Killer Instinct
Page 51
I didn’t know why I was saying this now—but I needed to. Any second, someone would come in with news. Any second, things could change. I felt like a train hurtling toward a tunnel.
Please don’t let there be another body.
“Townsend, he means something to you,” Dean said, his own voice as hoarse as mine. “He makes you smile.” And you deserve to smile. I could practically hear him thinking it, could feel him fighting against the words he said next, unable to keep them back. “What did you figure out?”
He was asking. And if he was asking, that meant that he wanted to know, that the answer mattered to him. I swallowed. “Do you—Dean, I need to know what you feel. For me.”
Any second, things could change.
“I feel…something.” Dean’s words came unevenly. He turned toward me, his leg brushing against mine. “But I don’t know if I can—I don’t know if it’s enough.” He closed my hand around the tube of lipstick I was holding, his hand covering mine. “I don’t know if I can….”
Can what? Open up? Let go? Risk letting something matter so much that losing it could push you off the edge?
Michael appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Dean let go of my hand.
“They found him,” Michael said, coming to a standstill and looking up at us. “Briggs’s team found Christopher Simms.”
They apprehended Christopher Simms outside of a coffee shop, waiting for a girl. In his truck, they’d found zip ties, a hunting knife, a cattle brand, and black nylon rope.
Body after body after body, Redding had promised. Because you aren’t smart enough. Because you’re weak.
But we weren’t, and this time, we’d won. That hunting knife wouldn’t slice into another girl’s skin. Her hands wouldn’t be bound behind her back. She wouldn’t feel burning metal melting through her flesh.
We’d saved that girl at the coffee shop, the same way we’d saved little Mackenzie McBride. Another victim would be dead right now if I hadn’t sat down across the table from Daniel Redding. If Sterling hadn’t wound him up enough to bait him into torturing us with the truth. If Lia hadn’t been there behind the mirror, reading Redding for deception and finding none. If Sloane hadn’t realized that Lia’s ability wasn’t on the fritz.
If Michael and I had never met Clark, if Dean hadn’t gone out to visit Trina, how would this have played out?
Dean was off dealing with the news in his own way. Michael had retreated to working on his car. I was standing in the backyard, eyeing the trash can, the Rose Red lipstick in my hand.
I’d joined the Naturals program in hopes that I might be able to save some other little girl from coming back to a blood-drenched room. That was what we were doing. We were saving people. And still, I couldn’t throw away the lipstick, I couldn’t shut the door on my past.
You will never find the man who murdered your mother. How could Redding possibly know that? He couldn’t. But still, I couldn’t push down the part of my brain that thought, Prisoners chat. How had Dean’s father even known that I had a dead mother?
“Don’t.” Michael came up behind me. I closed my fingers around the lipstick and slipped it into the front pocket of my jeans.
“Don’t what?” I asked.
“Don’t think about something that makes you feel small and scared and like you’re stuck in a tunnel with no light at the end.”
“You’re standing behind me,” I said without turning around. “How could you possibly get a read on my emotions from there?”
Michael crossed to stand in front of me. “I could tell you,” he intoned, “but then I’d have to kill you.” He paused. “Too soon?”
“To be making jokes about killing me?” I asked dryly. “Never.”
Michael reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. I froze.
“I know,” he said. “I know that you care about him. I know that you’re attracted to him. I know that when he hurts, it hurts you. I know that he never looks at you the way he looks at Lia, that you’re not a sister to him. I know that he wants you. He’s in over his head with you. But I also know that half the time, he hates that he wants you.”
I thought of Dean on the stairs, telling me that he felt something, but unsure that it was enough.
“That’s the difference between the two of us,” Michael told me. “I don’t just want you.” Now both of his hands were on my face. “I want to want you.”
Michael wasn’t a person who let himself want things. He certainly didn’t admit to wanting them. He didn’t let anything under his skin. He expected to be disappointed.
“I’m here, Cassie. I know what I feel, and I know that when you let your guard down, when you let yourself, you feel it, too.” He ran his fingers lightly over the back of my neck. “I know that you’re scared.”
My heart pounded so hard, I could feel it in my stomach. A mishmash of memories rushed through my head, like water exploding out of a broken faucet.
Michael walking into the diner where I’d worked in Colorado. Michael in the swimming pool, bringing his lips to meet mine during a midnight swim. Michael easing himself down next to me on the couch. Michael dancing with me on the lawn. Michael working on that death trap of a car.
Michael taking a step back and trying to be the good guy. For me.
But it wasn’t just Michael in my head; it was also Dean.
Dean sitting next to me on the steps, his knee brushing against mine. My hand, bathing his bloody knuckles. The secrets we’d traded. Kneeling in the dirt next to the beat-up picket fence at his old house.
Michael was right. I was scared. I was scared of my own emotions, scared of wanting and longing and loving. Scared of hurting either one of them.
Scared of losing someone I cared about when I’d already lost so much.
But Michael was there, telling me how he felt. He was leveling the playing field. He was asking me to choose.
He was saying Pick me.
Michael didn’t pull me toward him. He didn’t lean forward. This was my decision, but he was so close, and slowly, my hands found their way to his shoulders.
His face.
And still, he waited—for me to say the words, or for me to close the space between my mouth and his. I shut my eyes.
The next time my lips touch yours, I thought, remembering his words, the only person you’re going to be thinking about is me.
The rush in my head went silent. I opened my eyes, and—
Mariachi music started blaring all around us. I jumped a foot and a half in the air, and Michael nearly lost his balance on his bad leg. We turned in unison to see Lia toying with a set of speakers.
“Hope I’m not interrupting anything,” she called over the sound of the music.
“‘Feliz Navidad’?” Michael said. “Really, Lia? Really?”
“You’re right,” she said, sounding as sedate and chastened as a person could while yelling to be heard over the sounds of an extremely inappropriately timed Christmas carol. “It’s barely even October. I’ll change the song.”
Sloane stuck her head out of the back door. “Hey, guys,” she said, sounding more chipper than she had in days. “Did you know that a power saw produces noise at one hundred and ten decibels?”
There was murder on Michael’s face, but even he didn’t have the heart to glare at Sloane. “No,” he said, sighing. “I didn’t.”
“A motorcycle is closer to a hundred,” Sloane prattled on happily at high volume. “I’m betting this music is at one hundred and three. And a half. One hundred and three and a half.”
Lia finally switched the song to one of her dance tracks. “Come on,” she said, chancing coming within throttling range to take me by one hand and Sloane by another. “We caught the bad guy.” She pulled the two of us out onto the lawn, her hips swaying to the beat of the music, her eyes daring me to object. “I think this calls for a celebration. Don’t you?”
I woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. I should have expected the nightmares. They’d plagued me on and off for five years. Of course Redding’s mind games had brought them back.
Please don’t let there be another body.
“Townsend, he means something to you,” Dean said, his own voice as hoarse as mine. “He makes you smile.” And you deserve to smile. I could practically hear him thinking it, could feel him fighting against the words he said next, unable to keep them back. “What did you figure out?”
He was asking. And if he was asking, that meant that he wanted to know, that the answer mattered to him. I swallowed. “Do you—Dean, I need to know what you feel. For me.”
Any second, things could change.
“I feel…something.” Dean’s words came unevenly. He turned toward me, his leg brushing against mine. “But I don’t know if I can—I don’t know if it’s enough.” He closed my hand around the tube of lipstick I was holding, his hand covering mine. “I don’t know if I can….”
Can what? Open up? Let go? Risk letting something matter so much that losing it could push you off the edge?
Michael appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Dean let go of my hand.
“They found him,” Michael said, coming to a standstill and looking up at us. “Briggs’s team found Christopher Simms.”
They apprehended Christopher Simms outside of a coffee shop, waiting for a girl. In his truck, they’d found zip ties, a hunting knife, a cattle brand, and black nylon rope.
Body after body after body, Redding had promised. Because you aren’t smart enough. Because you’re weak.
But we weren’t, and this time, we’d won. That hunting knife wouldn’t slice into another girl’s skin. Her hands wouldn’t be bound behind her back. She wouldn’t feel burning metal melting through her flesh.
We’d saved that girl at the coffee shop, the same way we’d saved little Mackenzie McBride. Another victim would be dead right now if I hadn’t sat down across the table from Daniel Redding. If Sterling hadn’t wound him up enough to bait him into torturing us with the truth. If Lia hadn’t been there behind the mirror, reading Redding for deception and finding none. If Sloane hadn’t realized that Lia’s ability wasn’t on the fritz.
If Michael and I had never met Clark, if Dean hadn’t gone out to visit Trina, how would this have played out?
Dean was off dealing with the news in his own way. Michael had retreated to working on his car. I was standing in the backyard, eyeing the trash can, the Rose Red lipstick in my hand.
I’d joined the Naturals program in hopes that I might be able to save some other little girl from coming back to a blood-drenched room. That was what we were doing. We were saving people. And still, I couldn’t throw away the lipstick, I couldn’t shut the door on my past.
You will never find the man who murdered your mother. How could Redding possibly know that? He couldn’t. But still, I couldn’t push down the part of my brain that thought, Prisoners chat. How had Dean’s father even known that I had a dead mother?
“Don’t.” Michael came up behind me. I closed my fingers around the lipstick and slipped it into the front pocket of my jeans.
“Don’t what?” I asked.
“Don’t think about something that makes you feel small and scared and like you’re stuck in a tunnel with no light at the end.”
“You’re standing behind me,” I said without turning around. “How could you possibly get a read on my emotions from there?”
Michael crossed to stand in front of me. “I could tell you,” he intoned, “but then I’d have to kill you.” He paused. “Too soon?”
“To be making jokes about killing me?” I asked dryly. “Never.”
Michael reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. I froze.
“I know,” he said. “I know that you care about him. I know that you’re attracted to him. I know that when he hurts, it hurts you. I know that he never looks at you the way he looks at Lia, that you’re not a sister to him. I know that he wants you. He’s in over his head with you. But I also know that half the time, he hates that he wants you.”
I thought of Dean on the stairs, telling me that he felt something, but unsure that it was enough.
“That’s the difference between the two of us,” Michael told me. “I don’t just want you.” Now both of his hands were on my face. “I want to want you.”
Michael wasn’t a person who let himself want things. He certainly didn’t admit to wanting them. He didn’t let anything under his skin. He expected to be disappointed.
“I’m here, Cassie. I know what I feel, and I know that when you let your guard down, when you let yourself, you feel it, too.” He ran his fingers lightly over the back of my neck. “I know that you’re scared.”
My heart pounded so hard, I could feel it in my stomach. A mishmash of memories rushed through my head, like water exploding out of a broken faucet.
Michael walking into the diner where I’d worked in Colorado. Michael in the swimming pool, bringing his lips to meet mine during a midnight swim. Michael easing himself down next to me on the couch. Michael dancing with me on the lawn. Michael working on that death trap of a car.
Michael taking a step back and trying to be the good guy. For me.
But it wasn’t just Michael in my head; it was also Dean.
Dean sitting next to me on the steps, his knee brushing against mine. My hand, bathing his bloody knuckles. The secrets we’d traded. Kneeling in the dirt next to the beat-up picket fence at his old house.
Michael was right. I was scared. I was scared of my own emotions, scared of wanting and longing and loving. Scared of hurting either one of them.
Scared of losing someone I cared about when I’d already lost so much.
But Michael was there, telling me how he felt. He was leveling the playing field. He was asking me to choose.
He was saying Pick me.
Michael didn’t pull me toward him. He didn’t lean forward. This was my decision, but he was so close, and slowly, my hands found their way to his shoulders.
His face.
And still, he waited—for me to say the words, or for me to close the space between my mouth and his. I shut my eyes.
The next time my lips touch yours, I thought, remembering his words, the only person you’re going to be thinking about is me.
The rush in my head went silent. I opened my eyes, and—
Mariachi music started blaring all around us. I jumped a foot and a half in the air, and Michael nearly lost his balance on his bad leg. We turned in unison to see Lia toying with a set of speakers.
“Hope I’m not interrupting anything,” she called over the sound of the music.
“‘Feliz Navidad’?” Michael said. “Really, Lia? Really?”
“You’re right,” she said, sounding as sedate and chastened as a person could while yelling to be heard over the sounds of an extremely inappropriately timed Christmas carol. “It’s barely even October. I’ll change the song.”
Sloane stuck her head out of the back door. “Hey, guys,” she said, sounding more chipper than she had in days. “Did you know that a power saw produces noise at one hundred and ten decibels?”
There was murder on Michael’s face, but even he didn’t have the heart to glare at Sloane. “No,” he said, sighing. “I didn’t.”
“A motorcycle is closer to a hundred,” Sloane prattled on happily at high volume. “I’m betting this music is at one hundred and three. And a half. One hundred and three and a half.”
Lia finally switched the song to one of her dance tracks. “Come on,” she said, chancing coming within throttling range to take me by one hand and Sloane by another. “We caught the bad guy.” She pulled the two of us out onto the lawn, her hips swaying to the beat of the music, her eyes daring me to object. “I think this calls for a celebration. Don’t you?”
I woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. I should have expected the nightmares. They’d plagued me on and off for five years. Of course Redding’s mind games had brought them back.
