Into the Deep
Page 18
And that was exactly why I really wanted to talk to my big sister.
She knew mostly everything about my relationship with Jake, not because she’d been there to witness it (she’d only met him once during her Christmas break home from Dublin), but because I’d told her probably every little detail. This meant she knew that Jake was privy to all my thoughts and feelings and plans and dreams.
I’d talked to Jake a million times about studying in Edinburgh because Andie was always calling home from Dublin talking about what an amazing time she was having. I wanted to study in Europe too, and while Ireland struck my sister’s fancy, for me, it was Scotland. Jake had said he wanted to come with me.
“Yes.”
“So,” Andie scrunched up her nose as she ran her hand through her hair, a habit we shared and a tell that we were trying to work something out, “he obviously came to Edinburgh because he knew you’d be there. Why? To apologize? To get you back?”
And this more specifically was why I wanted to talk to Andie. It was the question I’d been too scared and confused to ask, so I wanted someone else to ask it because I knew if they did, it would make me feel less crazy for thinking it. I still felt crazy. Because of Melissa. “He did apologize. But he’s here with his friends and … his girlfriend.”
“He brought another girl? What!” Andie slammed her hands on the desk and leaned closer into the camera so her nose and mouth looked huge. “He knew you’d be there, that little …”
I sat back and let Andie have her rant, expelling all the questions and anger I too was feeling. When she was done, she sat back, exhaling.
“Uh, everything okay in here?” a masculine voice I knew well asked from off camera.
Andie twisted her head around to stare in the direction of the voice and her face got soft. “Yeah, baby, I’m just raging on behalf of Supergirl.”
“What happened?”
“Boy problems.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled sarcastically. That made it seem so trivial.
“Do I need to kick someone’s ass?” The voice got closer and then Rick’s handsome face appeared beside Andie’s. “You okay, Charley?”
“Hey, Rick, good to see you.” I wasn’t lying. My sister’s fiancé was the shit. He was ten years older than Andie and a Chicago police detective. They met a year ago when Andie’s friend’s car got stolen and Andie had driven her to the precinct. To Andie’s friend’s annoyance, Detective Rick Pertrard, who’d overheard the complaint to the officer on duty, had taken an immediate shine to the damsel-in-distress’s friend and not the damsel herself. He’d asked for Andie’s number and the rest was history. They moved in together after only six months and got engaged two months after that. I loved the changes I saw in my sister. She was far less concerned with being perfect all the time, and she’d definitely loosened up.
As for me, I kept trying to make Rick my mentor but since my parents still weren’t happy with the cop idea, he was fighting me on it, more concerned with being a good son-in-law than encouraging me down a career path he knew would piss off my parents. That sucked, but he was still the shit.
“You too, sweetheart, but I repeat: are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
He frowned and looked at Andie. “Then what’s with the raging?”
“She’s not fine. She’s very far from fine but she’s Charley, so she’s fine.”
Rick’s gaze flickered between us. “As long as you understand each other, I guess.” He kissed her cheek and waved goodbye to me before heading out of shot.
Andie turned as soon as he was gone. “So what’s your plan?”
I shrugged. “No plan. It looks like we might have to be around each other because Claudia is hanging out with Jake’s best friend. A lot. I need to suck it up.”
“Charley, despite what I just said to Rick, this is me you’re talking to. I came home from Dublin to find my baby sister a wreck. What happened with Jake changed you and I never got my old Charley back, so you can say you’re fine to everyone else, but not to me. Okay?”
Her words automatically called on the lump in my throat and I looked away from the screen, fighting tears. I failed and swiped at them. “I’m not doing this again,” I told her harshly. “I already sobbed my guts out to Claudia after the party.”
“Good.”
I looked at my sister as if I’d just discovered she was the devil incarnate. “What?” I snapped.
“I know you think tears make you less badass but screw that. You can’t bottle that stuff up. I know everyone told you to get over him, that he was just puppy love, but your family—never. We never said it because we never believed that. You were young but it was real, and I wanted to hunt him down and kill him for breaking your heart. A heart, I might add, that has never quite been the same since. Look at you and Alex.”
“I’m not talking about Alex,” I groaned.
Andie held up her hands in surrender. “Okay, we won’t talk about Alex. But I will say that I think you are crazy if you spend time with Jake. It would be crazy anyway, but even crazier because he’s there with his girlfriend.”
I nodded glumly. “You’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. I’m a psychiatrist.”
“You’re not a psychiatrist yet.”
“I know. Only two more years.” She grimaced. “God … I don’t think I’m going to make it.”
I thought of the next nine months and spending it avoiding Jake and the knifelike feeling in my chest every time I saw him. “I know what you mean.”
It was almost the end of week one of classes and I was already feeling the weight. Papers were due, tutorial materials were needed. I would actually have to do school work while I was here. The induction week in a foreign city had kind of lulled me into a false sense that I was on vacation.
With classes up and running, Claudia and I had agreed to put our heads down and get organized. We could go back to having fun once we were settled into our academics.
Settling in for me would usually mean my brain was too cluttered with thoughts on classes to be able to concentrate on anything else, but not this time. I hated to admit it, but Jake Caplin was taking up way more of my thoughts than I’d like.
She knew mostly everything about my relationship with Jake, not because she’d been there to witness it (she’d only met him once during her Christmas break home from Dublin), but because I’d told her probably every little detail. This meant she knew that Jake was privy to all my thoughts and feelings and plans and dreams.
I’d talked to Jake a million times about studying in Edinburgh because Andie was always calling home from Dublin talking about what an amazing time she was having. I wanted to study in Europe too, and while Ireland struck my sister’s fancy, for me, it was Scotland. Jake had said he wanted to come with me.
“Yes.”
“So,” Andie scrunched up her nose as she ran her hand through her hair, a habit we shared and a tell that we were trying to work something out, “he obviously came to Edinburgh because he knew you’d be there. Why? To apologize? To get you back?”
And this more specifically was why I wanted to talk to Andie. It was the question I’d been too scared and confused to ask, so I wanted someone else to ask it because I knew if they did, it would make me feel less crazy for thinking it. I still felt crazy. Because of Melissa. “He did apologize. But he’s here with his friends and … his girlfriend.”
“He brought another girl? What!” Andie slammed her hands on the desk and leaned closer into the camera so her nose and mouth looked huge. “He knew you’d be there, that little …”
I sat back and let Andie have her rant, expelling all the questions and anger I too was feeling. When she was done, she sat back, exhaling.
“Uh, everything okay in here?” a masculine voice I knew well asked from off camera.
Andie twisted her head around to stare in the direction of the voice and her face got soft. “Yeah, baby, I’m just raging on behalf of Supergirl.”
“What happened?”
“Boy problems.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled sarcastically. That made it seem so trivial.
“Do I need to kick someone’s ass?” The voice got closer and then Rick’s handsome face appeared beside Andie’s. “You okay, Charley?”
“Hey, Rick, good to see you.” I wasn’t lying. My sister’s fiancé was the shit. He was ten years older than Andie and a Chicago police detective. They met a year ago when Andie’s friend’s car got stolen and Andie had driven her to the precinct. To Andie’s friend’s annoyance, Detective Rick Pertrard, who’d overheard the complaint to the officer on duty, had taken an immediate shine to the damsel-in-distress’s friend and not the damsel herself. He’d asked for Andie’s number and the rest was history. They moved in together after only six months and got engaged two months after that. I loved the changes I saw in my sister. She was far less concerned with being perfect all the time, and she’d definitely loosened up.
As for me, I kept trying to make Rick my mentor but since my parents still weren’t happy with the cop idea, he was fighting me on it, more concerned with being a good son-in-law than encouraging me down a career path he knew would piss off my parents. That sucked, but he was still the shit.
“You too, sweetheart, but I repeat: are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
He frowned and looked at Andie. “Then what’s with the raging?”
“She’s not fine. She’s very far from fine but she’s Charley, so she’s fine.”
Rick’s gaze flickered between us. “As long as you understand each other, I guess.” He kissed her cheek and waved goodbye to me before heading out of shot.
Andie turned as soon as he was gone. “So what’s your plan?”
I shrugged. “No plan. It looks like we might have to be around each other because Claudia is hanging out with Jake’s best friend. A lot. I need to suck it up.”
“Charley, despite what I just said to Rick, this is me you’re talking to. I came home from Dublin to find my baby sister a wreck. What happened with Jake changed you and I never got my old Charley back, so you can say you’re fine to everyone else, but not to me. Okay?”
Her words automatically called on the lump in my throat and I looked away from the screen, fighting tears. I failed and swiped at them. “I’m not doing this again,” I told her harshly. “I already sobbed my guts out to Claudia after the party.”
“Good.”
I looked at my sister as if I’d just discovered she was the devil incarnate. “What?” I snapped.
“I know you think tears make you less badass but screw that. You can’t bottle that stuff up. I know everyone told you to get over him, that he was just puppy love, but your family—never. We never said it because we never believed that. You were young but it was real, and I wanted to hunt him down and kill him for breaking your heart. A heart, I might add, that has never quite been the same since. Look at you and Alex.”
“I’m not talking about Alex,” I groaned.
Andie held up her hands in surrender. “Okay, we won’t talk about Alex. But I will say that I think you are crazy if you spend time with Jake. It would be crazy anyway, but even crazier because he’s there with his girlfriend.”
I nodded glumly. “You’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. I’m a psychiatrist.”
“You’re not a psychiatrist yet.”
“I know. Only two more years.” She grimaced. “God … I don’t think I’m going to make it.”
I thought of the next nine months and spending it avoiding Jake and the knifelike feeling in my chest every time I saw him. “I know what you mean.”
It was almost the end of week one of classes and I was already feeling the weight. Papers were due, tutorial materials were needed. I would actually have to do school work while I was here. The induction week in a foreign city had kind of lulled me into a false sense that I was on vacation.
With classes up and running, Claudia and I had agreed to put our heads down and get organized. We could go back to having fun once we were settled into our academics.
Settling in for me would usually mean my brain was too cluttered with thoughts on classes to be able to concentrate on anything else, but not this time. I hated to admit it, but Jake Caplin was taking up way more of my thoughts than I’d like.
