Into the Wilderness
Page 260
"Julian—" began the judge, with an uncomfortable look toward Kitty. "Are you sure?"
"My child," Julian said. "It is my child. Is that not so, Kitty?"
"It is," she hissed softly, and smiled. Elizabeth felt suddenly faint, and she reached for the headboard to steady herself.
Mr. Witherspoon cleared his throat. "But what of Richard?"
Kitty's stare, as furious and burning as the blaze that had brought them to this place, silenced him. She said: "We may never see Richard Todd again."
With shaking hands, Mr. Witherspoon opened his prayer book and began his second marriage service of the day. Curiosity took the signet ring from Julian's uninjured hand, and when it was over, Kitty wore it, clenching her fist to keep the ring from falling off.
Elizabeth kissed Kitty's cold white cheek, and then she leaned down to kiss her brother. He smelled of vomit and singed hair and blistered flesh, and her stomach rolled and heaved. She wanted to say comforting things, to tell him that he was ending his life well, and honorably, and that she was proud of him. But her own throat constricted and she fought with tears as he fought for breath.
His whisper caught her up, kept her captive with her ear near his mouth.
"Done now. Legal."
"Yes."
His eyes rolled in pain as he struggled to talk.
"Right thing to do."
"Yes," she said again, nodding fiercely.
Her brother whispered: "The rest of the land." His eyes fixed on hers. "Safe now, from you."
Elizabeth jerked back as if the heat rising up from his burns had flickered out to scald her. She pressed a hand to her mouth and forced herself to swallow those words that wanted to push out. Things that no one could say to a man on his deathbed. She cast a glance at Kitty and saw with tremendous relief that she alone had heard Julian's last confession, not of guilt and remorse, but of the need to pass on his misery and hurt.
He grimaced in pain, or satisfaction: she could not tell. A shudder ran through her. Elizabeth picked up her skirts to turn away, and Curiosity's strong hand found her elbow.
"Wait now," she said. "Wait. It's almost over."
And then it was. Julian heaved once, seeking upward, and finally settled against the pillow, his last breath hissing through clenched teeth.
Mr. Witherspoon fumbled with the pages of his prayer book. The judge, stony faced, sat down heavily and rubbed his sooty cheeks with his hands. Elizabeth wanted to go to Nathaniel; she wanted it very badly. She wanted Nathaniel to take her away from here to a place where she could scream until her throat ruptured with it. She looked down at Julian's ruined face; her vision blurred until all she could see was the little brother he had once been, a bright child, a new spirit in the world, full of promise that would never be fulfilled.
Her father sobbed, a hoarse, terrible sound. She walked around the bed and put her hand on his shoulder, at first lightly, and then with increasing pressure as she felt the tremor in him grow and begin to twist into something larger and ungovernable.
Finally Curiosity reached down to close Julian's eyes, but Kitty caught her wrist to stop her.
"Let me," she said softly. "It's my right."
* * *
From the single window in the main room, Elizabeth watched the columns of smoke and flame in the night sky. For the first time, she thought briefly of her books, all gone now. The schoolhouse, gone.
In the other room, the women went on about the business of caring for the dead. She should have a part in it; he was her brother, after all. But she could not bear it, and so she stood and waited while Curiosity and Martha did for Julian what needed to be done. Galileo and Manny were there, too, and getting ready to carry him home through the night.
Falling—Day and Many-Doves had taken Hannah and Martha's two oldest home to sleep, leading them away up the mountain on horseback, with Jed McGarrity following close behind because Nathaniel would not leave Elizabeth. She had wanted so much to go with them, but her father sat on a stool rushes in front of the fire, talking to Axel and Mr. Witherspoon in sentences which made sense, but rang as hollow as the look in his eyes. Opposite him sat Kitty still in her cape— gazing thoughtfully into the hearth. There was a small line of concentration between her brows. A new sister Elizabeth thought dully. Kitty is my sister now'.
There was a scuffing sound, and the men came through the room carrying their burden on a plank of raw board. Julian had been wrapped in a quilt, as they would have wrapped an infant against the cold. Mr. Witherspoon and her father followed them out of the cabin. Elizabeth caught the gleam of the judge's hair in the moonlight as the small procession started away.
"We'll go home," Nathaniel said. Elizabeth pivoted to him, and he held her with one arm. The other was wrapped from wrist to elbow where Falling—Day had sewed up the —I. Putting her face to Nathaniel's chest, Elizabeth was met not with his smells, his familiar and comforting smells, but with the stench of fire.
Perhaps I should go with my father."
Curiosity had been standing at the door lost in her own thoughts but now she cast Elizabeth a sharp look. Without a word, she crossed the room to peer into her face. With swift, knowing touches Curiosity outlined the swell of her belly, prodding here and there. Her grim look was replaced with a softer, satisfied one.
"You need your rest," she said. "We'll see to the judge."
Kitty stood suddenly, her head cocked to one side and her expression puzzled, as if she had an important question, but lacked the language to phrase it. Curiosity turned, following the line of Elizabeth's gaze.
"My child," Julian said. "It is my child. Is that not so, Kitty?"
"It is," she hissed softly, and smiled. Elizabeth felt suddenly faint, and she reached for the headboard to steady herself.
Mr. Witherspoon cleared his throat. "But what of Richard?"
Kitty's stare, as furious and burning as the blaze that had brought them to this place, silenced him. She said: "We may never see Richard Todd again."
With shaking hands, Mr. Witherspoon opened his prayer book and began his second marriage service of the day. Curiosity took the signet ring from Julian's uninjured hand, and when it was over, Kitty wore it, clenching her fist to keep the ring from falling off.
Elizabeth kissed Kitty's cold white cheek, and then she leaned down to kiss her brother. He smelled of vomit and singed hair and blistered flesh, and her stomach rolled and heaved. She wanted to say comforting things, to tell him that he was ending his life well, and honorably, and that she was proud of him. But her own throat constricted and she fought with tears as he fought for breath.
His whisper caught her up, kept her captive with her ear near his mouth.
"Done now. Legal."
"Yes."
His eyes rolled in pain as he struggled to talk.
"Right thing to do."
"Yes," she said again, nodding fiercely.
Her brother whispered: "The rest of the land." His eyes fixed on hers. "Safe now, from you."
Elizabeth jerked back as if the heat rising up from his burns had flickered out to scald her. She pressed a hand to her mouth and forced herself to swallow those words that wanted to push out. Things that no one could say to a man on his deathbed. She cast a glance at Kitty and saw with tremendous relief that she alone had heard Julian's last confession, not of guilt and remorse, but of the need to pass on his misery and hurt.
He grimaced in pain, or satisfaction: she could not tell. A shudder ran through her. Elizabeth picked up her skirts to turn away, and Curiosity's strong hand found her elbow.
"Wait now," she said. "Wait. It's almost over."
And then it was. Julian heaved once, seeking upward, and finally settled against the pillow, his last breath hissing through clenched teeth.
Mr. Witherspoon fumbled with the pages of his prayer book. The judge, stony faced, sat down heavily and rubbed his sooty cheeks with his hands. Elizabeth wanted to go to Nathaniel; she wanted it very badly. She wanted Nathaniel to take her away from here to a place where she could scream until her throat ruptured with it. She looked down at Julian's ruined face; her vision blurred until all she could see was the little brother he had once been, a bright child, a new spirit in the world, full of promise that would never be fulfilled.
Her father sobbed, a hoarse, terrible sound. She walked around the bed and put her hand on his shoulder, at first lightly, and then with increasing pressure as she felt the tremor in him grow and begin to twist into something larger and ungovernable.
Finally Curiosity reached down to close Julian's eyes, but Kitty caught her wrist to stop her.
"Let me," she said softly. "It's my right."
* * *
From the single window in the main room, Elizabeth watched the columns of smoke and flame in the night sky. For the first time, she thought briefly of her books, all gone now. The schoolhouse, gone.
In the other room, the women went on about the business of caring for the dead. She should have a part in it; he was her brother, after all. But she could not bear it, and so she stood and waited while Curiosity and Martha did for Julian what needed to be done. Galileo and Manny were there, too, and getting ready to carry him home through the night.
Falling—Day and Many-Doves had taken Hannah and Martha's two oldest home to sleep, leading them away up the mountain on horseback, with Jed McGarrity following close behind because Nathaniel would not leave Elizabeth. She had wanted so much to go with them, but her father sat on a stool rushes in front of the fire, talking to Axel and Mr. Witherspoon in sentences which made sense, but rang as hollow as the look in his eyes. Opposite him sat Kitty still in her cape— gazing thoughtfully into the hearth. There was a small line of concentration between her brows. A new sister Elizabeth thought dully. Kitty is my sister now'.
There was a scuffing sound, and the men came through the room carrying their burden on a plank of raw board. Julian had been wrapped in a quilt, as they would have wrapped an infant against the cold. Mr. Witherspoon and her father followed them out of the cabin. Elizabeth caught the gleam of the judge's hair in the moonlight as the small procession started away.
"We'll go home," Nathaniel said. Elizabeth pivoted to him, and he held her with one arm. The other was wrapped from wrist to elbow where Falling—Day had sewed up the —I. Putting her face to Nathaniel's chest, Elizabeth was met not with his smells, his familiar and comforting smells, but with the stench of fire.
Perhaps I should go with my father."
Curiosity had been standing at the door lost in her own thoughts but now she cast Elizabeth a sharp look. Without a word, she crossed the room to peer into her face. With swift, knowing touches Curiosity outlined the swell of her belly, prodding here and there. Her grim look was replaced with a softer, satisfied one.
"You need your rest," she said. "We'll see to the judge."
Kitty stood suddenly, her head cocked to one side and her expression puzzled, as if she had an important question, but lacked the language to phrase it. Curiosity turned, following the line of Elizabeth's gaze.
