Laces and Lace
Page 111
“It is,” he said, closing his eyes and squeezing them tight.
“Okay? Why aren’t you? Are you sick? What’s wrong?”
“No, it’s not that, Ma,” he said, opening them and shaking his head. “I just feel like an asshole out enjoying the city with Lacey at home, alone.”
“Why is she alone? Has she not made friends yet?” she asked as he leaned back in the bed.
“Nope, not yet. I know that my boss has invited her out, but she hasn’t gone. I don’t know. I feel bad, you know?”
“Well, I can see that, but it’s part of being a hockey wife, Karson. She’ll be fine. She’s a strong girl,” his mother said, making him feel somewhat better, but still something kept him from completely committing to the idea of Lacey being fine.
“I don’t know, Ma. I mean, I even considered retiring; that’s how worried about her I am.”
“Karson, that’s insane. She’ll be fine. You’re treating her like a damn precious jewel. She’ll be fine.”
“She is, though, but it’s not only that. She isn’t acting like Lacey. It makes me nervous that she’s gonna hightail it back to Chicago before I can even get home.”
His mother tsked him, making him feel like he was nine again before saying, “You need to get that notion out of your head. That girl isn’t going anywhere. She is completely committed to you, honey. This is the first time you two are apart since getting married. It will get easier.”
“But what if I’m not worth waiting on?” he asked, almost in a whisper. He knew he could say anything to his mother and she wouldn’t judge him at all. Neither would his father, but he would take his fair share of name-calling before Karl actually consoled him.
“Karson, baby, come on,” she said, and he could almost see her shaking her head. “You don’t believe that, do you?”
“I don’t know, I’m just nervous. I went nine years without this woman and now I have her, and I swear, Ma, it seems like a dream. It freaks me out that, at any moment, I can wake up and she’ll be gone. I don’t deserve her. I hurt her, broke her heart, and somehow she decided to take me back. But now I’m going to be gone all the time. How is that fair to her?”
He took in a deep breath and was surprised how much he was holding in. He didn’t realize how insecure he was of their relationship. He was always so confident in front of Lacey, but when it was just him and his mom, the truth came out. He was scared. He didn’t want to lose her.
“I can promise you, Karson, she isn’t going anywhere. When you love someone, you accept all of them and their career. She knew what she was signing up for. She knew who she loved, and that’s a hockey player. It’s hard, it sucks, and I hated every single second of it, especially when your dad left all of us alone. But in the end, I knew that he was doing it to provide for us.”
“Yeah,” Karson agreed with a nod. “You’re right.”
“I usually am, despite what your father says,” she said and he laughed.
When his laughter subsided, he asked shyly, “Do you think we’ll be okay?”
She didn’t even hesitate. “Yes. I think that you guys are going to be great. She loves you, honey, and boy, do you love her. The sparks fly when you two are together. We were all blinded by it. Stop questioning it; just love her. You can’t go wrong if you do that.”
He could do that. It was easy to love Lacey; it came naturally, but there was always Nate Martin trying to ruin them. “That’s not a problem, but what is a problem is her dad.”
“What does her dad have to do with any of this?”
“He apparently calls every day, and while I am glad he does because she does love him, I feel like he is setting seeds in her to take her away again.”
His mom scoffed and then said, “Jesus, Karson, what is wrong with you? I’ve never heard you so insecure and paranoid.”
He smirked, feeling a little silly as he said, “I don’t want to lose her.”
“You won’t as long as you love her and do right by her. Stop worrying about all the outside shit. It’s about you two. That’s it. As long as you love her and she loves you, nothing else can touch that. You have to believe that.”
“But I loved her and she loved me nine years ago, and look what happened. I spent nine years without her.”
She paused. “Okay, maybe you’re right, but you two are adults now. Surely she can see through the bullshit. You both just have to believe in each other.”
“I believe in us, Ma. I’m just worried she doesn’t. I’m scared she misses home and wants to go back.”
“Have you told her this?” she asked, and he could tell she was getting frustrated with him. Hell, he was frustrated with himself.
“No, she’s already upset I left. I don’t want to put all that on her too,” he said, running his hand through his hair again.
“Communication is the key, Karson. How are you both supposed to feel good about your relationship if you don’t talk about the things that bother you?”
There was a lot they needed to talk about, but neither of them was doing it. Before he could answer her, she asked, “Have you two had a fight yet?”
He thought for a moment. They’d had little tiffs but not a full-blown fight. He hadn’t wanted to upset her. “No, I hope we don’t either.”
“Okay? Why aren’t you? Are you sick? What’s wrong?”
“No, it’s not that, Ma,” he said, opening them and shaking his head. “I just feel like an asshole out enjoying the city with Lacey at home, alone.”
“Why is she alone? Has she not made friends yet?” she asked as he leaned back in the bed.
“Nope, not yet. I know that my boss has invited her out, but she hasn’t gone. I don’t know. I feel bad, you know?”
“Well, I can see that, but it’s part of being a hockey wife, Karson. She’ll be fine. She’s a strong girl,” his mother said, making him feel somewhat better, but still something kept him from completely committing to the idea of Lacey being fine.
“I don’t know, Ma. I mean, I even considered retiring; that’s how worried about her I am.”
“Karson, that’s insane. She’ll be fine. You’re treating her like a damn precious jewel. She’ll be fine.”
“She is, though, but it’s not only that. She isn’t acting like Lacey. It makes me nervous that she’s gonna hightail it back to Chicago before I can even get home.”
His mother tsked him, making him feel like he was nine again before saying, “You need to get that notion out of your head. That girl isn’t going anywhere. She is completely committed to you, honey. This is the first time you two are apart since getting married. It will get easier.”
“But what if I’m not worth waiting on?” he asked, almost in a whisper. He knew he could say anything to his mother and she wouldn’t judge him at all. Neither would his father, but he would take his fair share of name-calling before Karl actually consoled him.
“Karson, baby, come on,” she said, and he could almost see her shaking her head. “You don’t believe that, do you?”
“I don’t know, I’m just nervous. I went nine years without this woman and now I have her, and I swear, Ma, it seems like a dream. It freaks me out that, at any moment, I can wake up and she’ll be gone. I don’t deserve her. I hurt her, broke her heart, and somehow she decided to take me back. But now I’m going to be gone all the time. How is that fair to her?”
He took in a deep breath and was surprised how much he was holding in. He didn’t realize how insecure he was of their relationship. He was always so confident in front of Lacey, but when it was just him and his mom, the truth came out. He was scared. He didn’t want to lose her.
“I can promise you, Karson, she isn’t going anywhere. When you love someone, you accept all of them and their career. She knew what she was signing up for. She knew who she loved, and that’s a hockey player. It’s hard, it sucks, and I hated every single second of it, especially when your dad left all of us alone. But in the end, I knew that he was doing it to provide for us.”
“Yeah,” Karson agreed with a nod. “You’re right.”
“I usually am, despite what your father says,” she said and he laughed.
When his laughter subsided, he asked shyly, “Do you think we’ll be okay?”
She didn’t even hesitate. “Yes. I think that you guys are going to be great. She loves you, honey, and boy, do you love her. The sparks fly when you two are together. We were all blinded by it. Stop questioning it; just love her. You can’t go wrong if you do that.”
He could do that. It was easy to love Lacey; it came naturally, but there was always Nate Martin trying to ruin them. “That’s not a problem, but what is a problem is her dad.”
“What does her dad have to do with any of this?”
“He apparently calls every day, and while I am glad he does because she does love him, I feel like he is setting seeds in her to take her away again.”
His mom scoffed and then said, “Jesus, Karson, what is wrong with you? I’ve never heard you so insecure and paranoid.”
He smirked, feeling a little silly as he said, “I don’t want to lose her.”
“You won’t as long as you love her and do right by her. Stop worrying about all the outside shit. It’s about you two. That’s it. As long as you love her and she loves you, nothing else can touch that. You have to believe that.”
“But I loved her and she loved me nine years ago, and look what happened. I spent nine years without her.”
She paused. “Okay, maybe you’re right, but you two are adults now. Surely she can see through the bullshit. You both just have to believe in each other.”
“I believe in us, Ma. I’m just worried she doesn’t. I’m scared she misses home and wants to go back.”
“Have you told her this?” she asked, and he could tell she was getting frustrated with him. Hell, he was frustrated with himself.
“No, she’s already upset I left. I don’t want to put all that on her too,” he said, running his hand through his hair again.
“Communication is the key, Karson. How are you both supposed to feel good about your relationship if you don’t talk about the things that bother you?”
There was a lot they needed to talk about, but neither of them was doing it. Before he could answer her, she asked, “Have you two had a fight yet?”
He thought for a moment. They’d had little tiffs but not a full-blown fight. He hadn’t wanted to upset her. “No, I hope we don’t either.”
