Jaded
Page 65
“What do you want from me?” I asked, softly, and my voice echoed in the screaming wake.
Bryce drew a ragged breath in and said quietly, “Maybe the question is what you want from me?” He pinned me with his eyes and added, “I love you. I’m here. We’ll have sex until the house falls down…what do you want, Sheldon? You don’t want me gone. Is it—can you just not be vulnerable? Is it the trust thing? I’ve seen you naked in a shower.
I’ve seen you pretty goddamn vulnerable.”
“That’s not vulnerable,” I said faintly, surprised at my words.
“Yes, it is.” Bryce stood up again and advanced on me. “I know you inside and out, Sheldon. I just…I want you to say it, once. I want you to finally break down your pride and admit that you need me. I know you do. Not Corrigan. Not even your parents.
You need me and I need you. And I need you to just tell me, once.”
“I want you.”
“That’s not what I want and you know it. Stop the games!” he retorted swiftly.
Backed into a corner, I snarled back, “Stop it!”
Bryce caught my hands and pinned them above me. He leaned close and whispered against my skin, “Just say it, Sheldon.” He kissed underneath my ear and I gasped.
I arched into him and whispered, brokenly, “That’s not fair.”
“Yes, it is. I’ll take anything I can get at this point,” Bryce whispered back and his fingers slid around one of my legs. He raised me up to wrap around him and I felt him push against me. I melted inside and grasped at his shoulders. I fought to draw him closer and I fought to keep him away.
“This isn’t—,” I gasped as his mouth moved to my breast. “This isn’t fair.”
“Is this the only thing that you’ll let yourself feel?” Bryce whispered against my skin and he thrust inside.
“No,” I whispered as I wrapped my other leg around him and rose up against the wall.
“What else will you feel? What else can I get?”
“If I say it now, it’s not fair.” I kissed his jaw, his neck, his lips.
“I don’t care anymore,” Bryce whispered as he thrust again.
“Bryce.”
“I love you,” he panted against my lips.
“I—” I broke off as he thrust again.
“Say it!” Bryce demanded as he thrust again.
I snapped. I swiftly arched my back and shoved him away at the same time. It wouldn’t happen—not like that.
Bryce fell on the bed, startled by the swiftness and strength, but I quickly straddled him. As he fought for entrance, I clamped my hips around his and held myself above him. Bryce could’ve overpowered me. He could’ve closed the distance and it would’ve been met with an excited scream, but he didn’t.
Bryce stayed in my arms and he gazed at me as I waited for him to see what was in my eyes.
He stopped as he saw it. His breath left him in that exact moment. And I took it in. I let the warmth fill my lungs as I bent and softly met his lips, tenderly. I kissed him, a loving kiss, and I whispered against the corner of his lips, “I love you.”
He lay suspended in my hold and the fight had left him.
Bryce blinked in shock until my words sunk inside.
I realized that he’d never expected it. He had asked, fought, and demanded—but he’d never expected it.
“I—,” he started, but I kissed him and stopped the words. I moved farther up his chest and looked down.
The wall fell down and I let him see me.
“I love you,” I sighed.
Bryce shifted and slid my hips down to meet his. He went inside and I gasped. My eyes closed as did his and we felt each other for the first time in four years of being intimate.
Afterwards Bryce curled me against his chest as we laid still, sweating, and panting from what had happened. He ran a soothing hand up the side of my arm to my shoulder and back down again.
In the darkness, I asked, “So what now?”
Bryce tucked his head into the crook of my neck and shoulder. He breathed in my scent and tightened his hold around me. His voice was muffled as he replied, “I don’t know.”
I heard the exhaustion and felt its answering pull inside of me.
“Just…no more Denton Steele,” Bryce remarked.
“No more girls fawning over you.”
“Deal.”
“Deal.”
Bryce chuckled and swiftly tucked me underneath him. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and cradled my cheek. His thumb rubbed sensuously, comforting, against my skin. I nearly purred as I moved closer and sought his touch.
“So what?” he asked and flashed a blinding smile.
“What?”
“Are you my…girlfriend?”
My eyes widened as panic robbed my breath. This was what I’d been afraid of— this unyielding fear. I twisted away from him and hurriedly dressed.
“What—.” Bryce cursed and leapt for the door just as I turned towards it.
He got there first and twisted between me and my exit.
“Stop it,” Bryce snapped and pushed me back. He held firm in front of the door.
“We were just—you told me that you love me and now you’re going to run?”
“That’s all I can do!” I cried out, feeling the panic build up with each second, each breath, and each word.
Bryce quieted. He listened.
“It’s all…I can’t do anymore. I can’t—I can’t do conversations about us, not yet.”
“Okay.”
And I was left dazed at the abrupt softening of his voice.
Bryce jerkily nodded and said again, “Okay. I can do that.”
The panic subsided and I warily dropped onto the bed.
Bryce still stood, naked, in the darkness and he came to stand in front of me. I met his glittering eyes in the moonlight and closed my eyes as his fingers found the side of my face and tilted me upwards. Gently, he pushed me back down and lay beside me, on his side. He laid an arm over me and kissed me.
Slowly, exquisitely, we explored each other as we kissed.
I broke away and said quickly, “You tell Corrigan, but he can’t label us. Okay?”
“Okay.” And Bryce quieted me again.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
“My dad’s leaving my mom,” Bryce broke the quiet.
Bryce drew a ragged breath in and said quietly, “Maybe the question is what you want from me?” He pinned me with his eyes and added, “I love you. I’m here. We’ll have sex until the house falls down…what do you want, Sheldon? You don’t want me gone. Is it—can you just not be vulnerable? Is it the trust thing? I’ve seen you naked in a shower.
I’ve seen you pretty goddamn vulnerable.”
“That’s not vulnerable,” I said faintly, surprised at my words.
“Yes, it is.” Bryce stood up again and advanced on me. “I know you inside and out, Sheldon. I just…I want you to say it, once. I want you to finally break down your pride and admit that you need me. I know you do. Not Corrigan. Not even your parents.
You need me and I need you. And I need you to just tell me, once.”
“I want you.”
“That’s not what I want and you know it. Stop the games!” he retorted swiftly.
Backed into a corner, I snarled back, “Stop it!”
Bryce caught my hands and pinned them above me. He leaned close and whispered against my skin, “Just say it, Sheldon.” He kissed underneath my ear and I gasped.
I arched into him and whispered, brokenly, “That’s not fair.”
“Yes, it is. I’ll take anything I can get at this point,” Bryce whispered back and his fingers slid around one of my legs. He raised me up to wrap around him and I felt him push against me. I melted inside and grasped at his shoulders. I fought to draw him closer and I fought to keep him away.
“This isn’t—,” I gasped as his mouth moved to my breast. “This isn’t fair.”
“Is this the only thing that you’ll let yourself feel?” Bryce whispered against my skin and he thrust inside.
“No,” I whispered as I wrapped my other leg around him and rose up against the wall.
“What else will you feel? What else can I get?”
“If I say it now, it’s not fair.” I kissed his jaw, his neck, his lips.
“I don’t care anymore,” Bryce whispered as he thrust again.
“Bryce.”
“I love you,” he panted against my lips.
“I—” I broke off as he thrust again.
“Say it!” Bryce demanded as he thrust again.
I snapped. I swiftly arched my back and shoved him away at the same time. It wouldn’t happen—not like that.
Bryce fell on the bed, startled by the swiftness and strength, but I quickly straddled him. As he fought for entrance, I clamped my hips around his and held myself above him. Bryce could’ve overpowered me. He could’ve closed the distance and it would’ve been met with an excited scream, but he didn’t.
Bryce stayed in my arms and he gazed at me as I waited for him to see what was in my eyes.
He stopped as he saw it. His breath left him in that exact moment. And I took it in. I let the warmth fill my lungs as I bent and softly met his lips, tenderly. I kissed him, a loving kiss, and I whispered against the corner of his lips, “I love you.”
He lay suspended in my hold and the fight had left him.
Bryce blinked in shock until my words sunk inside.
I realized that he’d never expected it. He had asked, fought, and demanded—but he’d never expected it.
“I—,” he started, but I kissed him and stopped the words. I moved farther up his chest and looked down.
The wall fell down and I let him see me.
“I love you,” I sighed.
Bryce shifted and slid my hips down to meet his. He went inside and I gasped. My eyes closed as did his and we felt each other for the first time in four years of being intimate.
Afterwards Bryce curled me against his chest as we laid still, sweating, and panting from what had happened. He ran a soothing hand up the side of my arm to my shoulder and back down again.
In the darkness, I asked, “So what now?”
Bryce tucked his head into the crook of my neck and shoulder. He breathed in my scent and tightened his hold around me. His voice was muffled as he replied, “I don’t know.”
I heard the exhaustion and felt its answering pull inside of me.
“Just…no more Denton Steele,” Bryce remarked.
“No more girls fawning over you.”
“Deal.”
“Deal.”
Bryce chuckled and swiftly tucked me underneath him. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and cradled my cheek. His thumb rubbed sensuously, comforting, against my skin. I nearly purred as I moved closer and sought his touch.
“So what?” he asked and flashed a blinding smile.
“What?”
“Are you my…girlfriend?”
My eyes widened as panic robbed my breath. This was what I’d been afraid of— this unyielding fear. I twisted away from him and hurriedly dressed.
“What—.” Bryce cursed and leapt for the door just as I turned towards it.
He got there first and twisted between me and my exit.
“Stop it,” Bryce snapped and pushed me back. He held firm in front of the door.
“We were just—you told me that you love me and now you’re going to run?”
“That’s all I can do!” I cried out, feeling the panic build up with each second, each breath, and each word.
Bryce quieted. He listened.
“It’s all…I can’t do anymore. I can’t—I can’t do conversations about us, not yet.”
“Okay.”
And I was left dazed at the abrupt softening of his voice.
Bryce jerkily nodded and said again, “Okay. I can do that.”
The panic subsided and I warily dropped onto the bed.
Bryce still stood, naked, in the darkness and he came to stand in front of me. I met his glittering eyes in the moonlight and closed my eyes as his fingers found the side of my face and tilted me upwards. Gently, he pushed me back down and lay beside me, on his side. He laid an arm over me and kissed me.
Slowly, exquisitely, we explored each other as we kissed.
I broke away and said quickly, “You tell Corrigan, but he can’t label us. Okay?”
“Okay.” And Bryce quieted me again.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
“My dad’s leaving my mom,” Bryce broke the quiet.
