It Ain't Me, Babe
Page 23
I opened my eyes seconds later and Salome was fiddling with her fingers, nose twitching, white teeth worrying her lip.
Groaning, I moved before her—right before her—locking straight on her terrified gaze. “L-l-look, b-babe, I g-got p-pissed at your n-n-name.” I rubbed at my throat, forcing it to relax. I could feel my eyes twitching again. “I-I don’t kn-know wh-where you’ve c-c-come from or who d-d-dared f**kin’ call you S-S-Salome, but y-you should n-n-not be called it. N-never will be b-b-by m-me. It’s a f-f-fuckin’ shit name for a b-b-beautiful bitch like y-y-you, a f-f-fuckin’ insult. R-r-right?”
She nodded, a small smile hooking on the corner of her top lip.
Fuck.
I took another drag of my smoke when she said, “Mae.”
I cocked my head, staring at her, and she shifted nervously in her seat like she was gonna admit to committing a murder.
“My sisters, in secret, would call me Mae. We did not like the derogatory names either.” A small, coy smile spread over her pink lips. So she had some f**kin’ spark after all.
Slowly flipping my hand, I clasped her fingers around mine. She gasped but let it happen. I stared at the two limbs intertwined and huffed a quiet laugh to myself. I’d f**ked a lot of bitches in my life, done every messed-up position imaginable, stuck my c**k in every hole, tried every drug, drank every whiskey, but nothing had felt quite like her tiny pale hand wrapped in mine; nothing even came close.
And it killed me knowing she didn’t belong here. For the first time in my life, I wanted to do right by someone, and her being a part of this club, a part of me, wasn’t doing right by her.
“Styx?” My name out of her lips, Christ, it almost stopped my breathing. Looking up, I saw her deep frown; she knew something was up.
“B-b-babe…” I whispered.
“Are you well? You have paled.”
Sighing, I ran our fingers down my cheek. She sucked in a breath, and I confessed, “I… c-can’t k-k-keep you.”
Her hand flinched in mine. “You wish me gone?” she whispered, pulling her hand back to cradle in her lap.
Reaching forward, I gripped her wrists in my large hands and pulled her toward me. She had no choice but to drop down to my lap. I still didn’t look at her, but rested my forehead against her shoulder. She felt too f**kin’ right sitting on me.
“Y-y-you’re too p-pure for this life, M-Mae. Y-y-you’re not s-safe. D-don’t know how to b-be in all this… b-bad.”
Mae said nothing for a long time, then confessed in a small voice, “I feel safe with you. I do not know anyone else here on the outside and I cannot return from where I came.” Her small body jerked as if a thought slammed into her mind. “Please do not take me back, please! Not to them!”
I finally glanced up and her face was broken. It hurt more than the machete hit to the chest I’d taken in the Mexican war last year.
Fuck!
Gripping her shaking hand, I said, “I-I-I won’t, b-b-but where, b-babe? Where c-can’t you return?”
“Where I am from,” she said evasively.
“The f-fence? Wh-whatever’s b-behind that f-fence? That wh-what you t-talking ’bout?”
She nodded silently.
I reached up and palmed her face in my hands. “Y-you’re t-too innocent for this life. Y-you’ll grow to h-hate me if you st-stay.”
“I believe in forgiveness. I will never hate, especially not you,” she hushed out.
“I-I’ll lay it on the l-line for you, b-babe. I t-trade illegal weapons for c-cash and d-drink far too m-much. I f-fuck sluts regularly and d-don’t commit to no one f-for long, maybe n-n-never will.” I made sure I had her full attention for the last part. “I-I’ve killed p-p-people. I-I’ve even l-liked it, and”—I knew I was bringing the final death blow—“I’ll d-do it again. Y-you want someone g-g-good to take c-care of you. I-it ain’t me, babe. I g-gotta go away t-tomorrow on b-business. We’ll t-talk when I get b-back, f-figure shit o-out.”
Her breath grew faster and she gripped my wrist so damn tight. On shaky legs, Mae stood up and I dropped my hands from her face. I watched as she walked toward the door to the back stairway leading to my apartment. Then she stilled and looked back at me over her shoulder. “You have light within you, Styx, and I feel it shining through like the rays of the midday sun. It is beautiful. You are a good man.”
Fuck. What the hell was I meant to do with that shit?
“I am truly happy that I got to see you again. I thought about you often, the boy behind the fence, the boy on the outside… the boy who stole my first and only kiss, and I nightly prayed for your safety and happiness. It is a ritual I will forever keep.”
Mae sighed and drifted toward me, and I could see the torment she battled on her face, but at what, I didn’t f**kin’ know. After several seconds, she stood before me, slowly bent down, and pressed a soft as f**k kiss to my cheek, moving to my ear to say, “I will be forever grateful that you saved my life, Styx, and sang to me so perfectly on your guitar. You have shown me more compassion in a matter of days than I have had my whole life.”
She laughed out one single laugh, and it was the purest, most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. “You will never know, but in the two darkest moments of my life, you have shown up. You say it ain’t you who is good and who will keep me safe, but you already have. You have saved my life twice.”
I reached forward for her hand, no idea what the hell I was about to do, when a voice from the doorway caught my attention.
“Styx?”
Lois stood watching me with Mae, her eyes wide as she watched me gripping her hand. Jerking my chin in her direction, I lifted my hand and signed for her to wait in my club bedroom. She hesitated for a moment but walked away, and I heard the door to my room quietly open and close.
Looking back at Mae, I said, “I-I-I gotta g-go.” With a disappointed smile, she hobbled out of the room.
Grabbing my guitar, I made my way to the corridor holding all of the brother’s bedrooms and hammered on the very last door. After a few seconds, Rider opened the door, rubbing sleep from his eyes and half dressed, and said, “Prez?”
Move her into your room, outta mine. You stay at your home. Don’t let anyone near her while I’m gone. Right? I signed.
Rider’s eyes widened, but he just nodded in acceptance.
Groaning, I moved before her—right before her—locking straight on her terrified gaze. “L-l-look, b-babe, I g-got p-pissed at your n-n-name.” I rubbed at my throat, forcing it to relax. I could feel my eyes twitching again. “I-I don’t kn-know wh-where you’ve c-c-come from or who d-d-dared f**kin’ call you S-S-Salome, but y-you should n-n-not be called it. N-never will be b-b-by m-me. It’s a f-f-fuckin’ shit name for a b-b-beautiful bitch like y-y-you, a f-f-fuckin’ insult. R-r-right?”
She nodded, a small smile hooking on the corner of her top lip.
Fuck.
I took another drag of my smoke when she said, “Mae.”
I cocked my head, staring at her, and she shifted nervously in her seat like she was gonna admit to committing a murder.
“My sisters, in secret, would call me Mae. We did not like the derogatory names either.” A small, coy smile spread over her pink lips. So she had some f**kin’ spark after all.
Slowly flipping my hand, I clasped her fingers around mine. She gasped but let it happen. I stared at the two limbs intertwined and huffed a quiet laugh to myself. I’d f**ked a lot of bitches in my life, done every messed-up position imaginable, stuck my c**k in every hole, tried every drug, drank every whiskey, but nothing had felt quite like her tiny pale hand wrapped in mine; nothing even came close.
And it killed me knowing she didn’t belong here. For the first time in my life, I wanted to do right by someone, and her being a part of this club, a part of me, wasn’t doing right by her.
“Styx?” My name out of her lips, Christ, it almost stopped my breathing. Looking up, I saw her deep frown; she knew something was up.
“B-b-babe…” I whispered.
“Are you well? You have paled.”
Sighing, I ran our fingers down my cheek. She sucked in a breath, and I confessed, “I… c-can’t k-k-keep you.”
Her hand flinched in mine. “You wish me gone?” she whispered, pulling her hand back to cradle in her lap.
Reaching forward, I gripped her wrists in my large hands and pulled her toward me. She had no choice but to drop down to my lap. I still didn’t look at her, but rested my forehead against her shoulder. She felt too f**kin’ right sitting on me.
“Y-y-you’re too p-pure for this life, M-Mae. Y-y-you’re not s-safe. D-don’t know how to b-be in all this… b-bad.”
Mae said nothing for a long time, then confessed in a small voice, “I feel safe with you. I do not know anyone else here on the outside and I cannot return from where I came.” Her small body jerked as if a thought slammed into her mind. “Please do not take me back, please! Not to them!”
I finally glanced up and her face was broken. It hurt more than the machete hit to the chest I’d taken in the Mexican war last year.
Fuck!
Gripping her shaking hand, I said, “I-I-I won’t, b-b-but where, b-babe? Where c-can’t you return?”
“Where I am from,” she said evasively.
“The f-fence? Wh-whatever’s b-behind that f-fence? That wh-what you t-talking ’bout?”
She nodded silently.
I reached up and palmed her face in my hands. “Y-you’re t-too innocent for this life. Y-you’ll grow to h-hate me if you st-stay.”
“I believe in forgiveness. I will never hate, especially not you,” she hushed out.
“I-I’ll lay it on the l-line for you, b-babe. I t-trade illegal weapons for c-cash and d-drink far too m-much. I f-fuck sluts regularly and d-don’t commit to no one f-for long, maybe n-n-never will.” I made sure I had her full attention for the last part. “I-I’ve killed p-p-people. I-I’ve even l-liked it, and”—I knew I was bringing the final death blow—“I’ll d-do it again. Y-you want someone g-g-good to take c-care of you. I-it ain’t me, babe. I g-gotta go away t-tomorrow on b-business. We’ll t-talk when I get b-back, f-figure shit o-out.”
Her breath grew faster and she gripped my wrist so damn tight. On shaky legs, Mae stood up and I dropped my hands from her face. I watched as she walked toward the door to the back stairway leading to my apartment. Then she stilled and looked back at me over her shoulder. “You have light within you, Styx, and I feel it shining through like the rays of the midday sun. It is beautiful. You are a good man.”
Fuck. What the hell was I meant to do with that shit?
“I am truly happy that I got to see you again. I thought about you often, the boy behind the fence, the boy on the outside… the boy who stole my first and only kiss, and I nightly prayed for your safety and happiness. It is a ritual I will forever keep.”
Mae sighed and drifted toward me, and I could see the torment she battled on her face, but at what, I didn’t f**kin’ know. After several seconds, she stood before me, slowly bent down, and pressed a soft as f**k kiss to my cheek, moving to my ear to say, “I will be forever grateful that you saved my life, Styx, and sang to me so perfectly on your guitar. You have shown me more compassion in a matter of days than I have had my whole life.”
She laughed out one single laugh, and it was the purest, most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. “You will never know, but in the two darkest moments of my life, you have shown up. You say it ain’t you who is good and who will keep me safe, but you already have. You have saved my life twice.”
I reached forward for her hand, no idea what the hell I was about to do, when a voice from the doorway caught my attention.
“Styx?”
Lois stood watching me with Mae, her eyes wide as she watched me gripping her hand. Jerking my chin in her direction, I lifted my hand and signed for her to wait in my club bedroom. She hesitated for a moment but walked away, and I heard the door to my room quietly open and close.
Looking back at Mae, I said, “I-I-I gotta g-go.” With a disappointed smile, she hobbled out of the room.
Grabbing my guitar, I made my way to the corridor holding all of the brother’s bedrooms and hammered on the very last door. After a few seconds, Rider opened the door, rubbing sleep from his eyes and half dressed, and said, “Prez?”
Move her into your room, outta mine. You stay at your home. Don’t let anyone near her while I’m gone. Right? I signed.
Rider’s eyes widened, but he just nodded in acceptance.
