Kiss a Stranger
Page 18
“First tell me why you kissed me.”
“You’ll be disappointed by the answer.”
“Try me.”
I paused for a moment. Then I said, “It was a game Emily and I played. We’d pick dare cards every other month. My dare that day in that moment was to kiss a stranger.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Really? So it wasn’t because I was irresistible after all.”
“But you were, and the kiss was the best I’d ever had in my life,” I told him truthfully.
He nodded vaguely and moved off of me. Settling on his back, he stared up at the ceiling with a faraway look on his face. Had I really disappointed him? Was he upset? I supposed I would be too if I realized I was some dare.
“I regretted not stepping off the train with you,” he suddenly said. “For a few hours I was incredibly angry at myself. I put business first when I should have followed my instincts. So when I found the wallet in my pocket, I thought I’d hit the lottery.”
He sought my hand out from beneath the covers and entwined his fingers with mine.
“I looked at your photo every day. My life was all travel and turbulent as hell. I tried my best not to get attached to a bloody photo, but I did. I remembered the way you were on that train. The fire in your green eyes, the smile on your lips, the way you screamed attention. After a while, I got too curious for my own good, and a photo wasn’t enough to appease me. I looked you up online and found your Facebook page. It was crawling with pictures and smarmy men, so at least I wasn’t the only one stalking you.”
“When was this?” I asked, stunned.
“A few weeks after.”
“You should have reached out. I was thinking about you the most around that time.”
He rubbed his face exhaustedly. “I hate what my life’s become, Claire. That’s the truth. It reached the pinnacle of shit when I was abroad. The only thing keeping me grounded was looking at your photos. Seeing you smile. I felt pathetic for being attached to a stranger, but it didn’t feel like you were one to me. I’d already decided I was going to see you again when I returned. It was just a matter of when.
“But then one night I checked in on you again, and you were gone. The page had been taken down and you’d disappeared. Either something had happened to you, or you’d just outgrown the social scene. My guess wasn’t the latter. You’d been outgoing until the very end. So I bided my time until I got back and wanted to see for myself what had gone wrong. And, well, now I know, don’t I?”
I nodded vaguely, reminiscing about the moment I deleted my page. “I only had it up for attention. After a childhood of moving around nonstop, never making any friends, and then having a father that was no longer around, I was practically begging for attention. It was only after what happened that I didn’t want it anymore. Because that attention was like a devil in disguise.
“I was one of those girls on there that would change her profile picture every single day. I’d get dolled up in some skimpy outfit. It’s hilarious now that I think about it.”
“I enjoyed those daily photos,” he replied happily. “But nothing was better than your pictures at the Royal Show. All sopping wet, your make-up running down your face, but you had the biggest smile –”
“You’re referring to the shit photos Emily tagged me in to be a little wench.”
“I’ll have to thank her then.”
“Don’t go near her. She’ll hump your leg, I’m sure.” Emily was infatuated with Ben. Every time they crossed paths she was all over him. He wasn’t interested at all, so her advances were funny to watch, and I knew she was doing it in jest.
“Don’t worry about your friend,” he said. “I only have eyes for you.”
Ben was really talented with words when he wanted to be. He could make my entire day with just one simple line like that. I savoured them because while he was affectionate with his hands and mouth, he was usually reserved about his feelings.
He trailed his thumb over my scars again, something he did when he was reflecting. I learned to stop cringing when he touched that side of my face. It helped me to overcome how conscious I was of them when he was always acknowledging their existence.
“Can I ask you a question, Claire?” he said seriously.
“Of course.”
“When I first started getting to know you, every morning you’d rush off to the bathroom. It’s been less lately, but you still do it. I don’t like that it happens, and I know by the way you hurry that it’s not coming out intentionally. Is there something I should about with you health-wise? Because I’d hate for you to be sick when I could be doing something about it.”
I wrapped an arm around him and kissed him gently. “Well, thank you for worrying about me, but it’s not happening as often. They’re panic attacks. After I got attacked, every morning I’d wake up feeling like I was back there. That fear made my body react, and I’d throw up as a result. Sometimes I feel lightheaded instead.”
He was very concerned. “Maybe you should see someone.”
“I saw a counsellor for a while, but it wasn’t doing much. And the doctors just wanted to put me on medication. Thing is, I don’t feel it throughout the day. Just in the mornings, and it’s been happening less than before, so I think I’m getting a bit better.”
He frowned. “I just don’t want it to happen at all, period.”
“Me neither.”
We continued to lay there for a while after. He continued to run his fingers over my scars reverently, and it was when I started to fall asleep the sound of ringing tore through the silence. I jerked awake and watched him fumble out of the sheets. Naked, he bent down and took his phone out of the pocket of his pants. The screen’s light shone on his face, and I could see the frown forming deeply on it.
“I have to take this,” he said in a grim voice, disappearing into the next room.
I didn’t like when he got called. It usually happened this late at night, and it always took him to different rooms. Sometimes I wanted to eavesdrop to get an idea of what was going on, but I reminded myself that ignorance was bliss. My life was too perfect, and if I had the control to stop it from falling apart, I wasn’t about to sabotage it.
I fell asleep minutes later.
Chapter Sixteen
He likes broken things
It was a distant slam that woke me up in the middle of the night. I stretched my arm out and reached for Ben, but I met empty air. I sat up in bed and fetched his plain tee off the ground where he’d thrown it earlier. I put it on and tip-toed out of the room.
I followed the sound of light voices and stopped at the top of the stairs.
“And this is why I don’t leave you in charge,” hissed Ben.
“I beg to differ,” retorted a male voice. “You don’t leave me in charge because you simply don’t want to. It’s an ego thing for you.”
“Bloody ridiculous, Jamie. You’re paranoid.”
“Oh, so this isn’t because you hate my guts for what I did to you?”
“I don’t care about what you did to me.”
A rueful laugh sounded out in return. “Right.”
“Why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be trying to fix your fucked-up relationship instead of bumming a bed off a man you crossed?”
“It’s not a relationship.”
“Yeah, yeah. Keep denying it. Stupid and paranoid.”
“Not paranoid, and you can’t use that as an excuse not to put me in charge.”
“Maybe that time’s coming, and maybe it’s not. Prove yourself first.”
I descended the staircase when their conversation died down. It was approaching the living area that I spotted Ben standing in front of the window, peering out with his arms crossed. His stiff demeanour told me he was in a shitty mood. Since the time I saw Macht, he’d never displayed that intimidating behaviour around me again. But it was in full force now.
I turned my head to the source of the other voice. On the black leather couch was a sprawled out body of a young man. I knew straightaway this was his brother. He had the same thick black hair, pale skin, and tall body. He was in a leather jacket and jeans, looking like a rougher version of Ben.
“I have proven myself,” he muttered tiredly with his eyes closed. “And I don’t see what the problem is. It’s perfect timing. You’ve gone AWOL for a couple months now. I could be taking care of the business while giving you all the time in the world with the half-naked girl standing at the end of the room right now.”
Ah, shit.
Ben’s body whipped around, catching me with a startled look on his face. He hurried to me.
“Sorry,” I immediately said, backing up a step. “I didn’t mean –”
“Did I wake you?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I answered. “It’s alright. I should have waited for you instead of coming down here and interrupting you.”
“It’s fine,” he reassured me. “We were just finishing up now anyway. Weren’t we, Jamie?”
Jamie chuckled sardonically before sitting up on the couch. His movements were slow, giving away how drunk he was. He looked over at me, roaming those eyes over every inch of me.
“I didn’t know you liked jailbait, brother,” he remarked.
“I’m not jailbait,” I snapped at him in shock.
“When did you graduate high school, sweetheart? Yesterday?”
“I skipped a grade, I’ll have you know. And I’m twenty one and graduating College!”
Jamie chuckled for real this time. “Your body has some catching up to do, then.”
My jaw dropped in shock.
“Shut it, Jamie,” Ben snapped, glaring at him before turning to me. “My dickhead brother’s just trying to wind you up. He does that often. Don’t take it personally.”
Jamie smiled, and it lit up his entire face. Well, shit, he was actually better looking than Ben in a pretty boy kind of way, and I felt suddenly severely under dressed.
“I’m only joking. Fuck. Bunch of nuns in this apartment.” He looked me over again and said slowly, “She’s pretty. Prettier than Melinda. I’m impressed, Ben. After that dry spell, I thought you were secretly batting for the other team. What’s this one’s name?”
“This one?” I gaped at Ben in bewilderment. “Your asshole brother thinks he can talk to me like this and get away with it?”
Ben sighed, showing his brother remarkable patience and explained, “He’s not usually like this. Not until he gets on the drink.”
Jamie stood up from the couch and meandered over to us. Looking between the two brothers, it was hard to decide who I wanted to look at the most. Their similarities were startling, but there were noticeable differences. Ben carried himself confidently, whereas Jamie was arrogant all around, reminding me of a sly snake nestled in the bushes, waiting to strike.
“Did he tell you about me?” he asked, eyeing the two of us with his hazy blue eyes.
“Get back on the couch,” Ben demanded. “The only way you’re spending the night is if you’re on that couch in five seconds, or else I’m kicking you back out.”
Jamie merely blinked at this threat and said to me, “Did he tell you I’m the fuck-up brother? The one that’s incapable of simple shit like exchanging briefcases under some bridge in plain sight –”
Ben suddenly shoved him back. “On the fucking couch, Jamie, and keep your fucking mouth shut.”
He listened, albeit with a gleeful look on his face. He collapsed back onto the couch and not a moment later passed before his snores sounded out.
“I’m sorry for this,” Ben told me, staring at his brother with a look of wild bitterness. “He’s worn out his welcome with somebody. When he does this, he usually crashes here, until he’s back in their good graces.”
“He’s a bit of an asshole, isn’t he?”
Ben’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Jamie can be the nicest person you’ve ever met, or your worst nightmare. Sometimes he’s both. Don’t take anything he says to heart. He likes to see how far he can push someone.”
Turning to face me, he took a step back and really looked at me. “You’re in just a shirt.”
I shrugged. “I thought it was just you down here, and then I forgot about… this.” I motioned to the shirt that was barely skimming my upper thighs.
His body tensed. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. “I’m feeling incredibly possessive right now, and I’m not sure that’s normal.”
I bit my bottom lip to keep from smiling. “Why are you feeling possessive?”
“Because I hate that you were half naked in front of somebody else, particularly my douchebag brother who will have without a doubt put his moves on you if I wasn’t here.”
“Then that’s normal,” I reassured him softly. “And I’d never have let him work any kind of moves on me.”
“He has a habit of being very charming.”
“Then it’s good I saw his asshole side first.”
He stepped to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. With a soft kiss he said, “I’m going to grab him a blanket. Be right back. We’ll grab some munchies before we get back to bed. I’m wide awake now.”
“Me too.”
He hurried back up the staircase and disappeared from view. I watched Jamie sleeping for a few moments before I wandered to the window. There was no life stirring below. No cars roaming the streets. It looked eerily black, even for this hour.
“You’ll be disappointed by the answer.”
“Try me.”
I paused for a moment. Then I said, “It was a game Emily and I played. We’d pick dare cards every other month. My dare that day in that moment was to kiss a stranger.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Really? So it wasn’t because I was irresistible after all.”
“But you were, and the kiss was the best I’d ever had in my life,” I told him truthfully.
He nodded vaguely and moved off of me. Settling on his back, he stared up at the ceiling with a faraway look on his face. Had I really disappointed him? Was he upset? I supposed I would be too if I realized I was some dare.
“I regretted not stepping off the train with you,” he suddenly said. “For a few hours I was incredibly angry at myself. I put business first when I should have followed my instincts. So when I found the wallet in my pocket, I thought I’d hit the lottery.”
He sought my hand out from beneath the covers and entwined his fingers with mine.
“I looked at your photo every day. My life was all travel and turbulent as hell. I tried my best not to get attached to a bloody photo, but I did. I remembered the way you were on that train. The fire in your green eyes, the smile on your lips, the way you screamed attention. After a while, I got too curious for my own good, and a photo wasn’t enough to appease me. I looked you up online and found your Facebook page. It was crawling with pictures and smarmy men, so at least I wasn’t the only one stalking you.”
“When was this?” I asked, stunned.
“A few weeks after.”
“You should have reached out. I was thinking about you the most around that time.”
He rubbed his face exhaustedly. “I hate what my life’s become, Claire. That’s the truth. It reached the pinnacle of shit when I was abroad. The only thing keeping me grounded was looking at your photos. Seeing you smile. I felt pathetic for being attached to a stranger, but it didn’t feel like you were one to me. I’d already decided I was going to see you again when I returned. It was just a matter of when.
“But then one night I checked in on you again, and you were gone. The page had been taken down and you’d disappeared. Either something had happened to you, or you’d just outgrown the social scene. My guess wasn’t the latter. You’d been outgoing until the very end. So I bided my time until I got back and wanted to see for myself what had gone wrong. And, well, now I know, don’t I?”
I nodded vaguely, reminiscing about the moment I deleted my page. “I only had it up for attention. After a childhood of moving around nonstop, never making any friends, and then having a father that was no longer around, I was practically begging for attention. It was only after what happened that I didn’t want it anymore. Because that attention was like a devil in disguise.
“I was one of those girls on there that would change her profile picture every single day. I’d get dolled up in some skimpy outfit. It’s hilarious now that I think about it.”
“I enjoyed those daily photos,” he replied happily. “But nothing was better than your pictures at the Royal Show. All sopping wet, your make-up running down your face, but you had the biggest smile –”
“You’re referring to the shit photos Emily tagged me in to be a little wench.”
“I’ll have to thank her then.”
“Don’t go near her. She’ll hump your leg, I’m sure.” Emily was infatuated with Ben. Every time they crossed paths she was all over him. He wasn’t interested at all, so her advances were funny to watch, and I knew she was doing it in jest.
“Don’t worry about your friend,” he said. “I only have eyes for you.”
Ben was really talented with words when he wanted to be. He could make my entire day with just one simple line like that. I savoured them because while he was affectionate with his hands and mouth, he was usually reserved about his feelings.
He trailed his thumb over my scars again, something he did when he was reflecting. I learned to stop cringing when he touched that side of my face. It helped me to overcome how conscious I was of them when he was always acknowledging their existence.
“Can I ask you a question, Claire?” he said seriously.
“Of course.”
“When I first started getting to know you, every morning you’d rush off to the bathroom. It’s been less lately, but you still do it. I don’t like that it happens, and I know by the way you hurry that it’s not coming out intentionally. Is there something I should about with you health-wise? Because I’d hate for you to be sick when I could be doing something about it.”
I wrapped an arm around him and kissed him gently. “Well, thank you for worrying about me, but it’s not happening as often. They’re panic attacks. After I got attacked, every morning I’d wake up feeling like I was back there. That fear made my body react, and I’d throw up as a result. Sometimes I feel lightheaded instead.”
He was very concerned. “Maybe you should see someone.”
“I saw a counsellor for a while, but it wasn’t doing much. And the doctors just wanted to put me on medication. Thing is, I don’t feel it throughout the day. Just in the mornings, and it’s been happening less than before, so I think I’m getting a bit better.”
He frowned. “I just don’t want it to happen at all, period.”
“Me neither.”
We continued to lay there for a while after. He continued to run his fingers over my scars reverently, and it was when I started to fall asleep the sound of ringing tore through the silence. I jerked awake and watched him fumble out of the sheets. Naked, he bent down and took his phone out of the pocket of his pants. The screen’s light shone on his face, and I could see the frown forming deeply on it.
“I have to take this,” he said in a grim voice, disappearing into the next room.
I didn’t like when he got called. It usually happened this late at night, and it always took him to different rooms. Sometimes I wanted to eavesdrop to get an idea of what was going on, but I reminded myself that ignorance was bliss. My life was too perfect, and if I had the control to stop it from falling apart, I wasn’t about to sabotage it.
I fell asleep minutes later.
Chapter Sixteen
He likes broken things
It was a distant slam that woke me up in the middle of the night. I stretched my arm out and reached for Ben, but I met empty air. I sat up in bed and fetched his plain tee off the ground where he’d thrown it earlier. I put it on and tip-toed out of the room.
I followed the sound of light voices and stopped at the top of the stairs.
“And this is why I don’t leave you in charge,” hissed Ben.
“I beg to differ,” retorted a male voice. “You don’t leave me in charge because you simply don’t want to. It’s an ego thing for you.”
“Bloody ridiculous, Jamie. You’re paranoid.”
“Oh, so this isn’t because you hate my guts for what I did to you?”
“I don’t care about what you did to me.”
A rueful laugh sounded out in return. “Right.”
“Why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be trying to fix your fucked-up relationship instead of bumming a bed off a man you crossed?”
“It’s not a relationship.”
“Yeah, yeah. Keep denying it. Stupid and paranoid.”
“Not paranoid, and you can’t use that as an excuse not to put me in charge.”
“Maybe that time’s coming, and maybe it’s not. Prove yourself first.”
I descended the staircase when their conversation died down. It was approaching the living area that I spotted Ben standing in front of the window, peering out with his arms crossed. His stiff demeanour told me he was in a shitty mood. Since the time I saw Macht, he’d never displayed that intimidating behaviour around me again. But it was in full force now.
I turned my head to the source of the other voice. On the black leather couch was a sprawled out body of a young man. I knew straightaway this was his brother. He had the same thick black hair, pale skin, and tall body. He was in a leather jacket and jeans, looking like a rougher version of Ben.
“I have proven myself,” he muttered tiredly with his eyes closed. “And I don’t see what the problem is. It’s perfect timing. You’ve gone AWOL for a couple months now. I could be taking care of the business while giving you all the time in the world with the half-naked girl standing at the end of the room right now.”
Ah, shit.
Ben’s body whipped around, catching me with a startled look on his face. He hurried to me.
“Sorry,” I immediately said, backing up a step. “I didn’t mean –”
“Did I wake you?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I answered. “It’s alright. I should have waited for you instead of coming down here and interrupting you.”
“It’s fine,” he reassured me. “We were just finishing up now anyway. Weren’t we, Jamie?”
Jamie chuckled sardonically before sitting up on the couch. His movements were slow, giving away how drunk he was. He looked over at me, roaming those eyes over every inch of me.
“I didn’t know you liked jailbait, brother,” he remarked.
“I’m not jailbait,” I snapped at him in shock.
“When did you graduate high school, sweetheart? Yesterday?”
“I skipped a grade, I’ll have you know. And I’m twenty one and graduating College!”
Jamie chuckled for real this time. “Your body has some catching up to do, then.”
My jaw dropped in shock.
“Shut it, Jamie,” Ben snapped, glaring at him before turning to me. “My dickhead brother’s just trying to wind you up. He does that often. Don’t take it personally.”
Jamie smiled, and it lit up his entire face. Well, shit, he was actually better looking than Ben in a pretty boy kind of way, and I felt suddenly severely under dressed.
“I’m only joking. Fuck. Bunch of nuns in this apartment.” He looked me over again and said slowly, “She’s pretty. Prettier than Melinda. I’m impressed, Ben. After that dry spell, I thought you were secretly batting for the other team. What’s this one’s name?”
“This one?” I gaped at Ben in bewilderment. “Your asshole brother thinks he can talk to me like this and get away with it?”
Ben sighed, showing his brother remarkable patience and explained, “He’s not usually like this. Not until he gets on the drink.”
Jamie stood up from the couch and meandered over to us. Looking between the two brothers, it was hard to decide who I wanted to look at the most. Their similarities were startling, but there were noticeable differences. Ben carried himself confidently, whereas Jamie was arrogant all around, reminding me of a sly snake nestled in the bushes, waiting to strike.
“Did he tell you about me?” he asked, eyeing the two of us with his hazy blue eyes.
“Get back on the couch,” Ben demanded. “The only way you’re spending the night is if you’re on that couch in five seconds, or else I’m kicking you back out.”
Jamie merely blinked at this threat and said to me, “Did he tell you I’m the fuck-up brother? The one that’s incapable of simple shit like exchanging briefcases under some bridge in plain sight –”
Ben suddenly shoved him back. “On the fucking couch, Jamie, and keep your fucking mouth shut.”
He listened, albeit with a gleeful look on his face. He collapsed back onto the couch and not a moment later passed before his snores sounded out.
“I’m sorry for this,” Ben told me, staring at his brother with a look of wild bitterness. “He’s worn out his welcome with somebody. When he does this, he usually crashes here, until he’s back in their good graces.”
“He’s a bit of an asshole, isn’t he?”
Ben’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Jamie can be the nicest person you’ve ever met, or your worst nightmare. Sometimes he’s both. Don’t take anything he says to heart. He likes to see how far he can push someone.”
Turning to face me, he took a step back and really looked at me. “You’re in just a shirt.”
I shrugged. “I thought it was just you down here, and then I forgot about… this.” I motioned to the shirt that was barely skimming my upper thighs.
His body tensed. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose. “I’m feeling incredibly possessive right now, and I’m not sure that’s normal.”
I bit my bottom lip to keep from smiling. “Why are you feeling possessive?”
“Because I hate that you were half naked in front of somebody else, particularly my douchebag brother who will have without a doubt put his moves on you if I wasn’t here.”
“Then that’s normal,” I reassured him softly. “And I’d never have let him work any kind of moves on me.”
“He has a habit of being very charming.”
“Then it’s good I saw his asshole side first.”
He stepped to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. With a soft kiss he said, “I’m going to grab him a blanket. Be right back. We’ll grab some munchies before we get back to bed. I’m wide awake now.”
“Me too.”
He hurried back up the staircase and disappeared from view. I watched Jamie sleeping for a few moments before I wandered to the window. There was no life stirring below. No cars roaming the streets. It looked eerily black, even for this hour.
