Leaving Paradise

Page 31

"Yo, amigo, you ready to vamónos?' a guy yells from the car.
"Who is that?"
"Rio."
I'm worried. "I mean, who is he?"
"You don't want to know, Maggie," Caleb says. "Listen, I gotta go."
I look up into his beautiful, intense face. At the same time I know he's never going to give away the secret he's been holding inside. That fierce, protective spirit is a part of him, a bond he can't break.
"Where are you going? When will you be back?"
"I'm not coming back."
Looking into his serious, sad eyes, I know he means what he's saying. My eyes start to water and tears roll down my cheeks. "You can't leave me. Not now." I want to beg and plead and cry and grab him until he changes his mind. I want to play tennis with him today, and tomorrow, and the next day.
He gently swipes my tears with his fingers. "Then come with me."
The tables have cruelly turned. I tell him, "I realized you were right. It's a copout to leave. I'm going to stay in Paradise until I graduate, and save the money Mrs. Reynolds gave me for college."
"Becker, you comin or not?" the guy in the car calls out.
Caleb nods and says, "Yeah, I'm coming."
I lean in and touch his forehead to mine. "Tell me what we had was real," I whisper. "Please."
Caleb's hands lightly clasp my head on both sides, enclosing us into our own private world. "As real as it gets. Don't ever question that, no matter what. Okay?"
"Right now I'm questioning everything. Why did I even come here?"
"Because you're ready to start a new life, Maggie. You're free of the past now. It can't hurt you. For me, being free means leaving Paradise." Leaning in, he kisses me. So soft and full of warmth and longing and remorse.
I want to grab him and keep him safe. "Does that mean we're both free?"
He nods, unable to put it into words.
I know he'll never write or call. He's going to cut all ties with his family and this little town that's caused him so much grief. Including me. God, how I wish Caleb never pled guilty to hitting me. Although if the accident had never happened, if he'd never gone to jail and been stuck doing community service, Caleb and I might never have been together.
I wouldn't have changed that for anything.
He steps back and winks at me. "Bye."
"I'm not going to say it back to you, you know," I tell him.
He gives a short laugh and keeps retreating backwards. "Then tell me something I can remember as your last words to me. Tell me you love me. Tell me you'll think of me every night before you sleep. Tell me--"
"The red hen has flown the coop" I say.
He laughs. "I'll always remember Mrs. Reynolds, the gazebo, the daffodils, you and me in the gazebo ..." Caleb winks at me one more time and turns around, his back to me as he walks to the Toyota. I want to scream at him for leaving me. I want to run up to him and forget being sane. Let us live in the streets together. As long as we're a team, nothing can bring us lower than we were apart.
But he never did tell me it was Leah who hit me. He's the one who, in the end, didn't trust me ... or himself.
I'm sobbing now, more than I did after the accident. And my heart hurts, more pain oozing from it than my leg ever had.
"Caleb!" I yell right before he slides into the passenger seat and closes the car door. I hold my breath, waiting for him to come back to me. To turn around. But he doesn't.
The car screeches away, its red lights a blur through my watery eyes.
I head back home and some time during the ride I stop crying. There's strength within me that I didn't know existed before. It's as if Mrs. Reynolds is nudging me to stay strong. Life is too short, she'd once said. She was right. As I pull into my driveway and get out of my car, I notice Leah. She's standing in the front doorway of her house, her eyes puffy.
I walk over to her. "Is your mom okay?"
She shrugs. "I guess. Your mom's with her."
Well, it's a step in the right direction. It's about time we mended that invisible fence. I look up at my old best friend.
"You saw him, didn't you?" she asks me.
"Yeah."
She holds her arm over her eyes and starts to sob. "I need to tell you something really, really important. But I can't look at you while I do it."
I take her arm and lower it. "You don't have to tell me right now," I say. "When you're ready, we can talk."
"You're going to hate me, Maggie. For the rest of your life you're going to hate me."
"I'm not going to hate you. I know, Leah. I know what it is."
"You do?" she says, all glassy-eyed. "Yeah. But it's okay."
"It is?"
"Let's just say our friendship means more to me than holding a grudge or living in the past. You know what always helps me forget?"
"What?"
"A pie run."
Leah gives me a small smile behind her tears. "You're kidding, right?"
"Nope. Come with me for a drive to Auntie Mae's. Let's get our moms ... I think they need some pie, too."