Incandescent
Page 8
After the first time, Nix made sure he looked after me repeatedly. We both cut the bullshit bickering. Even though that part of our attraction is fun, it was as if we had finally found a level ground. I finally started to relax and we opened up to each other more. Since my accident, I have always kept myself covered, especially when being intimate. The one other person I’ve been with since the accident never argued with my request to turn the lights out or keep my clothes on. Even alone in the safety of my own bed, I’ve kept myself shielded. Until Nix. I knew he would push the issue. I saw it in his eyes when I asked him to turn the light off. He’s not the type of man to back down. So instead of pushing him away and hiding myself, I sucked it up and exposed the one piece of myself I don't like people to see.
For one night, I allowed him to see my scarred body. I laid bare the ugliness that I keep hidden, the disfigured part of me that no matter what I say, no matter what I do, will always stare back at me, reminding me that I’ll never be the same woman I was.
Creeping my way out in the early hours of the morning was low; I’m not going to deny it, but the whole night was a whirlwind of contradictions. After our second round, I was becoming too comfortable in his home, laying naked in his bed. I knew I was in way over my head and Nix was showing no signs of brushing me off. We connected, and as much as that sounds clichéd or even pathetic, we both felt it. It terrified me. It made me feel things that I had no business feeling, so I did the only thing I thought I could do. I ran. I ran so I wouldn’t have to face him and try to explain why we shouldn’t see each other again. Only now, it’s so much worse.
Remembering I’m sitting in front of the very person I tried to avoid, I force my mind to forget Nix and our night together, and focus on the reasons why we are here.
“Zayden’s —” I say, looking directly at Ms. Knight, making sure I use his full name. I watch her roll her eyes but I continue, “— recent behavior in class concerns me. This last week alone, I’ve had to pull him out of class every day for his rude behavior to not only the other students but also to me. He’s not concentrating. I’ve found it hard to engage with him and now he’s just completely withdrawn. In the span of few weeks, I’ve seen him go from easygoing to downright angry.” I take a breath hoping I don’t mess this up. I’m trying to keep it together, but the way Nix keeps looking at me, I'm about to fall into a mess on the floor.
Nix’s gaze softens. He nods his head, agreeing with my assessment, while Z’s mom just stares straight at me, no emotion to the facts of what I’m telling them. “I’m not sure if something has happened that you know of, something that could be making him lash out, or if it’s something in the playground or the classroom, but I’m concerned. I have tried to talk with him, pulled him aside to see if I could help, but I don’t feel like I’m getting through. At this stage, I would suggest the school counselor, someone neutral he can speak with, without any judgment. I can schedule that for him but I thought it was best to bring it to your attention first, offer you a chance to see if you want to address the issue yourselves,” I say, treading carefully. I’d hate to think that something at home could be causing it, but nine times out of ten, these sorts of things are.
“Well, I can assure you it’s nothing at home. Isn’t that right, babe?” Addison looks over at Nix.
“Jesus, woman, will you cut the fuckin’ act?” Nix bellows out. I’m startled for a moment. The intensity of his voice after being so quiet echoes in the empty classroom. His fist comes down on the desk in front of him, frightening me at the loud bang.
“Addi.” He turns to face her, his large frame in a smaller chair looking every bit uncomfortable. His nickname for her does something to me that I have no idea how to process. “You and I both know something is going on with Z. I told you last week to talk to him. You failed to do it. Now, for once in his goddamn life, will you be the fucking mother I know you can be.” He runs his hands over his face in frustration.
“Nix, he is fine,” she responds, shaking her head like this whole thing is a waste of her time. “This is ridiculous. You know our son; it’s just hormones. Let him be a boy.”
I suddenly feel like I shouldn't be in this conversation. For one, I do not agree with her. Yes, Z is a boy, probably about to hit puberty, but he has gone from top of my class to detention every day; something is not adding up.
“Like fuck it’s hormones. I've seen him pull back, and if you were a good mother, you would have seen it too. I fuckin' knew this shit was comin’,” Nix argues, shaking his head.
Looking over at Addison, I see her face fall and I feel a little sorry for her. If my husband, ex or not, spoke to me in front of someone like that, I too would feel embarrassed.
“Maybe I can suggest—” I begin to say before Addison cuts me off.
“No, that’s quite all right. You’ve done enough. Thanks for letting us know. We will deal with this at home, as a family,” she responds coolly, rising from her chair. She looks down at Nix. “Will you walk me out, Nix?”
“Sit your ass down, now,” he instructs her, still looking at me, not buying into her dramatics. She stands for a moment longer, not sure what to do, until she finally sits.
“Is there anythin’ else?” His anger is evident, but I can feel his concern. I don’t know what to say. I want to encourage them to seek some help, advise that ignoring it will only make it worse, but after Addison’s outburst, I’m afraid I’ll just argue with her. The woman apparently doesn’t give a shit, but I do, and if I were his mother, I would be doing everything to find out what was happening.
“Z’s not a bad kid,” I say, knowing I just used the name Z, but my eyes are now firmly on Nix because he seems to be the only one concerned for his son. “But I am certain something is or has happened. Giving him detention every day for his behavior isn’t going to stop him. He has proven that each time when he pushes further. I think if we can work together, then we can help him sort through this,” I finish. Nix looks worried as he takes in my advice. Addison just looks bored.
“I don’t believe my concerns are unwarranted,” I add before Addison starts to whine again. “You know yourselves something is not right. At the very least, I would suggest talking to him, encouraging him to open up, but if that’s something that you don’t think he will talk to either of you about, then the school counselor is going to be your best outcome.”
“Book it in,” he agrees.
“Nix,” Addison whines beside him.
“Shut it, Addison. I told you to talk to him last week. I’ve tried talkin’ to him but he won’t open up to me. Far as I know, it could be somethin’ I’m doin’.” He looks to me again. “Book it in.”
I nod, agreeing with his decision.
“Nix, we can sort this out as a family.”
“Family?” He looks to her like the idea of it offends him. “We stopped being a fuckin’ family when you stopped caring.”
“Nix.”
“Save it, Addison. Let's go,” he orders, rising from his chair.
She huffs out a breath standing, and then storms herself out of the room.
“Thanks’ for lettin’ us know. Appreciate it,” Nix mutters, still not looking at me.
“No problem. I hope we can sort it out,” I reply, still waiting for him to look at me. Now that his eyes have left mine, I feel a sense of loss. He nods and then, without a backward glance, he follows Addison out, leaving me alone.
Releasing a shaky breath, I lean forward over my desk and try to get my racing heart under control. I congratulate myself on getting through my first encounter with him. Granted, he was pissed we didn’t talk, but obviously something is going on with Z and that’s our main concern right now. I just hope we can sort it out and get him to open up before his behavior escalates. I’m glad that I got through the meeting. I just pray next time I see him, he will be over his anger, and we can carry on as if nothing has happened. I hope I can say the same for myself. Falling for a sexy hot biker is one thing, a parent to one of my students is another.
Chapter Eight
Nix
Walking back into her classroom, I slam the door shut. The loud bang vibrates the walls in the empty room. My anger is barely controllable. Between her and Addison, I need to calm myself, but I don’t know how. Her head comes up fast from her paperwork, and confusion washes over her face.
“What?” she begins to say before I hold my hand up, cutting her off. I have no time for her fucking bullshit excuses. I’ve come back in order to say what I need to say.
“You got two options here, Kadence. Shut it and let me talk, or have me bend you over the table and spank your ass for the shit you pulled the other night.” Her mouth closes fast, and my eyes are drawn to her throat, watching the movement of her swallowing. Great, I have her fucking attention.
Once I walked Addison out, I gave her another wake-up call: either start helping me parent our child or I take sole custody. She left in a huff, annoyed that I was siding with Kadence. It’s not about taking sides. Something is going on with our son and I don’t know how to get through to him. Kadence is right; we need to get a handle on this. I hung back trying to calm myself before getting on my bike pissed. Between the piss-poor excuse Addison just showed as a mother and the uneasiness I’m feeling knowing Z is dealing with some shit, there was no way I would have been able to ride. Something is going on with my boy and knowing that he won’t talk to me guts me.
When I first got the notice that Kadence called a meeting, a small part of me thought that she was playing her games again, a test of some kind. That theory went out the window when I saw her sitting there, uncomfortable beyond anything, while at the same time trying not to respond to me. Waiting five minutes did nothing to calm me, so I decide I needed to confront her. I needed to know why she ran.
After checking the halls to make sure no one was hanging around, I discovered we were the last ones here for the day, making this the perfect time to have it out with her. Waking up alone in bed on Sunday, I was pissed, beyond pissed, and for the last five days, I’ve been stewing on it.
“What the fuck, Kadence?”
“What?” she stammers, and my hand comes up, silencing her again as I walk closer. She instantly quiets, and I can’t hide my smile at the way she responds to my demands. Her eyes narrow at my smugness, but I don’t give her chance to throw attitude. I’m already on the edge; her smartass mouth might just push me over.
“Push it, cause I’m itching to spank your ass, woman,” I say, hoping that’s how we will end here tonight. “Why’d you leave?” I ask the question that’s been going around my head all week. She looks at me not saying anything, the silence deafening in the small room. “Are you going to answer me?” I demand after a moment of her just watching me.
“Oh, I can talk now, can I?” she retorts, folding her arms over her chest.
Running my hands over my face, I let out a frustrated sigh. “Fuck me. You always this difficult?”
“Only when men think they can boss me around,” she responds, rising from her chair. “Go home, Nix. We’re done. We agreed to one night. No need to get worked up about it,” she says, walking around to the front of her desk. She’s wearing another one of those fucking tight skirts again, and it just pisses me off more.
“Bullshit. You and I were both there that night. Don’t act like you didn’t feel it,” I say, revealing more than I wanted.
She had snuck out sometime in the early morning and I didn’t even notice. Sure, we agreed it was a one-night thing, but it still pissed me off that she didn’t say goodbye, or didn't give me a chance to let her know I wanted to see her again. If I'm being honest, it was more than that. I thought we had made a connection. Yeah, she was my kid’s teacher, but it’s not like we couldn’t work past that. The night turned from intense sex to something more, something I wanted to explore. Fuck, I sound like I grew a pussy overnight. I never acted like this. Fuck knows why I’m starting now.
“Phoenix, I had a great night, but this thing between us,” she motions her hand in front of her, “it won’t work.” I move closer, now standing in front of her.
“Bullshit, Kadence,” I argue. “You and I both know that’s not true. The three times I had you proved that we would work.” A slight blush strokes her cheek.
“Just because we had good sex doesn’t mean anything, Nix,” she fights back, thinking that’s all this was. Fuck no.
“It was more than good sex, Kadence. It was fuckin’ phenomenal. You know it. I know it.” She rolls her eyes, but not before I get a glimpse of her agreement.
“Turn around and put your hands on the desk,” I demand, wanting to remind her just how good it was. My control slips each time she informs me we won’t work. I'll fucking show her just how much we work.
“No,” she fires back, but I can see the fight in her body.
Leaning in closer, I reach out and grab her from behind the neck. Her body shivers at the contact and I smirk knowing how much I affect her.
“Turn around and put your hands on the goddamn desk,” I grit out the demand again, knowing that she’s fighting an internal battle. She holds her ground, not giving in. I’m not surprised though; she’s more bullheaded than me.
“Come on, Miss Turner. Let me soothe that ache I know you got buildin’,” I murmur into her ear. I don’t miss the tremor that runs through her body, before she slowly turns, bends forward and places both hands on the desk. Fuck, yes. Her submission stirs my cock to life.
For one night, I allowed him to see my scarred body. I laid bare the ugliness that I keep hidden, the disfigured part of me that no matter what I say, no matter what I do, will always stare back at me, reminding me that I’ll never be the same woman I was.
Creeping my way out in the early hours of the morning was low; I’m not going to deny it, but the whole night was a whirlwind of contradictions. After our second round, I was becoming too comfortable in his home, laying naked in his bed. I knew I was in way over my head and Nix was showing no signs of brushing me off. We connected, and as much as that sounds clichéd or even pathetic, we both felt it. It terrified me. It made me feel things that I had no business feeling, so I did the only thing I thought I could do. I ran. I ran so I wouldn’t have to face him and try to explain why we shouldn’t see each other again. Only now, it’s so much worse.
Remembering I’m sitting in front of the very person I tried to avoid, I force my mind to forget Nix and our night together, and focus on the reasons why we are here.
“Zayden’s —” I say, looking directly at Ms. Knight, making sure I use his full name. I watch her roll her eyes but I continue, “— recent behavior in class concerns me. This last week alone, I’ve had to pull him out of class every day for his rude behavior to not only the other students but also to me. He’s not concentrating. I’ve found it hard to engage with him and now he’s just completely withdrawn. In the span of few weeks, I’ve seen him go from easygoing to downright angry.” I take a breath hoping I don’t mess this up. I’m trying to keep it together, but the way Nix keeps looking at me, I'm about to fall into a mess on the floor.
Nix’s gaze softens. He nods his head, agreeing with my assessment, while Z’s mom just stares straight at me, no emotion to the facts of what I’m telling them. “I’m not sure if something has happened that you know of, something that could be making him lash out, or if it’s something in the playground or the classroom, but I’m concerned. I have tried to talk with him, pulled him aside to see if I could help, but I don’t feel like I’m getting through. At this stage, I would suggest the school counselor, someone neutral he can speak with, without any judgment. I can schedule that for him but I thought it was best to bring it to your attention first, offer you a chance to see if you want to address the issue yourselves,” I say, treading carefully. I’d hate to think that something at home could be causing it, but nine times out of ten, these sorts of things are.
“Well, I can assure you it’s nothing at home. Isn’t that right, babe?” Addison looks over at Nix.
“Jesus, woman, will you cut the fuckin’ act?” Nix bellows out. I’m startled for a moment. The intensity of his voice after being so quiet echoes in the empty classroom. His fist comes down on the desk in front of him, frightening me at the loud bang.
“Addi.” He turns to face her, his large frame in a smaller chair looking every bit uncomfortable. His nickname for her does something to me that I have no idea how to process. “You and I both know something is going on with Z. I told you last week to talk to him. You failed to do it. Now, for once in his goddamn life, will you be the fucking mother I know you can be.” He runs his hands over his face in frustration.
“Nix, he is fine,” she responds, shaking her head like this whole thing is a waste of her time. “This is ridiculous. You know our son; it’s just hormones. Let him be a boy.”
I suddenly feel like I shouldn't be in this conversation. For one, I do not agree with her. Yes, Z is a boy, probably about to hit puberty, but he has gone from top of my class to detention every day; something is not adding up.
“Like fuck it’s hormones. I've seen him pull back, and if you were a good mother, you would have seen it too. I fuckin' knew this shit was comin’,” Nix argues, shaking his head.
Looking over at Addison, I see her face fall and I feel a little sorry for her. If my husband, ex or not, spoke to me in front of someone like that, I too would feel embarrassed.
“Maybe I can suggest—” I begin to say before Addison cuts me off.
“No, that’s quite all right. You’ve done enough. Thanks for letting us know. We will deal with this at home, as a family,” she responds coolly, rising from her chair. She looks down at Nix. “Will you walk me out, Nix?”
“Sit your ass down, now,” he instructs her, still looking at me, not buying into her dramatics. She stands for a moment longer, not sure what to do, until she finally sits.
“Is there anythin’ else?” His anger is evident, but I can feel his concern. I don’t know what to say. I want to encourage them to seek some help, advise that ignoring it will only make it worse, but after Addison’s outburst, I’m afraid I’ll just argue with her. The woman apparently doesn’t give a shit, but I do, and if I were his mother, I would be doing everything to find out what was happening.
“Z’s not a bad kid,” I say, knowing I just used the name Z, but my eyes are now firmly on Nix because he seems to be the only one concerned for his son. “But I am certain something is or has happened. Giving him detention every day for his behavior isn’t going to stop him. He has proven that each time when he pushes further. I think if we can work together, then we can help him sort through this,” I finish. Nix looks worried as he takes in my advice. Addison just looks bored.
“I don’t believe my concerns are unwarranted,” I add before Addison starts to whine again. “You know yourselves something is not right. At the very least, I would suggest talking to him, encouraging him to open up, but if that’s something that you don’t think he will talk to either of you about, then the school counselor is going to be your best outcome.”
“Book it in,” he agrees.
“Nix,” Addison whines beside him.
“Shut it, Addison. I told you to talk to him last week. I’ve tried talkin’ to him but he won’t open up to me. Far as I know, it could be somethin’ I’m doin’.” He looks to me again. “Book it in.”
I nod, agreeing with his decision.
“Nix, we can sort this out as a family.”
“Family?” He looks to her like the idea of it offends him. “We stopped being a fuckin’ family when you stopped caring.”
“Nix.”
“Save it, Addison. Let's go,” he orders, rising from his chair.
She huffs out a breath standing, and then storms herself out of the room.
“Thanks’ for lettin’ us know. Appreciate it,” Nix mutters, still not looking at me.
“No problem. I hope we can sort it out,” I reply, still waiting for him to look at me. Now that his eyes have left mine, I feel a sense of loss. He nods and then, without a backward glance, he follows Addison out, leaving me alone.
Releasing a shaky breath, I lean forward over my desk and try to get my racing heart under control. I congratulate myself on getting through my first encounter with him. Granted, he was pissed we didn’t talk, but obviously something is going on with Z and that’s our main concern right now. I just hope we can sort it out and get him to open up before his behavior escalates. I’m glad that I got through the meeting. I just pray next time I see him, he will be over his anger, and we can carry on as if nothing has happened. I hope I can say the same for myself. Falling for a sexy hot biker is one thing, a parent to one of my students is another.
Chapter Eight
Nix
Walking back into her classroom, I slam the door shut. The loud bang vibrates the walls in the empty room. My anger is barely controllable. Between her and Addison, I need to calm myself, but I don’t know how. Her head comes up fast from her paperwork, and confusion washes over her face.
“What?” she begins to say before I hold my hand up, cutting her off. I have no time for her fucking bullshit excuses. I’ve come back in order to say what I need to say.
“You got two options here, Kadence. Shut it and let me talk, or have me bend you over the table and spank your ass for the shit you pulled the other night.” Her mouth closes fast, and my eyes are drawn to her throat, watching the movement of her swallowing. Great, I have her fucking attention.
Once I walked Addison out, I gave her another wake-up call: either start helping me parent our child or I take sole custody. She left in a huff, annoyed that I was siding with Kadence. It’s not about taking sides. Something is going on with our son and I don’t know how to get through to him. Kadence is right; we need to get a handle on this. I hung back trying to calm myself before getting on my bike pissed. Between the piss-poor excuse Addison just showed as a mother and the uneasiness I’m feeling knowing Z is dealing with some shit, there was no way I would have been able to ride. Something is going on with my boy and knowing that he won’t talk to me guts me.
When I first got the notice that Kadence called a meeting, a small part of me thought that she was playing her games again, a test of some kind. That theory went out the window when I saw her sitting there, uncomfortable beyond anything, while at the same time trying not to respond to me. Waiting five minutes did nothing to calm me, so I decide I needed to confront her. I needed to know why she ran.
After checking the halls to make sure no one was hanging around, I discovered we were the last ones here for the day, making this the perfect time to have it out with her. Waking up alone in bed on Sunday, I was pissed, beyond pissed, and for the last five days, I’ve been stewing on it.
“What the fuck, Kadence?”
“What?” she stammers, and my hand comes up, silencing her again as I walk closer. She instantly quiets, and I can’t hide my smile at the way she responds to my demands. Her eyes narrow at my smugness, but I don’t give her chance to throw attitude. I’m already on the edge; her smartass mouth might just push me over.
“Push it, cause I’m itching to spank your ass, woman,” I say, hoping that’s how we will end here tonight. “Why’d you leave?” I ask the question that’s been going around my head all week. She looks at me not saying anything, the silence deafening in the small room. “Are you going to answer me?” I demand after a moment of her just watching me.
“Oh, I can talk now, can I?” she retorts, folding her arms over her chest.
Running my hands over my face, I let out a frustrated sigh. “Fuck me. You always this difficult?”
“Only when men think they can boss me around,” she responds, rising from her chair. “Go home, Nix. We’re done. We agreed to one night. No need to get worked up about it,” she says, walking around to the front of her desk. She’s wearing another one of those fucking tight skirts again, and it just pisses me off more.
“Bullshit. You and I were both there that night. Don’t act like you didn’t feel it,” I say, revealing more than I wanted.
She had snuck out sometime in the early morning and I didn’t even notice. Sure, we agreed it was a one-night thing, but it still pissed me off that she didn’t say goodbye, or didn't give me a chance to let her know I wanted to see her again. If I'm being honest, it was more than that. I thought we had made a connection. Yeah, she was my kid’s teacher, but it’s not like we couldn’t work past that. The night turned from intense sex to something more, something I wanted to explore. Fuck, I sound like I grew a pussy overnight. I never acted like this. Fuck knows why I’m starting now.
“Phoenix, I had a great night, but this thing between us,” she motions her hand in front of her, “it won’t work.” I move closer, now standing in front of her.
“Bullshit, Kadence,” I argue. “You and I both know that’s not true. The three times I had you proved that we would work.” A slight blush strokes her cheek.
“Just because we had good sex doesn’t mean anything, Nix,” she fights back, thinking that’s all this was. Fuck no.
“It was more than good sex, Kadence. It was fuckin’ phenomenal. You know it. I know it.” She rolls her eyes, but not before I get a glimpse of her agreement.
“Turn around and put your hands on the desk,” I demand, wanting to remind her just how good it was. My control slips each time she informs me we won’t work. I'll fucking show her just how much we work.
“No,” she fires back, but I can see the fight in her body.
Leaning in closer, I reach out and grab her from behind the neck. Her body shivers at the contact and I smirk knowing how much I affect her.
“Turn around and put your hands on the goddamn desk,” I grit out the demand again, knowing that she’s fighting an internal battle. She holds her ground, not giving in. I’m not surprised though; she’s more bullheaded than me.
“Come on, Miss Turner. Let me soothe that ache I know you got buildin’,” I murmur into her ear. I don’t miss the tremor that runs through her body, before she slowly turns, bends forward and places both hands on the desk. Fuck, yes. Her submission stirs my cock to life.
