It Ends with Us
Page 62
Oh, God.
No, no, no.
He crumbles the number in his fist. “I thought, ‘Huh. That’s weird. Lily doesn’t hide things from me.’” He stands up and picks up my phone. “So I called it.” He tightens his fist around the phone. “He’s lucky I got his fucking voice mail.” He chunks my phone clear across the room and it crashes against the wall, shattering to the floor.
There’s a three-second pause where I think this could go one of two ways.
He’s going to leave me.
Or he’s going to hurt me.
He runs a hand through his hair and walks straight for the door.
He leaves.
“Ryle!” I yell.
Why did I never throw that number away?!
I open the door and run after him. He’s taking the stairs two at a time, and I finally reach him when he’s at the landing of the second floor. I shove myself in front of him and grab his shirt in my fists. “Ryle, please. Let me explain.”
He grabs my wrists and pushes me away from him.
• • •
“Be still.”
I feel his hands on me. Gentle. Steady.
Tears are flowing and for some reason, they sting.
“Lily, be still. Please.”
His voice is soothing. My head hurts. “Ryle?” I try to open my eyes, but the light is too bright. I can feel a sting at the corner of my eye and I wince. I try to sit up, but I feel his hand press down on my shoulder.
“You have to be still until I’m finished, Lily.”
I open my eyes again and look up at the ceiling. It’s our bedroom ceiling. “Finished with what?” My mouth hurts when I speak, so I bring my hand up and cover it.
“You fell down the stairs,” he says. “You’re hurt.”
My eyes meet his. There’s concern in them, but also hurt. Anger. He’s feeling everything right now, and the only thing I feel is confused.
I close my eyes again and try to remember why he’s angry. Why he’s hurt.
My phone.
Atlas’s number.
The stairwell.
I grabbed his shirt.
He pushed me away.
“You fell down the stairs.”
But I didn’t fall.
He pushed me. Again.
That’s twice.
You pushed me, Ryle.
I can feel my whole body start to shake with the sobs. I have no idea how bad I’m hurt, but I don’t even care. No physical pain could even compare to what my heart is feeling in this moment. I start to slap at his hands, wanting him away from me. I feel him lift off the bed as I curl up into a ball.
I wait for him to try and soothe it out like he did the last time he hurt me, but it never comes. I hear him walking around our bedroom. I don’t know what he’s doing. I’m still crying when he kneels down in front of me.
“You might have a concussion,” he says, matter-of-fact. “You have a small cut on your lip. I just bandaged up the cut on your eye. You don’t need stitches.”
His voice is cold.
“Does it hurt anywhere else? Your arms? Legs?”
He sounds just like a doctor and nothing like a husband.
“You pushed me,” I say through tears. It’s all I can think or say or see.
“You fell,” he says calmly. “About five minutes ago. Right after I found out what a fucking liar I married.” He places something on my pillow next to me. “If you need anything, I’m sure you can call this number.”
I look at the crumpled up piece of paper by my head that holds Atlas’s phone number.
“Ryle,” I sob.
What is happening?
I hear the front door slam.
My whole world comes crashing down around me.
“Ryle,” I whisper to no one. I cover my face with my hands and I cry harder than I’ve ever cried. I am destroyed.
Five minutes.
That’s all it takes to completely destroy a person.
• • •
A few minutes pass.
Ten, maybe?
I can’t stop crying. I still haven’t moved from the bed. I’m scared to look in the mirror. I’m just . . . scared.
I hear the front door open and slam shut again. Ryle appears in the doorway and I have no idea if I’m supposed to hate him.
Or be terrified of him.
Or feel bad for him.
How can I be feeling all three?
He presses his forehead to our bedroom door and I watch as he hits his head against it. Once. Twice. Three times.
He turns and rushes at me, falling to his knees at the side of the bed. He grabs both of my hands and he squeezes them. “Lily,” he says, his whole face twisting in pain. “Please tell me it’s nothing.” He brings his hand to the side of my head and I can feel his hands shaking. “I can’t take this, I can’t.” He leans forward and presses his lips hard against my forehead, then rests his forehead against mine. “Please tell me you aren’t seeing him. Please.”
I’m not even sure I can tell him that because I don’t even want to speak.
He stays pressed against me, his hand wrapped tightly in my hair. “It hurts so much, Lily. I love you so much.”
I shake my head, wanting the truth out of me so he’ll see what a huge mistake he just made. “I forgot his number was even there,” I say quietly. “The day after the fight in the restaurant . . . he came to the store. You can ask Allysa. He was only there for five minutes. He took my phone from me and he put his number inside of it, because he didn’t believe I was safe with you. I forgot it was there, Ryle. I’ve never even looked at it.”
He breathes out a shaky breath and begins nodding with relief. “You swear, Lily? You swear on our marriage and our lives and on everything that you are that you haven’t spoken to him since that day?” He pulls back so he can look me in the eyes.
No, no, no.
He crumbles the number in his fist. “I thought, ‘Huh. That’s weird. Lily doesn’t hide things from me.’” He stands up and picks up my phone. “So I called it.” He tightens his fist around the phone. “He’s lucky I got his fucking voice mail.” He chunks my phone clear across the room and it crashes against the wall, shattering to the floor.
There’s a three-second pause where I think this could go one of two ways.
He’s going to leave me.
Or he’s going to hurt me.
He runs a hand through his hair and walks straight for the door.
He leaves.
“Ryle!” I yell.
Why did I never throw that number away?!
I open the door and run after him. He’s taking the stairs two at a time, and I finally reach him when he’s at the landing of the second floor. I shove myself in front of him and grab his shirt in my fists. “Ryle, please. Let me explain.”
He grabs my wrists and pushes me away from him.
• • •
“Be still.”
I feel his hands on me. Gentle. Steady.
Tears are flowing and for some reason, they sting.
“Lily, be still. Please.”
His voice is soothing. My head hurts. “Ryle?” I try to open my eyes, but the light is too bright. I can feel a sting at the corner of my eye and I wince. I try to sit up, but I feel his hand press down on my shoulder.
“You have to be still until I’m finished, Lily.”
I open my eyes again and look up at the ceiling. It’s our bedroom ceiling. “Finished with what?” My mouth hurts when I speak, so I bring my hand up and cover it.
“You fell down the stairs,” he says. “You’re hurt.”
My eyes meet his. There’s concern in them, but also hurt. Anger. He’s feeling everything right now, and the only thing I feel is confused.
I close my eyes again and try to remember why he’s angry. Why he’s hurt.
My phone.
Atlas’s number.
The stairwell.
I grabbed his shirt.
He pushed me away.
“You fell down the stairs.”
But I didn’t fall.
He pushed me. Again.
That’s twice.
You pushed me, Ryle.
I can feel my whole body start to shake with the sobs. I have no idea how bad I’m hurt, but I don’t even care. No physical pain could even compare to what my heart is feeling in this moment. I start to slap at his hands, wanting him away from me. I feel him lift off the bed as I curl up into a ball.
I wait for him to try and soothe it out like he did the last time he hurt me, but it never comes. I hear him walking around our bedroom. I don’t know what he’s doing. I’m still crying when he kneels down in front of me.
“You might have a concussion,” he says, matter-of-fact. “You have a small cut on your lip. I just bandaged up the cut on your eye. You don’t need stitches.”
His voice is cold.
“Does it hurt anywhere else? Your arms? Legs?”
He sounds just like a doctor and nothing like a husband.
“You pushed me,” I say through tears. It’s all I can think or say or see.
“You fell,” he says calmly. “About five minutes ago. Right after I found out what a fucking liar I married.” He places something on my pillow next to me. “If you need anything, I’m sure you can call this number.”
I look at the crumpled up piece of paper by my head that holds Atlas’s phone number.
“Ryle,” I sob.
What is happening?
I hear the front door slam.
My whole world comes crashing down around me.
“Ryle,” I whisper to no one. I cover my face with my hands and I cry harder than I’ve ever cried. I am destroyed.
Five minutes.
That’s all it takes to completely destroy a person.
• • •
A few minutes pass.
Ten, maybe?
I can’t stop crying. I still haven’t moved from the bed. I’m scared to look in the mirror. I’m just . . . scared.
I hear the front door open and slam shut again. Ryle appears in the doorway and I have no idea if I’m supposed to hate him.
Or be terrified of him.
Or feel bad for him.
How can I be feeling all three?
He presses his forehead to our bedroom door and I watch as he hits his head against it. Once. Twice. Three times.
He turns and rushes at me, falling to his knees at the side of the bed. He grabs both of my hands and he squeezes them. “Lily,” he says, his whole face twisting in pain. “Please tell me it’s nothing.” He brings his hand to the side of my head and I can feel his hands shaking. “I can’t take this, I can’t.” He leans forward and presses his lips hard against my forehead, then rests his forehead against mine. “Please tell me you aren’t seeing him. Please.”
I’m not even sure I can tell him that because I don’t even want to speak.
He stays pressed against me, his hand wrapped tightly in my hair. “It hurts so much, Lily. I love you so much.”
I shake my head, wanting the truth out of me so he’ll see what a huge mistake he just made. “I forgot his number was even there,” I say quietly. “The day after the fight in the restaurant . . . he came to the store. You can ask Allysa. He was only there for five minutes. He took my phone from me and he put his number inside of it, because he didn’t believe I was safe with you. I forgot it was there, Ryle. I’ve never even looked at it.”
He breathes out a shaky breath and begins nodding with relief. “You swear, Lily? You swear on our marriage and our lives and on everything that you are that you haven’t spoken to him since that day?” He pulls back so he can look me in the eyes.
