Kitty Takes a Holiday
Page 28
I wanted to tell Cormac to leave Ben alone. He couldn't possibly understand, no matter how much he stared at Ben. Before I could think of a way to say this to him without him getting pissed off at me, he spoke.
“You were right about him changing his mind. I really wasn't sure he would. But you knew.”
Actually, I'd hoped. 1 let Cormac think otherwise. “I've been through it myself. I knew he'd feel differently.”
“You knew he'd like being a werewolf.”
“That's not a good way to describe it.”
“What happened out there?”
Surely he'd figured it out. Or his imagination had. I didn't know why he wanted me to spell it out for him. “That's not any of your business.”
I turned to go inside.
“Kitty—” He grabbed my wrist.
I froze before I hit him. It was only instinct, my pulling back with fingers bent like outstretched claws. He saw it; we stood like that in a tableau. So many unasked questions played in his gaze.
He brought Ben here so I could help him, keep him alive. Not shack up with him. None of us had expected that. And now Cormac actually looked hurt, some pain-filled anguish touching his features. If Cormac had wanted things to happen differently between us, why couldn't he just come out and say it? He'd had his chance. I'd given him plenty of chances. 1 couldn't go backward.
“Cormac, I'm sorry.” I brushed myself out of his grasp and went into the house.
My usual routine after a full moon: I came home, took a shower, and crawled into bed for a couple hours of more comfortable sleep. Then I woke up and had some coffee. No breakfast because 1 wasn't hungry. Wolf usually had had plenty to eat during the night.
Ben had already started the coffee. The scent filled the house, and I had to admit it smelled wonderful. Soothing, like 1 could curl up on the sofa and forget about the guys in my house. 1 didn't want to leave them alone long enough to take a shower. Like I still thought Cormac might draw a bead on Ben with that rifle. Easy to forget that Cormac was the one who'd brought Ben here because he didn't want to shoot him.
I was too wired to sleep. I'd already spent the extra time napping back in the woods with Ben. That man had screwed up my entire schedule. Though if I thought about it, what I really wanted to do was crawl back into bed with him—
I went to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. Ben, sitting at the table with his own cup, didn't say anything. Whatever he said, I was sure it would make me snap at him. I didn't want to do that. I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile.
Cormac joined us a minute later, after I heard the door to the Jeep open and close. He didn't have the rifle with him, so I assumed he put it away. Good. He sat across from Ben. I leaned back against the counter.
Here we were, back in the kitchen, glaring at tabletops and not saying anything.
I couldn't stand long silences. That probably came from working in radio. “So, kids. Any questions? We all squared away?”
“I don't know that I'd go that far,” Ben said, chuckling softly. He shrugged his hands in a gesture of helplessness. “What do I do now? If I'm really going to live with this, what do 1 do?”
1 said, “You're a lawyer. Go back and… lawyer. What would you be doing if this hadn't happened?”
“It's not that simple,” he said. “It can't possibly be that simple.”
He was right, of course.
“You take it one day at a time, Ben. Some days are easier than others. But you just have to work through it.”
He scowled. “Don't talk to me like I'm one of the losers on your show.”
That stung like a kick in the gut. My callers weren't losers—they were my audience. My fans. I wanted to defend them. But yeah, they had problems. A guy like Ben? He didn't have problems. He was a tough guy.
“Then stop acting like a loser,” I said.
“That's rich, coming from someone who ran off to the woods with her tail between her legs—”
I took a step toward him, teeth bared in a silent growl, my hands clenched into fists. He flinched back in a sudden panic, jerking the chair off its front legs. We stared at each other for a moment—I dared him to take me. I dared him to say what he was thinking.
He looked down. Then he pulled his hands through his hair and leaned his elbows on the table. “What the hell's happening to me?” he muttered.
I turned away. I knew what was happening to him, but how did I explain it all? A whole new set of body language and emotions—I'd been living with them for years now. I took them for granted.
“Right, you two are even freaking me out,” Cormac said, hands raised in a gesture of surrender. He stood. “I'm taking a walk.”
“Cormac.” Ben reached across the table, stopping him for a moment. The tableau held until Ben took a breath and said, “I'm sorry. I'm sorry for saddling you with this.”
The hunter looked away, and his face tensed, pursing into an expression I couldn't read. Some emotion was there, that he was trying desperately to hide.
“No,” he said. “I'm the one who got you into this mess. I'm sorry.”
As he had so many times before during the past week, he walked out the door. Taking a walk. It was how he coped with the long, awkward silences.
Ben's arm still lay draped across the table, and he sighed, almost bowing his head to its surface. “I knew he was going to do that. I knew he was going to blame himself.”
I went to Ben—slowly this time, nonthreateningly. He glanced sideways at me, warily, but didn't flinch. I touched his shoulder, held my hand there. Didn't say anything for once, but 1 smiled when he leaned into the touch.
Miracle of miracles, Ben listened to me. He went back to work. Borrowed my phone to check his voice mail, used my computer and Internet connection to check his e-mail, replied to a couple of panicked messages from clients. He had his own practice, small enough for one person to run but enough to make a living, fully in keeping with his independent character. Evidently, he'd decided that if he was going to live, he'd better get back to work. Werewolves still had to pay the rent. The human half did, anyway.
We had venison for dinner again. That stuff never got old. Though I was beginning to think 1 should invest in a grill, so we didn't have to keep sticking them under the broiler. Cormac ate leaning up against the counter, Ben and I sat at the table. The meal felt almost normal. Nobody was staring at anybody, nobody asked to get shot, and Cormac had put his guns away.
“You were right about him changing his mind. I really wasn't sure he would. But you knew.”
Actually, I'd hoped. 1 let Cormac think otherwise. “I've been through it myself. I knew he'd feel differently.”
“You knew he'd like being a werewolf.”
“That's not a good way to describe it.”
“What happened out there?”
Surely he'd figured it out. Or his imagination had. I didn't know why he wanted me to spell it out for him. “That's not any of your business.”
I turned to go inside.
“Kitty—” He grabbed my wrist.
I froze before I hit him. It was only instinct, my pulling back with fingers bent like outstretched claws. He saw it; we stood like that in a tableau. So many unasked questions played in his gaze.
He brought Ben here so I could help him, keep him alive. Not shack up with him. None of us had expected that. And now Cormac actually looked hurt, some pain-filled anguish touching his features. If Cormac had wanted things to happen differently between us, why couldn't he just come out and say it? He'd had his chance. I'd given him plenty of chances. 1 couldn't go backward.
“Cormac, I'm sorry.” I brushed myself out of his grasp and went into the house.
My usual routine after a full moon: I came home, took a shower, and crawled into bed for a couple hours of more comfortable sleep. Then I woke up and had some coffee. No breakfast because 1 wasn't hungry. Wolf usually had had plenty to eat during the night.
Ben had already started the coffee. The scent filled the house, and I had to admit it smelled wonderful. Soothing, like 1 could curl up on the sofa and forget about the guys in my house. 1 didn't want to leave them alone long enough to take a shower. Like I still thought Cormac might draw a bead on Ben with that rifle. Easy to forget that Cormac was the one who'd brought Ben here because he didn't want to shoot him.
I was too wired to sleep. I'd already spent the extra time napping back in the woods with Ben. That man had screwed up my entire schedule. Though if I thought about it, what I really wanted to do was crawl back into bed with him—
I went to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. Ben, sitting at the table with his own cup, didn't say anything. Whatever he said, I was sure it would make me snap at him. I didn't want to do that. I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile.
Cormac joined us a minute later, after I heard the door to the Jeep open and close. He didn't have the rifle with him, so I assumed he put it away. Good. He sat across from Ben. I leaned back against the counter.
Here we were, back in the kitchen, glaring at tabletops and not saying anything.
I couldn't stand long silences. That probably came from working in radio. “So, kids. Any questions? We all squared away?”
“I don't know that I'd go that far,” Ben said, chuckling softly. He shrugged his hands in a gesture of helplessness. “What do I do now? If I'm really going to live with this, what do 1 do?”
1 said, “You're a lawyer. Go back and… lawyer. What would you be doing if this hadn't happened?”
“It's not that simple,” he said. “It can't possibly be that simple.”
He was right, of course.
“You take it one day at a time, Ben. Some days are easier than others. But you just have to work through it.”
He scowled. “Don't talk to me like I'm one of the losers on your show.”
That stung like a kick in the gut. My callers weren't losers—they were my audience. My fans. I wanted to defend them. But yeah, they had problems. A guy like Ben? He didn't have problems. He was a tough guy.
“Then stop acting like a loser,” I said.
“That's rich, coming from someone who ran off to the woods with her tail between her legs—”
I took a step toward him, teeth bared in a silent growl, my hands clenched into fists. He flinched back in a sudden panic, jerking the chair off its front legs. We stared at each other for a moment—I dared him to take me. I dared him to say what he was thinking.
He looked down. Then he pulled his hands through his hair and leaned his elbows on the table. “What the hell's happening to me?” he muttered.
I turned away. I knew what was happening to him, but how did I explain it all? A whole new set of body language and emotions—I'd been living with them for years now. I took them for granted.
“Right, you two are even freaking me out,” Cormac said, hands raised in a gesture of surrender. He stood. “I'm taking a walk.”
“Cormac.” Ben reached across the table, stopping him for a moment. The tableau held until Ben took a breath and said, “I'm sorry. I'm sorry for saddling you with this.”
The hunter looked away, and his face tensed, pursing into an expression I couldn't read. Some emotion was there, that he was trying desperately to hide.
“No,” he said. “I'm the one who got you into this mess. I'm sorry.”
As he had so many times before during the past week, he walked out the door. Taking a walk. It was how he coped with the long, awkward silences.
Ben's arm still lay draped across the table, and he sighed, almost bowing his head to its surface. “I knew he was going to do that. I knew he was going to blame himself.”
I went to Ben—slowly this time, nonthreateningly. He glanced sideways at me, warily, but didn't flinch. I touched his shoulder, held my hand there. Didn't say anything for once, but 1 smiled when he leaned into the touch.
Miracle of miracles, Ben listened to me. He went back to work. Borrowed my phone to check his voice mail, used my computer and Internet connection to check his e-mail, replied to a couple of panicked messages from clients. He had his own practice, small enough for one person to run but enough to make a living, fully in keeping with his independent character. Evidently, he'd decided that if he was going to live, he'd better get back to work. Werewolves still had to pay the rent. The human half did, anyway.
We had venison for dinner again. That stuff never got old. Though I was beginning to think 1 should invest in a grill, so we didn't have to keep sticking them under the broiler. Cormac ate leaning up against the counter, Ben and I sat at the table. The meal felt almost normal. Nobody was staring at anybody, nobody asked to get shot, and Cormac had put his guns away.
