Kiss a Stranger
Page 23
We.
I tensed in my chair. “Where would we go?”
“Anywhere you want.”
I tried not to look warily at him.
“Morocco,” I said with a faint smile. “You said you loved it there. That’s where I’d go on the first leg of our journey.”
He smiled back, disarming me with what I would have thought was genuine affection. But now it seemed like a smokescreen for something else.
“Absolutely,” he said. “Morocco it is then. We’ll disappear just you and me.”
Disappear.
I pressed my lips down to stop them from trembling.
If I went anywhere with him, I’d disappear forever.
Chapter Twenty-Two
You’re mine.
That evening he took me to Kings Park, located on the business edge of the city. We walked hand in hand across the botanical gardens, and I got lost in the scenery. It was peaceful and isolated. There were enough people around that I didn’t feel nervous to be alone with him.
And how crazy was that? I was scared to be alone with Ben.
Unbelievable.
I saw him from a different perspective. The way he glared at any man that checked my body out. The way he possessively kept me close by to him, always making sure I was an arm’s length away. The way he touched my scars repeatedly, staring at my face with a look of awe and lust. The way he told me countless times in that gruff voice how exquisite he thought I was.
I’d have loved it all before. And I still wished I did. I wished that what I was tricked into believing was real, because my emotions were still the same.
And that was the cruel thing about love. You couldn’t turn it off. You couldn’t pretend it didn’t exist because it was outside logic’s control. It had its own selfish agenda, and it lived to cloud your judgment and to trick you into believing there was more than what you were told.
We went to his apartment, and he took me straight into his bedroom. I couldn’t put off sex, even though I wanted to. That would have been a dead giveaway.
“I want you in my bed,” he said to me, pushing me to climb on to it. “I want to fuck you ‘til you can’t breathe. I haven’t been inside of you in forever and I’m losing my mind.”
I told myself to breathe, because being intimate with him scared me. The mattress dipped behind me, and my being became acutely aware of him.
“You want it from behind, beauty?” he said in that hard voice.
I nodded. My throat was too thick for words. I just wanted this over and done with.
And yet, when his hand touched my body, it soared. Fucking soared for him. How could that be? How could it yearn to be felt by a man that hurt me?
But it didn’t care, and all at once everything around me blurred. I could hardly breathe or make sense of it.
My emotions and thoughts clashed.
I loved him.
I loathed him.
I wanted to bring him close, and I wanted to push him away.
The warring of emotions inside of me made me feel like I was caught up in a whirlwind of hate and love. But which was overpowering the other?
He pressed my face down against the mattress as he swiftly undid his belt. I shook with need and cried with desperation. If I could only just look at him again… I’d choose ignorance over truth, if only I could look at him the way I used to.
He threw my skirt up over my hips and took me hard and fast. My mouth opened and my eyes glazed over as the feeling of pleasure swept me away into a place I’d reserved deep inside of me. A place where, once upon a time, he made me feel cherished and loved.
Tears burned down my face.
The truth.
That disgusting bitch of a thing called truth.
I’d do anything to hide from it. Because its grip was cold as death around my neck, and it was choking the life right out of me.
He was going to be the death of me.
Yet he took me there. He brought me to the precipice of pleasure, and I let myself fall. Let myself believe in his lies.
When he finished, he collapsed next to me and tucked me into his side. He fell asleep, completely oblivious to the woman against him – the woman that hated herself for enjoying what he just did to her.
*****
“Open your eyes,” he told me.
I opened them and saw his face looking back at me. He was on his side, facing me, and he had the brightest smile on his face. Anger swirled in my chest at the sight of it. How could a monster look so genuine?
“I have something for you,” he claimed.
“And what’s that?” I garbled out.
“It’s something very pretty.”
I tried to stir the deadness inside of me alive, but this morning it was particularly stubborn. So if he wanted excitement, I couldn’t offer it.
“Okay,” I said simply, “show me.”
“First, tell me you love me.”
I swallowed hard. “I love you.”
He couldn’t question that. I was telling the truth, and it killed me to do it.
Those grey eyes warmed. He leaned into me and kissed me lightly. “It’s under your pillow.”
I reached under my pillow and felt a long, thin box. I pulled it out. It was wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper, and when I raised a brow and looked at him, he said, “I couldn’t wait another week. I needed to see a real smile on your face now.”
“What do you mean ‘real smile’?” I asked him curiously.
“You’ve been out of sorts, and you haven’t been open about it.”
“I told you I’ve been feeling a bit sick –”
“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.” His face fell and he stared gravely at me. “You’ve hidden yourself from me. Don’t think I can’t read you, because I can, beauty. Probably better than you can read yourself.”
I was lost for words. I looked away from those penetrating eyes and stared at the box.
Stick as far to the truth as possible, I told myself.
“I just feel like this is too good to be true,” I explained quietly. “Like I’m somehow your plaything until you get tired of me. And maybe everything you’ve ever told me has been said to others before me. I’ve been hurt a lot, but you’re going to hurt me the most.”
I took a deep breath before I looked at him again. He stared incredulously at me, and that hurt look made me cry. I covered my face with one hand and set the box down. I sat up and turned away from him. I was sure I’d blown my cover. He probably knew I was on to him. I’d said too much, but it was the closest thing I could say without fully telling him everything outright.
But his arms wrapped around me quickly, and his chest pressed against my back.
“Claire,” he said hastily, “I’m not sure what I’ve done to make you feel like that –”
I pulled away from him and stood up. I wiped away the tears and faced him. He was sitting up now too, bare chested in nothing but his briefs. The sun that flooded through the windows made him look like a fucking angel, and I would have believed it days ago. I might have crumbled then and there too had I not run Melinda’s scars through my mind. He did that to her, and he did this to me, and the difference was I didn’t want to be a photo sliding across a table in some police station, horrifying another poor victim.
“Who was before me?” I demanded.
His brows came together. “What do you mean?”
“Who were you with before me? I heard Jamie say her name once. Why can’t you say it to me now?”
“Melinda was her name.”
“And how long was that relationship?”
“Six months. But she was hardly a relationship to me.”
“Why?”
“Because we’d been more friends than anything else.”
“And when did your friendship-slash-relationship end?”
He looked puzzled at my series of questions. “Long before you, Claire.”
“And why did it end?”
His jaw locked tight. “She betrayed me.”
“How did she betray you?”
His face darkened. “Secrets.”
A chill danced down my spine. What did he mean by that?
“So you let her walk away?” I eventually asked, ignoring the fear warning me to stop pushing for answers.
“Of course I let her walk away.” Liar.
“And would you let me walk away?”
He froze, and then all at once he jumped out of the bed, present long forgotten. I backed away from him as he tried to approach me.
“Would you?” I pressed. “If I told you I wanted out right here and now, would you let me go?”
“No,” he answered solemnly, stopping in his steps. “I wouldn’t.”
“What if I had a secret?”
“Even if you had a secret.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re mine.”
The possessive tone in his voice chilled me to the bone. Hardman’s words echoed inside of me. You’re his property.
“I’m not yours,” I boldly replied, uncaring of the consequences. “I’m not some possession, Ben.”
“No, you’re not a possession,” he retorted sharply, towering over me. “You’re my heart. You possess me. And I can’t live without my bloody heart. I refuse to. You’re mine and I’m yours, and that’s how it’s always going to be. So there’s no way in hell you’re going to pull out of this after watching me fall for you. I won’t let you.”
He took one step closer to me and gripped me by the arm. Those grey eyes tore through my own as he growled, “And you better start getting that through your head. You’re not going anywhere.”
Too speechless to respond, he turned away from me and strode out, slamming the door shut behind him.
Never before had I been more confused about anything in my life. I couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t. I could feel his love, and that couldn’t be faked.
Or could it?
Was this all a part of his game?
After some time, I grabbed the gift and tore the wrapping off. I opened the glossy box and saw a gold chain necklace with a beautiful green and blue boulder opal in an oval shape hanging from the chain. It must have been at least three carats.
My breath thinned and my body tensed.
What kind of monster would buy his plaything over a thousand dollars’ worth of jewellery?
Chapter Twenty-Three
I can and I will
He hadn’t said a word about our disastrous morning. He simply dressed and left the apartment, claiming he had business to sort out. I got dressed and left just as fast, ignoring Jamie’s paralysing glances on my way out. Did he hear our conversation? He slept in the third bedroom and I wasn’t sure how soundproof these walls were.
I was on my way home when my phone rang. I picked up upon seeing Hardman’s number, and didn’t get to say anything before he beat me to it.
“Pull over in the parking lot of the grade school around the corner to your house, Claire,” he told me before hanging up. “My partner and I will be waiting.”
I did as they asked and pulled into the parking lot. A grey sedan was parked in the far back corner alongside a fence. Hardman was standing tall with his back against the driver’s side door, and a redhead woman was standing in front of him. They both stopped talking and turned to me. I saw the woman’s young face pulled into a grim look that made me think whatever conversation they were having was not a friendly one.
I carefully stepped out of the car and faced them.
“How are you doing, Claire?” Hardman asked me with a worried look on his face.
I wanted to say I was doing alright. That I was pulling up well. That it wasn’t effecting me. But I couldn’t seem to manage the words out. My eyes immediately filled with tears.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I admitted in a broken voice. “When he’s with me, he’s so genuine. Like he really loves me.”
Christ, why the hell was I saying this to them? It wasn’t like they’d care, but I needed them to remind me why I was doing this. To reiterate what had been said to me so I really didn’t imagine the entire thing.
“I know, I know,” he soothingly replied on a sigh, running his hand through his hair in resignation. “If I’d known this would happen, I’d have reached out sooner. I’m sorry, Claire. I’m sorry for all your pain. I feel like it’s my fault somehow. Maybe pulling out would be best.”
“No, it wouldn’t,” the redhead retorted. She looked at me hard and said, “That man has been through countless women. So don’t stand there and think you’re special, Miss Landon.”
“Stop it,” Hardman told her gruffly.
“No,” she argued. “Tell her about the damn footage if she doesn’t believe me.”
“What footage?” I asked.
Hardman’s jaw ticked as he glared at her before he turned to me. “Marla and I found some footage for you of the night you were attacked. Costigan was a block away. CCTV footage captured him speaking to Joshua Malik before they parted ways three hours prior to the attack. So we’re getting that investigation going for you, even if you pull out.”
“You can’t pull out!” Marla hissed, taking a step closer to me. Her hard face softened a tad when she saw the tears falling from my eyes. “We’ve already told you he’s got a big deal coming up. We don’t know when, but we’ve got insiders saying it’s coming soon. Now what he’s going to do is see a man, and we need to know the time and place.”
“What goes on there?”
“It’s just a business transaction, but it’s Ben’s men that do the pick-up. Now the problem is we won’t be able to link the pick-up with Costigan, so we need proof of this business deal.”
I tensed in my chair. “Where would we go?”
“Anywhere you want.”
I tried not to look warily at him.
“Morocco,” I said with a faint smile. “You said you loved it there. That’s where I’d go on the first leg of our journey.”
He smiled back, disarming me with what I would have thought was genuine affection. But now it seemed like a smokescreen for something else.
“Absolutely,” he said. “Morocco it is then. We’ll disappear just you and me.”
Disappear.
I pressed my lips down to stop them from trembling.
If I went anywhere with him, I’d disappear forever.
Chapter Twenty-Two
You’re mine.
That evening he took me to Kings Park, located on the business edge of the city. We walked hand in hand across the botanical gardens, and I got lost in the scenery. It was peaceful and isolated. There were enough people around that I didn’t feel nervous to be alone with him.
And how crazy was that? I was scared to be alone with Ben.
Unbelievable.
I saw him from a different perspective. The way he glared at any man that checked my body out. The way he possessively kept me close by to him, always making sure I was an arm’s length away. The way he touched my scars repeatedly, staring at my face with a look of awe and lust. The way he told me countless times in that gruff voice how exquisite he thought I was.
I’d have loved it all before. And I still wished I did. I wished that what I was tricked into believing was real, because my emotions were still the same.
And that was the cruel thing about love. You couldn’t turn it off. You couldn’t pretend it didn’t exist because it was outside logic’s control. It had its own selfish agenda, and it lived to cloud your judgment and to trick you into believing there was more than what you were told.
We went to his apartment, and he took me straight into his bedroom. I couldn’t put off sex, even though I wanted to. That would have been a dead giveaway.
“I want you in my bed,” he said to me, pushing me to climb on to it. “I want to fuck you ‘til you can’t breathe. I haven’t been inside of you in forever and I’m losing my mind.”
I told myself to breathe, because being intimate with him scared me. The mattress dipped behind me, and my being became acutely aware of him.
“You want it from behind, beauty?” he said in that hard voice.
I nodded. My throat was too thick for words. I just wanted this over and done with.
And yet, when his hand touched my body, it soared. Fucking soared for him. How could that be? How could it yearn to be felt by a man that hurt me?
But it didn’t care, and all at once everything around me blurred. I could hardly breathe or make sense of it.
My emotions and thoughts clashed.
I loved him.
I loathed him.
I wanted to bring him close, and I wanted to push him away.
The warring of emotions inside of me made me feel like I was caught up in a whirlwind of hate and love. But which was overpowering the other?
He pressed my face down against the mattress as he swiftly undid his belt. I shook with need and cried with desperation. If I could only just look at him again… I’d choose ignorance over truth, if only I could look at him the way I used to.
He threw my skirt up over my hips and took me hard and fast. My mouth opened and my eyes glazed over as the feeling of pleasure swept me away into a place I’d reserved deep inside of me. A place where, once upon a time, he made me feel cherished and loved.
Tears burned down my face.
The truth.
That disgusting bitch of a thing called truth.
I’d do anything to hide from it. Because its grip was cold as death around my neck, and it was choking the life right out of me.
He was going to be the death of me.
Yet he took me there. He brought me to the precipice of pleasure, and I let myself fall. Let myself believe in his lies.
When he finished, he collapsed next to me and tucked me into his side. He fell asleep, completely oblivious to the woman against him – the woman that hated herself for enjoying what he just did to her.
*****
“Open your eyes,” he told me.
I opened them and saw his face looking back at me. He was on his side, facing me, and he had the brightest smile on his face. Anger swirled in my chest at the sight of it. How could a monster look so genuine?
“I have something for you,” he claimed.
“And what’s that?” I garbled out.
“It’s something very pretty.”
I tried to stir the deadness inside of me alive, but this morning it was particularly stubborn. So if he wanted excitement, I couldn’t offer it.
“Okay,” I said simply, “show me.”
“First, tell me you love me.”
I swallowed hard. “I love you.”
He couldn’t question that. I was telling the truth, and it killed me to do it.
Those grey eyes warmed. He leaned into me and kissed me lightly. “It’s under your pillow.”
I reached under my pillow and felt a long, thin box. I pulled it out. It was wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper, and when I raised a brow and looked at him, he said, “I couldn’t wait another week. I needed to see a real smile on your face now.”
“What do you mean ‘real smile’?” I asked him curiously.
“You’ve been out of sorts, and you haven’t been open about it.”
“I told you I’ve been feeling a bit sick –”
“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.” His face fell and he stared gravely at me. “You’ve hidden yourself from me. Don’t think I can’t read you, because I can, beauty. Probably better than you can read yourself.”
I was lost for words. I looked away from those penetrating eyes and stared at the box.
Stick as far to the truth as possible, I told myself.
“I just feel like this is too good to be true,” I explained quietly. “Like I’m somehow your plaything until you get tired of me. And maybe everything you’ve ever told me has been said to others before me. I’ve been hurt a lot, but you’re going to hurt me the most.”
I took a deep breath before I looked at him again. He stared incredulously at me, and that hurt look made me cry. I covered my face with one hand and set the box down. I sat up and turned away from him. I was sure I’d blown my cover. He probably knew I was on to him. I’d said too much, but it was the closest thing I could say without fully telling him everything outright.
But his arms wrapped around me quickly, and his chest pressed against my back.
“Claire,” he said hastily, “I’m not sure what I’ve done to make you feel like that –”
I pulled away from him and stood up. I wiped away the tears and faced him. He was sitting up now too, bare chested in nothing but his briefs. The sun that flooded through the windows made him look like a fucking angel, and I would have believed it days ago. I might have crumbled then and there too had I not run Melinda’s scars through my mind. He did that to her, and he did this to me, and the difference was I didn’t want to be a photo sliding across a table in some police station, horrifying another poor victim.
“Who was before me?” I demanded.
His brows came together. “What do you mean?”
“Who were you with before me? I heard Jamie say her name once. Why can’t you say it to me now?”
“Melinda was her name.”
“And how long was that relationship?”
“Six months. But she was hardly a relationship to me.”
“Why?”
“Because we’d been more friends than anything else.”
“And when did your friendship-slash-relationship end?”
He looked puzzled at my series of questions. “Long before you, Claire.”
“And why did it end?”
His jaw locked tight. “She betrayed me.”
“How did she betray you?”
His face darkened. “Secrets.”
A chill danced down my spine. What did he mean by that?
“So you let her walk away?” I eventually asked, ignoring the fear warning me to stop pushing for answers.
“Of course I let her walk away.” Liar.
“And would you let me walk away?”
He froze, and then all at once he jumped out of the bed, present long forgotten. I backed away from him as he tried to approach me.
“Would you?” I pressed. “If I told you I wanted out right here and now, would you let me go?”
“No,” he answered solemnly, stopping in his steps. “I wouldn’t.”
“What if I had a secret?”
“Even if you had a secret.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re mine.”
The possessive tone in his voice chilled me to the bone. Hardman’s words echoed inside of me. You’re his property.
“I’m not yours,” I boldly replied, uncaring of the consequences. “I’m not some possession, Ben.”
“No, you’re not a possession,” he retorted sharply, towering over me. “You’re my heart. You possess me. And I can’t live without my bloody heart. I refuse to. You’re mine and I’m yours, and that’s how it’s always going to be. So there’s no way in hell you’re going to pull out of this after watching me fall for you. I won’t let you.”
He took one step closer to me and gripped me by the arm. Those grey eyes tore through my own as he growled, “And you better start getting that through your head. You’re not going anywhere.”
Too speechless to respond, he turned away from me and strode out, slamming the door shut behind him.
Never before had I been more confused about anything in my life. I couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t. I could feel his love, and that couldn’t be faked.
Or could it?
Was this all a part of his game?
After some time, I grabbed the gift and tore the wrapping off. I opened the glossy box and saw a gold chain necklace with a beautiful green and blue boulder opal in an oval shape hanging from the chain. It must have been at least three carats.
My breath thinned and my body tensed.
What kind of monster would buy his plaything over a thousand dollars’ worth of jewellery?
Chapter Twenty-Three
I can and I will
He hadn’t said a word about our disastrous morning. He simply dressed and left the apartment, claiming he had business to sort out. I got dressed and left just as fast, ignoring Jamie’s paralysing glances on my way out. Did he hear our conversation? He slept in the third bedroom and I wasn’t sure how soundproof these walls were.
I was on my way home when my phone rang. I picked up upon seeing Hardman’s number, and didn’t get to say anything before he beat me to it.
“Pull over in the parking lot of the grade school around the corner to your house, Claire,” he told me before hanging up. “My partner and I will be waiting.”
I did as they asked and pulled into the parking lot. A grey sedan was parked in the far back corner alongside a fence. Hardman was standing tall with his back against the driver’s side door, and a redhead woman was standing in front of him. They both stopped talking and turned to me. I saw the woman’s young face pulled into a grim look that made me think whatever conversation they were having was not a friendly one.
I carefully stepped out of the car and faced them.
“How are you doing, Claire?” Hardman asked me with a worried look on his face.
I wanted to say I was doing alright. That I was pulling up well. That it wasn’t effecting me. But I couldn’t seem to manage the words out. My eyes immediately filled with tears.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I admitted in a broken voice. “When he’s with me, he’s so genuine. Like he really loves me.”
Christ, why the hell was I saying this to them? It wasn’t like they’d care, but I needed them to remind me why I was doing this. To reiterate what had been said to me so I really didn’t imagine the entire thing.
“I know, I know,” he soothingly replied on a sigh, running his hand through his hair in resignation. “If I’d known this would happen, I’d have reached out sooner. I’m sorry, Claire. I’m sorry for all your pain. I feel like it’s my fault somehow. Maybe pulling out would be best.”
“No, it wouldn’t,” the redhead retorted. She looked at me hard and said, “That man has been through countless women. So don’t stand there and think you’re special, Miss Landon.”
“Stop it,” Hardman told her gruffly.
“No,” she argued. “Tell her about the damn footage if she doesn’t believe me.”
“What footage?” I asked.
Hardman’s jaw ticked as he glared at her before he turned to me. “Marla and I found some footage for you of the night you were attacked. Costigan was a block away. CCTV footage captured him speaking to Joshua Malik before they parted ways three hours prior to the attack. So we’re getting that investigation going for you, even if you pull out.”
“You can’t pull out!” Marla hissed, taking a step closer to me. Her hard face softened a tad when she saw the tears falling from my eyes. “We’ve already told you he’s got a big deal coming up. We don’t know when, but we’ve got insiders saying it’s coming soon. Now what he’s going to do is see a man, and we need to know the time and place.”
“What goes on there?”
“It’s just a business transaction, but it’s Ben’s men that do the pick-up. Now the problem is we won’t be able to link the pick-up with Costigan, so we need proof of this business deal.”
