It Ain't Me, Babe
Page 56
Styx squeezed my hand in thanks or adoration—I did not care which, but I found that I could not look directly at him. My heart thundered in my chest at the very thought of what I was about to do. I would see Styx naked… I would bathe Styx. In commune, it was regarded to be a sensual act between man and wife. The act of bathing was a rite sacred to lovers.
But we had become lovers in a fashion… At least we were about to be. It was going to happen soon. Our bodies and our desires were in perfect balance. I needed Styx; he needed me. I wanted him; he wanted me.
“Like f**k you will! Ky does it,” Rider suddenly demanded. His voice felt as cold as ice.
Styx’s chest tensed, then he dragged himself up off the mattress. A pained grunt accompanied his movement. As I surveyed Styx’s face, I knew things were going to escalate very quickly if I did not intervene. I shook my hand free from his and jumped up. Styx’s hazel eyes narrowed and I knew it was his way of warning me not to go with Rider. But Rider was my best friend and, right now, he was hurting badly.
Walking to Rider, I gripped his arm and led him from the room into the hallway. I quickly closed the apartment door behind us.
I could still smell the strong scent of liquor on Rider’s hot breath as I swung around to face him. “Rider, Styx needs my—”
Rider cut in. “I can’t stand the thought of you with him!” Torment was etched on his features. His brown eyes were bloodshot and his long hair ratty and wild.
My heart fell. What have I done to him?
When I reached for his arm, he snatched it back, shaking his head.
“Rider, please—” I begged.
“Are you f**kin’ him, Mae? You his bitch whore now? I mean, isn’t it against your religion or some shit?”
I stumbled back in shock; my back hit the concrete wall with a dull thud. “How dare you?” I managed to whisper. I stared at the man before me, a man who definitely looked like Rider. But this man had transformed into a bitter version of my best friend.
Leaning forward, Rider went nose-to-nose with me, his anger ebbing, and a flash of sadness ghosted across his face. As I swallowed in nerves, his hands cupped my face. “Have you f**ked him, Mae? Have you given yourself to him? It’s driving me insane. I can’t picture you like that with him. It’s f**kin’ killing me… killing me…”
I tried to push him away, but I could not move him. “Rider, what I do privately is none of your business.”
“Are you kidding me?” he hushed out quietly. “Of course it’s my business!” His head tipped back and, taking a long, deep breath, Rider met my gaze and confessed, “You’re mine, Mae. I f**kin’ want you in my bed, not Styx’s. We’re good together, Mae. Real good. I’d never f**k with you, never f**k anyone behind your back—”
“Nor would Styx.” I interrupted.
Rider regarded me as though I was simple. “You sure about that, sugar? Styx ain’t who you think he is. He f**ks sluts. Drinks. Kills. He hasn’t earned the rep he’s got for nothing.”
“He is very different with me. And anyway, you kill too. People in glass houses should not throw stones!”
“Maybe I do kill, sugar, but I’d leave all this shit for you. I’d leave this club behind for you. I’d change. Go straight if you wanted me to.”
Rider’s breath became ragged as he stared longingly at my lips. He edged closer, almost pressing his lips to mine but at the last second, I turned my head.
Rider groaned in exasperation. “What is it you see in him?” I stayed silent. He could not, would not understand. “Answer me, Mae!” he demanded, then pressed his forehead against mine. “Please…”
“Everything,” I said quietly and Rider stopped breathing altogether. “He is everything to me. I see everything in him. We share something no one else can understand.”
Taking two steps back, scoffing in disbelief, Rider ran his hands down his face. I could have sworn I saw the shine of moisture fill his eyes.
“Then you know what, Mae? Go get your f**kin’ everything. If you can’t see with your own eyes what’s the truth, then stay blind.” On that final note, Rider leaped down the steps.
Grief overwhelmed me; my legs gave way, my back sliding slowly down the wall until I sat like a ragdoll on the floor.
Folding my arms on my bent knees, I lowered my head and let the tears fall. How had things become so bad so quickly with Rider? He is my best friend!
However, as I thought back over the last few weeks, my chest constricted. The signs of him growing to like me were there: the touches, the secret smiles, increasingly intimate conversations—at least on his side. How could I have been so blind? I had been too wrapped up in Styx to notice. Who was I kidding? I had been wrapped up in Styx since the age of eight.
I have only ever had eyes for Styx.
He was my world, my everything. My almost losing him tonight had served only to double my desire for the silent man.
He needs me.
And I need him.
I want the opportunity to get to know him. I want our journey to really begin.
“Mae?” Blinking in shock, I lifted my head to see Ky at the doorway of Styx’s apartment, looking down at me, brow furrowed. “You okay?”
Wiping my eyes, I climbed to my feet. “Yes.”
“Where’s Rider?” he asked, craning his head to look down the hallway.
“He left.”
Ky stared at me, a knowing glint in his eyes. I expected him to say something, but he just opened the door, jerking his chin for me to go inside.
The bed was empty.
“Where is he?” I asked, hearing the door close.
“In the washroom. He’s rinsed himself in the shower, but the stubborn f**ker can barely stand. Won’t take my help. He’s running a bath now. Safer than falling on his face, I suppose.”
I nodded and headed that way, but Ky’s hand on my arm stopped me. “He’s got you, yeah? For real? You’re his?”
He wanted confirmation I would not hurt his friend, his best friend.
Pressing my hand on the top of his, I nodded. “I have always been his. I will never see anyone else. I will always be his and his alone.”
Sighing in relief, Ky headed for the door. “You’re good for him. I see that now.” He did not turn round as he spoke. Then all of a sudden, Styx and I were alone in his apartment, no sound but the running water from the faucet in the bathroom.
But we had become lovers in a fashion… At least we were about to be. It was going to happen soon. Our bodies and our desires were in perfect balance. I needed Styx; he needed me. I wanted him; he wanted me.
“Like f**k you will! Ky does it,” Rider suddenly demanded. His voice felt as cold as ice.
Styx’s chest tensed, then he dragged himself up off the mattress. A pained grunt accompanied his movement. As I surveyed Styx’s face, I knew things were going to escalate very quickly if I did not intervene. I shook my hand free from his and jumped up. Styx’s hazel eyes narrowed and I knew it was his way of warning me not to go with Rider. But Rider was my best friend and, right now, he was hurting badly.
Walking to Rider, I gripped his arm and led him from the room into the hallway. I quickly closed the apartment door behind us.
I could still smell the strong scent of liquor on Rider’s hot breath as I swung around to face him. “Rider, Styx needs my—”
Rider cut in. “I can’t stand the thought of you with him!” Torment was etched on his features. His brown eyes were bloodshot and his long hair ratty and wild.
My heart fell. What have I done to him?
When I reached for his arm, he snatched it back, shaking his head.
“Rider, please—” I begged.
“Are you f**kin’ him, Mae? You his bitch whore now? I mean, isn’t it against your religion or some shit?”
I stumbled back in shock; my back hit the concrete wall with a dull thud. “How dare you?” I managed to whisper. I stared at the man before me, a man who definitely looked like Rider. But this man had transformed into a bitter version of my best friend.
Leaning forward, Rider went nose-to-nose with me, his anger ebbing, and a flash of sadness ghosted across his face. As I swallowed in nerves, his hands cupped my face. “Have you f**ked him, Mae? Have you given yourself to him? It’s driving me insane. I can’t picture you like that with him. It’s f**kin’ killing me… killing me…”
I tried to push him away, but I could not move him. “Rider, what I do privately is none of your business.”
“Are you kidding me?” he hushed out quietly. “Of course it’s my business!” His head tipped back and, taking a long, deep breath, Rider met my gaze and confessed, “You’re mine, Mae. I f**kin’ want you in my bed, not Styx’s. We’re good together, Mae. Real good. I’d never f**k with you, never f**k anyone behind your back—”
“Nor would Styx.” I interrupted.
Rider regarded me as though I was simple. “You sure about that, sugar? Styx ain’t who you think he is. He f**ks sluts. Drinks. Kills. He hasn’t earned the rep he’s got for nothing.”
“He is very different with me. And anyway, you kill too. People in glass houses should not throw stones!”
“Maybe I do kill, sugar, but I’d leave all this shit for you. I’d leave this club behind for you. I’d change. Go straight if you wanted me to.”
Rider’s breath became ragged as he stared longingly at my lips. He edged closer, almost pressing his lips to mine but at the last second, I turned my head.
Rider groaned in exasperation. “What is it you see in him?” I stayed silent. He could not, would not understand. “Answer me, Mae!” he demanded, then pressed his forehead against mine. “Please…”
“Everything,” I said quietly and Rider stopped breathing altogether. “He is everything to me. I see everything in him. We share something no one else can understand.”
Taking two steps back, scoffing in disbelief, Rider ran his hands down his face. I could have sworn I saw the shine of moisture fill his eyes.
“Then you know what, Mae? Go get your f**kin’ everything. If you can’t see with your own eyes what’s the truth, then stay blind.” On that final note, Rider leaped down the steps.
Grief overwhelmed me; my legs gave way, my back sliding slowly down the wall until I sat like a ragdoll on the floor.
Folding my arms on my bent knees, I lowered my head and let the tears fall. How had things become so bad so quickly with Rider? He is my best friend!
However, as I thought back over the last few weeks, my chest constricted. The signs of him growing to like me were there: the touches, the secret smiles, increasingly intimate conversations—at least on his side. How could I have been so blind? I had been too wrapped up in Styx to notice. Who was I kidding? I had been wrapped up in Styx since the age of eight.
I have only ever had eyes for Styx.
He was my world, my everything. My almost losing him tonight had served only to double my desire for the silent man.
He needs me.
And I need him.
I want the opportunity to get to know him. I want our journey to really begin.
“Mae?” Blinking in shock, I lifted my head to see Ky at the doorway of Styx’s apartment, looking down at me, brow furrowed. “You okay?”
Wiping my eyes, I climbed to my feet. “Yes.”
“Where’s Rider?” he asked, craning his head to look down the hallway.
“He left.”
Ky stared at me, a knowing glint in his eyes. I expected him to say something, but he just opened the door, jerking his chin for me to go inside.
The bed was empty.
“Where is he?” I asked, hearing the door close.
“In the washroom. He’s rinsed himself in the shower, but the stubborn f**ker can barely stand. Won’t take my help. He’s running a bath now. Safer than falling on his face, I suppose.”
I nodded and headed that way, but Ky’s hand on my arm stopped me. “He’s got you, yeah? For real? You’re his?”
He wanted confirmation I would not hurt his friend, his best friend.
Pressing my hand on the top of his, I nodded. “I have always been his. I will never see anyone else. I will always be his and his alone.”
Sighing in relief, Ky headed for the door. “You’re good for him. I see that now.” He did not turn round as he spoke. Then all of a sudden, Styx and I were alone in his apartment, no sound but the running water from the faucet in the bathroom.
