Kitty Takes a Holiday
Page 17
“And how long did it take you to become the stable, well-adjusted werewolf you are today?” His tone dripped with sarcasm.
I crossed my arms and pouted. “Very funny.”
“It's what we decided.”
“Well, you're both a couple of macho dickheads!”
He stood. “Is it still okay if I sleep on the sofa?”
“I ought to make you sleep on the porch!”
He ignored me, just like 1 expected, and went to the sofa, wrenched off his boots, lay down, and pulled the blanket over his head.
So much for that.
I went to the desk and fired up the laptop. I started a new page and wrote a title at the top: “Ten Ways to Defeat Macho Dickheadism.” Then I realized that most of the world's problems stemmed from macho dickheadism, and if I could defeat that I could save the world. It made for a pretty good rant, since Cormac and Ben were both refusing to get yelled at in person.
Ben came out of the bathroom an hour later, slightly damp and wearing jeans and a gray T-shirt that he must have borrowed from Cormac. It gave him this James Dean look. Or that might have been the only partially suppressed snarl he wore. I expected him to say something about me actually sitting at my desk and working. The old Ben would have said something snide and encouraging at the same time.
This new Ben just looked at me, then sank heavily into the kitchen chair.
I watched him. “Did you have breakfast while you and Cormac planned your suicide, or should 1 fix something?”
His voice was low. “I expected you of all people to have some sympathy.”
“No way. I'm a sentimentalist, remember? You're the bitter, cynical one. I just can't believe you'd go down without a fight.”
“I've already lost.”
I moved to the kitchen table and sat across from him, where Cormac had been. I stared him down. He fidgeted, nervous, and looked away. Ah-ha, wolfish instincts were kicking in. He didn't try to challenge me back. Good.
“This is what I see: I have three days, plus a full moon night, to convince you that life as a werewolf is better than no life at all.”
“Kitty, this isn't about you. It isn't any of your business.”
“Tell that to Cormac. He's the one who dumped you in my lap.”
“I told him off about that already.”
“You really think he made a mistake, bringing you here?”
He pursed his lips. “I do. He should have taken care of this back at Shiprock.”
Ben had always been there for me. Now, when it was time for him to accept help, he was throwing it back in my face. Well, screw that.
“You know what, Ben? You're wrong. This is my business. You know why?” He gave the ceiling a long-suffering stare. That was okay, the question was rhetorical anyway. “Because I'm adopting you. You're part of my pack, now. That means you're under my protection and I refuse to let you go off and kill yourself.”
He blinked at me. “What are you talking about?”
“Wolves run in packs. You're in my pack. And I'm the alpha female. That means you do what I say.”
“Or what?”
“Or… or I'll get really pissed off at you.”
He seemed to consider for a moment. In a mental panic, I wondered whether I could take him in a fight, if I had to back up my oh-so-brave words. He wasn't yet used to the strength he gained as a werewolf. He was still sick, still finding his feet. I had experience with this sort of thing. The thing was, I didn't want to have to assert my position by fighting him. I wanted to be able to just talk him into it.
Finally, he said, “Why do I have this urge to take you seriously?”
“Because the wolf inside you knows what's best. Trust me, Ben. Please.”
“I thought you didn't have a pack.”
I smiled. “I do now.”
Chapter 6
Come on, get your coat,” I said, grabbing my own and my bag.
“Why?”
“We're going out. Quietly—don't wake up Cormac.”
He went to the bedroom and came back with a jacket. He looked sullen, but didn't argue. That scared me a little. Was he really buying into the whole alpha female thing? I thought I'd been bluffing.
“Where are we going?” he finally asked when we were on the road.
“Into town to buy groceries. You guys are eating all my food.” That wasn't all; I'd put the bag of barbed-wire crosses in the car. I planned on getting rid of them.
“Why do I have to come along?”
“Because part of being a werewolf is learning how to function in the real world. It's a little freaky at first. McDonald's will never smell the same.”
He wrinkled his nose and made a grunt of disgust.
“Also, I'm not going to leave you alone and let you kill yourself just to spite me.”
“I made a deal with Cormac. I'll stick it out through the full moon. 1 won't go back on that.”
I sighed. “You're doing it again. You'll stick it out for Cormac, but not for me. 1 think you just don't like me.”
He paused to consider. “You know you're crazy?”
“I'm not the one who wants my best friend to shoot me in the head!”
He turned away to stare out the window.
I'd been through what he was going through now. I'd awakened after being attacked by a werewolf, with my whole world turned upside down, and I hadn't wanted to die. I hadn't even thought about it beyond the vague, unserious half urges that came with depression. I had a life and 1 wanted to keep it, lycanthropy or no. What was wrong with Ben?
Nothing was wrong with Ben. He was right to be afraid, to want to avoid it. This was about me. I was the problem. Ben knew what was coming, because he'd seen what it did to me. I couldn't blame him at all.
I said, “I'm a werewolf—am I so terrible that you'd rather kill yourself than be that?”
“No.” He glanced at me, and his look was sad. “You're not terrible at all. You're…” He turned back to the window without finishing.
I'm what? I almost yelled at him to make him finish. But what would that get me? An answer I wasn't sure I wanted to hear. You 're not terrible, you 're… confused.
I pulled into the driveway of Joe and Alice's store and parked. It was midday, but we were the only ones there. Small favors. I'd already gotten out of the car when Ben said, “I'll just wait here.”
I crossed my arms and pouted. “Very funny.”
“It's what we decided.”
“Well, you're both a couple of macho dickheads!”
He stood. “Is it still okay if I sleep on the sofa?”
“I ought to make you sleep on the porch!”
He ignored me, just like 1 expected, and went to the sofa, wrenched off his boots, lay down, and pulled the blanket over his head.
So much for that.
I went to the desk and fired up the laptop. I started a new page and wrote a title at the top: “Ten Ways to Defeat Macho Dickheadism.” Then I realized that most of the world's problems stemmed from macho dickheadism, and if I could defeat that I could save the world. It made for a pretty good rant, since Cormac and Ben were both refusing to get yelled at in person.
Ben came out of the bathroom an hour later, slightly damp and wearing jeans and a gray T-shirt that he must have borrowed from Cormac. It gave him this James Dean look. Or that might have been the only partially suppressed snarl he wore. I expected him to say something about me actually sitting at my desk and working. The old Ben would have said something snide and encouraging at the same time.
This new Ben just looked at me, then sank heavily into the kitchen chair.
I watched him. “Did you have breakfast while you and Cormac planned your suicide, or should 1 fix something?”
His voice was low. “I expected you of all people to have some sympathy.”
“No way. I'm a sentimentalist, remember? You're the bitter, cynical one. I just can't believe you'd go down without a fight.”
“I've already lost.”
I moved to the kitchen table and sat across from him, where Cormac had been. I stared him down. He fidgeted, nervous, and looked away. Ah-ha, wolfish instincts were kicking in. He didn't try to challenge me back. Good.
“This is what I see: I have three days, plus a full moon night, to convince you that life as a werewolf is better than no life at all.”
“Kitty, this isn't about you. It isn't any of your business.”
“Tell that to Cormac. He's the one who dumped you in my lap.”
“I told him off about that already.”
“You really think he made a mistake, bringing you here?”
He pursed his lips. “I do. He should have taken care of this back at Shiprock.”
Ben had always been there for me. Now, when it was time for him to accept help, he was throwing it back in my face. Well, screw that.
“You know what, Ben? You're wrong. This is my business. You know why?” He gave the ceiling a long-suffering stare. That was okay, the question was rhetorical anyway. “Because I'm adopting you. You're part of my pack, now. That means you're under my protection and I refuse to let you go off and kill yourself.”
He blinked at me. “What are you talking about?”
“Wolves run in packs. You're in my pack. And I'm the alpha female. That means you do what I say.”
“Or what?”
“Or… or I'll get really pissed off at you.”
He seemed to consider for a moment. In a mental panic, I wondered whether I could take him in a fight, if I had to back up my oh-so-brave words. He wasn't yet used to the strength he gained as a werewolf. He was still sick, still finding his feet. I had experience with this sort of thing. The thing was, I didn't want to have to assert my position by fighting him. I wanted to be able to just talk him into it.
Finally, he said, “Why do I have this urge to take you seriously?”
“Because the wolf inside you knows what's best. Trust me, Ben. Please.”
“I thought you didn't have a pack.”
I smiled. “I do now.”
Chapter 6
Come on, get your coat,” I said, grabbing my own and my bag.
“Why?”
“We're going out. Quietly—don't wake up Cormac.”
He went to the bedroom and came back with a jacket. He looked sullen, but didn't argue. That scared me a little. Was he really buying into the whole alpha female thing? I thought I'd been bluffing.
“Where are we going?” he finally asked when we were on the road.
“Into town to buy groceries. You guys are eating all my food.” That wasn't all; I'd put the bag of barbed-wire crosses in the car. I planned on getting rid of them.
“Why do I have to come along?”
“Because part of being a werewolf is learning how to function in the real world. It's a little freaky at first. McDonald's will never smell the same.”
He wrinkled his nose and made a grunt of disgust.
“Also, I'm not going to leave you alone and let you kill yourself just to spite me.”
“I made a deal with Cormac. I'll stick it out through the full moon. 1 won't go back on that.”
I sighed. “You're doing it again. You'll stick it out for Cormac, but not for me. 1 think you just don't like me.”
He paused to consider. “You know you're crazy?”
“I'm not the one who wants my best friend to shoot me in the head!”
He turned away to stare out the window.
I'd been through what he was going through now. I'd awakened after being attacked by a werewolf, with my whole world turned upside down, and I hadn't wanted to die. I hadn't even thought about it beyond the vague, unserious half urges that came with depression. I had a life and 1 wanted to keep it, lycanthropy or no. What was wrong with Ben?
Nothing was wrong with Ben. He was right to be afraid, to want to avoid it. This was about me. I was the problem. Ben knew what was coming, because he'd seen what it did to me. I couldn't blame him at all.
I said, “I'm a werewolf—am I so terrible that you'd rather kill yourself than be that?”
“No.” He glanced at me, and his look was sad. “You're not terrible at all. You're…” He turned back to the window without finishing.
I'm what? I almost yelled at him to make him finish. But what would that get me? An answer I wasn't sure I wanted to hear. You 're not terrible, you 're… confused.
I pulled into the driveway of Joe and Alice's store and parked. It was midday, but we were the only ones there. Small favors. I'd already gotten out of the car when Ben said, “I'll just wait here.”
