Incandescent
Page 19
“I’m not gonna lie. We sometimes have to do things that you’re not gonna like; that’s just the way it is. We do our best to keep out of that shit, but if we have to, we will go above the law.” She nods, not saying anything.
“You still with me here?” I ask, hoping this isn’t a deal breaker.
“I don’t think I’m ever going to be okay if you break the law, but I think I can deal,” she admits, turning to me, and pulling the sheet up with her to cover herself. I stop her, pulling it off.
“Nix,” she argues, pulling it back up again.
“Don’t hide away from me.” I reach down, throwing the sheet off her again. I don’t like it when she shies away from me. Sometimes she can just let go, forget about the scars, while other times, she’ll hold herself back. I want her to feel confident and comfortable in my bed.
“I don’t want you to look at it,” she confesses. Her voice wavers and her hands cover the marred skin. I reach down and run my finger along the scar.
“Kadence, don’t ever be ashamed in front of me. You’re fuckin’ beautiful. This scar here," I move my finger along the rigid surface, "simply means you’re stronger than that asshole.”
My finger moves to the piercing that Sy gave her. It looks almost healed and so damn sexy; the soft glow of the bedside table lamp hits the golden bar. I play with the barbell, and watch as her belly contracts.
“Will you tell me what happened?”
She rolls onto her back, a breath escaping her in frustration at me asking. “It’s really not that exciting," she assures me, but I doubt that. Something like this is huge.
“Try me,” I push.
"I woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. Zane and I had been fighting that night, but I didn’t think anything of it until I woke up to a noise.” Her head turns to the side, looking directly at me. “I went looking for him, thinking he was still up. I didn’t think it could be anyone else. It was the smoke that hit me first. The smell was almost chocking me.” She takes a deep breath still looking at me. The silence in the room is eerie: me waiting patiently for her to speak and her trying to gather strength to continue. “When I made it down the hall, I couldn't even comprehend that half of my house was burning in front of me. For a moment, I wasn’t sure what to do or where Zane was. It all just happened so quickly; there was an explosion, and when I tried to get out, the door was stuck and the smoke was too thick.” She stops for a moment, letting the details wash over me. Reaching down, I entwine my fingers with hers. She seems so detached, like she is reading from a script, but I know reliving it wouldn't be easy.
“I woke in the hospital the next day after having the first surgery. The police told me the fire was started with two Molotov cocktails through the windows. Zane was nowhere to be found and I was severely burnt to ten percent of my body.”
Fuck me.
“They told me my skin was too damaged; that it wouldn’t be able to regenerate on its own, so the first surgery I went through was to protect the most damaged parts before they could graft it.” She shows me the smoothest part of the burn. The pale skin is taut, not red and raised like the rest. You think that would be the least burnt area.
“Fuck, Kadence,” I say, trying to get my head around it.
“Yeah it was a lot to take in. The second surgery was a grafting; they took skin from my backside and I really wasn’t prepared for the pain of that.” A shudder runs through her as she relives the pain.
“After three weeks, fluid built up underneath the donor skin, preventing it from attaching to the wound. It failed, so they had to re-graft more skin. That time they grafted from inside my thigh. I’m not sure if you’ve ever noticed,” she says, pointing to the slightly different patch of skin. Leaning forward I scan the area. I must admit I haven’t noticed it. My eyes have always been on the prize between her thighs. I had seen the faint area on her ass, but she never acted like it bothered her, so I never commented.
“I stayed in the hospital for three weeks after that one. I wasn’t healthy enough to be able to go home. I gave up, mentally and physically. Looking back, I can see the weakness, but laying in the hospital, I didn’t see it as survival, only how much I had lost.”
“You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met,” I interrupt, not sure if she understands the honesty of my words. She shakes her head in disagreement, a blaze of indignation burning furiously in her eyes.
“I was so worked up over losing my home and Zane, angry that it was all taken away from me. I didn’t want to think about how lucky I was or how strong I was. People around me in that burn unit were dying, fighting for their lives, and I was complaining about this small section of my body. I was selfish and had no idea about being strong until I met Jesse.”
She turns her body to mine, lifting her leg over mine. “That's how I met Jesse. He was the one to show me what it truly meant to survive. I was feeling sorry for myself and he helped pull me from the darkness,” she admits and it all comes together why Jesse is so protective of her. Even though I hate Jesse had that with her, I know she needed him at that time in her life.
“You survived it Kadence and you’re stronger for it,” I tell her. Hearing her story, knowing what she went through burns something inside of me, something I haven’t felt in a long time.
“I know, but it’s a struggle sometimes. Opening myself up to you is scary, Nix. My insecurities leave me feeling so unworthy. I’ve never let anyone in.” Her voice is quiet with the truth.
“I get that. Believe me I do, but hiding your body from me is something you don’t need to do. I swear it. I look at you and I don’t see what you think. I see you, Kadence, the woman who survived that, and if that doesn’t make me want to know more about you, I don’t know what does.”
She shakes her head, still not getting it. “Don’t tell me that if you could choose between a woman with no scars and me, you would choose this.” She points to her burns.
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me, Kadence? Believe me, there is no one I would chose over you,” I tell her, hoping she can hear the honesty in my words. Fuck, this woman is dangerous to me.
“If you say so, Nix.” She rolls her eyes, not trusting a word of it.
“Do you know how beautiful you are?” I ask, concerned she doesn’t.
“Nix,” she says, trying to move her leg off me, but I stop her, holding her to me.
“No, answer me.”
“I’m not ugly,” she laughs, but nothing about this conversation is funny.
“Do you know the moment I laid my eyes on you, I felt the wind knock out of me, like someone just gut-punched me. I was pissed that Addison threw the meetin’ on me, concerned for Z, and I walked in, and fuck me, I nearly fuckin’ fell over. I couldn’t even look you in the eye at first. I had to calm myself down, or who knows what I would have said. Then you threw your attitude and set me on fire.”
“Yeah, when I was fully clothed.” She shakes her head still not getting it.
“Then a week later, you stood in front of me baring this.” I touch her burns again. “Not once did I think any differently. If anything at all, it made sense. You feelin’ unworthy is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. If anythin’, it’s me who is unworthy. You stood there vulnerable, and fuck if that wasn’t beautiful. As much as you hate your scars, I love them, ‘cause they make you, you. The person who stood in front of me, and for the first time ever, let me in. Me. If anyone is unworthy of that, it’s me baby,” I give it to her, letting her see the truth in my words. The first teardrops fall, and for a second, I think I’ve fucked up.
“Don’t cry.” I wipe at her face. Fuck, I have no idea how to deal with tears.
“No one has ever said anything so nice to me before,” she hiccups.
“What, no one?” I ask in disbelief.
“I was going to marry a man who never once said anything as sweet as that.”
“Babe, Zane is all kinds of asshole, I can believe that, but the shit he’s put you in is beyond asshole. He’s a fuckin’ fool for not treasurin’ you. I don’t ever want you to meet with him again,” I tell her, adding that in, hoping she listens. I couldn’t handle her getting hurt once again at his hands.
“Trust me, Nix, I never want to see him again.” She wipes at her face, the tears no longer falling.
"I think it was a setup, him comin' back in town," I say, treading carefully. I don't want to scare her but she needs to know.
"I'll be careful," she promises.
“Good, and next time I see him, he and I are gonna have serious words.”
“Nix, don’t go and do something stupid. It’s not worth it. He's not worth it,” she pleads, her sad eyes now gone and replaced with concern.
“Oh, it will be worth it, Kadence.” I don’t tell her that I’ve already got the boys looking for him. That asshole is going down. She rolls her eyes at me, another thing I have missed all week. Rolling her back over, I cover her body with mine. The urgency to have her again, to worship her body, and prove to her just how beautiful she is, scars and all, pulls at me. This woman consumes me, and it’s time to show her just how much.
***
Nix: Got held up meet me at the club.
I send the text to Kadence once I realize how late it is. We were meant to be staying in for the night, but after another fuck around with one of T’s shipments, he called a meeting to keep us up to date with their new plan regarding Gunner. The sooner they sort this shit out, the better.
Kadence: Okay. Be there in ten.
It will be the third time she’s been here, and each time she gets more comfortable. If only I could get her to agree to come clean to Z. I’m sick of hiding this from him. Even though it’s only been three weeks since that night she opened up to me, I feel like we’re slowly getting somewhere.
“What the fuck you smiling about?” Beau asks, kicking at my foot resting out in front of me.
“Not what, who,” Jesse smiles across from him. Beau looks concerned for a moment before hiding it.
“What the fuck is your problem?” I ask, noticing he is the only one who hasn’t taken to her.
“Don’t like that she’s got ties to Gunner,” he shrugs
“Fuck off. You had a problem with her before that.”
“He’s just pissed she got out under his nose.” Brooks laughs, taking a sip of his beer.
“Fuck you.” He stands and goes to leave.
“Sit the fuck down, you pussy,” I tell him. Ignoring the fact that Brooks is right, Beau has some serious trust issues.
“She knows what we’re about, brother,” I tell him, knowing it will take more than words to get him to trust her. It’s just gonna take time. He nods, knowing what I’m saying. I trust Beau more than anything, and he’s only looking out for me.
“You staying for the party?” Jesse wiggles his eyebrows up and down. The fucker is crazy. He’s already got a blonde bitch on his knee, no doubt he will have another soon.
“Love to see Kadence’s face when she sees one of those parties,” Beau laughs.
“Fuck off. She’ll deal,” I defend her.
“Deal with what?” she asks, walking in wearing her hot teacher get up.
“Especially wearing her uppity clothes,” Beau keeps going. Her eyes narrow to him, but she doesn’t bite. She knows she pissed him off that day she snuck out.
“Hey, baby.” I pull her down on my lap when she gets close enough.
“Hey,” she sighs, not caring we’re in front of all the guys in the middle of the clubhouse. Yeah, my woman fits right in.
“Hey, guys.” She pulls back and turns her body to face the table.
“How was work?” I ask when they get through their hellos.
“Meh, work is work. Glad the week is over.” She goes to stand from my lap, but I hold her in place.
“Want a drink?”
“Are we staying?”
“Was gonna have a few with the boys,” I tell her, waiting to see what she’s gonna do. She needs to get used to the clubhouse lifestyle.
“Okay, yeah, I’ll have a beer,” she smiles, pushing up from my lap.
“Hunter, get my woman a beer,” I yell over to the bar, taking my hands to her waist, and planting her back where she was.
“If I knew you were going to yell at him, I would have gotten up to get it myself,” she whispers so the others don’t hear.
“That’s his job, baby. He likes gettin’ me beers,” I tell her, smiling, but she just shakes her head.
“You ready to see yourself a real Knights Rebels’ party?” Jesse asks her a few minutes later.
“I’m sure it’s not that crazy, Jesse.” She rolls her eyes, not understanding just how serious these boys like to party
I laugh on the inside; the woman has no idea.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kadence
Holy shit.
That’s the only thought I have lying in Nix’s bed at the clubhouse the next morning. Jesse was right. The Knights Rebels sure know how to party. My head throbs as I try to roll out from under Nix.
“Don’t move,” he groans into his pillow.
“Need bathroom,” I say, beginning to sound like Nix. I need the bathroom and I need it now. He rolls to the side releasing me from his body. I barely make it to the toilet to bring up who knows what. Fuck. I drank way too much. After Jesse explained just how much the Knights Rebels like to party, I decided I need a few drinks if I was about to witness something like that.
“You still with me here?” I ask, hoping this isn’t a deal breaker.
“I don’t think I’m ever going to be okay if you break the law, but I think I can deal,” she admits, turning to me, and pulling the sheet up with her to cover herself. I stop her, pulling it off.
“Nix,” she argues, pulling it back up again.
“Don’t hide away from me.” I reach down, throwing the sheet off her again. I don’t like it when she shies away from me. Sometimes she can just let go, forget about the scars, while other times, she’ll hold herself back. I want her to feel confident and comfortable in my bed.
“I don’t want you to look at it,” she confesses. Her voice wavers and her hands cover the marred skin. I reach down and run my finger along the scar.
“Kadence, don’t ever be ashamed in front of me. You’re fuckin’ beautiful. This scar here," I move my finger along the rigid surface, "simply means you’re stronger than that asshole.”
My finger moves to the piercing that Sy gave her. It looks almost healed and so damn sexy; the soft glow of the bedside table lamp hits the golden bar. I play with the barbell, and watch as her belly contracts.
“Will you tell me what happened?”
She rolls onto her back, a breath escaping her in frustration at me asking. “It’s really not that exciting," she assures me, but I doubt that. Something like this is huge.
“Try me,” I push.
"I woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. Zane and I had been fighting that night, but I didn’t think anything of it until I woke up to a noise.” Her head turns to the side, looking directly at me. “I went looking for him, thinking he was still up. I didn’t think it could be anyone else. It was the smoke that hit me first. The smell was almost chocking me.” She takes a deep breath still looking at me. The silence in the room is eerie: me waiting patiently for her to speak and her trying to gather strength to continue. “When I made it down the hall, I couldn't even comprehend that half of my house was burning in front of me. For a moment, I wasn’t sure what to do or where Zane was. It all just happened so quickly; there was an explosion, and when I tried to get out, the door was stuck and the smoke was too thick.” She stops for a moment, letting the details wash over me. Reaching down, I entwine my fingers with hers. She seems so detached, like she is reading from a script, but I know reliving it wouldn't be easy.
“I woke in the hospital the next day after having the first surgery. The police told me the fire was started with two Molotov cocktails through the windows. Zane was nowhere to be found and I was severely burnt to ten percent of my body.”
Fuck me.
“They told me my skin was too damaged; that it wouldn’t be able to regenerate on its own, so the first surgery I went through was to protect the most damaged parts before they could graft it.” She shows me the smoothest part of the burn. The pale skin is taut, not red and raised like the rest. You think that would be the least burnt area.
“Fuck, Kadence,” I say, trying to get my head around it.
“Yeah it was a lot to take in. The second surgery was a grafting; they took skin from my backside and I really wasn’t prepared for the pain of that.” A shudder runs through her as she relives the pain.
“After three weeks, fluid built up underneath the donor skin, preventing it from attaching to the wound. It failed, so they had to re-graft more skin. That time they grafted from inside my thigh. I’m not sure if you’ve ever noticed,” she says, pointing to the slightly different patch of skin. Leaning forward I scan the area. I must admit I haven’t noticed it. My eyes have always been on the prize between her thighs. I had seen the faint area on her ass, but she never acted like it bothered her, so I never commented.
“I stayed in the hospital for three weeks after that one. I wasn’t healthy enough to be able to go home. I gave up, mentally and physically. Looking back, I can see the weakness, but laying in the hospital, I didn’t see it as survival, only how much I had lost.”
“You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met,” I interrupt, not sure if she understands the honesty of my words. She shakes her head in disagreement, a blaze of indignation burning furiously in her eyes.
“I was so worked up over losing my home and Zane, angry that it was all taken away from me. I didn’t want to think about how lucky I was or how strong I was. People around me in that burn unit were dying, fighting for their lives, and I was complaining about this small section of my body. I was selfish and had no idea about being strong until I met Jesse.”
She turns her body to mine, lifting her leg over mine. “That's how I met Jesse. He was the one to show me what it truly meant to survive. I was feeling sorry for myself and he helped pull me from the darkness,” she admits and it all comes together why Jesse is so protective of her. Even though I hate Jesse had that with her, I know she needed him at that time in her life.
“You survived it Kadence and you’re stronger for it,” I tell her. Hearing her story, knowing what she went through burns something inside of me, something I haven’t felt in a long time.
“I know, but it’s a struggle sometimes. Opening myself up to you is scary, Nix. My insecurities leave me feeling so unworthy. I’ve never let anyone in.” Her voice is quiet with the truth.
“I get that. Believe me I do, but hiding your body from me is something you don’t need to do. I swear it. I look at you and I don’t see what you think. I see you, Kadence, the woman who survived that, and if that doesn’t make me want to know more about you, I don’t know what does.”
She shakes her head, still not getting it. “Don’t tell me that if you could choose between a woman with no scars and me, you would choose this.” She points to her burns.
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me, Kadence? Believe me, there is no one I would chose over you,” I tell her, hoping she can hear the honesty in my words. Fuck, this woman is dangerous to me.
“If you say so, Nix.” She rolls her eyes, not trusting a word of it.
“Do you know how beautiful you are?” I ask, concerned she doesn’t.
“Nix,” she says, trying to move her leg off me, but I stop her, holding her to me.
“No, answer me.”
“I’m not ugly,” she laughs, but nothing about this conversation is funny.
“Do you know the moment I laid my eyes on you, I felt the wind knock out of me, like someone just gut-punched me. I was pissed that Addison threw the meetin’ on me, concerned for Z, and I walked in, and fuck me, I nearly fuckin’ fell over. I couldn’t even look you in the eye at first. I had to calm myself down, or who knows what I would have said. Then you threw your attitude and set me on fire.”
“Yeah, when I was fully clothed.” She shakes her head still not getting it.
“Then a week later, you stood in front of me baring this.” I touch her burns again. “Not once did I think any differently. If anything at all, it made sense. You feelin’ unworthy is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. If anythin’, it’s me who is unworthy. You stood there vulnerable, and fuck if that wasn’t beautiful. As much as you hate your scars, I love them, ‘cause they make you, you. The person who stood in front of me, and for the first time ever, let me in. Me. If anyone is unworthy of that, it’s me baby,” I give it to her, letting her see the truth in my words. The first teardrops fall, and for a second, I think I’ve fucked up.
“Don’t cry.” I wipe at her face. Fuck, I have no idea how to deal with tears.
“No one has ever said anything so nice to me before,” she hiccups.
“What, no one?” I ask in disbelief.
“I was going to marry a man who never once said anything as sweet as that.”
“Babe, Zane is all kinds of asshole, I can believe that, but the shit he’s put you in is beyond asshole. He’s a fuckin’ fool for not treasurin’ you. I don’t ever want you to meet with him again,” I tell her, adding that in, hoping she listens. I couldn’t handle her getting hurt once again at his hands.
“Trust me, Nix, I never want to see him again.” She wipes at her face, the tears no longer falling.
"I think it was a setup, him comin' back in town," I say, treading carefully. I don't want to scare her but she needs to know.
"I'll be careful," she promises.
“Good, and next time I see him, he and I are gonna have serious words.”
“Nix, don’t go and do something stupid. It’s not worth it. He's not worth it,” she pleads, her sad eyes now gone and replaced with concern.
“Oh, it will be worth it, Kadence.” I don’t tell her that I’ve already got the boys looking for him. That asshole is going down. She rolls her eyes at me, another thing I have missed all week. Rolling her back over, I cover her body with mine. The urgency to have her again, to worship her body, and prove to her just how beautiful she is, scars and all, pulls at me. This woman consumes me, and it’s time to show her just how much.
***
Nix: Got held up meet me at the club.
I send the text to Kadence once I realize how late it is. We were meant to be staying in for the night, but after another fuck around with one of T’s shipments, he called a meeting to keep us up to date with their new plan regarding Gunner. The sooner they sort this shit out, the better.
Kadence: Okay. Be there in ten.
It will be the third time she’s been here, and each time she gets more comfortable. If only I could get her to agree to come clean to Z. I’m sick of hiding this from him. Even though it’s only been three weeks since that night she opened up to me, I feel like we’re slowly getting somewhere.
“What the fuck you smiling about?” Beau asks, kicking at my foot resting out in front of me.
“Not what, who,” Jesse smiles across from him. Beau looks concerned for a moment before hiding it.
“What the fuck is your problem?” I ask, noticing he is the only one who hasn’t taken to her.
“Don’t like that she’s got ties to Gunner,” he shrugs
“Fuck off. You had a problem with her before that.”
“He’s just pissed she got out under his nose.” Brooks laughs, taking a sip of his beer.
“Fuck you.” He stands and goes to leave.
“Sit the fuck down, you pussy,” I tell him. Ignoring the fact that Brooks is right, Beau has some serious trust issues.
“She knows what we’re about, brother,” I tell him, knowing it will take more than words to get him to trust her. It’s just gonna take time. He nods, knowing what I’m saying. I trust Beau more than anything, and he’s only looking out for me.
“You staying for the party?” Jesse wiggles his eyebrows up and down. The fucker is crazy. He’s already got a blonde bitch on his knee, no doubt he will have another soon.
“Love to see Kadence’s face when she sees one of those parties,” Beau laughs.
“Fuck off. She’ll deal,” I defend her.
“Deal with what?” she asks, walking in wearing her hot teacher get up.
“Especially wearing her uppity clothes,” Beau keeps going. Her eyes narrow to him, but she doesn’t bite. She knows she pissed him off that day she snuck out.
“Hey, baby.” I pull her down on my lap when she gets close enough.
“Hey,” she sighs, not caring we’re in front of all the guys in the middle of the clubhouse. Yeah, my woman fits right in.
“Hey, guys.” She pulls back and turns her body to face the table.
“How was work?” I ask when they get through their hellos.
“Meh, work is work. Glad the week is over.” She goes to stand from my lap, but I hold her in place.
“Want a drink?”
“Are we staying?”
“Was gonna have a few with the boys,” I tell her, waiting to see what she’s gonna do. She needs to get used to the clubhouse lifestyle.
“Okay, yeah, I’ll have a beer,” she smiles, pushing up from my lap.
“Hunter, get my woman a beer,” I yell over to the bar, taking my hands to her waist, and planting her back where she was.
“If I knew you were going to yell at him, I would have gotten up to get it myself,” she whispers so the others don’t hear.
“That’s his job, baby. He likes gettin’ me beers,” I tell her, smiling, but she just shakes her head.
“You ready to see yourself a real Knights Rebels’ party?” Jesse asks her a few minutes later.
“I’m sure it’s not that crazy, Jesse.” She rolls her eyes, not understanding just how serious these boys like to party
I laugh on the inside; the woman has no idea.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kadence
Holy shit.
That’s the only thought I have lying in Nix’s bed at the clubhouse the next morning. Jesse was right. The Knights Rebels sure know how to party. My head throbs as I try to roll out from under Nix.
“Don’t move,” he groans into his pillow.
“Need bathroom,” I say, beginning to sound like Nix. I need the bathroom and I need it now. He rolls to the side releasing me from his body. I barely make it to the toilet to bring up who knows what. Fuck. I drank way too much. After Jesse explained just how much the Knights Rebels like to party, I decided I need a few drinks if I was about to witness something like that.
