Inside Out
Page 64
Cope wanted to protect her from anything and everything that could harm her. He wanted to wrap her up and keep her safe. Holding her there as she couldn’t even look him in the eye over something she was not at fault for was torture. Because he wanted to fix it for her, and he couldn’t.
“Part of you will probably always react that way. It’s meant to be there, Ella. It’s the survival instinct.”
“When I first left, for months after that, I didn’t have panic attacks. I didn’t freeze up at random. He didn’t hit me every day. Not even every month. He terrorized me and made me small. That was his control. So when I left, I had it back. And then it slipped away.”
“I imagine someone breaking into your apartment with the intention of killing you would kick that animal part of a person into high gear.”
“I’d like very much to be normal all the time. Or at least crazy in good ways.”
“Everyone’s a little crazy. Life makes a person crazy. You’ve endured a lot, and yet you’re surviving. Thriving. Graduating with your master’s degree! You have a new job. You have friends who love you. You have parents who love you. And me.”
Once he said it, he couldn’t not say it again. He now had a powerful need to make sure she understood just exactly what he meant.
“I know. I’d planned to wait to tell you for at least a few more weeks. But I’ve known you for years. I’ve known you and been falling in love with you every minute of the last six years. You’re going to say it’s sudden. You’re going to say I don’t know what I’m feeling. And so I’m going to stop you before you do and tell you I know my own heart. I know the difference between how it feels to hold you, between what it means to know when you pick up one of my phone calls, I’ll hear the smile in your voice, and how it has ever been before. I love you, Ella.”
She gaped, starting to speak and breaking off several times. He satisfied himself by kissing each one of her fingertips and thinking up ways to make her come as she reeled through ways to deny what he was saying and couldn’t.
Finally she slumped, snuggling into him and whispered, “I’m glad I’m not alone.”
“No arguments?”
“I’m leaving a door open for you to exit through gracefully if I finally reveal something horrifying to you. I wouldn’t blame you.”
“Now you’re insulting me and my taste.”
She snorted, but stayed cuddled on his lap. “Well, you fell off the gorgeous blond woman wagon and into me. Jeez, Andrew, I can see the difference between me and the women you’re usually with.”
He pinched her side, but not hard enough to really hurt. “Hey. You know what else? Who am I with right now? You. Yes, you are different and that is why I love you and can’t even remember any of them. Hell, Red, I can barely remember my own name when you come into a room.”
“You’ve befuddled me on a regular basis for years now,” she muttered. “And you’re still doing it.”
It was his turn to snort. “Good. It’ll keep us both on our toes. Gonna be a bit of a bumpy ride, I imagine. At least you’re female and there’s only one of you. Maybe my dad will finally be satisfied. But it’s doubtful you’ll be spending any time with him anyway.”
She sat upright and swung her leg around to straddle his lap and face him. All thoughts other than shoving his c**k deep inside her as she rode him just like this flittered away. His hands moved to the curve of her waist, and she cocked her head, giving him a good look.
“Tell me. I’m not going to say a word to anyone. Don’t carry it around with you.”
She’d opened up to him, and he yearned to share, so he did. “He tried to punch me.” He said it fast, in one burst of air and sound. “He called Ben and said horrible things. I can’t repeat it because it’s vile and because I promised Ben. But it was enough that I went to see him to urge him to get his act together and mend fences because it was nearly too late. He didn’t react well. I haven’t been over to their house or spoken with him since that day. I’m worried about my mom. I haven’t told her about it, but she knows something worse than usual happened.”
She kissed his cheeks before sliding her arms around him and hugging him. “I wish I could help you.”
“You do. That’s what you’re not hearing. You make me better just by being around.”
“Ditto,” she said with a sniffle. She moved a bit and then giggled. God, he loved making her giggle. “Um, it feels like I’m making a few things better,” she said, grinding herself over his cock.
He leaned her back to the couch. “Oh, sweet Ella, you always make that part better.” He unbuttoned her sweater, sighing happily when he’d exposed her bra and then her br**sts. “Even betterer-er than before.”
She laughed again, her voice lowering the way it did when she wanted him.
“I think you’re supposed to kiss it to make it better.” She reached between them and down the waist of his jeans, grasping his cock. “Should I do that?”
17
It wasn’t more than a few days after he’d returned from the coast when Cope opened up his mail to find a bright red envelope. He smiled once he saw the lettering and recognized Ella’s address.
Wanting to read it but hearing the honk of Ben’s arrival—his neighbors would love the honking at seven in the damned morning—he tucked it into his messenger bag and rushed out to where Ben sat in his truck, idling at the curb.
“Part of you will probably always react that way. It’s meant to be there, Ella. It’s the survival instinct.”
“When I first left, for months after that, I didn’t have panic attacks. I didn’t freeze up at random. He didn’t hit me every day. Not even every month. He terrorized me and made me small. That was his control. So when I left, I had it back. And then it slipped away.”
“I imagine someone breaking into your apartment with the intention of killing you would kick that animal part of a person into high gear.”
“I’d like very much to be normal all the time. Or at least crazy in good ways.”
“Everyone’s a little crazy. Life makes a person crazy. You’ve endured a lot, and yet you’re surviving. Thriving. Graduating with your master’s degree! You have a new job. You have friends who love you. You have parents who love you. And me.”
Once he said it, he couldn’t not say it again. He now had a powerful need to make sure she understood just exactly what he meant.
“I know. I’d planned to wait to tell you for at least a few more weeks. But I’ve known you for years. I’ve known you and been falling in love with you every minute of the last six years. You’re going to say it’s sudden. You’re going to say I don’t know what I’m feeling. And so I’m going to stop you before you do and tell you I know my own heart. I know the difference between how it feels to hold you, between what it means to know when you pick up one of my phone calls, I’ll hear the smile in your voice, and how it has ever been before. I love you, Ella.”
She gaped, starting to speak and breaking off several times. He satisfied himself by kissing each one of her fingertips and thinking up ways to make her come as she reeled through ways to deny what he was saying and couldn’t.
Finally she slumped, snuggling into him and whispered, “I’m glad I’m not alone.”
“No arguments?”
“I’m leaving a door open for you to exit through gracefully if I finally reveal something horrifying to you. I wouldn’t blame you.”
“Now you’re insulting me and my taste.”
She snorted, but stayed cuddled on his lap. “Well, you fell off the gorgeous blond woman wagon and into me. Jeez, Andrew, I can see the difference between me and the women you’re usually with.”
He pinched her side, but not hard enough to really hurt. “Hey. You know what else? Who am I with right now? You. Yes, you are different and that is why I love you and can’t even remember any of them. Hell, Red, I can barely remember my own name when you come into a room.”
“You’ve befuddled me on a regular basis for years now,” she muttered. “And you’re still doing it.”
It was his turn to snort. “Good. It’ll keep us both on our toes. Gonna be a bit of a bumpy ride, I imagine. At least you’re female and there’s only one of you. Maybe my dad will finally be satisfied. But it’s doubtful you’ll be spending any time with him anyway.”
She sat upright and swung her leg around to straddle his lap and face him. All thoughts other than shoving his c**k deep inside her as she rode him just like this flittered away. His hands moved to the curve of her waist, and she cocked her head, giving him a good look.
“Tell me. I’m not going to say a word to anyone. Don’t carry it around with you.”
She’d opened up to him, and he yearned to share, so he did. “He tried to punch me.” He said it fast, in one burst of air and sound. “He called Ben and said horrible things. I can’t repeat it because it’s vile and because I promised Ben. But it was enough that I went to see him to urge him to get his act together and mend fences because it was nearly too late. He didn’t react well. I haven’t been over to their house or spoken with him since that day. I’m worried about my mom. I haven’t told her about it, but she knows something worse than usual happened.”
She kissed his cheeks before sliding her arms around him and hugging him. “I wish I could help you.”
“You do. That’s what you’re not hearing. You make me better just by being around.”
“Ditto,” she said with a sniffle. She moved a bit and then giggled. God, he loved making her giggle. “Um, it feels like I’m making a few things better,” she said, grinding herself over his cock.
He leaned her back to the couch. “Oh, sweet Ella, you always make that part better.” He unbuttoned her sweater, sighing happily when he’d exposed her bra and then her br**sts. “Even betterer-er than before.”
She laughed again, her voice lowering the way it did when she wanted him.
“I think you’re supposed to kiss it to make it better.” She reached between them and down the waist of his jeans, grasping his cock. “Should I do that?”
17
It wasn’t more than a few days after he’d returned from the coast when Cope opened up his mail to find a bright red envelope. He smiled once he saw the lettering and recognized Ella’s address.
Wanting to read it but hearing the honk of Ben’s arrival—his neighbors would love the honking at seven in the damned morning—he tucked it into his messenger bag and rushed out to where Ben sat in his truck, idling at the curb.
