Legal Briefs
Page 58
“Oh, right, sorry.”
“Yeah, one of them is going to be in for a surprise, I guess,” Adam commented. “Wait, here comes somebody else.” He paused without telling us the identity of the new arrival.
“Who?” I asked impatiently.
“No, Hu’s already inside. Isn’t he?” Cam said.
“I don’t know.” Braden laughed and looked at Mark who shouted out, “Third Base!”
“Adam, you’re taking a really long time with the peephole,” I said peevishly.
“I didn’t hear you complaining last night … This time it’s Yuri. He sees the door. He’s looking around and now he’s going over there. And he’s in the door.”
“I need a drink,” Gab said, sounding utterly beaten down that her plan had been such a colossal failure.
“Don’t worry, honey,” Jess soothed. “Eventually, one of your crazy schemes is bound to work. It’s the law of averages.”
“And in the meantime, enjoy the party,” Mark added.
“You won’t believe who’s coming now,” Adam said, sounding amused.
“Who is it?” I demanded, squirming with curiosity. Clearly, he was abusing his peephole privileges.
“It’s Donna!” he said, just as I was on verge of shoving him out the way.
“Donna?” I asked incredulously. “What’s she even doing on this floor? She can’t be here for the party already?”
“Her parties probably start as soon as she falls out of bed, but it looks like she’s going over to the maintenance closet. She is. She’s opening the door and taking something out. It’s a …. bottle of Thunderbird.”
“Oh my God!” Bruce said, sounding aghast.
“I know,” I agreed. “I can’t believe she’s stashing alcohol all over the building.”
“Not that!” Bruce replied. “It’s Thunderbird! Ew!” I turned and rolled my eyes at him.
“Uh oh. She sees McGuire’s door,” Adam went on.
“No!” Gab sounded completely dejected.
“Yep, she’s there. She’s looking around furtively, clutching her Thunderbird to her chest, and … she’s going in.”
“With Ray Nardo, Yuri and Hu U. in there already?” Braden asked.
“U. Hu,” Cam reminded him.
“Right.” He nodded.
“Yeah, all of them must be in there together, and that’s a little disturbing, knowing Donna,” Adam answered.
“The possibilities are endlessly disgusting,” I agreed.
“I don’t know that you two are going to want to raise your children in this building, honey,” Jess said teasingly.
“Adam’s such a paternal guy.” Mark snorted. “I’m sure he’s deeply worried about it.”
“Laugh it up,” Adam muttered. “I changed a diaper the other day, I’ll have you know.”
“What?” Braden asked with a laugh.
“You did not!” Mark said, sounding like he was about to crack up at the very idea.
“He really did. I helped,” I said proudly.
“Yeah, she found the return address label.”
“I also wiped,” I reminded him indignantly.
“And now, every time someone mentions wiping a baby’s ass, I’ll think about how I feel about you,” he said, cracking up as he continued to stare out into the hallway.
“Oh shut up!” I said, smacking him hard on his own ass and trying not to laugh.
“Hey, no kinky shit while the kids are watching,” he said, finally looking away from the door and laughing even harder. Even though I bit my lip, and tried to glare, I couldn’t hold it back. I started cracking up with him.
“Yo, Braden, go see what’s happening out there, while Ralph and Alice get control of themselves,” Mark said, and Braden got up and took Adam’s place at the door.
“Oh my God, honey, you’re right,” Jess said with a laugh. “Gab and Braden are like Lucy and Ricky and Adam and Lily are just like the Honeymooners!”
“They lived in a hovel too,” Bruce pointed out, helpfully.
“They’re all apparently still in there,” Braden reported in from the peephole.
“Did you say the return address label?” Cam asked, sounding amused. Adam and I were finally calming down, wiping tears of mirth out of our eyes.
“Long story,” I said, trying to catch my breath.
“Fifteen minutes until party time,” Jess updated us.
“I see the door opening. I think somebody’s coming out,” Braden announced.
“Let me see,” Adam said, getting control of himself and going back to his lookout point. I went over to stand beside him as Braden returned to the couch to comfort Gabrielle, who was still taking the failure of her brilliant scheme rather hard.
“It’s Donna, and in addition to her Thunderbird, she now has a bottle of Jameson.”
“She must have stashed booze in McGuire’s apartment too,” Mark joked.
“Okay, she’s headed for the stairs, and she’s gone. Uh oh, here comes Yuri, and now he’s headed down the stairs, and five, four, three, two … Here comes Nardo, and he too is empty handed.”
“At least those two are honest burglars,” Cam noted.
“Or else he’s got a flash drive in his pocket,” Gab finally spoke up.
“Maybe he was just happy to see Donna,” Braden teased.
“He’s headed for his apartment,” Adam went on. “Guess he changed his mind about wherever he was going.”
“He doesn’t want to miss the party, honey,” Jess chimed in.
“And last but not least, here he is the one and only, U. Hu, and his bag of clocks. And now he’s going into his apartment.” Adam stood up, turned and looked at all of us. “Well, congratulations, team. You just helped four people to burglarize a private citizen.”
“At least the last three were empty handed,” Mark reminded him.
“Always the defense lawyer, aren’t you?” Adam smirked.
“Hey, it’s close to party time!” Braden said, looking at his watch. “Who’s up for beer trivia?”
“How about Beer Sex Trivia?” Mark suggested. “I’ll be Lily’s partner,” he said, smirking back at Adam. He obviously loved pushing Adam’s buttons.
“We have to introduce him to Donna,” Adam informed me. “In fact, let’s introduce him to Donna and Vixen. He can handle a double team.”
“Yeah, one of them is going to be in for a surprise, I guess,” Adam commented. “Wait, here comes somebody else.” He paused without telling us the identity of the new arrival.
“Who?” I asked impatiently.
“No, Hu’s already inside. Isn’t he?” Cam said.
“I don’t know.” Braden laughed and looked at Mark who shouted out, “Third Base!”
“Adam, you’re taking a really long time with the peephole,” I said peevishly.
“I didn’t hear you complaining last night … This time it’s Yuri. He sees the door. He’s looking around and now he’s going over there. And he’s in the door.”
“I need a drink,” Gab said, sounding utterly beaten down that her plan had been such a colossal failure.
“Don’t worry, honey,” Jess soothed. “Eventually, one of your crazy schemes is bound to work. It’s the law of averages.”
“And in the meantime, enjoy the party,” Mark added.
“You won’t believe who’s coming now,” Adam said, sounding amused.
“Who is it?” I demanded, squirming with curiosity. Clearly, he was abusing his peephole privileges.
“It’s Donna!” he said, just as I was on verge of shoving him out the way.
“Donna?” I asked incredulously. “What’s she even doing on this floor? She can’t be here for the party already?”
“Her parties probably start as soon as she falls out of bed, but it looks like she’s going over to the maintenance closet. She is. She’s opening the door and taking something out. It’s a …. bottle of Thunderbird.”
“Oh my God!” Bruce said, sounding aghast.
“I know,” I agreed. “I can’t believe she’s stashing alcohol all over the building.”
“Not that!” Bruce replied. “It’s Thunderbird! Ew!” I turned and rolled my eyes at him.
“Uh oh. She sees McGuire’s door,” Adam went on.
“No!” Gab sounded completely dejected.
“Yep, she’s there. She’s looking around furtively, clutching her Thunderbird to her chest, and … she’s going in.”
“With Ray Nardo, Yuri and Hu U. in there already?” Braden asked.
“U. Hu,” Cam reminded him.
“Right.” He nodded.
“Yeah, all of them must be in there together, and that’s a little disturbing, knowing Donna,” Adam answered.
“The possibilities are endlessly disgusting,” I agreed.
“I don’t know that you two are going to want to raise your children in this building, honey,” Jess said teasingly.
“Adam’s such a paternal guy.” Mark snorted. “I’m sure he’s deeply worried about it.”
“Laugh it up,” Adam muttered. “I changed a diaper the other day, I’ll have you know.”
“What?” Braden asked with a laugh.
“You did not!” Mark said, sounding like he was about to crack up at the very idea.
“He really did. I helped,” I said proudly.
“Yeah, she found the return address label.”
“I also wiped,” I reminded him indignantly.
“And now, every time someone mentions wiping a baby’s ass, I’ll think about how I feel about you,” he said, cracking up as he continued to stare out into the hallway.
“Oh shut up!” I said, smacking him hard on his own ass and trying not to laugh.
“Hey, no kinky shit while the kids are watching,” he said, finally looking away from the door and laughing even harder. Even though I bit my lip, and tried to glare, I couldn’t hold it back. I started cracking up with him.
“Yo, Braden, go see what’s happening out there, while Ralph and Alice get control of themselves,” Mark said, and Braden got up and took Adam’s place at the door.
“Oh my God, honey, you’re right,” Jess said with a laugh. “Gab and Braden are like Lucy and Ricky and Adam and Lily are just like the Honeymooners!”
“They lived in a hovel too,” Bruce pointed out, helpfully.
“They’re all apparently still in there,” Braden reported in from the peephole.
“Did you say the return address label?” Cam asked, sounding amused. Adam and I were finally calming down, wiping tears of mirth out of our eyes.
“Long story,” I said, trying to catch my breath.
“Fifteen minutes until party time,” Jess updated us.
“I see the door opening. I think somebody’s coming out,” Braden announced.
“Let me see,” Adam said, getting control of himself and going back to his lookout point. I went over to stand beside him as Braden returned to the couch to comfort Gabrielle, who was still taking the failure of her brilliant scheme rather hard.
“It’s Donna, and in addition to her Thunderbird, she now has a bottle of Jameson.”
“She must have stashed booze in McGuire’s apartment too,” Mark joked.
“Okay, she’s headed for the stairs, and she’s gone. Uh oh, here comes Yuri, and now he’s headed down the stairs, and five, four, three, two … Here comes Nardo, and he too is empty handed.”
“At least those two are honest burglars,” Cam noted.
“Or else he’s got a flash drive in his pocket,” Gab finally spoke up.
“Maybe he was just happy to see Donna,” Braden teased.
“He’s headed for his apartment,” Adam went on. “Guess he changed his mind about wherever he was going.”
“He doesn’t want to miss the party, honey,” Jess chimed in.
“And last but not least, here he is the one and only, U. Hu, and his bag of clocks. And now he’s going into his apartment.” Adam stood up, turned and looked at all of us. “Well, congratulations, team. You just helped four people to burglarize a private citizen.”
“At least the last three were empty handed,” Mark reminded him.
“Always the defense lawyer, aren’t you?” Adam smirked.
“Hey, it’s close to party time!” Braden said, looking at his watch. “Who’s up for beer trivia?”
“How about Beer Sex Trivia?” Mark suggested. “I’ll be Lily’s partner,” he said, smirking back at Adam. He obviously loved pushing Adam’s buttons.
“We have to introduce him to Donna,” Adam informed me. “In fact, let’s introduce him to Donna and Vixen. He can handle a double team.”
