Kiro's Emily
Page 12
I turned and hurried back to the stairs and to the room I had been given. Did I leave, or did I stay and deal with the insane world I had walked into?
Kiro
The bottle of vodka in my hand was almost empty. I stared at the flames in the fireplace as I held the cold glass in my hands. When Georgianna had finally left, I hadn’t been able to face Emily. Not after the way she had looked at me.
She hadn’t known I had a son. One that I never saw. I had tried once, but it was too much trouble. His mother didn’t want him touched by my world. Then Georgianna claiming she was pregnant with my kid. Shit. Motherfucker! I had used a condom every damn time. I know I did. She was lying to me.
The woman was a vindictive bitch, and I swear to God, I had almost hit her. If it hadn’t been for Emily standing there, watching me like she was looking for any sign to prove I was good, I would have. But I didn’t want to let her down. I had, though. Big-time.
Dean was going to be pissed, too. Rush had heard all that shit, and Dean wasn’t going to like it. I couldn’t blame him. He loved the boy, and although the boy’s momma was a bitch, he was a cute kid. I shouldn’t have let her get to me like that in front of him.
“I think I should leave,” Emily’s gentle voice said. It’s strange how words spoken from such a sweet mouth could twist your insides so damn painfully. My Emily wanted to leave me.
I turned my head to see her standing in the doorway. She was beautiful. Always so beautiful. Her long dark hair framed her face, and the puffiness of her hazel eyes said she’d been crying. Because of me. I hated myself. I was a fuck-up.
“Don’t leave me,” I said, standing up and fighting the sway my body wanted to take as the room moved. I’d had too much to drink. Too damn much.
“I can’t stay here. I don’t agree with the way you live. I may sound prudish or judgmental, but this isn’t a world I can live in.”
The obvious pain in her voice wasn’t lost on me. She didn’t want to leave me. She was just too scared to stay. She’d found out too much about me. Too damn fast.
“I’m a fuck-up, Emily. I’ve always been a fuck-up. My parents didn’t want me. They fucking hated me. Came home one day from school, and my mother had packed my shit and left it on the front porch. I was thirteen. Said she was tired of being my momma. Said the bitch who gave me life ran off on my daddy when I was a baby, and I was just like her. Found out that day that my dad didn’t want me, either. I had no one. Dean’s momma took me in. Let me sleep in their living room. They eventually got custody of me. Killed me when she died of breast cancer. Only person to ever want to help me.” I was drunk, and I was saying shit I never said. I needed to stop, but Emily was leaving me, and I couldn’t. I needed her to stay. I couldn’t lose her, too.
“Everyone leaves me. I’m no good. I’m not worth it.” I threw the bottle into the fireplace. “Because I’m fucking worthless.” I turned back to her.
Tears had filled her eyes and were now running down her face. I was making my angel cry. I destroyed things. I couldn’t let myself destroy her. She meant too much. She was special.
“I wasn’t meant for an angel. I never should have tried to get close to one. You were always too good for me. I just wanted to be near you. To see your smile. It made everything inside of me feel whole again. The nasty and tainted shit in my life was better when you were around. You have this light, Emily. It’s so fucking bright. It warms everything around you. It warmed me. I was always so empty and cold before you.”
She moved then. I thought she had heard enough and was leaving. I didn’t know if I would survive this time. Losing her was going to break me for good. Only so many times a guy could recover.
I sank to my knees and dropped my head into my hands. I had ruined it all.
“Kiro.” Emily’s voice was beside me, and her arms wrapped around me. “You aren’t worthless. You’re special, too.” Her words shattered what was left of my heart.
“Don’t say shit like that and then leave me.” My voice was raw. I had exposed everything to her. My weakness, my fears, my pain. I’d never shown anyone all of that. Ever.
“I’m not leaving you. I won’t leave you until you send me away. I don’t want to leave you. You make me happy. You make me feel things that scare me but excite me. I don’t want to go.”
The vodka was fucking with my head. “You want to leave. Go, Emily. Run from me, baby. I’m not worth shit.”
A soft sob close to my ear sent a bolt of awareness through my body. “Look at me,” Emily begged.
I lifted my head and saw my beautiful angel on her knees, with red eyes and tears soaking her face. She was holding on to my arm tightly, as if she refused to let go.
“I’m not leaving you. Ever. The only way to get rid of me is to throw me out and swear you never want to see me again. You, Kiro Manning, are worth it. You’re worth so much.”
I opened my arms, and she let out a loud sob as she threw herself into them and clung to me. I wrapped her up tightly and buried my head in her neck and inhaled. She smelled like honey. So fucking sweet.
“I won’t ever ask you to leave. I need you,” I said against her neck.
“Good. Because I need you, too.”
I tightened my hold on her and fell back against the sofa, cradling her in my arms. She wasn’t leaving me. She wanted to stay. She wanted me. How did I manage to get an angel to stay with me? I’d done nothing right in this world. I’d fucked up more lives than I could count.
“You did the right thing today. Pushing me away,” I told her, as I ran my hands over her hair, letting the silky strands slide through my fingers. I had left her room knowing I had no right to touch her like I had. She was too good for me.
“Did I?” she replied.
“Yeah, you did. I don’t deserve you.”
She tilted her head back and stared up at me. The tears had stopped, but her face was still damp. I hated knowing she had cried for me. I never wanted her to cry. “I was afraid I’d lose you if we did anything,” she whispered.
Lose me? She thought she’d lose me? God, did she still not get it? I was done. She was it. Even if this was all she gave me, the rest of my fucking life, I would be happy. I had her. “I would have become more insane about you than I already am, but losing me? Fuck, Emily, nothing you could do would make me not want you.”
She bit her bottom lip and frowned. I watched her think that through. When her bottom lip was finally freed from her teeth, I wanted to lick it, but I wasn’t sure I was allowed. “It would make things awkward between us. How could we be friends then?”
“By awkward, do you mean I wouldn’t be able to let you out of bed or shower by yourself?”
She chuckled and shook her head no.
“Then explain that, angel, because I’m confused as fuck.”
“I mean . . . if we slept together, then what would happen when you had other girls here . . . and I had to see it? You would feel awkward, I think, and I might not be able to handle it.”
Holy fuck.
I grabbed her hips and pulled her over me so that she was facing me. Her legs were straddling my lap, and if she sank down, my dick would be snuggled up tight against her pussy. Shoving that thought aside, I cupped her face. I needed her to understand me and fucking believe me.
Kiro
The bottle of vodka in my hand was almost empty. I stared at the flames in the fireplace as I held the cold glass in my hands. When Georgianna had finally left, I hadn’t been able to face Emily. Not after the way she had looked at me.
She hadn’t known I had a son. One that I never saw. I had tried once, but it was too much trouble. His mother didn’t want him touched by my world. Then Georgianna claiming she was pregnant with my kid. Shit. Motherfucker! I had used a condom every damn time. I know I did. She was lying to me.
The woman was a vindictive bitch, and I swear to God, I had almost hit her. If it hadn’t been for Emily standing there, watching me like she was looking for any sign to prove I was good, I would have. But I didn’t want to let her down. I had, though. Big-time.
Dean was going to be pissed, too. Rush had heard all that shit, and Dean wasn’t going to like it. I couldn’t blame him. He loved the boy, and although the boy’s momma was a bitch, he was a cute kid. I shouldn’t have let her get to me like that in front of him.
“I think I should leave,” Emily’s gentle voice said. It’s strange how words spoken from such a sweet mouth could twist your insides so damn painfully. My Emily wanted to leave me.
I turned my head to see her standing in the doorway. She was beautiful. Always so beautiful. Her long dark hair framed her face, and the puffiness of her hazel eyes said she’d been crying. Because of me. I hated myself. I was a fuck-up.
“Don’t leave me,” I said, standing up and fighting the sway my body wanted to take as the room moved. I’d had too much to drink. Too damn much.
“I can’t stay here. I don’t agree with the way you live. I may sound prudish or judgmental, but this isn’t a world I can live in.”
The obvious pain in her voice wasn’t lost on me. She didn’t want to leave me. She was just too scared to stay. She’d found out too much about me. Too damn fast.
“I’m a fuck-up, Emily. I’ve always been a fuck-up. My parents didn’t want me. They fucking hated me. Came home one day from school, and my mother had packed my shit and left it on the front porch. I was thirteen. Said she was tired of being my momma. Said the bitch who gave me life ran off on my daddy when I was a baby, and I was just like her. Found out that day that my dad didn’t want me, either. I had no one. Dean’s momma took me in. Let me sleep in their living room. They eventually got custody of me. Killed me when she died of breast cancer. Only person to ever want to help me.” I was drunk, and I was saying shit I never said. I needed to stop, but Emily was leaving me, and I couldn’t. I needed her to stay. I couldn’t lose her, too.
“Everyone leaves me. I’m no good. I’m not worth it.” I threw the bottle into the fireplace. “Because I’m fucking worthless.” I turned back to her.
Tears had filled her eyes and were now running down her face. I was making my angel cry. I destroyed things. I couldn’t let myself destroy her. She meant too much. She was special.
“I wasn’t meant for an angel. I never should have tried to get close to one. You were always too good for me. I just wanted to be near you. To see your smile. It made everything inside of me feel whole again. The nasty and tainted shit in my life was better when you were around. You have this light, Emily. It’s so fucking bright. It warms everything around you. It warmed me. I was always so empty and cold before you.”
She moved then. I thought she had heard enough and was leaving. I didn’t know if I would survive this time. Losing her was going to break me for good. Only so many times a guy could recover.
I sank to my knees and dropped my head into my hands. I had ruined it all.
“Kiro.” Emily’s voice was beside me, and her arms wrapped around me. “You aren’t worthless. You’re special, too.” Her words shattered what was left of my heart.
“Don’t say shit like that and then leave me.” My voice was raw. I had exposed everything to her. My weakness, my fears, my pain. I’d never shown anyone all of that. Ever.
“I’m not leaving you. I won’t leave you until you send me away. I don’t want to leave you. You make me happy. You make me feel things that scare me but excite me. I don’t want to go.”
The vodka was fucking with my head. “You want to leave. Go, Emily. Run from me, baby. I’m not worth shit.”
A soft sob close to my ear sent a bolt of awareness through my body. “Look at me,” Emily begged.
I lifted my head and saw my beautiful angel on her knees, with red eyes and tears soaking her face. She was holding on to my arm tightly, as if she refused to let go.
“I’m not leaving you. Ever. The only way to get rid of me is to throw me out and swear you never want to see me again. You, Kiro Manning, are worth it. You’re worth so much.”
I opened my arms, and she let out a loud sob as she threw herself into them and clung to me. I wrapped her up tightly and buried my head in her neck and inhaled. She smelled like honey. So fucking sweet.
“I won’t ever ask you to leave. I need you,” I said against her neck.
“Good. Because I need you, too.”
I tightened my hold on her and fell back against the sofa, cradling her in my arms. She wasn’t leaving me. She wanted to stay. She wanted me. How did I manage to get an angel to stay with me? I’d done nothing right in this world. I’d fucked up more lives than I could count.
“You did the right thing today. Pushing me away,” I told her, as I ran my hands over her hair, letting the silky strands slide through my fingers. I had left her room knowing I had no right to touch her like I had. She was too good for me.
“Did I?” she replied.
“Yeah, you did. I don’t deserve you.”
She tilted her head back and stared up at me. The tears had stopped, but her face was still damp. I hated knowing she had cried for me. I never wanted her to cry. “I was afraid I’d lose you if we did anything,” she whispered.
Lose me? She thought she’d lose me? God, did she still not get it? I was done. She was it. Even if this was all she gave me, the rest of my fucking life, I would be happy. I had her. “I would have become more insane about you than I already am, but losing me? Fuck, Emily, nothing you could do would make me not want you.”
She bit her bottom lip and frowned. I watched her think that through. When her bottom lip was finally freed from her teeth, I wanted to lick it, but I wasn’t sure I was allowed. “It would make things awkward between us. How could we be friends then?”
“By awkward, do you mean I wouldn’t be able to let you out of bed or shower by yourself?”
She chuckled and shook her head no.
“Then explain that, angel, because I’m confused as fuck.”
“I mean . . . if we slept together, then what would happen when you had other girls here . . . and I had to see it? You would feel awkward, I think, and I might not be able to handle it.”
Holy fuck.
I grabbed her hips and pulled her over me so that she was facing me. Her legs were straddling my lap, and if she sank down, my dick would be snuggled up tight against her pussy. Shoving that thought aside, I cupped her face. I needed her to understand me and fucking believe me.
