Inside Out
Page 85
Ella knew that.
“I told you I came because your mother was upset. I promised to behave. It was your girlfriend who caused this mess. For f**k’s sake, boy, you traffic with whores for years, and now you get this one hanging on you. Your mother says she had some violence in her past. Why do you and your brother sniff after damaged goods?”
He lunged forward, pinning his father to the wall just to the left of the elevator bank. “You shut your mouth about her and about Erin too. You don’t know shit about it.”
“Get off, or I’ll knock you on your ass.”
Cope snorted, stepping back. “You’re full of it, old man. I’ve given you a pass because I love you. I will always love you because you’re my father. But that man, the man who taught me how to carve, how to fit a joist, the guy who was there to take a picture the first time I hooked a trout, that man is not here today. You’re half a man who’s become obsessed over stuff that’s just not his business. So you don’t like it that Ben is in love with people you don’t approve of. BFD. And? Do you run all your decisions past us? He’s nearly forty with a baby on the way. He knows what he’s doing. He’s got a successful business, and I hate that you can’t see how much he’s loved.”
“He’s a deviant! Can’t just be g*y, oh no. He has to have two partners, or spouses, or whatever the hell you kids call it nowadays. Can’t brag on the baby on the way because Dean already does. What am I supposed to say to that?”
Cope sighed heavily. “This isn’t about you. Until you realize that, you’re not welcome in my life or in Ben’s. He only tolerated you here today because you promised to behave. And then lied. Far as I can see, he hasn’t lied. He’s trying to live his life as honestly as he can, given the unusual circumstances. But you? You’re a piece of work. Just because you’re my father and I love you does not mean I have to have you in my life.”
He hit the elevator button. “I’m done with you. If you come back up, I’ll call security. I’m not going to allow you to harm anyone else I love, and that includes Ella.”
24
Ben was waiting for him when he got off the elevator.
“You all right? Do I need to send a nurse down there?”
Cope heaved a heavy sigh. “I don’t know that this is ever going to be all right, Ben. I’m sorry.”
His brother smiled at him and led him back into the adjacent waiting room. “Dude, is that what you think you need to do? Fix this?”
“He can’t go on like this, ripping at you and Erin. We can’t just not say anything.”
“What about you? He rip at you? He tried to hit you, Andy. Just leave it be. I have enough to freak out about, and he can’t be allowed to be part of that. I don’t like it, but you know what? Fuck him. I’m not asking him to do anything more than accept my choices.”
“Ella ripped him a new ass**le.” Despite his anger at his father, this made him smile. “Her hands shook a moment, but she never backed down.”
Ben grinned. “Really? Not that I doubt it, she’s been a good friend to us.”
“Rest easy, he thinks she’s damaged goods anyway.” That hurt, but damn it, he wasn’t going to let it bug him any more than he had to. “So fill me in. I know Erin has stabilized, and the baby is good. By the way, a son? Congratulations.”
Ben’s face cleared of worry and anger, replaced by total joy for a brief moment. “Thanks. I feel better that she’s here so close to all the doctors. I just never imagined she’d have any problems. She’s Erin; nothing slows her down.”
Cope could hear the fear there in his brother’s words. “She’s going to be good, and you’re going to be a dad. I know this is scary now, but she’s Erin, and as you said, nothing slows her down.”
“I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her. I don’t know that I’d be able to get through it.”
He watched his brother, sort of stunned to see this break in his very self-assured façade. Cope had simply always assumed Ben could handle anything, always felt his big brother was unshakable.
“You have Todd. You have me and mom and all our friends. And you have Erin. Nothing is going to happen to her. I researched preeclampsia and eclampsia. This is a good hospital; she’s got great doctors watching over her. She’s here close to operating rooms, and damn, dude, she’s staying in a room that can be converted to a delivery room in minutes.”
“I never imagined loving like this.” Ben scrubbed hands over his face. “I never imagined the other side of the intensity and depth of my connection to Erin would be the bottomless pit of fear at the very idea of losing her. Andy, I’m so f**king scared every moment I’m awake.”
He hugged his brother, trying to be strong, knowing that’s what Ben needed. But it woke up those fears deep in his belly.
“She’s everything I ever wanted, totally essential to me, and the thought of losing it leaves me in a cold sweat. And all I can think is how much Todd and I wanted a baby with her and if something happens it’ll be our fault.”
“She wants that too. She’s been over the moon about this pregnancy and the baby. It’s not your fault for wanting a family with her. And I imagine when Alexander comes home, that’s going to scare you a few thousand times a day too. Just me here now, let it all out. Pinky swear I won’t tell anyone.” Cope sat back with a snort.
“I told you I came because your mother was upset. I promised to behave. It was your girlfriend who caused this mess. For f**k’s sake, boy, you traffic with whores for years, and now you get this one hanging on you. Your mother says she had some violence in her past. Why do you and your brother sniff after damaged goods?”
He lunged forward, pinning his father to the wall just to the left of the elevator bank. “You shut your mouth about her and about Erin too. You don’t know shit about it.”
“Get off, or I’ll knock you on your ass.”
Cope snorted, stepping back. “You’re full of it, old man. I’ve given you a pass because I love you. I will always love you because you’re my father. But that man, the man who taught me how to carve, how to fit a joist, the guy who was there to take a picture the first time I hooked a trout, that man is not here today. You’re half a man who’s become obsessed over stuff that’s just not his business. So you don’t like it that Ben is in love with people you don’t approve of. BFD. And? Do you run all your decisions past us? He’s nearly forty with a baby on the way. He knows what he’s doing. He’s got a successful business, and I hate that you can’t see how much he’s loved.”
“He’s a deviant! Can’t just be g*y, oh no. He has to have two partners, or spouses, or whatever the hell you kids call it nowadays. Can’t brag on the baby on the way because Dean already does. What am I supposed to say to that?”
Cope sighed heavily. “This isn’t about you. Until you realize that, you’re not welcome in my life or in Ben’s. He only tolerated you here today because you promised to behave. And then lied. Far as I can see, he hasn’t lied. He’s trying to live his life as honestly as he can, given the unusual circumstances. But you? You’re a piece of work. Just because you’re my father and I love you does not mean I have to have you in my life.”
He hit the elevator button. “I’m done with you. If you come back up, I’ll call security. I’m not going to allow you to harm anyone else I love, and that includes Ella.”
24
Ben was waiting for him when he got off the elevator.
“You all right? Do I need to send a nurse down there?”
Cope heaved a heavy sigh. “I don’t know that this is ever going to be all right, Ben. I’m sorry.”
His brother smiled at him and led him back into the adjacent waiting room. “Dude, is that what you think you need to do? Fix this?”
“He can’t go on like this, ripping at you and Erin. We can’t just not say anything.”
“What about you? He rip at you? He tried to hit you, Andy. Just leave it be. I have enough to freak out about, and he can’t be allowed to be part of that. I don’t like it, but you know what? Fuck him. I’m not asking him to do anything more than accept my choices.”
“Ella ripped him a new ass**le.” Despite his anger at his father, this made him smile. “Her hands shook a moment, but she never backed down.”
Ben grinned. “Really? Not that I doubt it, she’s been a good friend to us.”
“Rest easy, he thinks she’s damaged goods anyway.” That hurt, but damn it, he wasn’t going to let it bug him any more than he had to. “So fill me in. I know Erin has stabilized, and the baby is good. By the way, a son? Congratulations.”
Ben’s face cleared of worry and anger, replaced by total joy for a brief moment. “Thanks. I feel better that she’s here so close to all the doctors. I just never imagined she’d have any problems. She’s Erin; nothing slows her down.”
Cope could hear the fear there in his brother’s words. “She’s going to be good, and you’re going to be a dad. I know this is scary now, but she’s Erin, and as you said, nothing slows her down.”
“I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her. I don’t know that I’d be able to get through it.”
He watched his brother, sort of stunned to see this break in his very self-assured façade. Cope had simply always assumed Ben could handle anything, always felt his big brother was unshakable.
“You have Todd. You have me and mom and all our friends. And you have Erin. Nothing is going to happen to her. I researched preeclampsia and eclampsia. This is a good hospital; she’s got great doctors watching over her. She’s here close to operating rooms, and damn, dude, she’s staying in a room that can be converted to a delivery room in minutes.”
“I never imagined loving like this.” Ben scrubbed hands over his face. “I never imagined the other side of the intensity and depth of my connection to Erin would be the bottomless pit of fear at the very idea of losing her. Andy, I’m so f**king scared every moment I’m awake.”
He hugged his brother, trying to be strong, knowing that’s what Ben needed. But it woke up those fears deep in his belly.
“She’s everything I ever wanted, totally essential to me, and the thought of losing it leaves me in a cold sweat. And all I can think is how much Todd and I wanted a baby with her and if something happens it’ll be our fault.”
“She wants that too. She’s been over the moon about this pregnancy and the baby. It’s not your fault for wanting a family with her. And I imagine when Alexander comes home, that’s going to scare you a few thousand times a day too. Just me here now, let it all out. Pinky swear I won’t tell anyone.” Cope sat back with a snort.
