Laid Bare
Page 83
“Are you g*y? Because if you are, that’s okay. We love you just the same.”
He smiled. “No, I’m not g*y. I do like men, but I like women too. More than I like men, but anyway, this is not a conversation I really want to have with you.”
“So you’re bisexual? Then you have lots more options!”
He laughed. “Mom, truly, I have never been happier than I am right now. Never.”
“I see the way you look at her,” she said quietly and he knew.
“Who?”
“Erin. She’s a lovely woman and I like her, but she’s not for you. No good can come of you living here. You can’t love your best friend’s wife. Todd has been like a brother to you. Don’t betray him like this. You don’t want to be that person.”
He exhaled long and slow. “I would never betray Todd. Or Erin, for that matter.” He moved to look out over the city. Typical November Seattle weather; the rain spattered on the glass as he gathered his thoughts. “I have to tell you something, but I need you to know before I do that Dad would never understand. If you tell him, or Lorie or anyone else . . . What I’m going to tell you, it could hurt people. I’m asking you to keep this secret, and I know that’s not fair. But I’m asking anyway.”
She sat on the chair near the hot tub. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”
“I am with someone right now. With two someones.”
She blinked at him. “What do you mean? You’re dating two people and they don’t know about each other? Is one of them a boy? I know your dad is old-fashioned, but I could work on him and we could get him to accept it in time. I know we could. He loves you no matter who you love.”
He’d lucked out in the mom department. “You’re amazing, Mom, but you may not be so happy to help when I tell you the rest. I’m with Erin and Todd. The three of us are in a relationship. A committed relationship. I love Erin very, very much, which is why you see me looking at her the way I do. And Todd, he’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. I live here because this is our house. I wouldn’t live anywhere else.”
She got pale. “I don’t understand. They’re married. So they keep you like a pet? To service them when they get bored?”
“Mom! Do you think I’d ever allow that? Do you think Todd would ever do that to anyone? I know you don’t know Erin very well, but she would never do that either. Obviously we can’t all three be married, but I consider Erin my wife too.”
“What about children? How will you do that? Have you even thought of this?”
“You know her child was murdered four and a half years ago, right?”
She nodded.
“She never considered having children again until Todd, and then me. If and when they come, they’ll be mine and Todd’s both. Legally, they’ll be his because he’s married to her, but we’ve spoken with an attorney about how to handle power-of-attorney and medical issues. That sort of thing. It’s not perfect, but I’ve never been happier. Not ever.”
His mother stood. “I don’t know what to say. You’re an adult and I love you. That won’t change. You’re right that your father would definitely not understand. Hell, I don’t understand. I also don’t like Erin very much right now.”
He grabbed her hand. “You can’t understand how it was for me before. I can’t explain it except to say I was alone and lonely and Erin makes me feel whole and loved. I know this is strange. I know it’s hard to accept, but don’t be angry at Erin for making me happy.”
She squeezed his hand. “I have to go. Your secret is safe with me. You can always talk to me, Ben. But I need to think. I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.”
He walked her out, and she didn’t look at Erin as she left. “Hey, Cope, why don’t you take Mom home?”
Cope looked back at Erin, kissed her cheek and waved at Todd before meeting their mother and walking her toward the elevator.
When Ben got back, Erin looked stunned.
“You told her.”
He nodded.
“She hates me.”
“She doesn’t.” He moved to her, but she stepped back.
“She wouldn’t even look at me! We’re supposed to go over there for dinner tomorrow and you told her? Without even talking to me first? They know you. They know Todd. You’re both family. I’m not. Oh my god, what must she think about me?”
“I had to tell her, Erin.”
Todd stayed where he was in the living room but listened intently.
“She thought I was hiding from my future because I was living like a twenty-year-old in my best friend’s basement. She said she saw how I looked at you and how she worried I’d betray Todd. I had to tell someone the truth. I hate living a lie. I have this beautiful, wonderful thing and I wanted my mother to understand that. Is that so wrong?”
She sighed, the rigidity in her back relaxing a bit.
“I only told her once she promised not to tell anyone,” he explained to them both. “And she won’t.”
He walked another few steps, all his tension falling from his shoulders when she allowed him to hold her. “Please don’t be mad. I had to tell her.”
“I’m not mad. But I’m worried they’ll all hate me.”
His heart ached. “She doesn’t understand, but she doesn’t hate you.”
He smiled. “No, I’m not g*y. I do like men, but I like women too. More than I like men, but anyway, this is not a conversation I really want to have with you.”
“So you’re bisexual? Then you have lots more options!”
He laughed. “Mom, truly, I have never been happier than I am right now. Never.”
“I see the way you look at her,” she said quietly and he knew.
“Who?”
“Erin. She’s a lovely woman and I like her, but she’s not for you. No good can come of you living here. You can’t love your best friend’s wife. Todd has been like a brother to you. Don’t betray him like this. You don’t want to be that person.”
He exhaled long and slow. “I would never betray Todd. Or Erin, for that matter.” He moved to look out over the city. Typical November Seattle weather; the rain spattered on the glass as he gathered his thoughts. “I have to tell you something, but I need you to know before I do that Dad would never understand. If you tell him, or Lorie or anyone else . . . What I’m going to tell you, it could hurt people. I’m asking you to keep this secret, and I know that’s not fair. But I’m asking anyway.”
She sat on the chair near the hot tub. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”
“I am with someone right now. With two someones.”
She blinked at him. “What do you mean? You’re dating two people and they don’t know about each other? Is one of them a boy? I know your dad is old-fashioned, but I could work on him and we could get him to accept it in time. I know we could. He loves you no matter who you love.”
He’d lucked out in the mom department. “You’re amazing, Mom, but you may not be so happy to help when I tell you the rest. I’m with Erin and Todd. The three of us are in a relationship. A committed relationship. I love Erin very, very much, which is why you see me looking at her the way I do. And Todd, he’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. I live here because this is our house. I wouldn’t live anywhere else.”
She got pale. “I don’t understand. They’re married. So they keep you like a pet? To service them when they get bored?”
“Mom! Do you think I’d ever allow that? Do you think Todd would ever do that to anyone? I know you don’t know Erin very well, but she would never do that either. Obviously we can’t all three be married, but I consider Erin my wife too.”
“What about children? How will you do that? Have you even thought of this?”
“You know her child was murdered four and a half years ago, right?”
She nodded.
“She never considered having children again until Todd, and then me. If and when they come, they’ll be mine and Todd’s both. Legally, they’ll be his because he’s married to her, but we’ve spoken with an attorney about how to handle power-of-attorney and medical issues. That sort of thing. It’s not perfect, but I’ve never been happier. Not ever.”
His mother stood. “I don’t know what to say. You’re an adult and I love you. That won’t change. You’re right that your father would definitely not understand. Hell, I don’t understand. I also don’t like Erin very much right now.”
He grabbed her hand. “You can’t understand how it was for me before. I can’t explain it except to say I was alone and lonely and Erin makes me feel whole and loved. I know this is strange. I know it’s hard to accept, but don’t be angry at Erin for making me happy.”
She squeezed his hand. “I have to go. Your secret is safe with me. You can always talk to me, Ben. But I need to think. I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.”
He walked her out, and she didn’t look at Erin as she left. “Hey, Cope, why don’t you take Mom home?”
Cope looked back at Erin, kissed her cheek and waved at Todd before meeting their mother and walking her toward the elevator.
When Ben got back, Erin looked stunned.
“You told her.”
He nodded.
“She hates me.”
“She doesn’t.” He moved to her, but she stepped back.
“She wouldn’t even look at me! We’re supposed to go over there for dinner tomorrow and you told her? Without even talking to me first? They know you. They know Todd. You’re both family. I’m not. Oh my god, what must she think about me?”
“I had to tell her, Erin.”
Todd stayed where he was in the living room but listened intently.
“She thought I was hiding from my future because I was living like a twenty-year-old in my best friend’s basement. She said she saw how I looked at you and how she worried I’d betray Todd. I had to tell someone the truth. I hate living a lie. I have this beautiful, wonderful thing and I wanted my mother to understand that. Is that so wrong?”
She sighed, the rigidity in her back relaxing a bit.
“I only told her once she promised not to tell anyone,” he explained to them both. “And she won’t.”
He walked another few steps, all his tension falling from his shoulders when she allowed him to hold her. “Please don’t be mad. I had to tell her.”
“I’m not mad. But I’m worried they’ll all hate me.”
His heart ached. “She doesn’t understand, but she doesn’t hate you.”
