Leveled
Page 23
He put his hands on either side of my face and gave me a look that wrenched at my guts. I’d seen heartbreak before. I knew what it looked like because my mom had worn it ever since the day my dad died and Royal had been colored with the same brush for the few months it took her and Asa to get on the same page about their relationship. That’s what was on Lando’s face as he gazed into my eyes. Pure, unfiltered heartbreak.
“He was worth everything, but he didn’t think our relationship was and there is no going back to try and fix all the things that went wrong.” He sighed and bent forward so that his lips skimmed the outer shell of my ear. “I hurt for a long time, too, Dom. I was a man who was nothing more than my injuries. I did my best to heal, but I didn’t have anything that looked like a new normal until you showed up at my clinic. I want you to know that, however we end.”
It was my turn to curl my hand around the back of his head and brush my fingers through his longer hair.
“How can things begin if you’re already planning the ending? Doesn’t seem fair.”
His breath was warm and tingled the skin at the side of my neck. “You’re right. It doesn’t, so, since the beginning is where things usually seem perfect and the ending is always tragic, why don’t we just skip to the middle? There’re good things in the middle.”
It was his turn to run his hand over my chest until it came to rest over my heart.
Indeed … there were very good things in the middle and it was that center, that protected core that I think we were both trying to avoid and claim all at the same time.
Chapter 10
Lando
I woke up with a heavy arm wrapped around my chest and a thickly muscled thigh nestled between my own. All in all it wasn’t a bad start to any morning, but the fact that I couldn’t think of any other place that I wanted to be, that it was, in fact, the best way I had ever woken up, made alarm bells jangle in my head and had panic and unease slithering slippery and cold under my skin.
I saw it as clear as a bell last night when Dom talked to his cop buddies. Saw the longing, the anger that they were doing what he couldn’t do and I understood how much being a police officer really was tied to his identity. I knew he was going to get his job back. With him following his training regimen and finally letting his body heal in the correct way he was already 70 percent better than when he had first walked in my clinic door. His limp was almost gone and hardly noticeable anymore and though his shoulder was still tricky and too tight for him to use as his dominant hand, he was getting so good with his left side that it didn’t seem to matter. He was going to be back on the force, back in the direct line of fire before I knew it, and I was going to be back in the position of caring for a man who cared for something more than a relationship with me. It was disheartening and as cozy as I was, all wrapped up in Dom’s strong arms, I needed some space to get my head on straight.
I tried to slip out from under him and the covers without waking him up but as soon as I moved his eyes popped open and I was pinned in place by his earthy gaze.
“It’s Sunday. Where are you off to?” I had taken him back to my apartment after the hockey game mostly because it was closer to the arena than his was and after his declaration that he would never ask me to be anything other than I was, I couldn’t wait to get all over him. I was impatient. I was grateful. I was falling deeper and harder for this gruff cop I knew I was going to be able to hold on to indefinitely.
My escape plan had the major flaw in it that I couldn’t just bail on him and leave him in my bed while I did so.
I shoved my hair out of my eyes and scratched my chest absently. “I have a family thing I try to get to once a month on Sunday. Since this is the last Sunday of the month, I figured I’d better make an appearance.”
He lifted his arms up over his head and stretched, giving me a show of pure strength and masculinity as he did so. He ran a hand over his face and sat up so that the sheet that was barely covering him fell all the way down around his waist.
“I should rally my sisters and swing by for a visit with my mom, too. I haven’t seen much of her since I started training with you, and I’m sure she wants an update. I should go check on Royal, too. I need to make sure that pretty boy of hers is taking care of her the right way.” There was a tinge of humor in his voice as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and bent to pick up his jeans from where they had dropped the night before.
When he was all tucked away, he turned back to look at me where I was watching him over my shoulder. He was pulling his shirt on over his head when he told me, “For the record when you need me gone, all you have to do is say so. My feelings aren’t going to get hurt.”
I stiffened and opened my mouth to argue, but the sharp glint in his eyes wouldn’t let me. “It’s not that I want you gone, Dom,” I motioned a hand between the two of us. “This is intense and happening really fast when I just convinced myself it shouldn’t happen at all. I’m just trying to catch up.”
He put his hands on the mattress and bent forward so that he could give me a hard kiss. “Then say that. Don’t make excuses.”
I scowled as he made his way over to the yellow IKEA chair where he had thrown his jacket. “It’s not an excuse. It really is a family thing.” Not my blood family but family nonetheless.
He fished his phone out of his pocket and took a minute to scan his notifications. When he looked up, he had his keys in his hands and a serious expression on his darkly handsome face.
“For the record, whatever we’re doing isn’t a race, so there is no need to keep up. We already decided we’re in the middle, and if you feel like we’re rushing, then that means eventually we’re gonna hit the finish line. Keep that in mind, Lando.”
Realizing he was dressed and ready to go I pulled myself up off the bed and told him to give me a minute. I took a quick shower and threw on a pair of jeans and fitted gray sweater. I was never much of a T-shirt guy. Probably because I spent the majority of my youth and adulthood in a gym. I wanted my clothes to look like actual clothes and not stuff I could just as easily work out in. I scrubbed my teeth and combed my hair down and even though it all only took around twenty minutes Dom had obviously gotten bored and wandered off to check out the rest of my house. It was a cute little Venerable cottage I had paid more for than I wanted to in the Highland area of Denver, but the craftsmanship and flat-out love for the older home that the seller had put into it couldn’t be ignored. I snapped the gem up the day it went on the market and hadn’t bothered to haggle.
“He was worth everything, but he didn’t think our relationship was and there is no going back to try and fix all the things that went wrong.” He sighed and bent forward so that his lips skimmed the outer shell of my ear. “I hurt for a long time, too, Dom. I was a man who was nothing more than my injuries. I did my best to heal, but I didn’t have anything that looked like a new normal until you showed up at my clinic. I want you to know that, however we end.”
It was my turn to curl my hand around the back of his head and brush my fingers through his longer hair.
“How can things begin if you’re already planning the ending? Doesn’t seem fair.”
His breath was warm and tingled the skin at the side of my neck. “You’re right. It doesn’t, so, since the beginning is where things usually seem perfect and the ending is always tragic, why don’t we just skip to the middle? There’re good things in the middle.”
It was his turn to run his hand over my chest until it came to rest over my heart.
Indeed … there were very good things in the middle and it was that center, that protected core that I think we were both trying to avoid and claim all at the same time.
Chapter 10
Lando
I woke up with a heavy arm wrapped around my chest and a thickly muscled thigh nestled between my own. All in all it wasn’t a bad start to any morning, but the fact that I couldn’t think of any other place that I wanted to be, that it was, in fact, the best way I had ever woken up, made alarm bells jangle in my head and had panic and unease slithering slippery and cold under my skin.
I saw it as clear as a bell last night when Dom talked to his cop buddies. Saw the longing, the anger that they were doing what he couldn’t do and I understood how much being a police officer really was tied to his identity. I knew he was going to get his job back. With him following his training regimen and finally letting his body heal in the correct way he was already 70 percent better than when he had first walked in my clinic door. His limp was almost gone and hardly noticeable anymore and though his shoulder was still tricky and too tight for him to use as his dominant hand, he was getting so good with his left side that it didn’t seem to matter. He was going to be back on the force, back in the direct line of fire before I knew it, and I was going to be back in the position of caring for a man who cared for something more than a relationship with me. It was disheartening and as cozy as I was, all wrapped up in Dom’s strong arms, I needed some space to get my head on straight.
I tried to slip out from under him and the covers without waking him up but as soon as I moved his eyes popped open and I was pinned in place by his earthy gaze.
“It’s Sunday. Where are you off to?” I had taken him back to my apartment after the hockey game mostly because it was closer to the arena than his was and after his declaration that he would never ask me to be anything other than I was, I couldn’t wait to get all over him. I was impatient. I was grateful. I was falling deeper and harder for this gruff cop I knew I was going to be able to hold on to indefinitely.
My escape plan had the major flaw in it that I couldn’t just bail on him and leave him in my bed while I did so.
I shoved my hair out of my eyes and scratched my chest absently. “I have a family thing I try to get to once a month on Sunday. Since this is the last Sunday of the month, I figured I’d better make an appearance.”
He lifted his arms up over his head and stretched, giving me a show of pure strength and masculinity as he did so. He ran a hand over his face and sat up so that the sheet that was barely covering him fell all the way down around his waist.
“I should rally my sisters and swing by for a visit with my mom, too. I haven’t seen much of her since I started training with you, and I’m sure she wants an update. I should go check on Royal, too. I need to make sure that pretty boy of hers is taking care of her the right way.” There was a tinge of humor in his voice as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and bent to pick up his jeans from where they had dropped the night before.
When he was all tucked away, he turned back to look at me where I was watching him over my shoulder. He was pulling his shirt on over his head when he told me, “For the record when you need me gone, all you have to do is say so. My feelings aren’t going to get hurt.”
I stiffened and opened my mouth to argue, but the sharp glint in his eyes wouldn’t let me. “It’s not that I want you gone, Dom,” I motioned a hand between the two of us. “This is intense and happening really fast when I just convinced myself it shouldn’t happen at all. I’m just trying to catch up.”
He put his hands on the mattress and bent forward so that he could give me a hard kiss. “Then say that. Don’t make excuses.”
I scowled as he made his way over to the yellow IKEA chair where he had thrown his jacket. “It’s not an excuse. It really is a family thing.” Not my blood family but family nonetheless.
He fished his phone out of his pocket and took a minute to scan his notifications. When he looked up, he had his keys in his hands and a serious expression on his darkly handsome face.
“For the record, whatever we’re doing isn’t a race, so there is no need to keep up. We already decided we’re in the middle, and if you feel like we’re rushing, then that means eventually we’re gonna hit the finish line. Keep that in mind, Lando.”
Realizing he was dressed and ready to go I pulled myself up off the bed and told him to give me a minute. I took a quick shower and threw on a pair of jeans and fitted gray sweater. I was never much of a T-shirt guy. Probably because I spent the majority of my youth and adulthood in a gym. I wanted my clothes to look like actual clothes and not stuff I could just as easily work out in. I scrubbed my teeth and combed my hair down and even though it all only took around twenty minutes Dom had obviously gotten bored and wandered off to check out the rest of my house. It was a cute little Venerable cottage I had paid more for than I wanted to in the Highland area of Denver, but the craftsmanship and flat-out love for the older home that the seller had put into it couldn’t be ignored. I snapped the gem up the day it went on the market and hadn’t bothered to haggle.
