Into the Dreaming

Page 28

He said nothing, just stood there, looking lost and full of self-loathing. His head bowed, his hair curtaining his face.
"Stay with me. I want you, Aedan," she said, her heart aching.
"How could you? How could anyone?" he asked bitterly.
Ah, she thought, understanding. He hungered to be part of the mortal world—that was why he'd come back to Dun Haakon, rather than turning to his king—but he felt he didn't deserve it. He feared no one would want him, that once she knew what he'd been, she would cast him out.
He glanced at her, then quickly glanced away, but not before she saw the hope warring with the despair in his gaze.
Rising to her feet, Jane held out her hand. "Take my hand, Aedan. That's all you need do."
"You doona know what these hands have done."
"Take my hand, Aedan."
"Begone, lass. A woman such as you is not for the likes of me."
"Take my hand," she repeated. "You can take it now. Or ten years from now. Or twenty. Because I will still be standing here waiting for you to take my hand. I'm not leaving you. I'm never leaving you."
His anguished gaze shot to hers. "Why?"
"Because I love you," Jane said, her eyes filling with tears. "I love you, Aedan MacKinnon. I've loved you forever."
"Who are you? Why do you even care about me?" His voice rose and cracked hoarsely.
"You still don't remember me?" Jane asked plaintively.
Aedan thought hard, pushing into the deepest part of him, that part that still was iced over. A hard shining tower of ice still lay behind his breast, concealing something. Helplessly, he shook his head.
Jane swallowed hard. It didn't really matter, she told herself. He didn't have to remember their time together in the Dreaming. She could live with that, if it meant she could spend the rest of her life here on this island with him. "It's okay," she said finally with a brave smile. "You don't have to remember me, as long as you—" She broke off abruptly, feeling suddenly too vulnerable for words.
"As long as I what, lass?"
In a small voice, she finally said, "Do you think you could care for me? In the way a man cares for his woman?"
Aedan sucked in a harsh breath. If only she knew. For the week he'd wandered, he'd thought of little else. Knowing he should do her the favor of never returning, yet unable to stay away. Dreaming of her, waking to find his arms reaching for nothing. Until, unable to push her from his heart, he'd faced his memories. Until, scorning himself for a fool, he'd returned to Dun Haakon to force her to force him to leave. To see the disgust in her gaze. To be sent away so he could die inside.
But now she stood there, hands outstretched, asking him to stay. Asking him to make free with her body and heart.
Offering him a gift he hadn't deserved but vowed to earn.
"You wish that of me? I who was scarce human when you met me? You could have any man you wished, lass. Any of the villagers. Nay, even Scotia's king."
"I want only you. Or no one. Ever."
"You would trust me so? To be your… man?"
"I trust you already."
Aedan stared at her. He began to speak several times, then closed his mouth again.
"If you refuse me, I'll cast myself into the sea," she announced dramatically. "And die." Not really, because Jane Sillee wasn't a quitter, but he needn't know that.
"Nay—you will not go to the sea!" he roared. Eyes glittering, he moved toward her.
"I am so lonely without you, Aedan," Jane said simply.
"You truly want me?"
"More than anything. I'm only half without you."
"Then you are my woman." His words were finality, a bond he would not permit broken. She had given herself to his keeping. He would never let her go.
"And you'll never leave me?" she pressed.
"I'll stay with you for all of ever, lass."
Jane's eyes flared, and she looked at him strangely. "And then yet another day?" she asked breathlessly.
"Oh, aye."
"And we could have babies?"
"Half dozen if you wish."
"Could we start making them now?"
"Oh, aye." A grin touched his lips; the first full grin she'd ever seen on his gorgeous face. The effect was devastating: It was a dangerous, knowing grin that dripped sensual promise. "I should warn you," he said, his eyes glittering, "I recall what it is to be a man now, lass. All of it. And I was ever a man of greedy and demanding appetites."