Jake Undone
Page 22
Thankfully, Ryan had started a different topic of conversation with Michael, so I no longer had to use what little brain juice I had left to formulate sentences. I bit my bottom lip and looked over at Jake who was sliding his tongue ring between his teeth, looking frustrated again, almost angry.
He pulled his hand away from my leg and got up from the table. I assumed he was going to the bathroom until my phone buzzed.
Meet me in the hallway.
There was a side door that led to the staircase leading up to our apartment. I assumed that was what he meant. My heart palpitated as I excused myself from the table “to go to the bathroom.” When I opened the door, he was standing in the stairwell with his hands in his pockets, looking uncharacteristically shy.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi.” A slow smile spread across his face. Those dimples.
It was as if we were actually greeting each other for the first time tonight and everything that happened up until now didn’t count.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
He exhaled. “That guy was looking at you like he wanted to rip your dress off with his teeth. I had to get out of there before I killed him with my bare hands.”
“Why would that bother you?” I teased.
“You know why.”
My heart beat faster as he walked toward me until he was just inches from my face. “Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”
“I figured you’d be away anyway, so I just never mentioned it.”
“I would never miss your birthday. Never. You underestimated how important you are to me, Nina.”
“I am sorry.”
“You should have told me. Tarah called me Friday when I was already in Boston, so I decided to surprise you tonight.”
“You’re sneaky,” I said.
“You’re f**king gorgeous.”
His eyes closed suddenly after he said it, like maybe he regretted coming on strong or was still struggling with his feelings. Then again, his hand was up my dress out there.
My body was humming between the words coming out of his mouth and the smell of his cologne mixed with vodka scenting me. I had never wanted to kiss him more than this moment. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself,” I said, tugging playfully on the material of his shirt but really wanting to tear it off of him. It felt like I was losing control fast.
“Tarah explained about what’s his name in there. She didn’t know he was going to be here when she invited me. She told me Ryan ambushed you.”
I couldn’t help but ask, “What if I were on a date?”
“I guess if he made you happy, I’d be okay with it.”
“I see.”
“That was a lie.”
“Oh.”
“I wouldn’t be okay with it. Fuck…I missed you.” The depth of the emotion in his voice resonated throughout my entire body. Then, he put his hand on my waist and squeezed my side.
I closed my eyes for a brief second when he grabbed my hand and kissed it. It wasn’t the kind of kiss I yearned for, but the touch of his wet lips on my skin nearly put me over the edge. I almost wrapped my arms around him but refrained. “I missed you, too.”
“Go on a date with me.”
“What?”
“Spend the rest of your birthday with me tonight. Let’s get out of here right now, go somewhere, anywhere. I just want to be alone with you. I can’t say what I want…do what I want…in this hallway.”
Shivers ran down my spine. “How are we going to manage that?” I breathed.
He gave me a mischievous smile. “We’ll go back to the table. I’ll make up a story and leave first. Then, I’ll call your phone from outside, and you can pretend it’s some kind of emergency.”
“I can’t worry Tarah like that.”
“It was her idea, Nina.”
Oh.
“Okay…okay.” I smiled.
He winked. “Let’s go.”
I started walking back into the restaurant then turned back around toward him. “I’m just going to go the bathroom first, while you go to the table and tell them you’re leaving. Then, I’ll text you when I’m out so you’ll know to call my phone in like five minutes.”
He put his hand on my face and leaned in. I could feel his breath when he said, “I love sneaking around with you.”
I got goosebumps, and my body was on fire as I made my way back into the crowded restaurant and walked to the bathroom on cloud nine.
There was no doubt he was going to kiss me tonight.
After I peed and exited the stall, Desiree walked in. Talk about a buzz kill. She didn’t actually have to use the bathroom apparently, because she just stood near the sink with her arms crossed. I soon realized that she had come in to confront me.
“Nina…right?”
“Yeah.”
“I saw you sneak out to the hallway with Jake. I kind of figured something was going on between you two. Anyway, I came in here to make sure you knew, that despite what he might be saying to you, he’s not the boyfriend type. He just isn’t. I mean, don’t get me wrong—he was the best f**k I ever had—but he made his intentions very clear. It would never be more than just sex. I see the stars in your eyes when you look at him, so I thought I would save you some time and heartache.”
I stood there frozen against the hand dryer and didn’t even flinch when it turned on after I accidentally pushed into it. I wasn’t sure exactly when the room started spinning. Was it when she finished her monologue or was it when I looked down and saw the large purple rose tattoo on her ankle? It was the same tattoo I saw on the girl leaving Jake’s room the day I moved in.
I had been listening to Jake ha**g s*x with Desiree that day.
She just stood there eating up my shock with a satisfied expression.
Don’t cry.
Don’t cry.
Don’t cry.
I started to cry.
Should I go back into the stall and throw up there or see if I can make it upstairs? I burst through the bathroom door and texted Jake.
You f**ked Desiree???
When I reentered the dining room, he was just getting up from the table when I saw him look down at his phone. The moment he noticed the text, he looked up into my tearful eyes.
His voice shook. “Nina…”
He looked terrified as I ran past him and weaved through tables to the restaurant exit.
As I was almost out the door, I could hear him in the distance shouting at Desiree, “What the f**k did you say to her?”
CHAPTER 18
I wanted to run as far away from the restaurant and from him as I could. If it weren’t starting to snow heavily outside, I might have.
Everything was foggy as I made my way up the stairwell in a haze. My heart was beating faster than I ever remembered, as the worst kind of jealousy-induced rage consumed me.
I couldn’t believe it.
He had done everything in his power to stop things from becoming sexual between us. He wouldn’t give himself to me, yet he very willingly gave himself to that whore.
I hated him.
I loved him.
I had planned to pour my soul out to him tonight and almost told him how I felt moments ago in that hallway. How stupid of me to think that his feelings for me were equally as strong. On top of that, he treated Desiree like he barely knew her in front of me. Apparently, women were a dime a dozen to him.
Without thinking, I began to pack some of my belongings into a duffel bag: underwear, bra, pajamas and an extra shirt. I had no idea where I was going or what I was going to do, but I knew I needed to be far away from this apartment tonight. I couldn’t even look at him right now, let alone sleep here.
As I began to run out of my room with the bag in hand, the front door flew open. Jake was panting, and his eyes were frantic as he stormed toward me. “Nina, please…talk to me. Please,” he said hoarsely.
I clutched the bag to my chest, using it as a barrier between us. “Stay away from me. I have nothing…nothing…to say to you.”
He kept his distance, backing away but stood in front of the door, blocking it. His voice was low and his breathing rapid as he held out his hands in protest. “You have to let me explain.”
“Explain! You want me to stand here and listen to you explain how you f**ked that whore so easily while you put my feelings through the wringer for months, confusing me and sending me mixed messages? You had no problem ‘making her come until she screamed’…did you? And believe me, it was a doozy. I heard it for myself.”
He stepped back in shock and gave me a belligerent look. The wind howled outside, but that was all you could hear in the room until he shook his head and asked, “Fuck…what? What are you talking about?”
I was about to cry but managed to hold it in. “That’s right. The day I moved in. You were f**king her in your room. Remember that day? Well, I was here unpacking. I thought I was alone and didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late. I heard everything, Jake…everything.” A teardrop escaped and fell down my cheek as I recalled hiding in my room, blissfully unaware that I was listening to the man I’d eventually fall in love with, screwing another woman.
His breathing intensified as he ran his hand through his hair, closed his eyes and looked down at the floor, computing what I had just revealed. He said nothing for several seconds. Then, he finally whispered under his breath. “Oh my God.” He slowly approached me. “I am so sorry,” he said, his voice quivering.
“If you’ll excuse me, please get out of my way. I need to find somewhere else to stay tonight,” I said trying to pass him again.
“You’re not going anywhere. Not until you hear me out.”
“I told you. I have nothing to say to you.”
He blocked me as I attempted to get to the door and wouldn’t let me by. My body reacted instantly when he held out his hands and placed them firmly on my arms. “I’ll leave tonight, but I’m not going anywhere until you let me explain. Do you hear me?”
I looked down, still clutching my bag and felt one of his hands leave my shoulders and touch my chin, pulling my face in line with his. “Look at me,” he whispered.
Even though my face was turned toward his, my eyes were facing the floor.
His voice was deeper and more insistent when he repeated. “Look…at me.”
When I did, he finally spoke. His eyes were glistening with a fiery intensity, and he didn’t take them off of me for a second. “I slept with Desiree…twice. The first time was about a week before I met you; the second and last time was the day you moved in. I am not proud of it, but it was just sex. I know that sounds really bad. It’s the truth, though. She doesn’t mean anything to me, and we had a clear understanding beforehand that it wouldn’t go any further than that, which was why I agreed to it.”
“I see. So, you’re also a whore who wants nothing more than sex from a woman, so much so you agree to that stipulation beforehand? Well, you would have gotten exactly what you wanted that night in your room from me, but you didn’t even try. Clearly, it wasn’t me that you wanted it from.”
He said nothing in response, just grabbed my bag and threw it down on the ground. Then, he took my hand and led me forcefully down the hall. I hated the fact that my body so easily submitted to him while my mind resisted.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“We can’t have the conversation we’re about to have in the middle of the living room in case they come back upstairs.”
My heart rate accelerated because I didn’t realize there was going to be a “conversation.”
Jake led me inside my bedroom and closed the door, turning on the small lamp for some light.
We both stood facing each other, and I crossed my arms as a protective mechanism when he walked toward me and backed me gently against the wall.
I could feel his breath on my face. “You think I don’t want you?”
I shook my head no, but didn’t respond.
“That thing with Desiree…was a huge mistake. If I had even known you existed and that it would come back to haunt me and more importantly, hurt you…it never would have happened. Never. Do you understand me?”
I had been looking at him but suddenly looked down because the thought of him and Desiree made me sick. I continued to remain silent.
“You need to believe me. I haven’t so much as thought about another woman that way since the day you walked in the door.” He stopped talking until I looked up at him again. “Before I met you, I had only been going through the motions of life. I hadn’t really felt…anything…for a really long time.”
I looked up. His eyes were passionate and sincere when he said, “My heart hasn’t beat the same since I laid eyes on you, Nina. Ever since that day, my entire life has been about doing everything in my power not to want you like this…because I don’t want to drag you into my f**ked up life.” His voice cracked. “But despite doing what I thought was right, I want you more everyday, more than I f**king want to breathe.”
My chest tightened upon hearing those words, which unraveled me. Despite the shock of finding out about Desiree, I believed him. He had always given me his full attention, and I never once saw him with anyone else since the day I moved in.
He placed one arm on each side of me, locking me in against the wall. I was losing my breath but stayed silent as he whispered, “I have been trying so hard to stay away from you…because with you…it would be so much more than sex. I would need to be all in because you deserve all of me, and there is something I haven’t had the nerve to tell you. I don’t know if you’ll understand it.” His voice trembled. “I’m so f**king scared because I don’t want to lose you. I have never felt this way about anyone before…not in my entire life.”
He pulled his hand away from my leg and got up from the table. I assumed he was going to the bathroom until my phone buzzed.
Meet me in the hallway.
There was a side door that led to the staircase leading up to our apartment. I assumed that was what he meant. My heart palpitated as I excused myself from the table “to go to the bathroom.” When I opened the door, he was standing in the stairwell with his hands in his pockets, looking uncharacteristically shy.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi.” A slow smile spread across his face. Those dimples.
It was as if we were actually greeting each other for the first time tonight and everything that happened up until now didn’t count.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
He exhaled. “That guy was looking at you like he wanted to rip your dress off with his teeth. I had to get out of there before I killed him with my bare hands.”
“Why would that bother you?” I teased.
“You know why.”
My heart beat faster as he walked toward me until he was just inches from my face. “Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”
“I figured you’d be away anyway, so I just never mentioned it.”
“I would never miss your birthday. Never. You underestimated how important you are to me, Nina.”
“I am sorry.”
“You should have told me. Tarah called me Friday when I was already in Boston, so I decided to surprise you tonight.”
“You’re sneaky,” I said.
“You’re f**king gorgeous.”
His eyes closed suddenly after he said it, like maybe he regretted coming on strong or was still struggling with his feelings. Then again, his hand was up my dress out there.
My body was humming between the words coming out of his mouth and the smell of his cologne mixed with vodka scenting me. I had never wanted to kiss him more than this moment. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself,” I said, tugging playfully on the material of his shirt but really wanting to tear it off of him. It felt like I was losing control fast.
“Tarah explained about what’s his name in there. She didn’t know he was going to be here when she invited me. She told me Ryan ambushed you.”
I couldn’t help but ask, “What if I were on a date?”
“I guess if he made you happy, I’d be okay with it.”
“I see.”
“That was a lie.”
“Oh.”
“I wouldn’t be okay with it. Fuck…I missed you.” The depth of the emotion in his voice resonated throughout my entire body. Then, he put his hand on my waist and squeezed my side.
I closed my eyes for a brief second when he grabbed my hand and kissed it. It wasn’t the kind of kiss I yearned for, but the touch of his wet lips on my skin nearly put me over the edge. I almost wrapped my arms around him but refrained. “I missed you, too.”
“Go on a date with me.”
“What?”
“Spend the rest of your birthday with me tonight. Let’s get out of here right now, go somewhere, anywhere. I just want to be alone with you. I can’t say what I want…do what I want…in this hallway.”
Shivers ran down my spine. “How are we going to manage that?” I breathed.
He gave me a mischievous smile. “We’ll go back to the table. I’ll make up a story and leave first. Then, I’ll call your phone from outside, and you can pretend it’s some kind of emergency.”
“I can’t worry Tarah like that.”
“It was her idea, Nina.”
Oh.
“Okay…okay.” I smiled.
He winked. “Let’s go.”
I started walking back into the restaurant then turned back around toward him. “I’m just going to go the bathroom first, while you go to the table and tell them you’re leaving. Then, I’ll text you when I’m out so you’ll know to call my phone in like five minutes.”
He put his hand on my face and leaned in. I could feel his breath when he said, “I love sneaking around with you.”
I got goosebumps, and my body was on fire as I made my way back into the crowded restaurant and walked to the bathroom on cloud nine.
There was no doubt he was going to kiss me tonight.
After I peed and exited the stall, Desiree walked in. Talk about a buzz kill. She didn’t actually have to use the bathroom apparently, because she just stood near the sink with her arms crossed. I soon realized that she had come in to confront me.
“Nina…right?”
“Yeah.”
“I saw you sneak out to the hallway with Jake. I kind of figured something was going on between you two. Anyway, I came in here to make sure you knew, that despite what he might be saying to you, he’s not the boyfriend type. He just isn’t. I mean, don’t get me wrong—he was the best f**k I ever had—but he made his intentions very clear. It would never be more than just sex. I see the stars in your eyes when you look at him, so I thought I would save you some time and heartache.”
I stood there frozen against the hand dryer and didn’t even flinch when it turned on after I accidentally pushed into it. I wasn’t sure exactly when the room started spinning. Was it when she finished her monologue or was it when I looked down and saw the large purple rose tattoo on her ankle? It was the same tattoo I saw on the girl leaving Jake’s room the day I moved in.
I had been listening to Jake ha**g s*x with Desiree that day.
She just stood there eating up my shock with a satisfied expression.
Don’t cry.
Don’t cry.
Don’t cry.
I started to cry.
Should I go back into the stall and throw up there or see if I can make it upstairs? I burst through the bathroom door and texted Jake.
You f**ked Desiree???
When I reentered the dining room, he was just getting up from the table when I saw him look down at his phone. The moment he noticed the text, he looked up into my tearful eyes.
His voice shook. “Nina…”
He looked terrified as I ran past him and weaved through tables to the restaurant exit.
As I was almost out the door, I could hear him in the distance shouting at Desiree, “What the f**k did you say to her?”
CHAPTER 18
I wanted to run as far away from the restaurant and from him as I could. If it weren’t starting to snow heavily outside, I might have.
Everything was foggy as I made my way up the stairwell in a haze. My heart was beating faster than I ever remembered, as the worst kind of jealousy-induced rage consumed me.
I couldn’t believe it.
He had done everything in his power to stop things from becoming sexual between us. He wouldn’t give himself to me, yet he very willingly gave himself to that whore.
I hated him.
I loved him.
I had planned to pour my soul out to him tonight and almost told him how I felt moments ago in that hallway. How stupid of me to think that his feelings for me were equally as strong. On top of that, he treated Desiree like he barely knew her in front of me. Apparently, women were a dime a dozen to him.
Without thinking, I began to pack some of my belongings into a duffel bag: underwear, bra, pajamas and an extra shirt. I had no idea where I was going or what I was going to do, but I knew I needed to be far away from this apartment tonight. I couldn’t even look at him right now, let alone sleep here.
As I began to run out of my room with the bag in hand, the front door flew open. Jake was panting, and his eyes were frantic as he stormed toward me. “Nina, please…talk to me. Please,” he said hoarsely.
I clutched the bag to my chest, using it as a barrier between us. “Stay away from me. I have nothing…nothing…to say to you.”
He kept his distance, backing away but stood in front of the door, blocking it. His voice was low and his breathing rapid as he held out his hands in protest. “You have to let me explain.”
“Explain! You want me to stand here and listen to you explain how you f**ked that whore so easily while you put my feelings through the wringer for months, confusing me and sending me mixed messages? You had no problem ‘making her come until she screamed’…did you? And believe me, it was a doozy. I heard it for myself.”
He stepped back in shock and gave me a belligerent look. The wind howled outside, but that was all you could hear in the room until he shook his head and asked, “Fuck…what? What are you talking about?”
I was about to cry but managed to hold it in. “That’s right. The day I moved in. You were f**king her in your room. Remember that day? Well, I was here unpacking. I thought I was alone and didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late. I heard everything, Jake…everything.” A teardrop escaped and fell down my cheek as I recalled hiding in my room, blissfully unaware that I was listening to the man I’d eventually fall in love with, screwing another woman.
His breathing intensified as he ran his hand through his hair, closed his eyes and looked down at the floor, computing what I had just revealed. He said nothing for several seconds. Then, he finally whispered under his breath. “Oh my God.” He slowly approached me. “I am so sorry,” he said, his voice quivering.
“If you’ll excuse me, please get out of my way. I need to find somewhere else to stay tonight,” I said trying to pass him again.
“You’re not going anywhere. Not until you hear me out.”
“I told you. I have nothing to say to you.”
He blocked me as I attempted to get to the door and wouldn’t let me by. My body reacted instantly when he held out his hands and placed them firmly on my arms. “I’ll leave tonight, but I’m not going anywhere until you let me explain. Do you hear me?”
I looked down, still clutching my bag and felt one of his hands leave my shoulders and touch my chin, pulling my face in line with his. “Look at me,” he whispered.
Even though my face was turned toward his, my eyes were facing the floor.
His voice was deeper and more insistent when he repeated. “Look…at me.”
When I did, he finally spoke. His eyes were glistening with a fiery intensity, and he didn’t take them off of me for a second. “I slept with Desiree…twice. The first time was about a week before I met you; the second and last time was the day you moved in. I am not proud of it, but it was just sex. I know that sounds really bad. It’s the truth, though. She doesn’t mean anything to me, and we had a clear understanding beforehand that it wouldn’t go any further than that, which was why I agreed to it.”
“I see. So, you’re also a whore who wants nothing more than sex from a woman, so much so you agree to that stipulation beforehand? Well, you would have gotten exactly what you wanted that night in your room from me, but you didn’t even try. Clearly, it wasn’t me that you wanted it from.”
He said nothing in response, just grabbed my bag and threw it down on the ground. Then, he took my hand and led me forcefully down the hall. I hated the fact that my body so easily submitted to him while my mind resisted.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“We can’t have the conversation we’re about to have in the middle of the living room in case they come back upstairs.”
My heart rate accelerated because I didn’t realize there was going to be a “conversation.”
Jake led me inside my bedroom and closed the door, turning on the small lamp for some light.
We both stood facing each other, and I crossed my arms as a protective mechanism when he walked toward me and backed me gently against the wall.
I could feel his breath on my face. “You think I don’t want you?”
I shook my head no, but didn’t respond.
“That thing with Desiree…was a huge mistake. If I had even known you existed and that it would come back to haunt me and more importantly, hurt you…it never would have happened. Never. Do you understand me?”
I had been looking at him but suddenly looked down because the thought of him and Desiree made me sick. I continued to remain silent.
“You need to believe me. I haven’t so much as thought about another woman that way since the day you walked in the door.” He stopped talking until I looked up at him again. “Before I met you, I had only been going through the motions of life. I hadn’t really felt…anything…for a really long time.”
I looked up. His eyes were passionate and sincere when he said, “My heart hasn’t beat the same since I laid eyes on you, Nina. Ever since that day, my entire life has been about doing everything in my power not to want you like this…because I don’t want to drag you into my f**ked up life.” His voice cracked. “But despite doing what I thought was right, I want you more everyday, more than I f**king want to breathe.”
My chest tightened upon hearing those words, which unraveled me. Despite the shock of finding out about Desiree, I believed him. He had always given me his full attention, and I never once saw him with anyone else since the day I moved in.
He placed one arm on each side of me, locking me in against the wall. I was losing my breath but stayed silent as he whispered, “I have been trying so hard to stay away from you…because with you…it would be so much more than sex. I would need to be all in because you deserve all of me, and there is something I haven’t had the nerve to tell you. I don’t know if you’ll understand it.” His voice trembled. “I’m so f**king scared because I don’t want to lose you. I have never felt this way about anyone before…not in my entire life.”
