Interview with the Vampire

Chapter 23

"And now Santiago took up the same baiting manner.'Yes, tell us of the covens, and the herbs that would render us invisible.' He smiled.'And the burnings at the stake!'
"Armand fixed his eyes on Claudia.'Beware those monsters,' he said, and calculatedly his eyes passed over Santiago and then Celeste.'Those revenants. They will attack you as if you were human'
"Celeste shuddered, uttering something in contempt, an aristocrat speaking of vulgar cousins who bear the same name. But I was watching Claudia because it seemed her eyes were misted again as before. She looked away from Armand suddenly.
"The voices of the others rose again, affected party voices, as they conferred with one another on the night's kills, describing this or that encounter without a smattering of emotion, challenges to cruelty erupting from time to time like flashes of white lightning: a tall, thin vampire being accosted in one corner for a needless romanticizing of mortal life, a lack of spirit, a refusal to do the most entertaining thing at the moment it was available to him. He was simple, shrugging, stow at words, and would fall for long periods into a stupefied silence, as if, near-choked with blood, he would as soon have gone to his coffin as remained here. And yet he remained, held by the pressure of this unnatural group who had made of immortality a conformist's club. How would Lestat have found it? Had he been here? What had caused him to leave? No one had dictated to Lestat he was master of his small circle; but how they would have praised his inventiveness, his catlike toying with his victims. And waste... that word, that value which had been all-important to me as a fledgling vampire; was spoken of often. You'wasted' the opportunity to kill this child. You'wasted' the opportunity to frighten this poor woman or drive that man to madness, which only a little prestidigitation Would have accomplished.
"My head was spinning. A common mortal headache. I longed to get away from these vampires, and only the distant figure of Armand held me, despite his warnings. He seemed remote from the others now, though he nodded often enough and uttered a few words here and there so that he seemed a part of them, his hand only occasionally rising from the lion's paw of his chair. And my heart expanded when I saw him this way, saw that no one amongst the small throng caught his glance as I caught his glance, and no one held it from time to time as I held it. Yet he remained aloof from me, his eyes alone returning to me. His warning echoed in my ears, yet I disregarded it. I longed to get away from the theater altogether and stood listlessly, garnering information at last that was useless and infinitely dull.
"'But is there no crime amongst you, no cardinal crime?' Claudia asked. Her violet eyes seemed fixed on me, even in the mirror, as I stood with my back to her.
"'Crime! Boredom!' cried out Estelle, and she pointed a white finger at Armand. He laughed softly with her from his distant position at the end of the room.'Boredom is death!' she cried and bared her vampire fangs, so that Armand put a languid hand to his forehead in a stage gesture of fear and falling.
"But Santiago, who was watching with his hands behind his back, intervened.'Crime!' he said.'Yes, there is a crime. A crime for which we would hunt another vampire down until we destroyed him. Can you guess what that is?' He glanced from Claudia to me and back again to her masklike face.'You should know, who are so secretive about the vampire that made you.'
"'And why is that?' she asked, her eyes widening ever so slightly, her hands resting still in her lap.
"A hush fell over the room, gradually then completely, all those white faces turned to face Santiago as he stood there, one foot forward, his hands clasped behind his back, towering over Claudia. His eyes gleamed as he saw he had the floor. And then he broke away and crept up behind me, putting his hand on my shoulder.'Can you guess what that crime is? Didn't your vampire master tell you?'
"And drawing me slowly around with those invading familiar hands, he tapped my heart lightly in time with its quickening pace.
"'It is the crime that means death to any vampire anywhere who commits it. It is to kill your own kind!'
"'Aaaaah!' Claudia cried out, and lapsed into peals of laughter. She was walking across the floor now with swirling lavender silk and crisp resounding steps. Taking my hand, she said,'I was so afraid it was to be born like Venus out of the foam, as we were! Master vampire! Come, Louis, let's go!' she beckoned, as she pulled me away.
"Armand was laughing. Santiago was still. And it was Armand who rose when we reached the door.'You're welcome tomorrow night,' he said.'And the night after.'
"I don't think I caught my breath until rd reached the street. The rain was still falling, and all of the street seemed sodden and desolate in the rain, but beautiful. A few scattered bits of paper blowing in the wind, a gleaming carriage passing slowly with the thick, rhythmic clop of the horse. The sky was pale violet. I sped fast, with Claudia beside me leading the way, then finally frustrated with the length of my stride, riding in my arms.
"'I don't like them,' she said to me with a steel fury as we neared the Hotel Saint-Gabriel. Even its immense, brightly lit lobby was still in the pre-dawn hour. I spirited past the sleepy clerks, the long faces at the desk.'I've searched for them the world over, and I despise them!' She threw off her cape and walked into the center of the room. A volley of rain hit the French windows. I found myself turning up the lights one by one and lifting the candelabrum to the gas flames as if I were Lestat or Claudia. And then, seeking the puce velvet chair I'd envisioned in that cellar, I slipped down into it, exhausted. It seemed for the moment as if the room blazed about me; as my eyes fixed on a gilt-framed painting of pastel trees and serene waters, the vampire spell was broken. They couldn't touch us here, and yet I knew this to be a lie, a foolish lie.
"'I am in danger, danger,' Claudia said with that smoldering wrath.
" But how can they know what we did to him? Besides, we are in danger! Do you think for a moment I don't acknowledge my own guilt! And if you wire the only one... : I reached out for her now as she drew near, but her fierce eyes settled on me and I let my hands drop back limp.'Do you think I would leave you in danger?'
"She was smiling. For a moment I didn't believe my eyes.'No, you would not, Louis. You would not. Danger holds you to me....
"'Love holds me to you,' I said softly.
"'Love?' she mused.'What do you mean by love?' And then, as if she could see the pain in my face, she came close and put her hands on my cheek. She was cold, unsatisfied, as I was cold and unsatisfied, teased by that mortal boy but unsatisfied.
"'That you take my love for granted always,' I said to her.'That we are wed.... ' But even as I said these words I felt my old conviction waver; I felt that torment I'd felt last night when she had taunted me about mortal passion. I turned away from her.
"'You would leave me for Armand if he beckoned to you ....
"'Never... : I said to her.
"'You would leave me, and he wants you as you want him. He's been waiting for you....
"'Never.... ' I rose now and made my way to that chest. The doors were locked, but they would not keep those vampires out. Only we could keep them out by rising as early as the light would let us. I turned to her and told her to come. And she was at my side. I wanted to bury my face in her hair, I wanted to beg her forgiveness. Because, in truth, she was right; and yet I loved her, loved her as always. And now, as I drew her in close to me, she said'Do you know what it was that he told me over and over without ever speaking a word; do you know what was the kernel of the trance he put me in so my eyes could only look at him, so that he pulled me as if my heart were on a string?'
" 'So you felt it... : I whispered.'So it was the same.'
"'He rendered me powerless!' she said. I saw the image of her against those books above his desk, her limp neck, her dead hands.
"'But what are you saying? That he spoke to you, that he... '
"'Without words!' she repeated. I could see the gaslights going dim, the candle flames too solid in their stillness. The rain beat on the panes.'Do you know what he said... that I should die!' she whispered.'That I should let you go.'
"I shook my head, and yet in my monstrous heart I felt a surge of excitement. She spoke the truth as she believed it. There was a film in her eyes, glassy and silver.'He draws life out of me into himself,' she said, her lovely lips trembling so, I couldn't bear it. I held her tight, but the tears stood in her eyes.'Life out of the boy who is his slave, life out of me whom he would make his slave. He loves you. He loves you. He would have you, and he would not have me stand in the way.'
"'You don't understand him!' I fought it, kissing her; I wanted to shower her with kisses, her cheek, her lips.
"'No, I understand him only too well,' she whispered to my lips, even as they kissed her.'It is you who don't understand him. Love's blinded you, your fascination with his knowledge, his power. If you knew how he drinks death you'd hate him more than you ever hated Lestat. Louis, you must never return to him. I tell you, I'm in danger!' "
"Early the next night, I left her, convinced that Armand alone among the vampires of the theater could be trusted. She let me go reluctantly, and I was troubled, deeply, by the expression in her eyes. Weakness was unknown to her, and yet I saw fear and something beaten even now as she let me go. And I hurried on my mission, waiting outside the theater until the last of the patrons had gone and the doormen were tending to the locks.
"What they thought I was, I wasn't certain. An actor, like the others, who did not take off his paint? It didn't matter. What mattered was that they let me through, and I passed them and the few vampires in the ballroom, unaccosted, to stand at last at Armand's open door. He saw me immediately, no doubt had heard my step a long way off, and he welcomed me at once and asked me to sit down. He was busy with his human boy, who was dining at the desk on a silver plate of meats and fish. A decanter of white wine stood next to him, and though he was feverish and weak from last night, his skin was florid and his heat and fragrance were a torment to me. Tot apparently to Armand, who sat in the leather chair by the fire opposite me, turned to the human, his arms folded on the leather arm. The boy filled his glass and held it up now in a salute. 'My master,' he said, his eyes flashing on me as he smiled; but the toast was to Armand.
"'Your slave,' Armand whispered with a deep intake of breath that was passionate. And he watched, as the boy drank deeply. I could see him savoring the wet lips, the mobile flesh of the throat as the wine went down. And now the boy took a morsel of white meat, making that same salute, and consumed it slowly, his eyes fixed on Armand. It was as though Armand feasted upon the feast, drinking in that part of life which he could not share any longer except with his eyes. And lost though he seemed to it, it was calculated; not that torture I'd felt years ago when I stood outside Babette's window longing for her human life.
"When the boy had finished, he knelt with his arms around Armand's neck as if he actually savored the icy flesh. And I could remember the night Lestat first came to me, how his eyes seemed to burn, how his white face gleamed. You know what I am to you now.
"Finally, it was finished. He was to sleep, and Armand locked the brass gates against him. And in minutes, heavy with his meal, he was dozing, and Armand sat opposite me, his large, beautiful eyes tranquil and seemingly innocent. When I felt them pull me towards him, I dropped my eyes, wished for a fire in the grate, but there were only ashes.
"`You told me to say nothing of my origin, why was this?' I asked, looking up at him. It was as if he could sense my holding back, yet wasn't offended, only regarding me with a slight wonder. But I was weak, too weak for his wonder, and again I looked away from him.
"'Did you kill this vampire who made you? Is that why you are here without him, why you won't say his name? Santiago thinks that you did.'
"`And if this is true, or if we can't convince you otherwise, you would try to destroy us?' I asked.
"'I would not try to do anything to you,' he said, calmly.'But as I told you, I am not the leader here in the sense that you asked.'
"'Yet they believe you to be the leader, don't they? And Santiago, you shoved him away from me twice.'
"'I'm more powerful than Santiago, older. Santiago is younger than you are,' he said. His voice was simple, devoid of pride. These were facts.
"'We want no quarrel with you.'
"`It's begun,' he said.'But not with me. With those above.'
"'But what reason has he to suspect us?'
"He seemed to be thinking now, his eyes cast down, his chin resting on his closed fist. After a while which seemed interminable, he looked up.'I could give you reasons,' he said.'That you are too silent. That the vampires of the world are a small number and live in terror of strife amongst themselves and choose their fledglings with great care, making certain that they respect the other vampires mightily. There are fifteen vampires in this house, and the number is jealously guarded. And weak vampires are feared; I should say this also. That you are flawed is obvious to them: you feel too much, you think too much. As you said yourself, vampire detachment is not of great value to you. And then there is this mysterious child: a child who can never grow, never be self-sufficient. I would not make a vampire of that boy there now if his life, which is so precious to me, were in serious danger, because he is too young, his limbs not strong enough, his mortal cup barely tasted: yet you bring with you this child. What manner of vampire made her, they ask; did you make her? So, you see, you bring with you these flaws and this mystery and yet you are completely silent. And so you cannot be trusted. And Santiago looks for an excuse. But there is another reason closer to the truth than all those things which I've just said to you. And that is simply this: that when you first encountered Santiago in the Latin Quarter you... unfortunately... called him a buffoon.'
"'Aaaaah.' I sat back.
" 'It would perhaps have been better all around if you had said nothing.' And he smiled to see that I understood with him the irony of this.
"I sat reflecting upon what he'd said, and what weighed as heavily upon me through all of it were Claudia's strange admonitions, that this gentle-eyed young man had said to her, 'Die,' and beyond that my slowly accumulating disgust with the vampires in the ballroom above.
"I felt an overwhelming desire to speak to him of these things. Of her fear, no, not yet, though I couldn't believe when I looked into his eyes that he'd tried to wield this power over her: his eyes said, Live. His eyes said, Learn. And oh, how much I wanted to confide to him the breadth of what I didn't understand; how, searching all these years, I'd been astonished to discover those vampires above had made of immortality a club of fads and cheap conformity. And yet through this sadness, this confusion, came the clear realization: Why should it be otherwise? What had I expected? What right had I to be so bitterly disappointed in Lestat that I would let him diet Because he wouldn't show me what I must find in myself? Armand's words, what had they been? The only power that exists is inside ourselves...
"'Listen to me,' he said now.'You must stay away from them. Your face hides nothing. You would yield to me now were I to question you. Look into my eyes'