Jake Understood
Page 13
The voice of reason was the loudest: Don’t think for a second this girl could ever accept your marriage to Ivy. After you help Nina through this shit, you need to stay the fuck away from her. You hear me?
Deep beneath that voice, was a weaker one that I was pretty sure lived in an insane asylum somewhere inside my heart. That one seemed to come out with a single message whenever I would lay eyes on her: Maybe there’s a way.
***
After we returned home that night, Nina knocked on my bedroom door which was half-way open.
I straightened my back against the headboard and put aside my laptop. “Come in.”
She walked over to the bed and sat at the edge of my feet.
“I just want to thank you again for today. I know I must have seemed like a crazy person for a while there.”
I shrugged jokingly. “No…no. Not at all.”
I winked.
She smiled.
I smiled back.
Our eyes locked for a few tension-filled seconds before she looked away. We sat in silence until she looked up at me again. The expression on her face turned serious.
“No one has ever done anything like that for me, Jake. I mean, you put so much thought into it.”
Shaking my head, I said, “It was nothing. If anything, it was fun for me.”
She covered her face. “I hit you, for Christ’s sake!”
I joked, “Eh. Not the first time a woman has hit me in the heat of the moment. Usually, I’m handcuffed and blindfolded, though.”
I winked again.
She smiled again.
I smiled back again.
Nina leaned in a little, causing my pulse to race. “You put yourself through all of that, knowing damn well that I was gonna freak out on you. I mean, what was in it for you?”
You.
You were in it for me.
“What was in it for me?” I sat up and moved closer to where she was sitting on the bed and scratched my chin. “I got to watch you go from living in an imaginary place to living in the present. I was able to share it with you because you trusted me. It’s exhilarating for me to know I could show you how to live in the moment…because that’s all there ever is, Nina. So much stress could be eliminated if we all learned to do that.”
She nodded to herself, taking in my words. “This moment…right now…us sitting here….that’s all there is. I have to keep reminding myself of that. It’s easier to do when someone who is centered is guiding you through it. No one’s ever held my hand through anything like that. Thank you again.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“You know, everyone at home thinks I’m crazy. They never take my anxieties seriously. My parents, my ex-boyfriend…”
Ex-boyfriend.
I wanted to kick this guy’s ass, whoever he was. Fucker.
It was the perfect window to ask what I’d been wondering since she moved in.
“Is that the guy in the picture in your room?”
Nina shook her head. “No. No, that’s my brother.”
My heart started beating faster. “You don’t have a boyfriend now?”
“No.”
Relief coursed through me even though I had to remind myself that it shouldn’t have mattered since I wouldn’t be pursuing her.
I felt my dick move as her gaze travelled down my shirtless chest and down lower to my six-pack. My pulse quickened when she reached out her hand and placed it over the dragon tattoo on my left forearm.
“What is that?”
My arm tingled from her touch, which felt electric. At any given moment, I felt seconds away from grabbing her shirt and pulling her into a deep kiss. I wanted that so desperately.
I cleared my throat. “It’s a dragon.”
“I couldn’t tell at first if it was a seahorse or a dragon.”
“Definitely not a seahorse.” I laughed and looked down at her dainty hand on my arm. “You know, long after I got this, I read something once that the dragon is apparently a symbol of strength and power. It also said that the power of the dragon must be balanced with wisdom. Otherwise, the greed that comes with that power turns him into a ravenous creature with an insatiable appetite.”
Little did she know, that was a cryptic description of my exact dilemma when it came to her.
The tension in the room was thick when she said, “Wow. That’s pretty intense.”
“Yeah.” I touched my finger to her neck. “What’s this, a sea urchin?”
When she looked down, I slid my hand up and pinched her nose.
She laughed. “You tricked me.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time today.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s for sure.”
Several seconds of silence passed. She bit her bottom lip nervously as I imagined sucking on it. You could tell she had something on her mind.
The words finally came out. “You know, I was really scared about moving here, but it was something I knew I had to do for myself.”
“Why did you choose New York of all places? That’s like jumping right into the fire.”
“As much as it scared me, I’ve always dreamt of living here. I told myself if I got into the nursing program, then that was the sign I needed to make the move. I felt so out of place that first day, though. I really considered just going back home.”
“I’m really glad you didn’t,” I whispered.
“Me, too.” She glanced over at the wall and hesitated. “You make me feel safe. I realize I don’t know you from Adam, but what I do know is that I feel more secure knowing you’re here. Is that strange?”
Deep beneath that voice, was a weaker one that I was pretty sure lived in an insane asylum somewhere inside my heart. That one seemed to come out with a single message whenever I would lay eyes on her: Maybe there’s a way.
***
After we returned home that night, Nina knocked on my bedroom door which was half-way open.
I straightened my back against the headboard and put aside my laptop. “Come in.”
She walked over to the bed and sat at the edge of my feet.
“I just want to thank you again for today. I know I must have seemed like a crazy person for a while there.”
I shrugged jokingly. “No…no. Not at all.”
I winked.
She smiled.
I smiled back.
Our eyes locked for a few tension-filled seconds before she looked away. We sat in silence until she looked up at me again. The expression on her face turned serious.
“No one has ever done anything like that for me, Jake. I mean, you put so much thought into it.”
Shaking my head, I said, “It was nothing. If anything, it was fun for me.”
She covered her face. “I hit you, for Christ’s sake!”
I joked, “Eh. Not the first time a woman has hit me in the heat of the moment. Usually, I’m handcuffed and blindfolded, though.”
I winked again.
She smiled again.
I smiled back again.
Nina leaned in a little, causing my pulse to race. “You put yourself through all of that, knowing damn well that I was gonna freak out on you. I mean, what was in it for you?”
You.
You were in it for me.
“What was in it for me?” I sat up and moved closer to where she was sitting on the bed and scratched my chin. “I got to watch you go from living in an imaginary place to living in the present. I was able to share it with you because you trusted me. It’s exhilarating for me to know I could show you how to live in the moment…because that’s all there ever is, Nina. So much stress could be eliminated if we all learned to do that.”
She nodded to herself, taking in my words. “This moment…right now…us sitting here….that’s all there is. I have to keep reminding myself of that. It’s easier to do when someone who is centered is guiding you through it. No one’s ever held my hand through anything like that. Thank you again.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“You know, everyone at home thinks I’m crazy. They never take my anxieties seriously. My parents, my ex-boyfriend…”
Ex-boyfriend.
I wanted to kick this guy’s ass, whoever he was. Fucker.
It was the perfect window to ask what I’d been wondering since she moved in.
“Is that the guy in the picture in your room?”
Nina shook her head. “No. No, that’s my brother.”
My heart started beating faster. “You don’t have a boyfriend now?”
“No.”
Relief coursed through me even though I had to remind myself that it shouldn’t have mattered since I wouldn’t be pursuing her.
I felt my dick move as her gaze travelled down my shirtless chest and down lower to my six-pack. My pulse quickened when she reached out her hand and placed it over the dragon tattoo on my left forearm.
“What is that?”
My arm tingled from her touch, which felt electric. At any given moment, I felt seconds away from grabbing her shirt and pulling her into a deep kiss. I wanted that so desperately.
I cleared my throat. “It’s a dragon.”
“I couldn’t tell at first if it was a seahorse or a dragon.”
“Definitely not a seahorse.” I laughed and looked down at her dainty hand on my arm. “You know, long after I got this, I read something once that the dragon is apparently a symbol of strength and power. It also said that the power of the dragon must be balanced with wisdom. Otherwise, the greed that comes with that power turns him into a ravenous creature with an insatiable appetite.”
Little did she know, that was a cryptic description of my exact dilemma when it came to her.
The tension in the room was thick when she said, “Wow. That’s pretty intense.”
“Yeah.” I touched my finger to her neck. “What’s this, a sea urchin?”
When she looked down, I slid my hand up and pinched her nose.
She laughed. “You tricked me.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time today.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s for sure.”
Several seconds of silence passed. She bit her bottom lip nervously as I imagined sucking on it. You could tell she had something on her mind.
The words finally came out. “You know, I was really scared about moving here, but it was something I knew I had to do for myself.”
“Why did you choose New York of all places? That’s like jumping right into the fire.”
“As much as it scared me, I’ve always dreamt of living here. I told myself if I got into the nursing program, then that was the sign I needed to make the move. I felt so out of place that first day, though. I really considered just going back home.”
“I’m really glad you didn’t,” I whispered.
“Me, too.” She glanced over at the wall and hesitated. “You make me feel safe. I realize I don’t know you from Adam, but what I do know is that I feel more secure knowing you’re here. Is that strange?”
