getting close. I’d texted Harrison before we left the hotel and let him know we were on our way. He said they were eagerly waiting and gave me the gate code for the community.
I turned into the entrance and pulled up to the keypad to open the gates while feeling a brief stab of déjà vu. I’d been here a few times before, when I was with Harrison. The last time was a Thanksgiving holiday when I sat between Harrison and Randall, laughing at the way they playfully aggravated each other the way brothers did. Mrs. Corbett winked at me from across the table. Her husband had died the year before and I remembered feeling a little melancholy at the thought of her living alone in that big, elegant house.
And there it was.
The Corbett home was a sprawling Mediterranean-style building that blended into the upscale neighborhood. I spotted Harrison’s silver Mustang parked out front and felt a surge of anxiety. I hoped I was doing the right thing for Emma. I thought I was.
They must have been watching through the window, waiting for us to drive up. I held onto Emma’s hand as we walked up the front path and saw the door open. Harrison was there, his arm around the shoulders of a slender woman who looked to be in her late twenties. Her dark skinned beauty was complemented by the bright blue dress she wore. She looked right into my eyes with a warm smile that couldn’t have been faked and I felt my misgivings disappear.
“Hello Kathleen,” said Harrison. “We’re so glad you both are here.” His gaze rested on my daughter and I could see how emotional this moment was for him. I’d never given much thought to how shattered he must have been by the death of his only brother. They’d been very close.
“Hello Emma,” he said, his voice catching.
Emma stared at him, then looked up at me as if unsure whether she should respond to this strange man.
The woman at Harrison’s side took the initiative, stepping forward.
“Kathleen,” she said. “I’m so happy to meet you. I’m Delia, Harrison’s fiancé.”
Her accent sounded vaguely Caribbean and instead of a polite handshake she enveloped me in a warm hug. I didn’t mind.
Delia bent down to Emma’s level. “Hello, Emma. We’ve been waiting to meet you.”
My daughter looked her over. “Your dress is pretty.”
Delia laughed and hugged her too. “Thank you sweetheart.”
Delia was charming and Emma was all smiles as she took Delia’s hand and followed her into the house. Harrison stayed back, by the door. He watched his fiancé pass by with his niece and then turned to me. An awkward moment of silence ensued.
“I don’t know how to thank you for this, Kat.”
“You already thanked me, Harrison. Anyway, I’m doing this for Emma. And for your mother.” I paused. “I’m still not sure about you.”
He nodded and looked embarrassed. “I’m sorry. And I’m sure you don’t want to hear it after all this time, but you were never just some girl to me. I was devastated when I lost you even though I deserved to. And I know I said a lot of terrible things.”
He had. Harrison found out about Randall and me just before his brother died and he didn’t take the news well. I never got the chance to tell Randall I was pregnant. But in a moment of weakness I went and told Harrison. The last time we spoke he’d called me an evil slut, among other things. He said he and his family would have nothing to do with me, warned that he’d pay me off if he had to. I didn’t give him the chance. In the months that followed there were many nights when I’d lie awake, feeling the baby kick inside my belly and remembering the hatred in the eyes of the man I’d once thought I loved.
