Let Me Love You
Page 26
“Well that explains why you didn’t answer my texts and calls.” Mason says as he picks up my shattered iPhone.
I grunt.
“What the f**k happened?” Mason questions me.
I roll my eyes and it causes me to wince. “What does it look like?”
Mason crosses his arms. “It looks like you had a party for one.”
I huff, “What do you want?”
I’m not in the mood to ride the Mason train today.
He kicks a beer bottle out of his way. “Where’s Jay?”
I hang my head. I knew that’s what he was going to ask. “I don’t know. We got into a fight and she left.”
Mason nods his head. He reaches a hand out to me and helps me off the floor. “What was the fight about?”
I dust my pants off, needing something to do with my hands. “Nothing I can’t handle, Mase.”
“I didn’t ask if you could handle it bro. I asked what it was about. You two have been pu**y footing around your feelings for years now. I thought you would have gotten your head out of your ass by now.” Mason doesn’t hold back.
“Mase…” I start. I need to unload on someone but I made that damn promise and I can’t go back on it. “I’ll handle it ok, besides, for the hundredth time there isn’t anything going on between me and Jay.”
He laughs, “When are you going to stop lying to yourself? Didn’t you learn anything from me?”
I narrow my eyes.
“I’m serious. Everybody knows you guys having feelings for each other. What we don’t understand is why you’re both hiding it.” Mason shakes his head. “Our last semester of college you and Jay were never apart unless we had an away game and should couldn’t come. Then you were texting her or on the phone with her all the f**king time.”
I rub my chest, trying to ease the pain of my heart f**king crushing. “Just leave it alone, Mase.”
Mason huffs, “I’m not letting you f**k this up. That girl owns you man and you know it whether you want to admit it or not.”
My shoulders slump in defeat knowing he’s right. “She does, Mase. She f**king does.”
Mason pats me on the back a little harder the necessary. “Then fix this shit, get your head out of your damn ass and go claim your girl before it’s too late.”
I cross my arms against my chest because I kinda know I’ve already lost her. “I think it’s already too late.”
Mason smirks, “You’re a Cahill, it’s never too late.”
After Mason left I made myself a piece of toast and took some pain reliever. I finished off three bottles of water, cleaned up the kitchen and took a shower. I’m lying downstairs on the couch instead of my bed because I can’t stand to be in there with Jaylinn’s scent still hanging onto my blankets and pillows. I flip through the channels looking for the New York Giants game but the front door beeps. I sit up and look over the back of the couch to see who it is.
Jaylinn walks in and stops when she sees me. Her beautiful hair is up in a messy bun thing, she has on a bright pink hoodie, those damn tight ass, black pants that I love on her and her pink Nike’s that match her hoodie.
She looks down to the keys in her hands. She slides a key, the house key, off her key ring and holds it up. “Just wanted to drop this off and grab my things. I’ll be out in five minutes.”
“Jay…” I quickly stand and walk over to her, pleading with her to listen to me. “We have to talk.”
She shakes her head, “There isn’t anything to talk about, Cooper. This is it for me.” She reaches up and wipes a tear away. “I can’t do this with you anymore.”
I grab her chin and tilt her head her up so I can see her swollen red eyes. “You just need to hear me out okay? Give me the chance to make you understand it from my eyes.”
She turns her head looking towards the kitchen. “I’m done, Cooper.”
“No,” I shake my head, “you’re not done.”
“Don’t tell me what I am or aren’t.” She pushes me back, her eyes flaring with anger and resentment. “Explain to me what the hell has been going on between us for the past year,” She puts her hands on her hips, her eyes so cold and harsh that I almost can’t look at them. “Do I mean anything at all to you?” Her face turns slightly red from her anger.
I’ve got to get her to calm down or she isn’t going to listen to anything I have to say. I step into the kitchen and pull out a bottle of water and hand it to her. I just need her to relax for a minute before I try to explain myself.
Jaylinn glares at me but takes the water anyway. She takes a sip then places it on the counter.
I tentatively take a step towards her and watch her reaction. Her body tenses but she doesn’t make any other move.
I reach for her right hand, the one that my ring is on. Her hand shakes in mine. “Do you know why I bought you this ring?”
“Yes.” She says as her voice cracks.
I shake my head. “No, I don’t think you do.” I bring her hand up and kiss the ring. She jerks her hand back when my lips touch her skin but I don’t let go. “It’s a trust ring. I bought it because I need you to know that you can always trust me. I’d never lie to you and you can trust me with anything.” I take a deep breath. “It also means that I will always be there for you whenever you need me.”
Jaylinn rolls her eyes, “Yeah, sure you are.”
I place a finger over her lips. “Listen to me. I know what you want, Jay. You’ve made it crystal clear, but…” I take a second, waiting until she looks me in the eyes so she can see the things I can’t express the right way, my emotions, my pain, my heartache. “I’m not ready for that. You know that I blame myself for what that ass**le almost did to you. If it had happened I would never have been able to get past it. I failed you that night.” My voice breaks, right along with my heart. “I knew better than to leave you by yourself at that party but I was so wrapped up in trying to keep you out of my bed that I put you in harm’s way.”
“Coop---” I place my finger back over her mouth, not wanting to hear what she’s going to say.
“I know what you’re going to say. You spelled it out last night, Jay. You got over it and so should I. The thing about it though, I can’t seem to. It’s the reason why I call you my brave, fearless girl. Nothing happened to me and yet I’m the one who can’t get over it.” I blow out a frustrated sigh, hoping it will get easier but it doesn’t, I still have to say this next part. “You want me to make love to you because you want to make new memories and wash the old ones away. But what if,” I swallow hard shaking my head. “When it happens you can’t handle it? What then?”
I grunt.
“What the f**k happened?” Mason questions me.
I roll my eyes and it causes me to wince. “What does it look like?”
Mason crosses his arms. “It looks like you had a party for one.”
I huff, “What do you want?”
I’m not in the mood to ride the Mason train today.
He kicks a beer bottle out of his way. “Where’s Jay?”
I hang my head. I knew that’s what he was going to ask. “I don’t know. We got into a fight and she left.”
Mason nods his head. He reaches a hand out to me and helps me off the floor. “What was the fight about?”
I dust my pants off, needing something to do with my hands. “Nothing I can’t handle, Mase.”
“I didn’t ask if you could handle it bro. I asked what it was about. You two have been pu**y footing around your feelings for years now. I thought you would have gotten your head out of your ass by now.” Mason doesn’t hold back.
“Mase…” I start. I need to unload on someone but I made that damn promise and I can’t go back on it. “I’ll handle it ok, besides, for the hundredth time there isn’t anything going on between me and Jay.”
He laughs, “When are you going to stop lying to yourself? Didn’t you learn anything from me?”
I narrow my eyes.
“I’m serious. Everybody knows you guys having feelings for each other. What we don’t understand is why you’re both hiding it.” Mason shakes his head. “Our last semester of college you and Jay were never apart unless we had an away game and should couldn’t come. Then you were texting her or on the phone with her all the f**king time.”
I rub my chest, trying to ease the pain of my heart f**king crushing. “Just leave it alone, Mase.”
Mason huffs, “I’m not letting you f**k this up. That girl owns you man and you know it whether you want to admit it or not.”
My shoulders slump in defeat knowing he’s right. “She does, Mase. She f**king does.”
Mason pats me on the back a little harder the necessary. “Then fix this shit, get your head out of your damn ass and go claim your girl before it’s too late.”
I cross my arms against my chest because I kinda know I’ve already lost her. “I think it’s already too late.”
Mason smirks, “You’re a Cahill, it’s never too late.”
After Mason left I made myself a piece of toast and took some pain reliever. I finished off three bottles of water, cleaned up the kitchen and took a shower. I’m lying downstairs on the couch instead of my bed because I can’t stand to be in there with Jaylinn’s scent still hanging onto my blankets and pillows. I flip through the channels looking for the New York Giants game but the front door beeps. I sit up and look over the back of the couch to see who it is.
Jaylinn walks in and stops when she sees me. Her beautiful hair is up in a messy bun thing, she has on a bright pink hoodie, those damn tight ass, black pants that I love on her and her pink Nike’s that match her hoodie.
She looks down to the keys in her hands. She slides a key, the house key, off her key ring and holds it up. “Just wanted to drop this off and grab my things. I’ll be out in five minutes.”
“Jay…” I quickly stand and walk over to her, pleading with her to listen to me. “We have to talk.”
She shakes her head, “There isn’t anything to talk about, Cooper. This is it for me.” She reaches up and wipes a tear away. “I can’t do this with you anymore.”
I grab her chin and tilt her head her up so I can see her swollen red eyes. “You just need to hear me out okay? Give me the chance to make you understand it from my eyes.”
She turns her head looking towards the kitchen. “I’m done, Cooper.”
“No,” I shake my head, “you’re not done.”
“Don’t tell me what I am or aren’t.” She pushes me back, her eyes flaring with anger and resentment. “Explain to me what the hell has been going on between us for the past year,” She puts her hands on her hips, her eyes so cold and harsh that I almost can’t look at them. “Do I mean anything at all to you?” Her face turns slightly red from her anger.
I’ve got to get her to calm down or she isn’t going to listen to anything I have to say. I step into the kitchen and pull out a bottle of water and hand it to her. I just need her to relax for a minute before I try to explain myself.
Jaylinn glares at me but takes the water anyway. She takes a sip then places it on the counter.
I tentatively take a step towards her and watch her reaction. Her body tenses but she doesn’t make any other move.
I reach for her right hand, the one that my ring is on. Her hand shakes in mine. “Do you know why I bought you this ring?”
“Yes.” She says as her voice cracks.
I shake my head. “No, I don’t think you do.” I bring her hand up and kiss the ring. She jerks her hand back when my lips touch her skin but I don’t let go. “It’s a trust ring. I bought it because I need you to know that you can always trust me. I’d never lie to you and you can trust me with anything.” I take a deep breath. “It also means that I will always be there for you whenever you need me.”
Jaylinn rolls her eyes, “Yeah, sure you are.”
I place a finger over her lips. “Listen to me. I know what you want, Jay. You’ve made it crystal clear, but…” I take a second, waiting until she looks me in the eyes so she can see the things I can’t express the right way, my emotions, my pain, my heartache. “I’m not ready for that. You know that I blame myself for what that ass**le almost did to you. If it had happened I would never have been able to get past it. I failed you that night.” My voice breaks, right along with my heart. “I knew better than to leave you by yourself at that party but I was so wrapped up in trying to keep you out of my bed that I put you in harm’s way.”
“Coop---” I place my finger back over her mouth, not wanting to hear what she’s going to say.
“I know what you’re going to say. You spelled it out last night, Jay. You got over it and so should I. The thing about it though, I can’t seem to. It’s the reason why I call you my brave, fearless girl. Nothing happened to me and yet I’m the one who can’t get over it.” I blow out a frustrated sigh, hoping it will get easier but it doesn’t, I still have to say this next part. “You want me to make love to you because you want to make new memories and wash the old ones away. But what if,” I swallow hard shaking my head. “When it happens you can’t handle it? What then?”
