It Ain't Me, Babe
Page 65
My hands crawled beside her head on the mattress until my whole body hovered over her. “You l-liked it, babe? L-liked me eating y-your wet pu**y?”
“Yes! Styx… yes! But…” Her gaze dropped as her hands covered her scars.
I pressed a kiss to her lips, pulled back, and declared, “Th-the scars d-don’t mean sh-shit.”
Tears filled her eyes and she pulled me beside her onto the bed, then launched into my arms. We stayed silent for a long while.
“Did you get your… business sorted?” she tentatively enquired.
“D-done,” I answered curtly.
Mae leaned on her elbows and stared up at me. “Can I ask what the business was?”
I shook my head, signaling an emphatic “no.”
Mae sighed loudly, indicating her disappointment.
“Way c-club life is, b-babe. Old ladies d-don’t get involved in club sh-shit. Same for y-you too.”
She slumped down, now dejected. “Okay.”
I ran my hand up and down her spine, staring unseeing at the brown ceiling, just thinking shit through, when Mae said, “Play me a song, Styx. Sing to me.”
I smiled and, kicking my leg off the mattress, fetched my Fender. I held it out for my woman to take. Her brow furrowed and her nose twitched. Stifling a groan, I placed the guitar in her hands. “P-play.”
“Will you continue to teach me?” she asked with a knockout f**kin’ smile.
I sat down on the mattress beside Mae and nodded.
I will teach her how to play.
Chapter Twenty
Mae
One Month later…
“One more box, honey,” Beauty said as she carried a large brown box of men’s biker leathers toward me.
“Sure, no problem,” I replied. Beauty stood beside me in her tight red leathers and black Hangmen tank. She wore her fitted Property of Tank cut too. In fact, she rarely took it off.
Four weeks had passed. Four weeks of being with Styx, exploring each other’s bodies, riding on the back of his bike, tasting the heady rush of freedom. And four weeks of him teaching me how to play the guitar. I truly loved it. Music had become my passion. My obsession. Each set of chords moved something within me; when I played music, I felt like I had truly found myself, found the person I was always meant to be. Sharing that love with Styx only made my passion more intense.
Styx had even begun schooling me in ASL. I hated not being able to communicate with him when we were in the company of other people, so I reminded Styx to teach me sign at every opportunity. Beauty had helped me too.
I also had a job. I persuaded Styx to let me work for Beauty now that Pit had been… disposed of… and the threat to the club was gone. I tried very hard not to dwell on that side of things. I could not bear to imagine Styx that way; so aggressive, so brutal. I knew I was being naïve, but I wanted everything to be positive and settled for a while. And Styx was nothing but beautiful with me.
Styx had been reluctant to let me work, Beauty’s store being away from him and the compound. He worried the outside world would be too much for me, but ultimately, he allowed it and I adored him for it. He understood I needed to experience life beyond him… beyond the club. Beauty had taken me under her wing and I had been working in her store, Ride, for two weeks. Every single day, Styx would drive me to work on the back of his Harley and pick me up at the end of the day to take me home.
It was all so… normal. I cherished feeling normal. When you have been cast out by people your entire life, normalcy becomes… beautiful.
The leather uniform I had to wear at Ride was… different: tight black leathers and a black skin-tight Hangmen tank, but I actually kind of loved that too. I was gradually building my own life with a man I adored and friends with whom I enjoyed spending my days. Most days, Letti would drop by the store and “shoot the shit,” as only she could say. Letti worked in the bike garage next door with Bull, Tank, and a few others who I did not really know too well yet.
All in all, life was progressing well. That is apart from Rider. After Styx was injured, Rider went on a long run to Louisiana and several other states on club business. I had not heard from him since and I missed him so much. I missed talking to him. I missed laughing with him. He had not even told me goodbye.
Beauty placed a cup of steaming coffee beside me, readying herself to help me shelve the rest of the leathers. “So Styx picking you up today?” she asked, striking up a conversation.
“Yes.” I checked the clock on the wall behind the counter and smiled. “He should be here anytime.”
“You okay to work again tomorrow, darlin’? We’ve been swamped lately.”
I beamed a huge smile at my friend. “Of course! I love it here. I am not good at anything except folding garments, but I enjoy keeping busy all the same.”
“Hell, girl, you’re the best shop girl I got. The cult you grew up with may have been backward as all hell, but they sure taught you some damn good domestic skills!” Beauty stopped and looked at me. “Shit! I’m sorry, Mae, sometimes my mouth just runs away!”
I could not help but laugh. “It is okay. You are right. We did have to perform our chores well or risk punishment. Believe me, we all became quick studies.”
Beauty’s blue eyes filled with sympathy. “Mae, I know you never talk about what happened back there, but I’m here if you ever want to. I won’t tell no one, not a soul.”
Clutching a pair of wide leather pants to my chest, I swallowed back a lump in my throat. “That means so much to me. Thank you.”
Beauty wrapped her arm around me and squeezed before quickly letting go.
We went back to work in silence.
“You remind me of my friend,” I said quietly, a short time later.
“Really?” Beauty stopped in her task and smiled my way.
“Yes. Her name is Delilah, or Lilah, as I know her. She is beautiful with long blond hair and blue eyes. Beautiful… just like you.”
I could feel Beauty watching me, but I continued shelving clothes, feeling a little exposed, unwilling even to glance her way.
“Do you miss her?” she asked softly.
My eyes closed and a pang of searing pain shot through my chest. “Incredibly so, I… I…” My eyes darted to Beauty, then quickly away. “My eldest sister, Bella… died. This is why I left commune. I wanted… I asked Lilah to join me, but she refused to leave. She was scared. My younger sister, Maddie, is still there also. I miss them both so much that sometimes when I think of them, I find it impossible to breathe. I am here, free, experiencing life and in love with the most incredible man. And they are there in that prison… alone.”
“Yes! Styx… yes! But…” Her gaze dropped as her hands covered her scars.
I pressed a kiss to her lips, pulled back, and declared, “Th-the scars d-don’t mean sh-shit.”
Tears filled her eyes and she pulled me beside her onto the bed, then launched into my arms. We stayed silent for a long while.
“Did you get your… business sorted?” she tentatively enquired.
“D-done,” I answered curtly.
Mae leaned on her elbows and stared up at me. “Can I ask what the business was?”
I shook my head, signaling an emphatic “no.”
Mae sighed loudly, indicating her disappointment.
“Way c-club life is, b-babe. Old ladies d-don’t get involved in club sh-shit. Same for y-you too.”
She slumped down, now dejected. “Okay.”
I ran my hand up and down her spine, staring unseeing at the brown ceiling, just thinking shit through, when Mae said, “Play me a song, Styx. Sing to me.”
I smiled and, kicking my leg off the mattress, fetched my Fender. I held it out for my woman to take. Her brow furrowed and her nose twitched. Stifling a groan, I placed the guitar in her hands. “P-play.”
“Will you continue to teach me?” she asked with a knockout f**kin’ smile.
I sat down on the mattress beside Mae and nodded.
I will teach her how to play.
Chapter Twenty
Mae
One Month later…
“One more box, honey,” Beauty said as she carried a large brown box of men’s biker leathers toward me.
“Sure, no problem,” I replied. Beauty stood beside me in her tight red leathers and black Hangmen tank. She wore her fitted Property of Tank cut too. In fact, she rarely took it off.
Four weeks had passed. Four weeks of being with Styx, exploring each other’s bodies, riding on the back of his bike, tasting the heady rush of freedom. And four weeks of him teaching me how to play the guitar. I truly loved it. Music had become my passion. My obsession. Each set of chords moved something within me; when I played music, I felt like I had truly found myself, found the person I was always meant to be. Sharing that love with Styx only made my passion more intense.
Styx had even begun schooling me in ASL. I hated not being able to communicate with him when we were in the company of other people, so I reminded Styx to teach me sign at every opportunity. Beauty had helped me too.
I also had a job. I persuaded Styx to let me work for Beauty now that Pit had been… disposed of… and the threat to the club was gone. I tried very hard not to dwell on that side of things. I could not bear to imagine Styx that way; so aggressive, so brutal. I knew I was being naïve, but I wanted everything to be positive and settled for a while. And Styx was nothing but beautiful with me.
Styx had been reluctant to let me work, Beauty’s store being away from him and the compound. He worried the outside world would be too much for me, but ultimately, he allowed it and I adored him for it. He understood I needed to experience life beyond him… beyond the club. Beauty had taken me under her wing and I had been working in her store, Ride, for two weeks. Every single day, Styx would drive me to work on the back of his Harley and pick me up at the end of the day to take me home.
It was all so… normal. I cherished feeling normal. When you have been cast out by people your entire life, normalcy becomes… beautiful.
The leather uniform I had to wear at Ride was… different: tight black leathers and a black skin-tight Hangmen tank, but I actually kind of loved that too. I was gradually building my own life with a man I adored and friends with whom I enjoyed spending my days. Most days, Letti would drop by the store and “shoot the shit,” as only she could say. Letti worked in the bike garage next door with Bull, Tank, and a few others who I did not really know too well yet.
All in all, life was progressing well. That is apart from Rider. After Styx was injured, Rider went on a long run to Louisiana and several other states on club business. I had not heard from him since and I missed him so much. I missed talking to him. I missed laughing with him. He had not even told me goodbye.
Beauty placed a cup of steaming coffee beside me, readying herself to help me shelve the rest of the leathers. “So Styx picking you up today?” she asked, striking up a conversation.
“Yes.” I checked the clock on the wall behind the counter and smiled. “He should be here anytime.”
“You okay to work again tomorrow, darlin’? We’ve been swamped lately.”
I beamed a huge smile at my friend. “Of course! I love it here. I am not good at anything except folding garments, but I enjoy keeping busy all the same.”
“Hell, girl, you’re the best shop girl I got. The cult you grew up with may have been backward as all hell, but they sure taught you some damn good domestic skills!” Beauty stopped and looked at me. “Shit! I’m sorry, Mae, sometimes my mouth just runs away!”
I could not help but laugh. “It is okay. You are right. We did have to perform our chores well or risk punishment. Believe me, we all became quick studies.”
Beauty’s blue eyes filled with sympathy. “Mae, I know you never talk about what happened back there, but I’m here if you ever want to. I won’t tell no one, not a soul.”
Clutching a pair of wide leather pants to my chest, I swallowed back a lump in my throat. “That means so much to me. Thank you.”
Beauty wrapped her arm around me and squeezed before quickly letting go.
We went back to work in silence.
“You remind me of my friend,” I said quietly, a short time later.
“Really?” Beauty stopped in her task and smiled my way.
“Yes. Her name is Delilah, or Lilah, as I know her. She is beautiful with long blond hair and blue eyes. Beautiful… just like you.”
I could feel Beauty watching me, but I continued shelving clothes, feeling a little exposed, unwilling even to glance her way.
“Do you miss her?” she asked softly.
My eyes closed and a pang of searing pain shot through my chest. “Incredibly so, I… I…” My eyes darted to Beauty, then quickly away. “My eldest sister, Bella… died. This is why I left commune. I wanted… I asked Lilah to join me, but she refused to leave. She was scared. My younger sister, Maddie, is still there also. I miss them both so much that sometimes when I think of them, I find it impossible to breathe. I am here, free, experiencing life and in love with the most incredible man. And they are there in that prison… alone.”
