Kitty Takes a Holiday
Page 26
I didn't sleep well, waking before dawn. I was nervous— I wanted to make sure I woke up before Ben did. 1 had to look after him.
As the sun rose, I watched him. 1 curled on my side, pillowing my head on my bent arm, just a breath away from him—close enough to touch. Even in sleep, his face was lined, tense with worry. He'd had an exhausting night; the evidence of it remained etched in his expression. Shifted back to human, he lay on his back, one arm resting on his stomach, the other crooked up, the hand curled by his shoulder. One of his legs was bent, the foot tucked under the opposite knee.
His build was average. He didn't work out, but he wasn't soft; it was like he'd been thin as a wire when he was a kid, and was only just now filling out to a normal size. He had a stripe of hair running down his sternum. The hair on his head, still damp with sweat, stuck out, mussed and wild. I held back an urge to brush my fingers through it, smoothing it back. I didn't want to startle him.
The bite wounds on his arm and shoulder were completely healed, as if they'd never existed.
Almost, I dozed back to sleep myself, waiting for him to come around. Then, his slow, steady breathing changed. His lungs filled deep, like a bellows. His eyes flashed open, and his whole body jerked, as if every muscle flinched at once.
He gasped, a cutoff sound of terror, and tried to get up, tried to crawl back as if he could escape whatever it was that had scared him. His limbs gave out, and he didn't go anywhere.
I lunged over and grabbed his shoulders, pushing him to the ground. I had to lean my whole weight on him— that average build was powerful.
“Ben! Quiet, you're okay, you're okay, Ben. Please calm down.”
He stilled quickly enough, but I kept hushing him until he lay flat again, his eyes closed, panting for breath. I knelt by him, keeping my hands on his chest, keeping him quiet, and watching his face for any reaction.
After a moment his breathing slowed. He brought a hand to his face, covered his eyes, then dragged it across his forehead. “I. remember,” he said in a tired, sticky voice. “I remember the smells. Running. Blood—” His voice strained, cracked.
“Shh.” I lay next to him so I could bring my face close to his, brush his hair back, breathe in his scent, let him smell me, let him know that smell meant safety. “We're safe, Ben. It's okay.”
“Kitty—” He said my name with a gasp of desperation, then clung to me, gripping my arm and shoulder, kneading the skin and muscle painfully. I bore it, hugging him back as well as I could. He was so warm in the freezing winter air; holding each other warmed us.
I kissed the hairline by his ear and said, “You're back. Two arms, two legs, human skin. You're back. You feel it?”
He nodded, which gave me hope because it meant he was listening.
“Wolf is gone, it's not going to come back for another month. You get to be yourself until then. It's okay, it's okay.” I kept repeating it.
He relaxed. I could feel the tension leave him under my touch. He eased back against the ground instead of holding himself rigid from it. His death grip on me lessened until it was simple holding, and it was okay if he didn't let go. I didn't want him to. I didn't want him to withdraw, lock himself inside himself where I couldn't talk to him.
“Two arms, two legs,” he said finally, wearily. Then he smoothed back my sweaty and tangled hair, the way I'd been brushing his. “Opposable thumbs.”
I giggled, bowing my face to his shoulder. He was back.
“How do you feel?” I asked. He kept his arms around me, like he was still clinging for safety, and I snuggled into his embrace. Wolves touched for comfort. We both needed it.
After a long moment he said, “Strange. Broken. But coming back together. Like I can feel the pieces closing up.” I tilted my head, trying to look at him. I saw his jaw, the slope of cheek, half an eye. “But I remember… it felt good. It felt free. Didn't it?” His face shifted into a wince. “I wasn't expecting that.”
“Yeah,” I said, and kissed his closest body part, his shoulder. Then I propped myself on my elbow, touched his face, and turned it to me, making him look at me. I held his gaze. “You're doing just fine, Ben. You believe me?” You're going to live. You're not going to make Cormac shoot you.
He nodded, and I kissed his forehead. I was trying to make him feel safe, to make him feel wanted, so he wouldn't leave.
“You're doing just fine,” I repeated softly.
“That's because I have a determined teacher,” he said, giving me a thin smile.
I kissed his lips. They were right there. It seemed so natural. His smile fell—then he kissed me back. And again, long enough this time that I lost my breath. Then we both froze for a moment.
My skin flushed, my whole body growing warm—it knew what it wanted to do, anyway. I stole a glance down Ben's torso—and yes, his body knew what it wanted to do, too.
Ben's hazel-colored eyes—green, mud, gold, all mixed together—flickered, trying to hold my gaze again. I looked away, human enough to be chagrined.
I said, “I should have mentioned, the lycanthropy thing, it sort of throws gasoline on the libido. You know— whoosh, fire, out of control.”
He kept staring at me, until I couldn't keep looking away.
He said, with an unreadable curl on his lips, “I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm lying here naked with a beautiful woman, who is also naked.”
Blink. Double blink. My heart may have even stopped for a moment. “Did you just call me beautiful?”
He touched my cheek, my neck, sending an electric rush along my skin, then buried his hand in my hair. “Yeah.”
That was it. 1 was gone.
I moved, sliding one leg over his stomach, slipping on top of him until I straddled him. I kept close, my chest against his, my breath on his cheek. His arms held me tight, hands sliding down my back, clenching, and we kissed, deeply, tasting each other, sharing our heat. We touched, nuzzled; I moved my lips along his jaw, to his ear. My eyes were closed, my mind gone. Mostly gone.
“I hadn't planned on this, honest,” I murmured.
He said, his voice thick with sarcasm, “Gee, thanks.”
“That's not what I meant,” I said, smiling. “I feel like I'm taking advantage of you.”
He made what sounded to my ears like a groan of contentment. “You just want me to like being a werewolf. That's what this is about.”
As the sun rose, I watched him. 1 curled on my side, pillowing my head on my bent arm, just a breath away from him—close enough to touch. Even in sleep, his face was lined, tense with worry. He'd had an exhausting night; the evidence of it remained etched in his expression. Shifted back to human, he lay on his back, one arm resting on his stomach, the other crooked up, the hand curled by his shoulder. One of his legs was bent, the foot tucked under the opposite knee.
His build was average. He didn't work out, but he wasn't soft; it was like he'd been thin as a wire when he was a kid, and was only just now filling out to a normal size. He had a stripe of hair running down his sternum. The hair on his head, still damp with sweat, stuck out, mussed and wild. I held back an urge to brush my fingers through it, smoothing it back. I didn't want to startle him.
The bite wounds on his arm and shoulder were completely healed, as if they'd never existed.
Almost, I dozed back to sleep myself, waiting for him to come around. Then, his slow, steady breathing changed. His lungs filled deep, like a bellows. His eyes flashed open, and his whole body jerked, as if every muscle flinched at once.
He gasped, a cutoff sound of terror, and tried to get up, tried to crawl back as if he could escape whatever it was that had scared him. His limbs gave out, and he didn't go anywhere.
I lunged over and grabbed his shoulders, pushing him to the ground. I had to lean my whole weight on him— that average build was powerful.
“Ben! Quiet, you're okay, you're okay, Ben. Please calm down.”
He stilled quickly enough, but I kept hushing him until he lay flat again, his eyes closed, panting for breath. I knelt by him, keeping my hands on his chest, keeping him quiet, and watching his face for any reaction.
After a moment his breathing slowed. He brought a hand to his face, covered his eyes, then dragged it across his forehead. “I. remember,” he said in a tired, sticky voice. “I remember the smells. Running. Blood—” His voice strained, cracked.
“Shh.” I lay next to him so I could bring my face close to his, brush his hair back, breathe in his scent, let him smell me, let him know that smell meant safety. “We're safe, Ben. It's okay.”
“Kitty—” He said my name with a gasp of desperation, then clung to me, gripping my arm and shoulder, kneading the skin and muscle painfully. I bore it, hugging him back as well as I could. He was so warm in the freezing winter air; holding each other warmed us.
I kissed the hairline by his ear and said, “You're back. Two arms, two legs, human skin. You're back. You feel it?”
He nodded, which gave me hope because it meant he was listening.
“Wolf is gone, it's not going to come back for another month. You get to be yourself until then. It's okay, it's okay.” I kept repeating it.
He relaxed. I could feel the tension leave him under my touch. He eased back against the ground instead of holding himself rigid from it. His death grip on me lessened until it was simple holding, and it was okay if he didn't let go. I didn't want him to. I didn't want him to withdraw, lock himself inside himself where I couldn't talk to him.
“Two arms, two legs,” he said finally, wearily. Then he smoothed back my sweaty and tangled hair, the way I'd been brushing his. “Opposable thumbs.”
I giggled, bowing my face to his shoulder. He was back.
“How do you feel?” I asked. He kept his arms around me, like he was still clinging for safety, and I snuggled into his embrace. Wolves touched for comfort. We both needed it.
After a long moment he said, “Strange. Broken. But coming back together. Like I can feel the pieces closing up.” I tilted my head, trying to look at him. I saw his jaw, the slope of cheek, half an eye. “But I remember… it felt good. It felt free. Didn't it?” His face shifted into a wince. “I wasn't expecting that.”
“Yeah,” I said, and kissed his closest body part, his shoulder. Then I propped myself on my elbow, touched his face, and turned it to me, making him look at me. I held his gaze. “You're doing just fine, Ben. You believe me?” You're going to live. You're not going to make Cormac shoot you.
He nodded, and I kissed his forehead. I was trying to make him feel safe, to make him feel wanted, so he wouldn't leave.
“You're doing just fine,” I repeated softly.
“That's because I have a determined teacher,” he said, giving me a thin smile.
I kissed his lips. They were right there. It seemed so natural. His smile fell—then he kissed me back. And again, long enough this time that I lost my breath. Then we both froze for a moment.
My skin flushed, my whole body growing warm—it knew what it wanted to do, anyway. I stole a glance down Ben's torso—and yes, his body knew what it wanted to do, too.
Ben's hazel-colored eyes—green, mud, gold, all mixed together—flickered, trying to hold my gaze again. I looked away, human enough to be chagrined.
I said, “I should have mentioned, the lycanthropy thing, it sort of throws gasoline on the libido. You know— whoosh, fire, out of control.”
He kept staring at me, until I couldn't keep looking away.
He said, with an unreadable curl on his lips, “I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm lying here naked with a beautiful woman, who is also naked.”
Blink. Double blink. My heart may have even stopped for a moment. “Did you just call me beautiful?”
He touched my cheek, my neck, sending an electric rush along my skin, then buried his hand in my hair. “Yeah.”
That was it. 1 was gone.
I moved, sliding one leg over his stomach, slipping on top of him until I straddled him. I kept close, my chest against his, my breath on his cheek. His arms held me tight, hands sliding down my back, clenching, and we kissed, deeply, tasting each other, sharing our heat. We touched, nuzzled; I moved my lips along his jaw, to his ear. My eyes were closed, my mind gone. Mostly gone.
“I hadn't planned on this, honest,” I murmured.
He said, his voice thick with sarcasm, “Gee, thanks.”
“That's not what I meant,” I said, smiling. “I feel like I'm taking advantage of you.”
He made what sounded to my ears like a groan of contentment. “You just want me to like being a werewolf. That's what this is about.”
